I Want You!

In today's episode of Portlandia, I was walking on NW 20th and Hoyt when this guy kneels down in front a homeless lady and asks me to listen.

I thought he was going to propose, but instead he said:

Mary Ann, I just met you today and your birthday is April 26. Will you become the first member of my Suicidal Army?"

You can't make this shit up!

The Force Awakens for Surprise Wedding at the Baghdad Theater

Jason and Amanda do their vows in front of Stars Wars fans at the Baghdad in Portland. Recorded Dec 19, 2015.

Man Brunch Monologues - Episode 1: The Wallet

Ok, we are back for 2015 with a little different twist to get things started.



In Episode 1 of the Man Brunch Monologues, Josh describes the contents of the wallet he's had since he was a kid. It is warped, molded, and full of artifacts from his life before Portlandia.

Jigsaw Falling into Place

After a long hiatus, Overheard in PDX is back, folks. I'm going to post new gems soon, but in the meantime here is something I found in the archives that I wanted to share. Sorry to interrupt whatever it is that normally happens here, but last night I got lectured that I'm not putting enough of my stuff out there.

This past Spring, the folks over at Aniboom hosted a contest where writers and animators could submit storyboards set to songs from Radiohead's new album In Rainbows. I think it's still going on, but the band will judge the contest and the winner gets $10K to produce a music video.

So here is my entry. It didn't make the finals, but it did inspire me to do a film script that I think has some legs.

Cheers,

-Rich

Video Trailer: The Three Gifts of the Magi - SCI-FI for SC11

This "story trailer" video previews The Three Gifts of the Magi, a new SCI-FI original by Rich Brueckner that appears in the Print 'n Fly Guide to SC11 Seattle.

This is the continuing story of The Three Magi of Katrina, a science fiction story set in New Orleans at SC30.

Tagline: Released from prison, a convicted assassin races to SC31 in Seattle to find the Artificial Intelligence known as Adom.

Update: You can now read the story online.

The Print 'n Fly Guide to SC11 Seattle is now available. Download the PDF (15 Mbytes). If your IT crowd blocks Dropbox, please Download here.

Awesomeness

"Hey, I think I'm going to start a parody twitter account for my beard."

- Downtown
-- Overheard by Alanapete

War Time

Man browsing in the Military History section: So much war, so little time...

- At the Friends of the Library sale
-- Overheard by Daniel

Bear bottoms

Girl 1: Do you think these would make good bottoms for a bear costume?
Girl 2: Well, they're snakeskin, soooo.....
Girl 1, a few minutes later: Look, I'm a snear!

- Buffalo Exchange, Hawthorne
-- Overheard by Sky Rocketship

Pop Rocks

On the #15 bus, there was one wasted guy who smashed his foot and another guy and a chick.

Guy 1 with the bag of candy: Pop rocks are so good.
Guy 2: - Did you ever get a blow job when the girl had pop rocks in her mouth?
Girl: Oh we should save some for later.
Guy 1: No did you?
Guy 2: No heard it was awesome though.
Guy 1: Here, have the rest.

- Overheard by Sarah

Bull-proof

Unhealthy-looking larger women to her friend while holding a Venti: You know, coffee doesn't do anything to me anymore. Neither does Red Bull or any other kind of energy drinks."
Her friend: Head nodding.

- Starbucks
-- Overheard by Corey, who writes: "Uhhh, Maybe it's time to take a break."

Capitalism

Walking past the homeless shelter on 2nd and Burnside with a pink box:

Homeless guy 1: Hey, can I have a donut?
Homeless guy 2: Can I bum a donut?
Homeless guy 3: Spare a cigarette?
Homeless guy 4: Aaah! Homeless attack! Capitalism has taken its toll!

- Overheard by Cegan

Spyce Girl

Dancer from Spyce getting on the MAX at Couch & 5th: I'm tellin' y'all.. I really need to pee! I had 17 drinks & I didn't pay for any of them! I really need to tinkle!

(She then proceeded to bond with a creepy dude in the back. He told her the Carl's Jr. was still open for her to find a bathroom. They got off a stop later, prompting this conversation...

My friend Nikki: She seemed nice -- I hope she finds a bathroom.
Me: I think that's where he took her.
Nikki: *disbelieving stare* That's not where he took her.
Me: ...but I'm sure he'll take her somewhere to pee, first... right?

By the end, the guy in front of us wasn't even hiding that he was staring at us listening to this conversation.

Video: Cat Stories II at Joe's Cellar

In this video, Portland people tell their tales at the Cat Stories II Open Mic Event. Recorded Aug. 20, 2011 at Joe's Celllar.

The text from my story, The Friends of the Fallen is posted online.

Girl sports

Softball Girl: What other sports do girls play?

Softball guy: I think whatever they want. It's an equal opportunity world now.

Softball girl: I guess you're right....

- Normendale Park in NE
-- Overheard by Brandon

Not on our team

Young male 1: I dated this girl in freshman year that turned out to be a
lesbian.
Young male 2: Aw, dude.
Young male 1: She was hot though.
Young male 2: They usually are.

- On the #15 bus
-- Overheard by Heather

Cat Stories II: Saturday, August 20 at Joe's Cellar

The Cat Stories II Open Mic Event takes place on Saturday, August 20 at 10:30am at Joe's Cellar in Portland.


We need your stories!
Got a great story about cats? Get up on stage and tell your tale while the Cherry Apple Bug band performs a musical accompaniment.

Ankle Bracelet

Woman: So can you go or not?

Man: Chuckie Cheese is no problem, but I can't visit a school. I'm down with that.

- Muu-Muus
-- Overheard by Rich

Video: Cat Stories Presents: Dating Stories

In this video, Cat Stories presents the Dating Stories open mic event. Recorded July 23, 2011 at Joe's Cellar in Portland, Oregon.

Video: Motorboat in PDX

Nice to see you too, Todd!

Video: Ninja plays at the Webbers BBQ, NW PDX July 16

The 16th Annual Webbers BBQ happens Saturday, July 16 from 1:00-9:30pm in NW Portland. Four cans of food gets you BBQ, Beer, and live music from great bands like Ninja and Will West.

Bring a blanket or something to sit on. No pets, please.

James Joyce

Guy: I'm the James Joyce of texting.

- Muu-Muus
-- Overheard by Rich

Nyaaagh!

On the corner of SW Yamhill and Broadway, a young woman is trying to engage passersby.

Woman: Hi there! What are you doing today?

Older man: I'm trying to get back into college. What are you doing?

Woman: I'm just out here campaigning for gay rights.

Older man: Gay rights?! Nyaaagh! Get your own state!! Nyaaagh!

(He continued down the sidewalk, very agitated, periodically grunting "Nyaagh!")


- Overheard by PAgent

Vajay-J

Preppy teen girl 1: Can we all walk as a group so we don't fucking
lose everyone?!
Preppy teen girl 2: I'm so afraid I'm gonna see a vagina really soon.

- At OCF Sunday
-- Overheard by Sky Rocket

Sam Adams at Trek in the Park

In this video, Portland Mayor Sam Adams reads a proclamation that July 2011 is Trek in the Park Month. Recorded at Portland's Woodlawn Park on July 9, 2011.

The proclamation is followed by the opening scene of Atomics Arts production of "Mirror, Mirror" a Star Trek original series episode where Kirk and his landing party visit an alternate universe where the Enterprise is an instrument of tyranny.

Cat Stories presents Dating Stories July 23 at Joe's Cellar

Cat Stories presents the Dating Stories Open Mic event on Saturday, July 23 at 10:00am at Joe's Cellar.

We need your stories!
Got a great dating story? Get up on stage and tell your tale while the Cherry Apple Bug band performs a musical accompaniment.

Mechanical Arm

Heard this while passing people on the stairs at "3 Monkeys," on NW 23rd:

"Maybe someone has a mechanical arm, but it's made out of brass!"


- Overheard by Nicole, who writes: "Oh, Portland. My friend Hayley guesses they were talking about steampunk. I was just amused."

All Female Artists Showcase, Friday, July 8, 2011

All Female Artists Showcase
Friday, July 8, 2011
6:00pm - 9:00pm

FAB PDX Art Space
1317 SE 9th Street

This showcase will be celebrating over 20 different female artists in Portland. All ages are welcome!

"The Candy Bus" https://www.facebook.com/p​ages/Chalk-let-Candy-Bus/1​80005002034514 will be on location and selling candy and special treats. This traveling candy store can be found on 33rd and Hawthorne during regular opening hours, but we are lucky enough to have The Candy Bus come to our all female showcase.

Savor Cakes, www.savorcakes.com will also be at the event providing delicious savory cupcakes. A savor cake is a savory meal that looks like a cupcake but it’s savory instead of sweet! Instead of cake we use biscuits, croissants or pizza dough, mixed with fresh and local ingredients. Then we bake it all up in a cupcake tin so you can enjoy a hearty, delicious meal on the go!

Jamie Hopkins of "Imagination Yoga" http://www.imaginationyoga​usa.com/ will also be offering a free children yoga session in our graffiti alley from 6:30pm to 7pm. All ages of kids are welcome to join in this lesson. Imagination Yoga is a new and upcoming program that gives the child, as well as the teacher, a chance to take a break from the outside world and come into a place of relaxation, movement, imagination and joy. Yoga mats will be provided but if you have your own feel free to bring it with you.

Courtney Piper of Red Tent Doula: holistic care for the childbearing years and beyond, will be at the show providing information on gentle birth practices.

Every woman deserves loving care during her pregnancy and labor. Studies show that having a qualified doula at your side reduces the need for interventions and unwanted cesarean section by 50%. Birth is an empowering and beautiful experience, every woman, man and child can benefit from the profound benefits of a loving and gentle birth experience. Give yourself and baby the best start possible, do your research, ask around and find the perfect care providers for you and your family. Birth Matters .

Fab Pdx and Mercy Mcnab are extremely excited to celebrate the works of these talented female artists. There will be a bar selling wine and beer and light refreshments will be provided. All art will be available for purchase and can be purchased with cash or credit cards the night of the reception. If you are unable to make the event, the work will be up for 3 weeks and available to buy all month long. Come out and see what the ladies of Portland have been producing in this amazing city. Hope to see all of you there!

Here are the artists that will have work up at the event:

Kayenne Garfalo
Julie Tillman
Trina Hesson
Alison Beebe
Kendra Sparks
Cotton Candy Punk
Enaya Jane
Samantha Cimino
Marisa Green
Christine McKernan "The Candy Bus"
Julie Forbush
Kelly Clifton
Alli Bratt
Jenna Genio
Jessica Van Stappen
Dawn Tappen
Noelle Barce
Heather Steele
Imagination Yoga
and a few more surprise artists..........

ART FOR LIFE!

Hanging Out

Woman yelling into cell while walking quickly: I don't even hang out with my boyfriend! I hang out with my dog!

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Phil

Go the F*ck to Sleep

Go the Fuck to Sleep is a new potty-mouthed children’s book written by Adam Mansbach full of truth at one of parenting’s great frustrations, trying to get your children to fall asleep. The sense of humour is as wicked as the language and immediately became my favourite children’s book! To help give you an idea of the book, here is Samuel L. Jackson reading it from an Audible audiobook recording.

Go the Fuck to Sleep (PDF) (1.6 MB)

Video: The Guardian's End, a short story

In this video, I read my latest short story, The Guardian's End. Recorded at the Famous People Stories open mic event on June 25, 2011. The full text is online at Flex-Rex.com.

Video: Famous People Stories Live from Joe's Cellar June 25, 2011

Cat Stories presents Famous People Stories Live June 25, 2011.

The Meat Man

Punk rocker chick 1: I didn't know people went door to door selling meat.

Punk rocker chick 2: Yeah, someone told me The Meat Man came up to their door, and I was like, dude, ew...

- In front of my apartment building
-- Overheard by Dylan.

Slacker

Hipster dude, while eating a salmon & cracker appetizer and drinking a beer: So I'm trying to get food stamps because I got fired from my job...

Later, same guy: "So is everyone tipping? Because I can't afford to tip."

- At a bistro in SE last night
-- Overheard by notmyname

Cat Stories Presents: Famous People Stories June 25 at Joe's Cellar

Cat Stories Productions presents: Famous People Stories on Saturday, June 25 at 10:00am at Joe's Cellar.

We need your stories!
Got a story about when you came across someone famous? Get up on stage and tell your tale while the band performs a musical accompaniment.

Tree Hugger

Mother to little boy: Hug a tree! Hug a tree! Be a tree hugger! Hug a tree! ... That's not a tree!

- In front of the Grocery Outlet at SE Flavel and 72nd
-- Overheard by Donna

Do it again

Younger lady to drunken older man: I want you to go home. Go home and pass out. Tomorrow get up and do it all over again. And for the love of God, go buy some cat food.

- Walking down NW 21st @ 2:30 in the morning
-- Overheard by Vera

Moonwoods Event June 24

Our friends at Moonwoods are hosting a gallery event on Friday, June 24 at 5:00-10:00pm. Check out the works of local designers and enjoy a beverage in the NW Industrial District.

Leave trouser bulges to the boys

Location: Jiggles Strip Club & Juice Bar (it seriously is a juice bar)

I'm in a stall in the girls bathroom @ Jiggles (bad idea), and two strippers (employees, dancers, whatever) are in the other two stalls.

Stripper 1: Yea, but I didn't want to tell him I was on my period, so we just had sex with it still in.
Stripper 2: Your tampon!?
Stripper 1: Yea. Dude, it feels REALLY good with a tampon in.
Stripper 2: Oh I know!

As I emerge from the stall, quickly...they walk out of their stalls at the same time.

Both Strippers at same time to me: Oh hey sweetie!

- Overheard by Sarah

Hipsters

Hipster girl to hipster friend: "I just want to be, like, really hot."

- Little T Bakery
-- Overheard by Kristen

Chronic

"I can probably score us a fat hit of chronic, and it’s all good if we get the munchies cuz I get my food stamps on Friday."


- Beaverton Max Station
-- Overheard by Kyle

Video: Seven Meals from Chaos

In this video, I read my short story "Seven Meals from Chaos." Recorded at the First Time Stories at Joe's Cellar, May 21, 2011.

Read the full text: http://flexrex.wordpress.com/2011/05/11/seven-meals-from-chaos-2/

Video: First Time Stories at Joe's Cellar, May 21, 2011

In this video, Portland people tell First Time Stories at Joe's Cellar, May 21, 2011.

Blunt Advice

"I told her, 'I don't smoke nobody's shit that's already rolled up'"

- on the MAX
-- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

The "First Time" Stories, May 21 at Joe's Cellar

Cat Stories Productions will present "The First Time Stories" at 10:00am, May 21 at Joe's Cellar.

FIRST TIME STORIES
TIME: 10:00am
DATE: Saturday, May 21, 2011
PLACE: Joe's Cellar, 1332 Northwest 21st Avenue, Portland

We need your stories!
Got a story about the First Time you did something? Get up on stage and tell your tale while the Snow Snakes band performs a musical accompaniment.

The Bus - gateway to harder commutes

"Southwest Hamilton Street and Barbur Boulevard. Transfer to other buzz lines."

- Automated digital voice on the PA, #54 bus, approaching a stop that serves many other routes.

-- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Ripped City Blazin'

Rose Garden Concourse, following 97-92 win over Dallas, April 21, shuffling en masse toward the exits:

Crowd chanting in unison: Let's go Blazers! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Let's go Blazers! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

Nearby fan #1 chanting in sync: Let's go faster! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Let's go faster! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

Nearby fan #2 chanting in sync: I smell po-ot! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) I smell po-ot! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Ghosts of the Indian Herb

In this video, I read my latest story: Ghosts of the Indian Herb. Recorded at the GHOST STORIES Open Mic event at Joe's Cellar in Portland on April 16, 2011.

Anomolee at the Poetry Slam

In this video, Anomolee performs at the Backspace Poetry Slam on April 10, 2011 in Portland.

Ghost Stories: 10:00am Saturday, April 16th at Joe's Cellar

The folks who brought you Cat Stories a few weeks ago are proud to announce the sequel event:

GHOST STORIES
TIME: 10:00am
DATE: Saturday, April 16th
PLACE: Joe's Cellar, 1332 Northwest 21st Avenue, Portland

We need your stories!
Got a ghost story? Get up on stage and tell your tale while the band performs a musical accompaniment.

Fahrenheit 451

Office worker #1: I'll take your newspaper for my fireplace again.

Office worker #2: You like to build fires, don't you?

Office worker #1: Yeah, I love my fireplace. I'm thinking about buying some wood.

- Financial Institution Call Center

-- Overheard by Deb