Cage Match

Guy (Speaking to himself): "Maaaan, Nicholas Cage is in three movies just on this one rack. Asshole."

- Hollywood Video (West Burnside)

-- Overheard by MJS on 12/24

Fountain of Youth

Bouncer (looking at ID): "Wow! 1962? What's your secret?"

Guy: "You're as young as the woman you feel."

- Towne Lounge

-- Overheard by Rich

Scoots of Rock

A car pulls up next to me.

Guy 1: "We're putting the *band* back together!"

Guy 2: "Wanna come along?"

They drive away without waiting for an answer.

- Downtown gas station parking lot

-- Overheard by Brandon

Shaq attack

Large black guy, singing: "My name is O'Neal Shaquille!" (giggles) "You know Jesus, he have a crush on everybody!"

- #14 Hawthorne Bus to Portland

-- Overheard by L.A.B.

Best Defense

Woman: "You write cursive. That means you're defensive."

Guy: "No I'm not!"

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Sticker Shock

Customer #1: "You've got something stuck to your back."

Barista: "I do? What is it?"

Customer #1: "I don't know, I didn't catch it."

Customer #2: "It says, 'Use First.'"

Barista: "It does?"

Customer #2: "Yeah."

Barista: "Awesome."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

Ma-kin' Copies

Woman #1 in office: “What’s a good exercise for the abs?”

Woman #2 in office: “Well, I can think of one thing that’s good for the abs…”

Woman #3 in office: “Yeah, but only if he can last longer than a minute or two!”

Forgotten copier repairman, coming out from under the copier: “Thanks ladies, it’s been an educational afternoon.”

- Portland office

-- Overheard by Pez

A fight in any other town?

In a dark parking lot, First Guy is inspecting his parked sporty European car. It seems like it might have been dinged while parked there. He sees something on his windshield (a note from the dinger?), looks at it dismissively, and tosses it on the ground.

Second Guy (seeing paper on the ground): "You're not just going to litter like that, are you?"

First Guy: "Well, I was going to, but now I don't think I will." (He bends over and picks it up.)

Second Guy: "Wow, thanks, man. Have a great night."

- 12th and Taylor

-- Overheard by Gregory

Gregory notes: I thought this was right on. What could have been a heated, profanity-laced exchange ended up being pretty damned cool. I salute those two guys.

Yeah, It'll Be a Real Vacation, All Right

Dad to Dad: "Maybe next time I see you I'll have a little one strapped to my chest. I'm looking forward to it -- I really need a vacation from work. I'm taking three weeks paternity leave."

- Sohbet Coffeehouse

-- Overheard by Wacky Mommy
http://wackymommy.org/

Goddess Shrugged

Real estate agent (looking at ad): "This is bull. You can't be a loan goddess when you've never done a loan."

Guy: "And you can't be a lone goddess if you've never been alone."

- Wilf's

-- Overheard by Rich

Magnum Booty

Bartender: "So this chick was big--like, stepladder big, you know? So I asked her if she wanted to go out to the parking lot and make out. She goes, ok."

Patron: "No way."

Bartender: "Yeah, I mean she was big. (Holds two round drink trays over his butt cheeks.) Her ass was like this I'm telling you. So anyway, I come back in and the other bartender just puts this shot in front of me and doesn't say a word!"

- Mu Mu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Come Hither

Parent resembling Tobias from Arrested Development: "You look like you want to get some more action."

Recruiter: "Well... I do hope to speak with more students."

- Portland college fair during a slow period

-- Overheard by Robyn from Austin

Was Bush in Town?

Scientologist to colleague (laughing): "...so he tested so far toward the devil that they literally asked him to leave!"

- Exiting the Scientologist Celebrity Center

-- Overheard by electricspacegirl

Crystal Method

Goth teenager 1: "Hey! Where's my magic crystal! Did you take my crystal?"

Goth teenager 2: "It's not even a crystal! It's made of plastic!"

Goth teenager 1: "Hmph! It's the shape that matters."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Sara

Harry Potter Generation

Girl #1: "I went to San Fransisco once."
Girl #2: "Ohhh! Did you go to Azkaban?"
Girl #1: "What?"
Girl #2: "Azkaban. You know, the prison."

Random man behind me (muttering): "That's Alcatraz, you moron."

- Bus #33 to Oregon City Transit Center

-- Overheard by: Kris

What is Black Rock?

Business Dude: "It's kind of like a jewish Burning Man."

- Red Coach Inn

-- Overheard by Ralph

Book Force

Brunette: "Do you like to read?"

Powell's employee (laughing): "I don't think anyone who works at Powells doesn't like to read."

- Blue Room, Powell's City of Books

-- Overheard by P.J.

A Woman's Scorn

Drunk pixie in booth: "I swear, I must have told over 300 people how small his penis is."

- Billy Ray's Neighborhood Dive

-- Overheard by 22oz Pabst

Crack

Drunk Dude #1: "I saw your butt crack."

Drunk Dude #2: "My butt crack is majestical like a lion."

- On the steps of the Wellesley Court Apartments

-- Overheard by b!X

24 months to go

Kid walking: "Daddy, are you voting for President?"

Daddy: "No. The President gets to keep his job for two more years."

Man walking by: "Two long years."

- Bull Ring

-- Overheard by Rich

Scratch the hotties

Woman on cell phone: "He said he didn't want anyone he'd ever considered dating at his wedding, so I'm not invited."

- SW Third and Taylor

-- Overheard by Cat

Too young to be PC

White boy, 8 or 9 years old to 30ish african american cashier: "You're a brown girl; i like brown girls."

Cashier: "Oh, that's so cute."

- Checkout at gateway fred meyers

-- Overheard by carywd

More of a guideline than a rule?

Man with woman walking dog: "The rule was: you weren't supposed to drink any f***ing whiskey! That means no f***ing hard liquor!"

- Faulkner Alternators

-- Overheard by Rich

Tat tutor

Coming out of a PE class:

girl in mid-20s: "Where did you get your tattoos?"

guy in early-30s: "Prison."

girl: "Oh, I guess I can't go there, can I?"

- PCC Sylvania campus

-- Overheard by The Blankenships

Something smells funny in Eugene

After the Decemberists' show on Wednesday night:

Girlfriend: "I have to go to the bathroom!"

German major # 1: "Wait until we get outside and piss in the street. That's how we do it in Eugene."

German major # 2: "No we don't. We piss on our own front doors!"

German major #1: "And when we aren't at home, we piss on der dummkopf!"

German major #2: "Piss on der dummkopf!"

German major # 1 and # 2: [chanting] "Piss on der dummkopf! Piss on der dummkopf!"

- Stairwell at the Crystal Ballroom

-- Overheard by Brandon

As if he'd want you to

Six Foot Transvestite: "As if I'd want to work my whole life making some rich, straight white man richer."

- Fat Tire Farm

--Overheard by Rich

Prices SoLo

Gal: "How much did you say that beer was?"

Guy: "Seven bucks."

Gal: "That's a lot for a bar in Portland."

Guy: "Maybe we're supposed to keep the glass."

- SoLo

-- Overheard by Rich

Pennyless is Timelessness

Teenager: "Dude, can you spare some change?"

Man: "Sure, kid."

Teenager: "Thanks, that's cool. So, how's it going for you today?"

Man: "What can I say? It's Friday."

Teenager (bugeyed): "It's Friday? Oh man, I am so screwed."

- Blue Moon Cafe

-- Overheard by Rich

Choose your way out

Woman #1: "How do you want to go?"

Woman #2: "I'd prefer to be suffocated."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Bubble numbers

Lady Real Estate Agent: "You bought it two months ago? Sorry. You can't use that number for market value."

- Dragonfly

-- Overheard by Rich

Even if I did, we were on a break!

30's man and woman couple
Him (screaming): "I told you at lunch and I'll tell you again, I did not f*ck her!"

- NW Park Blocks

-- Overheard by John

Nerds

Girl 1: "It's almost like I'd rather have no scene than a nerd scene."

Girl 2: "Yeah, nerd scenes are the worst."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

A convenient truth

Woman: "We have like, California weather in Seattle now. I like global warming!"

- Wallace Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Scootch over

Guy to Gal: "Can I ask you to scootch over?"

Gal: "Scootch? That's a great word!"

- Green Room

-- Overheard by Rich

Double-feature

Bartender: "I remember you two."

Woman #1: "Oh yeah. I flirted and then you tried to pick us both up."

Woman #2: "I'm the mean one."

- Cinetopia

-- Overheard by Rich

I'll have what she's having

Female patron: "Why can't I ever remember how many drinks I've had?"

Bartender: "Consistency is an underrated quality."

- Crow Bar

-- Overheard by Rich

There's no remote out there

Neighbor Grandma to her 6-year-old granddaughter: "Marissa, come outside with Grandma. You can help me in the garden. It's a beautiful day and I don't want you inside watching TV all day. Come out and play!"

Granddaughter wailing from inside of house: "But, Grandma! I don't know HOW to play outside!"

- Southeast

-- Overheard by MissKriss

Accessories no macho

Guy to Gal: "What's up with all the Man purses? That shit is fucked up!"

- Mississippi Pizza

-- Overheard by Rich

Worse than a rooster

Old Codger: "Damned Starbucks truck! It pulls up here every morning at 5:30 and honks his horn. People here are trying to sleep!"

- Pioneer Square

-- Overheard by Rich

Karma Police

Guy: "That red bracelet. Are you into Kabbalah?"

Gal: "Umm, I'm not really supposed to talk about it."

Guy: "I'm sorry. Is saying 'Kabbalah' like, bad Karma?"

(pauses) "Do they have Karma in Kabbalah?"

- Doug Fir

-- Overheard by Rich

Max Volume

Loud Child: "Why is the train going so slow, mommy?"
Mother: "Because you're screaming."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Scot

At least they're not driving

Pissed Old Man #1: "Now my wife wants me to stop drinking!"

Confused Old Man #2: (Looking a bit lost) "Well maybe they should have thought about that before selling the RV!"

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Jay

One toke over the line

Speaker finishing his Legalize-it talk: "So Seattle, I want to thank you very much..."

- Walking by Portland's Hempstalk festival stage at Waterfront park

-- Overheard by Andrea & Brad

How proud your parents must be

Young man (speaking to a young pregnant woman): "I used to say I was sterile, then I impregnated two girls in one night!"

- Pioneer Square (where else?)

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Put it on lay-away

Girl #1 (In Massage Chair): "Do you think I could marry this thing?"

Girl #2 (Standing in front of her): "Maybe, but it would leave after you whored around with the shower massager."

- Pioneer Square inside of Sharper Image

-- Overheard by Jay

Intolerance

Man to woman: "Yeah, I'm intolerant of the intolerant" [pause] "sooo I guess that makes me intolerant."

- Max station, outside the Galleria

-- Overheard by Megan

Gluten Maximus

Lady: "Are any of your crusts gluten-free?"

Cashier: "I'm pretty sure they're all high in calories."

- Pizza Caboose in Tigard

-- Overheard by Jay

fish & rac

Man referring to Brooklyn restaurant: "...yeah it's totally racist, but the seafood is great."

- gym in NE Portland

-- Overheard by Brad

Rockstar Recount

Woman (to the TV): "That's bullshit! He's so ugly!"

- Acapulco's Gold, where a small crew watched Lucas win "Rock Star: Supernova"

--Overheard by Rich

Modern McCarthyism

Crazy Italian guy on bike: "You sir, you with the shiny boots. You look to me like a terrorist!"

Man walking by: "I'm such deep cover I didn't even know myself."

- Arlene Schnitzer Hall

-- Overheard by Rich