Porn

Her: Clown porn, clown porn, clown porn. ... You put that in my head.

Him: How did I put that in your head?

Her: You told me about it.

Him: No, I told you about midget porn.

- East Bank Saloon

-- Overheard by b!X

Medical Advice

On the streetcar:

Streetboy#1: Why can't mom just direct deposit the child support? Bitch

Streetboy#2 (to the young woman across the aisle): Hey, hey you. What are you? Pissed off? What is it? Are you mad?

Young Woman: What?

Streetboy#1: She doesn't want to talk to you, man.

Streetboy#2: Why so mad? What's the problem?

Young Woman: I'm not mad. I have finals. I'm just tired.

Streetboy#2: School, huh? Have you ever... some people think... have you ever thought of opiates?

Streetboy#2: (to me) Huh? What's so funny? No, why are you laughing?

- Overheard by Nikola

Brutal

At oaks park, in line for the octopus:

Middle-school age girl: And she was like (lowers her voice to a whisper) bleepity bleep bleep bleeeep! And I was all like Whoa.

Her friend: That's brutal.

- Overheard by Ali

FWB

At a party in SE Portland...

Me: So how do you two know each other?

Him: We're friends.

Her: Special friends.

Him: With benefits.

- Overheard by Paul

Rooting

Homeless guy selling Street Roots: I bet I could outwork all of you!

- 21st and Lovejoy

-- Overheard by Rich

Cat Tut

"And then what the Cat Tut does is stretch out your vagina-box like it's asian, so then it doesn't work right. It doesn't really help you at all."

- In my living room

-- Overheard by Lachwen, who writes: "I have the most random roommates in the world."

Not looking for Spare Change

Homeless man sitting on sidewalk: Hey, do either of you know where I can find myself a pretty drag queen?

- SW 12th & Main

- Overheard by Kim

Chest rubbing

Waiting for the crosswalk on Hawthorne, with a friend who's playing the accordion:

Man who appears to be massaging his nipples constantly, stalking about on tiptoe: Hey, you guys got a quarter for a beer? ... Shit, I should be giving you a quarter! (About a quarter of a block away now.) It's good thing that's not Mexican music! I hate Mexican music! That's not Mexican music though, so it's good!

- Overheard by Abner, who writes: "This is the second time we've seen this guy. A few weeks before he'd been announcing the death of the creator of LSD and "spreading love". Even then he was rubbing his chest."

Ready or not

African-american customer talking to two african-american cashiers about Barack Obama...

African-american customer: First day he in, they shoot him. You watch!

White customer: They'd better not shoot him - he's our only hope!

African-american customer, to cashiers: White people think they ready; everybody think they ready.

White customer: I'm ready! I'm ready!

African-american customer looks white customer up and down, finally says: You ain't ready.

- 7-Eleven, N. Lombard & Denver

-- Overheard by another white customer

T... M... I... !

Senior Citizen: You should see my dick. I only had a quarter of it circumcised.

- Morrison Street Grill

-- Overheard by b!X

Should we be getting hazard pay?

Guy from corporate HQ, checking out our wood-and-metal cubicles:
If there was an electrical storm, you guys would all fry! They're cool cubes, though.

- Downtown/waterfront PDX

-- Overheard by Jen

Mommie Dearest

Harassed looking women with 3 kids in tow:
Don’t get me wrong, I love you all to death… but right now I wish I’d drowned you all when you were babies.

- Overheard by FoodDude, who writes: "I was speechless."

analyzed

Two female college students on the 44 bus:

Girl one: we gonna hang out later?
Girl two: i don't know, i have to talk to my english professor. he said my analytical essays aren't like, analytical enough.

- Overheard by Emily

Star punch

Waitress (looking at customer's Entertainment Section): That's weird. Last night I had a dream I beat up Lindsay Lohan!

- Nob Hill Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Mama is the Best!

A little girl of around 5 standing near her mother's shopping cart as they were getting ready to leave the store:
Mama, you are the best mama in the world!

- Overheard by Kris, who writes: "And mama hadn't even bought her anything...it was spontaneous from the little girl's heart. An excellent Mother's Day gift, I'd say."

He's a 10

Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl: (Shrug) Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.

- Outside Trillium Preschool

-- Overheard by Amy

Internal dialogue

Indian entrepreneur: I am tired of listening to people talking. I want to listen to me talking.

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

He's in the jailhouse, now

Twentysomething white gangsta guy on cell phone:
Hey man, yeah, I just got out of jail. (listens.) Naw man, they charged me with the same as having a gun, because the weapon was concealed. (listens.) It was totally just a toy, but now they're going to put me in jail again.
(listens.)
I'm at OHSU right now, I'll be there in like five minutes.
(listens.)
Well, they could give me probation, but I bet they send me back to jail. I should just kiss my ass goodbye right now! They're going to put me back in jail, I know it! I posted bail and all it got me was 5 hours of freedom!
(listens.)
Yeah, maybe I can share a cell with your brother.
(listens.)
He's got a single cell? Damn!

- Overheard by a bus full of mild-mannered commuters

-- #8 bus to OHSU, 8:30 AM 5/5/08

Two left feet

At a house party. A girl was trying to drag a guy onto the dance floor.

Guy: I can't dance - I'm square!

- Overheard by Carla

The L word

Loud Butch Dyke: Well, you know what, if that bastard sales associate hadn't explained the term 'lipstick lesbian' to my mother, we wouldn't even be in this situation!

Loud Butch Dyke's GF: Wow, that's so gonna end up on Overheard in PDX.

- Overheard at Cinco De Mayo Waterfront Festival

cheap beer

Couple pushing a toddler in a stroller past the "silver man" street performer at Saturday's Market:

Woman: We should give him a dollar.
Man: I'm not giving him a dollar--I could buy a beer with that.

-Overheard by John and Jacci

WHOA THERE!

Overhead whilst walking around high school campus.

Freshman boy: Let’s go sodomize each other.

- Overheard by Leslie

Eye of the beholder

Teenagers on the max this morning. One overly confident guy teasing/flirting with a female classmate:

Guy: You aint no Eye Candy.
(pause)
Guy: More like Eye Cavity.

- Overheard by Brewcaster

Fender Bender

Mother and Son in Guitar Center:

Mom: You don't like Fender guitars?
Son: No, not really.
Mom: Why?
Son: Well...
Mom: Because you're stupid?

- Overheard by italiamusica

Do the Hustle

Male to female friend: You're sooo from Maine. All you do is take walks and read books. I'm from San Francisco. All we do is hustle.

- On the Lewis & Clark shuttle

-- Overheard by Flavia

All four food groups

Valley girl #1: Food at the theater is so expensive. It's like five dollars for a popcorn and four dollars for a soda.

Valley girl #2: Yeah, it's like ten dollars for a meal.

- Overheard by SkyB

Tractor ice

Random Black Girl: You gonna slip on that ice and fall on yo' ass! Then you gonna bounce back cuz yo' ass is so big!

- Lloyd Center

-- Overheard by Hank

Ugh!

In line outside Lincoln High waiting to hear Bill Clinton speak for Hillary for the upcoming Oregon primary:

Early 20's Young Man: I mean, the Democrats have two candidates running but the Republicans have only one. How do they expect to win with only one candidate?

His Mom: I know! It's hard to believe how incredibly stupid people can be sometimes.

- Overheard by Patrick

Alien head

Girl #1: So are you going to get alien head?
Girl #2: I mean....whatever works.

- Lewis & Clark College

-- Overheard by LAB

Don't want to be that guy

Woman on cell phone: Those blisters are a reaction to your stockings. You need to find someone to take them off.

- On the South Waterfront Streetcar

-- Overheard by Melissa Lion

STFU

Reporter, who had spent part of the event talking on his phone:
Sorry I was talking on my phone (mumble mumble)...

Audience member: Yeah, well it was really disruptive!

- At the North Portland Candidates' Forum Sunday

-- Overheard by Steve

The mall will do that

Three-year-old boy to parents at Lloyd Center: Wait! Hold on!

Dad: Hold on to what?

Boy (stopping): My energy ran out of walking.

- Overheard by Pam

Degrees of separation

Homeless guy under blanket: Dude, do you have some money?

My brother-in-law: (Shakes his head) Man, I’m married. I’ve got no money.

Homeless guy under blanket: Well I’m divorced and look at me.

My brother-in-law: (Shakes his head again) Man, I’ve got three teenagers too. You got any room under that blanket?

- Saturday night, across the street from Darcelle's

-- Overheard by Shannon

Maybe the baby daddy is in law

Woman on cell phone - Everything leading up to this was about buying a car and then she asked to talk to RJ. RJ gets on the phone and it's obvious he's a little kid what with the talk of finishing dinner before he has jelly beans and how she would be home soon. It is all very normal until:

"And when I get home, we're going to go see an attorney! Won't that be fun?"

- Heard on the 96 bus to Tualatin

-- Overheard by Micah

Dishwater blond

Stylist: That woman is crazy! She washes her hair with Lemon Joy!

Customer (laughing): You ought to put some of that shit up on your shelf.

- Bishops

-- Overheard by Rich

library flirting

At the main library downtown, waiting for a computer, a guy (mid-to-late 30's) shamelessly (and embarassingly) attempting to flirt with an 18 year-old PSU freshman (who says her R's like W's):

He: Wow, that's an amazing accent! Is it British?

She: Actually, it's a speech impediment.

- Overheard by Ellen

Knocked Up

At Fred Meyer on Hawthorne, April 16th
Tattooed hipster couple in the checkout line.

Woman: Hey, did you hear about the pregnant man in Bend?

Man: "Yes and its been pissing me off.

Woman (kind of confused): Why?

Man: Because if it can happen to him it can happen to anybody.

He was being serious...there was stunned silence...

- Overheard by Sam

Tatooine

One 6-year-old boy to another: I love you, Princess Leia.

- Burnside Powell's coffeeshop

-- Overheard by Marianna

Freddy's

Man on cell: Well, right now we're at Fredrick's.

- Hawthorne Fred Meyer

-- Overheard by Sky B

Messenger

Creepy, vacant-eyed hipster, apropos of nothing, while passing us on the street:
Jesus loves you. He made you. He shows me things.

- NW 21st and Everett, 8:30 PM

-- Overheard by Jen

Tiny Blue Chair

Happy drunk guy: Hey, look at this place.

(we stop to look at Salon Icon)

Drunk guy: It's really small!

Us: Yeah, it is.

Drunk guy, as we walk away: Sorry for pointing that out to you!

- NW 21st and Flanders

-- Overheard by Jen

Must be the Cat Steven's songs

Saturday evening, Movie Madness. Man, woman and infant. Infant in man's arm is making funny sounds and pointing at stack of DVDs.

Woman: He wants to watch "Harold and Maude".

Man: Nobody wants to watch "Harold and Maude".

- Overheard by Sam

WTO

Saturday afternoon, outside the World Trade Center complex in downtown. Man driving bike cab. Riders are two asian women with cameras.

One of the women: What's that?

Cab driver: That's the World Trade Center. They're eeeevil.

- Overheard by Sam

Post hit

A sunny day on Alberta street, a group of people hanging out on a sidewalk surveying the scene. A car full of people cruises by with the windows down and loud music playing, intending to impress everyone around.

Guy hanging out on sidewalk (watching the car drive away): Who even LISTENS to that song anymore?

- Overheard by Miranda

Dude, I'm not voting

Saturday night, 9:00 pm. A group of 5 16-17 yr old boys in Movie Madness are in the 'New Releases' section, looking for a DVD to rent.

Boy #1: Oh, what about "Gone Baby Gone"...?

Boy #2: Oh yea...that's good. Okay, okay, who likes to see pedophiles get shot, raise your hand!

(Four boys laugh and raise their hands)

Boy #3: Dude, I'm not voting.

- Overheard by Jayne

That's great?

Customer behind me with a stack of newspapers.

Cashier: Who got in the paper?

Customer: My son.

Cashier: Wow! That's great! What did he do that was so special?

Customer: He died.

- Market of Choice.

-- Overheard by KB

Kitsch Rock

The opening band was the heavily mustached Portland based Danava. While Acid Mothers Temple was playing, Davana's bass player got into a scuffle with a fan. The following was overheard moments later.

Round Guy: What was that all about?
Skinny Guy: I'm pretty sure they were fighting over who's mustache was more ironic.
Round Guy: Yea, tough choice.

- At the Holocene Acid Mothers Temple show

-- Overheard by J

Semi-Pro

After getting a lecture from his supervisor about acting unprofessional, a co-worker said to my husband:

You won't fucking believe this. I just got chewed out for being unprofessional. Can you believe that shit?
(I could not possibly make this up!)

Living in the stone age

"There's no Wi-Fi. I can't live blog!"

- Overheard before the Merkley/Novick debate at the City Club today at the Governor Hotel

Give that man a Blue Ribbon

Girl: Do we have any soda?

Guy: We have Pabst. It's pretty much the same.

- Historic Irvington

-- Overheard by SaraFist