Muffin Top

Valley Girl: Whoa! Did you see that chick's muffin top? Gross!
Valley Girl's Overweight Friend: Oh, ummm, yeah - gross.

- Overheard by J.

Repoke

Bartender to cute girls: Well, if you let someone poke you enough times, you're bound to get something free out of it.

- Overheard by: a cute girl

Soul Food

Woman talking on her cell phone: Well, it's a spiritual dinner, that's probably why you're not invited.

-On the #20 during rush hour

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bidet

Woman to Storm Large: How did the car wash go?

Storm Large: I love water in my butt. So good, so good.

- Overheard by Sean in the Gerding Theater lobby

Big Lebowski

Homeless Guy at Bus Stop: Sir, do you have bus fare?

Jeff Bridges as "the Dude" lookalike: Fuck no! That's why I'm walking.

- 21st and Irving

-- Overheard by Rich

Lifts and Separates

My friend: Hey, will you check my bra size?
(I lift up the back of her shirt to check)
Me: Um, dude, you're not wearing one...again.
Middle-aged woman next to us (starts laughing, then turns to her friend): I wish I could get away with forgetting I wasn't wearing a bra.

- Victoria's Secret, Clackamas Town Center

-- Overheard by Kris

Minutes before a full-on makeout session in the middle of the lobby...

Ditzy girl buying movie tickets with her boyfriend:

Could I get two tickets to Journey to the Center of, um... wherever that is?

- Overheard at Cinetopia

Bear naked granola

Man on Streetcar to tourists: Blah, blah, blah. You know, it used to be blah, blah, blah, but now it is blog, blog, blog. And, with granola underwear, no, granola thongs!

- Overheard by s.m.

Something in the Way

An obviously drunk homeless woman:

I grew up on the South side of Seattle, and Kurt Cobain killed himself in my backyard!

- Outside of Voodoo Donoughts, midnight

-- Overheard by Josh

Process of elimination

Costco Shopper on a cell phone pondering contact lens liquid: Do I want Lasting Comfort or Lasting Moisture?

(Other side responds.)

Costco Shopper: Whatever, I'll go with the not the cheapest, not the most expensive. I was raised Protestant

- Overheard by Clintondowns

Starbuck Prostitutes

Five women sitting around a table, all clearly soccer moms..

Women: Well, you shouldn't have her prostitute on Burnside anymore, you should really have her work the Pearl.
Women 2: Yeah, I agree, you get better tips in the Pearl.

- Starbucks on NW 23rd

-- Overheard by Annie

The hardest job you'll ever love

Volunteer (interrupting two talking teens): Hi, would you like to sign this petition?
Girl: What is it about?
Volunteer: It's basically making the pamphlet about all the different voting issues shorter and easier to understand.
Girl: I like to read.Why would you want to do that?
Volunteer: To make it easier to understand, and help more people learn about the issues.
Girl: So there would be less information?
Volunteer: Yes! It would be just the basic information, to get more people to vote who didn't before because it was so hard.
Girl(Loudly): So basically, you're telling me you want to dumb down the voting help guide, so that people who were too stupid to understand it before, will be more likely to vote? No, I won't sign. If they give up because it's too hard to read, good. Like hell I want them to vote.
Volunteer (shocked) :...Don't you want everyone to vote?
Girl: Hell, no. I want smart people to vote. I'm not signing some petition to help stupid people take part in making major decisions.Why do you think we're at war?
Volunteer (backing away): Well, uh...Ok. Have a nice day..(
Girl to friend: I love fucking with those guys. I hope that keeps her up tonight.
Friend: You are so going to hell.
Girl: That's nothing. I thought the polar bear dude earlier was going to cry by the time I was done with him.

- Pioneer Square
-- Overheard by Seal

Dangerous, that Hawthorne District

Middle-aged man to two others, with great emphasis, crossing Hawthorne by the Bagdad:

You can't let him loose in the Hawthorne District! He becomes conniving.

- Overheard by AJ

Kids... Don't you love them??

While perusing magazines at the Fred Meyer in Tillamook, OR., a young man no more than 10 years old and his adoring younger sister...

Boy: Anybody can get breast implants, even kids.

Girl: Really??

Boy: Yeah, boys, too.

- Overheard by Byron

Meltdown

On the #17 Bus when it was about 90 degrees outside:

Bus Driver: Folks, this just in from the weather service, I just thought I'd pass it along to you all. Don't let all these clouds fool you, there's a high heat warning in effect for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Gum Drops, and ... Snow Cones, so if you have any of those items, you'd better keep them inside. That's all.

- Overheard by The Redhead

That's no lady

Outside Fire on the Mountain, a team of baseball players is splitting 100 wings. A horrible noise is heard…

Woman: what is that???

Man: It’s an elk…and my wife. (answers cell phone with elk call ringtone)

- Overheard by Deb

Monkey Butt

Overweight/obese woman: Eeewww! They are cute in the face but their asses are ugly!

- Mandrill primate house at the Oregon Zoo in Portland

-- Overheard by Debbie

Reconsidering reconsiderations

Woman: ...what the hell? Treatment, I don't need treatment.
Man: ...I was just saying.

a few steps later

Woman: Look someone tied a kitty to a parking meter.
Man: That's a dog.
Woman: Oh.

- Downtown street

-- Overheard by Brad

Rainy day policy

Ms. Talkalot on the topic of oil alternatives: We can't use solar, because the Sun isn't always out.

- On the #44

-- Overheard by Eddie

Pillars of society

Pregnant teen girl to mom, in doctor's waiting room:
I hope it's a girl, that way it won't matter that whoever the dad is isn't around.

- Overheard by Aaron

One man's spam

Lawyer 1: I have 300 emails to go through and 200 of them are junk.
Lawyer 2: What are the other 100 about?
Lawyer 1: Well, some are from the BNA and the Digest. I don't consider those junk.
Lawyer 2 (laughing hysterically): That is so funny!

- Corner of Couch and Burnside

-- Submitted by Still Trying to Figure Out What's So Funny

The Learning Process

At a Southridge soccer game, sitting in front of a group of cheerleader-types.

Girl: We were supposed to read section nine last night, but I read section ten. Does that make me smarter?

A little while later...

Another Girl: Oh. My. God. Look at what her! Socks with sandals? Just because we're at a soccer game doesn't mean we can't have fashion!

- Overheard by MissesOregon

Rod Control

Two women had locked their keys in the car and the locksmith was using a metal stick to reach in the window and unlock the door.

Locksmith to women: Would one of you ladies hold this flashlight for me? I have better control over my rod when I use both hands.

- Overheard by Tyler

Open road

Young guy in old school SUV with no driver's-side door, to motorcyclist in next lane:
Yeah, I didn't expect it to rain today either.

- In Gresham

-- Overheard by Kama

Baby Boom

Young woman, about 20, thuggish attire: I swear to god, I woulda shot that bitch if I hadn't of been nine months pregnant.

- On the #9 bus

-- Overheard by Adam

I've got nothing better to do

I was waiting for my drink at orange julius when this sort of white trash guy goes to order

In the middle of his order his friend comes running over to him and says, quite loud so everyone around could hear:

"Dude, you wanna go smoke some meth and watch Indiana Jones?"

- Overheard by Mark

no safe way left to get advice

Woman: ...with a 'tude like that, you really need to read your horoscope today.
Man: What is Adolf Hitler, your savior?
Woman: Whaaaat?
Man: That is what Hitler used to control the Germans, yep, occult and superstition. Those exact same things those greedy Cheney corporations are using today to control you!

- On the Max downtown

-- Overheard by Brad

Sausage Fest

Approximately 12-year-old boy to friend: You know what was lame? I invited a bunch of chicks to my Halloween party, but it ended up being a sausage-fest.

- At the Oak Grove Fred Meyer

-- Overheard by Lachwen, who writes: "I want to know why the kid didn't bring this up until June."

modern day prospector

Old lady, to no one in particular: Gold was valued at 250 dollars an ounce for years! Years and years and years. All of a sudden, last year, it jumps to 900 dollars! Find your nuggets! Do you have any? In your drawers, in your knapsacks. Pull out your gold fillings!! (laughs uncontrollably)

- PGE Park, 8:05 AM

-- Overheard by Jen

What party was Mom at?

Two older women, probably in their 50s, sitting next to each other chatting:

"...Fishnet stockings, a skirt that barely covered *something,* and a bustier. I looked up, and it was my daughter."

- On the #12 Sandy bus

-- Overheard by Mehitabel

It sucks at the Center of the Universe

Woman holds baby while man is tickling its feet outside The Fresh Pot.

Man: It's all about you! Yes it is!
Baby: Baaah!

- Overheard by Doug

Like a Virgin (or Practice What You Preach)

Woman 1: I'm not going to tell them if it was my first time!

Woman 2: I understand, I was youth pastor too.

- On the Max

-- Overheard by sasscass

Time is a mystery

Climber 1: Dude I've been working on this thing for months, I mean months!

Climber 2: Ok I'll take a look.

Climber 1: Ok, well not months, but forever!

- At indoor climbing gym

-- Overheard by Brad

Distinction

Man in cowboy hat: Don't confuse my style with what I'm doing.

- Overheard by Rich

Anatomy of a Mistrial Meets Sam Walton

At a place near the county courthouse, two guys and a woman talking over dinner:

Woman: When I had my first office at the courthouse, I had to leave my office whenever the jury was deliberating because I could hear everything. I went and asked about it and I was like, you mean I am the first person to say something about this?? They could have soundproofed the jury room a little better or something . . . .

Later in the same conversation, apparently a new topic:

Man: Yeah, if you really want to see some toothless welfare-suckers, go to Wal-Mart.

Overheard by J.

Helium

A table of people was doing helium, particularly one young man.

Guy at nearby table: Hey, man, don't fuck around with that shit. It'll fucking destroy your lungs. I'm serious.

Then he took a long drag on his cigarette.

- At the PDX Pride festival

-- Overheard by Dave

Iron Man

Overheard in Bridge City Comics:

"Hey, look! They made a comic book out of Iron Man."
"Actually the movie was based on the comic books....they've been around since, like, the 60s."
"Hmmm....that doesn't sound right."

- Overheard by Nate

It's ok, I'm a pilot

Woman on cell phone: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.

- On the #4

-- Overheard by Aaron

The Dinosaur Whisperer

"She agreed to marry the dinosaur whisperer, because although he had more power than she did, she could fly and he couldn't."

- Over an indian dinner out in The Couv

-- Overheard by Bpaul

Caffeine Conspiracy

Woman: I always ask for my latte to be extra hot, and it never is. Also I'm pretty sure that coffee shop is giving me decaf.

Her friend (sardonically): Why would they do that?

- On the Max Red Line

-- Overheard by Ryan

The last supper

Guy: Jesus puked in your car?

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Mmm, Pocket Steak

Man: Look, there's Indiana Jones! It's playing at Cine Magic.

Woman: Too bad we can't hop off. I have the cat's steak in my pocket.

- On the 14-Hawthorne

-- Overheard by b!X

Get your stuff out...

Scraggly dude with high voice: Yeah, then I had to tell my mom to get her stuff out.

- On MAX

-- Overheard by Tom

A takeover?

"I didn't know you could see astronauts and pirates on the same train."

- On the Max, where there was a notable lack of astronauts or pirates

-- Overheard by lyeth

D&D thug

"So... he hit me up for D&D..."

- On the max

-- Overheard by: i wish i was that cool...

Double Jeopardy

I was standing outside Bridgeport brewpub (about NW 14th and NW Marshall) last night at maybe 7:45 when a group of four or five people walked by.

One participant said, "How can you have a scale of one to two?" to which another replied, "It's a scale of one to seven, two being the highest. Our sins are a two."

- Overheard by KJ

greatest pain of all

Girl: Girls are NOT wimpier than boys!
Boy: Well-
Man: Women have to go through childbirth, that makes them tougher.
Girl: HA! Girls can have babies! Boys can't do that!

- Overheard by Julie

Busy body

Approximately 4-year old girl to mother-

Little girl: What does "nosy" mean?
Mom: It means you stick your nose where it doesn't belong.
Little girl: That's not what it means.
Mom: Nosy means you cannot contain your curiosity about other peoples' business.
Little girl: Yes I can!!!

- On the bus line 8, Monday afternoon

-- Overheard by bird pdx

Pass on that slide show

Woman on cell phone to unknown party: Wouldn't you hate to get one of THOSE in Kenya?

- On 10 to downtown Friday May 30th 7:30 AM

--Overheard by Franc

Back from Eternia

Group of 20-somethings chatting:

Woman 1: ...I got a Masters in Education.

Man: Oh. Y'know what you should have gotten? A Masters in Astrophysics. Then you could be a "Master of the Universe."

Woman 2: But with her degree at least she can say "By the Power of Grade School!"

- Ross Island Market

-- Overheard by Dave