Kids... Don't you love them??

While perusing magazines at the Fred Meyer in Tillamook, OR., a young man no more than 10 years old and his adoring younger sister...

Boy: Anybody can get breast implants, even kids.

Girl: Really??

Boy: Yeah, boys, too.

- Overheard by Byron

Meltdown

On the #17 Bus when it was about 90 degrees outside:

Bus Driver: Folks, this just in from the weather service, I just thought I'd pass it along to you all. Don't let all these clouds fool you, there's a high heat warning in effect for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Gum Drops, and ... Snow Cones, so if you have any of those items, you'd better keep them inside. That's all.

- Overheard by The Redhead

That's no lady

Outside Fire on the Mountain, a team of baseball players is splitting 100 wings. A horrible noise is heard…

Woman: what is that???

Man: It’s an elk…and my wife. (answers cell phone with elk call ringtone)

- Overheard by Deb

Monkey Butt

Overweight/obese woman: Eeewww! They are cute in the face but their asses are ugly!

- Mandrill primate house at the Oregon Zoo in Portland

-- Overheard by Debbie

Reconsidering reconsiderations

Woman: ...what the hell? Treatment, I don't need treatment.
Man: ...I was just saying.

a few steps later

Woman: Look someone tied a kitty to a parking meter.
Man: That's a dog.
Woman: Oh.

- Downtown street

-- Overheard by Brad

Rainy day policy

Ms. Talkalot on the topic of oil alternatives: We can't use solar, because the Sun isn't always out.

- On the #44

-- Overheard by Eddie

Pillars of society

Pregnant teen girl to mom, in doctor's waiting room:
I hope it's a girl, that way it won't matter that whoever the dad is isn't around.

- Overheard by Aaron

One man's spam

Lawyer 1: I have 300 emails to go through and 200 of them are junk.
Lawyer 2: What are the other 100 about?
Lawyer 1: Well, some are from the BNA and the Digest. I don't consider those junk.
Lawyer 2 (laughing hysterically): That is so funny!

- Corner of Couch and Burnside

-- Submitted by Still Trying to Figure Out What's So Funny

The Learning Process

At a Southridge soccer game, sitting in front of a group of cheerleader-types.

Girl: We were supposed to read section nine last night, but I read section ten. Does that make me smarter?

A little while later...

Another Girl: Oh. My. God. Look at what her! Socks with sandals? Just because we're at a soccer game doesn't mean we can't have fashion!

- Overheard by MissesOregon

Rod Control

Two women had locked their keys in the car and the locksmith was using a metal stick to reach in the window and unlock the door.

Locksmith to women: Would one of you ladies hold this flashlight for me? I have better control over my rod when I use both hands.

- Overheard by Tyler

Open road

Young guy in old school SUV with no driver's-side door, to motorcyclist in next lane:
Yeah, I didn't expect it to rain today either.

- In Gresham

-- Overheard by Kama

Baby Boom

Young woman, about 20, thuggish attire: I swear to god, I woulda shot that bitch if I hadn't of been nine months pregnant.

- On the #9 bus

-- Overheard by Adam

I've got nothing better to do

I was waiting for my drink at orange julius when this sort of white trash guy goes to order

In the middle of his order his friend comes running over to him and says, quite loud so everyone around could hear:

"Dude, you wanna go smoke some meth and watch Indiana Jones?"

- Overheard by Mark

no safe way left to get advice

Woman: ...with a 'tude like that, you really need to read your horoscope today.
Man: What is Adolf Hitler, your savior?
Woman: Whaaaat?
Man: That is what Hitler used to control the Germans, yep, occult and superstition. Those exact same things those greedy Cheney corporations are using today to control you!

- On the Max downtown

-- Overheard by Brad

Sausage Fest

Approximately 12-year-old boy to friend: You know what was lame? I invited a bunch of chicks to my Halloween party, but it ended up being a sausage-fest.

- At the Oak Grove Fred Meyer

-- Overheard by Lachwen, who writes: "I want to know why the kid didn't bring this up until June."

modern day prospector

Old lady, to no one in particular: Gold was valued at 250 dollars an ounce for years! Years and years and years. All of a sudden, last year, it jumps to 900 dollars! Find your nuggets! Do you have any? In your drawers, in your knapsacks. Pull out your gold fillings!! (laughs uncontrollably)

- PGE Park, 8:05 AM

-- Overheard by Jen

What party was Mom at?

Two older women, probably in their 50s, sitting next to each other chatting:

"...Fishnet stockings, a skirt that barely covered *something,* and a bustier. I looked up, and it was my daughter."

- On the #12 Sandy bus

-- Overheard by Mehitabel

It sucks at the Center of the Universe

Woman holds baby while man is tickling its feet outside The Fresh Pot.

Man: It's all about you! Yes it is!
Baby: Baaah!

- Overheard by Doug

Like a Virgin (or Practice What You Preach)

Woman 1: I'm not going to tell them if it was my first time!

Woman 2: I understand, I was youth pastor too.

- On the Max

-- Overheard by sasscass

Time is a mystery

Climber 1: Dude I've been working on this thing for months, I mean months!

Climber 2: Ok I'll take a look.

Climber 1: Ok, well not months, but forever!

- At indoor climbing gym

-- Overheard by Brad

Distinction

Man in cowboy hat: Don't confuse my style with what I'm doing.

- Overheard by Rich

Anatomy of a Mistrial Meets Sam Walton

At a place near the county courthouse, two guys and a woman talking over dinner:

Woman: When I had my first office at the courthouse, I had to leave my office whenever the jury was deliberating because I could hear everything. I went and asked about it and I was like, you mean I am the first person to say something about this?? They could have soundproofed the jury room a little better or something . . . .

Later in the same conversation, apparently a new topic:

Man: Yeah, if you really want to see some toothless welfare-suckers, go to Wal-Mart.

Overheard by J.

Helium

A table of people was doing helium, particularly one young man.

Guy at nearby table: Hey, man, don't fuck around with that shit. It'll fucking destroy your lungs. I'm serious.

Then he took a long drag on his cigarette.

- At the PDX Pride festival

-- Overheard by Dave

Iron Man

Overheard in Bridge City Comics:

"Hey, look! They made a comic book out of Iron Man."
"Actually the movie was based on the comic books....they've been around since, like, the 60s."
"Hmmm....that doesn't sound right."

- Overheard by Nate

It's ok, I'm a pilot

Woman on cell phone: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.

- On the #4

-- Overheard by Aaron

The Dinosaur Whisperer

"She agreed to marry the dinosaur whisperer, because although he had more power than she did, she could fly and he couldn't."

- Over an indian dinner out in The Couv

-- Overheard by Bpaul

Caffeine Conspiracy

Woman: I always ask for my latte to be extra hot, and it never is. Also I'm pretty sure that coffee shop is giving me decaf.

Her friend (sardonically): Why would they do that?

- On the Max Red Line

-- Overheard by Ryan

The last supper

Guy: Jesus puked in your car?

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Mmm, Pocket Steak

Man: Look, there's Indiana Jones! It's playing at Cine Magic.

Woman: Too bad we can't hop off. I have the cat's steak in my pocket.

- On the 14-Hawthorne

-- Overheard by b!X

Get your stuff out...

Scraggly dude with high voice: Yeah, then I had to tell my mom to get her stuff out.

- On MAX

-- Overheard by Tom

A takeover?

"I didn't know you could see astronauts and pirates on the same train."

- On the Max, where there was a notable lack of astronauts or pirates

-- Overheard by lyeth

D&D thug

"So... he hit me up for D&D..."

- On the max

-- Overheard by: i wish i was that cool...

Double Jeopardy

I was standing outside Bridgeport brewpub (about NW 14th and NW Marshall) last night at maybe 7:45 when a group of four or five people walked by.

One participant said, "How can you have a scale of one to two?" to which another replied, "It's a scale of one to seven, two being the highest. Our sins are a two."

- Overheard by KJ

greatest pain of all

Girl: Girls are NOT wimpier than boys!
Boy: Well-
Man: Women have to go through childbirth, that makes them tougher.
Girl: HA! Girls can have babies! Boys can't do that!

- Overheard by Julie

Busy body

Approximately 4-year old girl to mother-

Little girl: What does "nosy" mean?
Mom: It means you stick your nose where it doesn't belong.
Little girl: That's not what it means.
Mom: Nosy means you cannot contain your curiosity about other peoples' business.
Little girl: Yes I can!!!

- On the bus line 8, Monday afternoon

-- Overheard by bird pdx

Pass on that slide show

Woman on cell phone to unknown party: Wouldn't you hate to get one of THOSE in Kenya?

- On 10 to downtown Friday May 30th 7:30 AM

--Overheard by Franc

Back from Eternia

Group of 20-somethings chatting:

Woman 1: ...I got a Masters in Education.

Man: Oh. Y'know what you should have gotten? A Masters in Astrophysics. Then you could be a "Master of the Universe."

Woman 2: But with her degree at least she can say "By the Power of Grade School!"

- Ross Island Market

-- Overheard by Dave

Keep her away from K-FED

Bald man: I'll tell you one thing, my daughter is not dating until she's 18. She is NOT dating. No way. I won't allow it.

Other guy: (long pause): Well, good luck with that. Let me know how that works out.

- Overheard by John

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

Young man on Max (to new mom): Moms are cool. Moms are cool. Not mine, I never met her but... moms are cool.

- Overheard by Grace

The new black

Manager: Pants off is the new black.

- At the office

-- Overheard by fool

Battle Grrrrl

A girl waits by the door to get off the bus, and her cell phone rings.

Girl: I've got Ashley's phone, she's in jail. Yeah, she beat the shit out of the chick....No, she just beat the shit out of her. Nothin' but her two hands. Girl had to go to the hospital...It was over at the 7-11 on 82nd & Powell...Well, you know how she repped the bloods, right?"


- On the #4 at PCC

-- Overheard by Charlotte

Say hello to my little friend!

Loud heavily-accented voice from the back of the bus: I have a Russian dog...so I had to call the cops on him. (pause) I have a German cat and a Cuban parrot....

Nice girl: Do they like it here?

Voice: No. They're paranoid...I'm going back to Cuba. I hope the police don't follow me here.

- On the #15

-- Overheard by Marianna

Donkey Kong

Lucid, rambling homeless man: On Jewish holidays, my cock is as big as a... King Kong dick.

- Heard outside a parking garage on 10th & Morrison

-- Overheard by Trevor

Coochie Court

Female shoplifting defendant: I'm just saying I didn't have a vagina full of jewelry in 2005.

- In Court

-- Overheard by Woof

Fountain of Youth

A group of kids taking a tour of downtown stop to look at the waterfront fountain off of Salmon Street.

Boy: I want to go down there and run through that fountain...Like a retard....Like that kid.

- Overheard by Dave

Every Kiss begins with K-8

Two boys, probably 5th or 6th graders, talking as they kicked a ball around after school:

Boy 1: She's my girlfriend, not my wife.

Boy 2: Are you going to marry her?

Boy 1: No, but I could.

Boy 2: No way.

Boy 1: Yeah, all you have to do is buy a diamond ring. Or really, any kind of ring.

- Laurelhurst elementary

-- Overheard by Amy

Filler

Two college aged girls walking past the juniors, then maternity, sections of Target.

Girl #1: That's a cute dress.
Girl #2: Yeah, I don't have the boobs to wear it.
Girl #1: Oh, that's a cute one too!
Girl #2: You don't have the fetus to fill out that dress.

- In the Target on the B-H highway

-- Overheard by M

Doctor Love

Two women talking on a bench, topic seemed to be about a recent blind date:

Woman #1: I can't believe they set you up.

Woman #2: I know. I mean, the guy did not even have a college degree. I don't want to sound like an elitist, but I am a Doctor. What were they thinking?

- In Willamette Park

-- Overheard by Dave

Way Downtown

Guy #1: You know how to make sure your relatives never come back?

Guy #2: No. How?

Guy #1: Drive them out to East 82nd and tell them it's downtown.

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Free Booty

In front of the Lush candle store on NW 23rd, pedestrian walking by chalkboard sign that says "FREE BOOTY."

Man: Free Booty? Man, I gots to get me some of that shit!

- Overheard by Rich