Accessories no macho

Guy to Gal: "What's up with all the Man purses? That shit is fucked up!"

- Mississippi Pizza

-- Overheard by Rich

Worse than a rooster

Old Codger: "Damned Starbucks truck! It pulls up here every morning at 5:30 and honks his horn. People here are trying to sleep!"

- Pioneer Square

-- Overheard by Rich

Karma Police

Guy: "That red bracelet. Are you into Kabbalah?"

Gal: "Umm, I'm not really supposed to talk about it."

Guy: "I'm sorry. Is saying 'Kabbalah' like, bad Karma?"

(pauses) "Do they have Karma in Kabbalah?"

- Doug Fir

-- Overheard by Rich

Max Volume

Loud Child: "Why is the train going so slow, mommy?"
Mother: "Because you're screaming."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Scot

At least they're not driving

Pissed Old Man #1: "Now my wife wants me to stop drinking!"

Confused Old Man #2: (Looking a bit lost) "Well maybe they should have thought about that before selling the RV!"

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Jay

One toke over the line

Speaker finishing his Legalize-it talk: "So Seattle, I want to thank you very much..."

- Walking by Portland's Hempstalk festival stage at Waterfront park

-- Overheard by Andrea & Brad

How proud your parents must be

Young man (speaking to a young pregnant woman): "I used to say I was sterile, then I impregnated two girls in one night!"

- Pioneer Square (where else?)

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Put it on lay-away

Girl #1 (In Massage Chair): "Do you think I could marry this thing?"

Girl #2 (Standing in front of her): "Maybe, but it would leave after you whored around with the shower massager."

- Pioneer Square inside of Sharper Image

-- Overheard by Jay

Intolerance

Man to woman: "Yeah, I'm intolerant of the intolerant" [pause] "sooo I guess that makes me intolerant."

- Max station, outside the Galleria

-- Overheard by Megan

Gluten Maximus

Lady: "Are any of your crusts gluten-free?"

Cashier: "I'm pretty sure they're all high in calories."

- Pizza Caboose in Tigard

-- Overheard by Jay

fish & rac

Man referring to Brooklyn restaurant: "...yeah it's totally racist, but the seafood is great."

- gym in NE Portland

-- Overheard by Brad

Rockstar Recount

Woman (to the TV): "That's bullshit! He's so ugly!"

- Acapulco's Gold, where a small crew watched Lucas win "Rock Star: Supernova"

--Overheard by Rich

Modern McCarthyism

Crazy Italian guy on bike: "You sir, you with the shiny boots. You look to me like a terrorist!"

Man walking by: "I'm such deep cover I didn't even know myself."

- Arlene Schnitzer Hall

-- Overheard by Rich

Karma Season

Woman to man: "So you're choosing football over Buddha!!!?

- Oba

-- Overheard by Rich

Butt Paste

Man in baby aisle: "Butt Paste? That's got to be the funniest name for a baby product ever."

Clerk: "It's brilliant marketing, but the mommies won't buy it."

- Walgreens on Burnside

-- Overheard by Rich

Super No

Woman: "And these dickheads think they can do a concert in Portland?"

- Dante's, where a large crowd watched Storm Large get voted out of the Supernova band on live TV.

-- Overheard by Rich

Head in the zipper?

Woman [to friend]: "So I had to cut into the pants because the zipper jammed and his hat was stuck in it. Do you think they'll take them back?"

[Goes up to costumer service rep.]

Woman: "I don't have a receipt."

- REI Costumer Service Line

-- Overheard by Ramse

Hoot

Him: "You've never been to Hooter's?"

Her: "Well I don't like wings, so there's nothing for me there."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

Relocation

Woman: "We really moved here from Missouri to escape the weather. But when people ask, we say we came for the sustainability."

- Cracker's Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Drinks

Woman: "...but you drink rum and cokes."

Man: "What does that mean?"

Woman: "You don't get out much."


- Saucebox

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Mercy Without Borders

Mercy Corp employee: "Do you have time to learn about Mercy Corp?"

Girl walking by: "Um, I am going over there to have a smoke. If you want to talk to me your gonna have to walk over there with me."

Mercy Corp employee (ponders a few moments): "Might as well."

- Downtown

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bumb a ride?

Guy on the street: "Can you give me a ride up to Hawthorne?"
Girl walking by: "What, in my invisible car?"

- Near Voodoo donuts

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

PA Risk

Kid on Coast Guard PA system: "Attention! Attention everyone! Why is my Mom being so mean?"

- Seaport Celebration

-- Overheard by Rich

Circus music playing in my head

"Street Roots" vendor: "What's up?"

Man riding past on very tall unicycle: "Me."

"Street Roots" vendor: (cheerfully) "No shit!"

-SW 16th and Morrison

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

At least it's not canned chicken of the sea tacos

Woman: "waaa? Sea Tacos?"

Dread-locked Man at outside table: "...welcome to Portland"

- Outside downtown Taco Del Mar, last saturday lunch

-- Overheard by Brad

You know, the kind without those people

Teenage girl: "I mean, he's totally ghetto. I mean, y'know, not like, real ghetto, ghetto. You know: Portland Ghetto."

- Downtown coffee shop

-- Overheard by totally ghetto

Rimflicks on the Bricks

Twenty-Something # 1: "So, I tried that rimflick thing."
Twenty-Something # 2: "Rimflick thing?"
Twenty-Something # 1: "Yeah, remember? I've just taken to calling it the rimflick thing.
Twenty-Something # 2: "Oooh. Yeah! So you tried it on Danny?"
Twenty-Something # 1: "Yeah. He liked it."
Twenty-Something # 2: "Did he specifically say 'I liked the rimflick thing,' or are you just assuming?"

- Gabriel Park

-- Overheard by: Tried to keep from laughing

Rack detector

Woman to wand-waving TSA screener: "In Memphis, that thing went off in my bra!"

- PDX Airport

-- Overheard by Rich

Psychic Salad Girl

Woman: "I'll have the Chef's Salad."
Deli Girl: "Do you want everything on that?"
Woman: "I don't know. What do you put on it that I don't like?"

- Local deli

-- Overheard by Todd

However, I am a Marine Biologist

Man, who had been clearly trying to pick up a woman, then said:

"Yeah, I had a pretty fucked up childhood; my Mom was a junkie."

- Berbati's Pan, last summer

-- Overheard by Brad

Bike Messenger loves Granola Girl

Girl (To Friend): "So Sam thinks I should shave my legs because he feels like the woman in the relationship."

[Laughter From Anyone In Hearing Distance]

- Hollywood Theater

-- Overheard by Ramse

Next time, buy a travel book before arrival

Man: "Is this exclusively a video store?"
Store clerk: "Yes, it is."
Man: "Do you know if there are any bookstores in this area?"
Store clerk: "Not that I know of... well, there's Powells."
Man: "Powells? Where's that?"
Store clerk: "Tenth and Burnside."
Man: Sorry, "What?"
Store clerk: "TENTH AND BURNSIDE!"

- Videorama on 12th and Lovejoy

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Color Blind

Woman, having just landed at the PDX airport, from California, to her husband and two teenage sons:

"I thought you said it was green here! I don't see any green!"

- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Next best thing

Woman walking past large man holding a small infant:

"Those poor people; they couldn't get a chihuahua so they had to have a baby."

- near Gelato store on SE 28th

-- Overheard by Brad

Hairy Hypothesis

Mom (To Kid): "NO! I'm not going to EXPERIMENT seven days before! Yes! That's what it's called when I don't know what it is, experimenting!"

- Hair Dye Aisle In Fred Myers

- Overheard by Ramse

Empowered

(After sleater kinney show last year)

Guy: "What did you think?"

Girl: "I feel empowered as a woman!!!"

Guy: "Me too!"

- Crystal Ballroom

-- Overheard by laurax

She's had wurst

Guy: "That guacamole taste like it’s gone bad."

Girl joyfully eating guacamole: "It tastes really good to me."

Guy: "I guess I’m just not used to eating rotten food."

- The steps in Pioneer Square at lunch

-- Overheard by Swaimfan

The art of always appearing interested

Woman #1 (about baby): "He looks sort of like Winston Churchill."

Mother of said baby: "Yeah, that isn't the first time he's been told that."

- Portland Street Car

-- Overheard by Monika

Red Spotted

Guy #1: "That's the first Bush-Cheney t-shirt I've ever seen around here."

Guy #2: "Must be from out of town."

Guy #1: "Sure as shit; she's got Idaho plates."

- Doug Fir patio

-- Overheard by Rich

Blame it on GPS

Guy #1: "Oh my God! I'm in a gay bar!"

Guy #2: "I thought this was Burning Man."

Guy #1: "Looks like Flaming Queen."

- Crush

-- Overheard by Shelly

Comb-over?

Woman: "Merkin, what's a Merkin?"

(ed note: friends explain)

Woman: "Huh, maybe I should get a Merkin."

- Echo bar

-- Overheard by Brad

Your mileage may vary

Woman: "...As long as it doesn't cause anal leakage."

- Brewfest

-- Overheard by Brad

Time for a makeover

Stripper: "Supercuts?"

Guy: "Ummm, no, actually. You always this mean when you're naked?"

- DV8

-- Overheard by tinman

Self-sustaining

Woman: "Yeah. I would do me."

- Portland Brewfest

-- Overheard by Brad

Digging for dinner

Kid: "Hey Mom! I found some some edible seed pods in the sand dune!"

- Pacific City beach

- Overheard by Rich

Getting on an elevator

Woman: "One?"

Man: (while rolling a cigarette) "I think Three Dog Night said that one was the loneliest number."

Woman: "Yes. Yes they did."

- Elevator at the Taylor St. Star Park

--Overheard by PAgent

Low-cal SPF 15

Woman: "I ended up buying some of that sunscreen I tasted at the ball game."

Old Woman: "Hmm.. Ok."

- Portland Collectibles Show

-- Overheard by Jason, who sends us this cute video of the goofy stuff people were selling at the show.

Hold the acronym

Sub-shop girl: "I don't know what this means, 'AV', what is that?"

Sub-shop guy: "It means they want Avocado added to their sandwich"

Sub-shop girl: "Oh, why didn't you just write it out then? "AV" could
mean anything"

Sub-shop guy: (sarcastically) "Oh, like what?"

Sub-shop girl: "Well, I thought it meant 'Italian 'vinaigrette'"

Sub-shop guy: (snorting) "Yeah, except Italian starts with an "I" and
not an "A."

- Subway

-- Submitted by pdxotaku

Intel insomnia

Guy #1: "Do they do that at Intel?"

Guy #2: "Oh yeah. Everybody walks around with their laptops open because they're afraid they'll crash if they put them to sleep."

- Montgomery Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Highly unlikely, me thinks

Woman: "He actually makes me look less vain on occasion on some stuff."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich