Whoa

Two former army guys talking in statistics:

"It goes through the wall and then blows up."
"...so it's penetration, then explosion."

- Somewhere in Portland

-- Overheard by Ryan

Law and Order

Yelling Man:
"Don't try to pick my pocket! I'm in the FBI! I have a badge! I know the Constitution! I COULD KILL YOU!"

- Across from Hal's Tavern

-- Overheard by b!X

Gay, maybe?

Heavyset, sweet looking "Mom", mid-50's, wearing subtle "Support Our Troops" outfit: white capri pants, red sandals, and a blue & white striped shirt; getting hot pink Betty Boop fabric cut at the counter...

Fabric Depot Employee (cutting fabric):
"Oh, that Betty Boop fabric is really cute...it could go with anything, with the black and white in it..."

Mom:
"I know, isn't is great? I am going to put it in a quilt for my son...he's been collecting Betty Boop stuff for years..."

- Fabric Depot on SE 122nd & SE Stark, Sunday afternoon (after church)

-- Overheard by Jayne

Here's Lucy

"Wow, if Lucille Ball was born in 1911 she'd be like over 100 years old by now."

- Overheard by Brent while playing Beyond Balderdash at his house

book worm

Title: "At least it doesn't freeze like syphilis"

Mid-thirties reader: "It burns... it burns like chlamydia."

-Barnes and Noble

-- Overheard by head stuck in a book

Expensive shoes

"Oh, you like these shoes do you?
Negro, these shoes cost half your rent!"

- NE 17th and Killingsworth

-- Overheard by sparkleburnout

Tri-Meds

A crazy lady downtown, addressing the #17 bus:

"You stay there and shut up! No, you go to hell!"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

9 months before Troll Baby

"I would fuck myself. That would be the best fuck ever."

- Savoy Tavern and Bistro, Saturday night

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Training bikini

"Tuck your tummy in!"

- Mother to 4-year old daughter in bikini at the Waterfront Blues Festival, July 4th

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Half Asleep

"I must not be in Jerusalem because the TV is on and I don't owe you $20 bucks."

- On my couch after a friend half-way woke up from a nap.

-- Overheard by Kai

Adventure charge

Elderly woman:
"Calm down dear, this is an adventure!"

Teenage girl next to her:
"This adventure sucks and I hope it ends soon. [my iPod battery] will be dead by the time we get there."

- On a MAX blue line train near the Rose Quarter around 11:30pm on Saturday

-- Overheard by Aaron

Gender Independence

Girl: "I stayed at home on the 4th of July and cried."

Guy: "I got drunk and set off illegal fireworks."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Mystery Meat

Server: "Did you need some menus?"

Blind customers: "We can't see them."

- Morrison Street Grill

-- Overheard by b!X

You're sick, man

Homeless pair at the Halsey St offramp:

Sign holder's friend: "Know what I'm gonna do when I get home?"

Sign Holder: "Jack off?"

Sign holder's friend: "Why you say shit like that?"

Sign holder: "'Cause I'm a nasty motherfucker."


- Overheard by Erik

phone tip

Bartender on phone in one of those tiny little bars at Kennedy School, presumably handling a charity solicitation call:

"Yeah, well, I'm not a generous person, so you're wasting your time."

- Overheard by himself

Please keep your knees together for the duration of the flight

Teenage girl:
"She told me to put my feet down during takeoff. How was I supposed to know I shouldn't do it for the rest of the flight?"

- Fruition

-- Overheard by Rich

good to be king

Man to guy in Elvis costume:

"Yo, Elvis! Welcome back!"

Elvis: "Well, thank you very much."

- NW 23rd & Everett

-- Overheard by Rich

Smells like teen spirit

Group of rather skanky looking teenaged girls are sitting on the train. One girl announces loudly:

"I can't believe we used all my deodorant. I mean, what the fuck."

Eastbound rush hour MAX
Overheard by Dyana

Pick up and deliver

Female taxi dispatcher on the radio:
"OK, I have an undefined one here and I want see if I can get a volunteer; there's a woman in the Pearl district in labor and she needs a ride to Emanuel Hospital."

(static)

Dispatcher: "458, are you sure you want someone to have a baby in your car?"

- PDX airport

-- Overheard by Rich

an impromptu one-act play about literacy

Yuppie #1: "... also, he's very well-read."

Yuppie #2: "Meaning?"

Yuppie #1: "He, you know, reads a lot of books."

Yuppie #2 (speaking slowly carefully):
"Oh. I assumed you meant he, ah, understood what he read really fast and good and so on. As in "well-liked".

Yuppie #1: "Nuh-uh. So where should we go for drinks?"

- Got Pho

-- Overheard by Charlie

Caniform hygiene

Woman:
"She got to take a bath with him & was able to get her bear washed."

- Westside Red Line Max train going downtown around 6:45 am

-- Overheard by Janet, who writes:

"I e-mailed this overheard comment to my spousal unit noting that I've been in the band tooooo long. He said I should send it in. From what I overheard after that remark, I think the woman was talking about a baby girl & a toy bear."

D'oh Nut

Woman inside an apartment:
"I didn't eat any candy today, baby! ...Well, I did have a doughnut. But that's because I was out of milk for my cereal."

- SE 15th and Belmont

-- Overheard by b!X

You have to say this one out loud

Customer: "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

Employee: "Sure."

Customer: "Do you know if you have any black caulk here?"

- Beaverton Home Depot

--Overheard by Laura Cincinnati

Better than cake

Mother to small child:

"First we're going to get you some kitty and doggy food for your birthday alright?"

- Entrance to Petco

-- Overheard by Taterlain

Portland = Homoville?

Young stabby hobo yelling at no one in particular:

"Get out of Homoville! This ain't worldwide!"

- Max stop at Pioneer Square

-- Overheard by Justin

Guns 'n Santa Rosa

Crazy Woman: "Didn't I see you in Santa Rosa?"

Average Dude: "Umm, no..."

Crazy Woman: "Do you have a gun?"

Average Dude: "WHAT?"

Crazy Woman: "What are doing?"

Average Dude: "Getting lunch."

Crazy Woman: "Alright, rock out!"


-Lunch carts on Alder

-- Overheard by Jordana

Rrrrrr

Conversation between 2 teenagers:

boy: "So you've HEARD of butt pirates?"

girl: "Well, yeah but I've never actually spoken to one."

- Pioneer Courthouse on Saturday night

-- Overheard by Ms. Blake Buchanan-Munro

crabby

Woman on cell:
"Well, the whole family's pretty close, so any one of us could have crabs."

- Bethany QFC

-- Overheard by Nicole who writes:
"If I hadn't heard this myself, I wouldn't believe it."

Perfect couple

Large white woman speaking to her small Mexican husband:

"I'm bleeding."

(Pokes at her husband who ignores her.)

"Heyyy, I'm bleeding from my neck. Don't you care?"

(Husband puts headphones on and looks out the window.)

"I wish I knew you didn't speak English before I married you!"

- On the Blue Max at City Center

-- Overheard by Corwin

Unbiased education

Man:
"The malaria epidemic spread from Sitka in California, which means it clearly came from the Russians...those sons of bitches."

- PCC

-- Overheard by Justin

Line, color, texture, shape, form, space, and value!

Carpool driver, noticing woman at bus stop:
"She has art between her legs."

- On the commute home, somewhere downtown

-- Overheard by b!X

WTF?

Guy on the train (to no one in particular):
"Does anyone know of a place to donate plasma that opens before 7am?"

Me: "No, sorry, I don't."

Guy: "Aww man, they lied to me!"

Me: "Well maybe you could call a local hospital and they could direct you."

Guy: "I'm just kidding you."

- MAX, headed downtown this morning

-- Overheard by cabernet4me

With great power comes great responsibility

Two pretty twentysomething girls riding east:

Girl in back: "EWWWWWW!"

Girl in front: "It wasn't me! I take responsibility for all of my actions. Including farts."

- On SE Salmon and 15th

-- Overheard by martin

Polygamy Penchant in PDX

Guy (to two girls and another guy waiting for Streetcar):
"Hey, I really respect a guy who has two wives."

One girl: "That's my brother!"

Guy: "Oh. I still think it's cool to have two wives."

- Overhead by Jen

Recycling

Employee 1: "Why'd you throw that out? It's recyclable."

Employee 2: "I can never remember what's recyclable."

Employee 1: "Anything that tears" goes in the recyling bin, remember?"

Employeee 2: "Yeah, yeah."

Employee 1: "So when I rip you a new one for not recycling, that can go in there too."


- My office

-- Oveheard by purplelamb

$2 zoo day attracts the brightest elements

Teenage boy: "Zebras! They're the next best thing to unicorns!"

Teenage girl: "So, are they black, or are they white?"

Teenage boy: "They're from Africa, so they're black."

- Zebra enclosure at the Oregon Zoo

-- Overheard by SaraFist

Not on our team

Waiter:
"So, the first thing I do when I visit someone's house is go looking for their porn stash. And so I get there and I'm like hunting around and I'm like, ewww! Dude porn."

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Next, on The View

Two women are seated across from a guy, and one of them says:

"Well, we're not crazy and we have vaginas."

- Walking by outdoor tables in the Pearl on First Thursday

-- Overheard by Paul

QP theory

Guy #1:
"My lady friend is telling me that I'm never going to get any until I have a nice big bed at home."

Guy #2:
"There might be something to that. I read this book called If the Buddha Dated and I think it talked about us first needing a spiritual nest or something like that."

Guy #1:
"What? So now I'm supposed to believe in Quantum Pussy?"

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Clean and sober

Guy #1: "...You gotta clean yo' fingernails up!"

Guy #2: "Mmm-hmm."

Guy #1: "You stop smokin' crack, you clean yo' toes up nice too!"

- SW 4th & Main

-- Overheard by LAB

menage a trois

Guy putting chairs up on tables:

"So, you can't talk your husband into two guys?"

- Mia Gelato

-- Overheard by Rich

imperial purple

Upper management guy, early 50’s, Catholic and clean-cut:

“Is Michael here? He’s supposed to be in this meeting. And he better be wearing purple, cuz Rick and I are.”

- At my desk

-- Overheard by Pezolator

So there were these three Indians on a bus...

Conversation between three older Native American men:

First man: "Yeah, we're all good Indians."

Second man: "All Indians are good Indians."

Third man: "What are you talking about? We're all going to hell. In a handbasket."

First man: "(laughs) No, I'm going to the Spirit!"

Second man: "I'm going to Astoria."

Third man: "Now that's a long way off."

- On the #15 bus heading downtown

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

GPS a bottleblonde

From a bottleblonde on a cell phone in 4" platform/stiletto cork-soled sandals and painted-on jeans, standing on a corner near PSU:

"How do you know I spent 'way too much time' at the Starbucks?

you have a GPS on me?
you have a GPS on me?
you have a GPS on me?
you have a GPS on me?

(pauses for a breath and dramatic effect)

Do you have a GPS up my butt, ha?"

- Overheard by Brandon

Hey, Sailor!

Girl #1:
"It's the Rose Festival, remember? Fleet Week and all that crap."

Girl #2:
"I totally forgot about Fleet Week! We need to take you downtown!"

- Berlin Inn

-- Overheard by SaraFist

Tastes like chicken

Not-so-Hipster Chick (taking a bite of someone's food):
"Oh my god, that chicken is terrible!"

Hipster Chick: "That's because it's tofu."

No-so-Hipster Chick: "Yeah, worst chicken ever."

- Laurelwood in SE

-- Overheard by SaraFist

Put that in the Pre-Nup

Two 20-something blondes:

"I think it's good we called off the wedding."
"Yeah, marriage probably wasn't the best idea."
"I wonder if I would have actually gone through with it."
"Do you seriously think you would have?!?"
"Well, maybe..."
"But he slept with me right after he proposed to you!"
"Yeah, I guess."
"And he went up my ass!"

- University of Portland -- a Catholic university, no less

-- Overheard by Junniper

Day planner

Homeless guy #1 to homeless guy #2:

"My calendar is looking clear that day. How does your's look?"

- Food Front

-- Overheard by Rich

baby-daddy

Girl with Tongue Stud, on cell phone:

"Tell her to go find her baby-daddy and leave us the fuck alone!
No! You tell her to go find her baby-daddy..."

- SE 39th near Hawthorne

-- Overheard by Marianna

Next to the winery that makes wine

Fortyish Tigard woman to male companion:
"Oh, they just opened a new brew pub near my house called 'Fanno Creek Brew Pub' and they even brew beer there!"

- On Max near PGE park, evening of 6/2

-- Overheard by Brian