S.M.S. Pinafore

Girl #1's deaf friend came over a few days earlier and watched TV. No one has been able to turn the captions off since.

Girl #1: It took him forever to figure out how to turn them on. Good luck.

Girl #2 continues trying to turn the captions off without much success.

Girl #2 (clearly angry): This is ridiculous! Ask him how to turn them off. Let's call--

Girl #1 and Girl #3 burst into laughter.

Girl #2: Well...text him. Let's text him...

- Overheard in Sellwood by Lauren

Throwing stones

Old codger with a six-pack in a bag, commenting to us about all the folks drinking on the patio: What a bunch of disgusting drunks!

Me: Yeah, Dude, that's the good thing about hypocrisy--You get to keep your values.

- Muu-Muu's

Video of the Week: Overheard in My Pretty Portland

Unfortunately, my submission to the My Pretty Portland video contest did not make the finals. But you can enoy it here before they screen the ten finalist films on Saturday night. I'll see you at the Art Institute of Portland.

Many thanks to: Adam, Anita, Brian, Kevin, SaraFist, and "L" for their Overheards that we used in the film. And to all the rest of you eavesdroppers out there, thanks for the laughs. We may even do a gallery show based on this concept. Stay tuned.

Cheers,

-Rich

Need the Green to get the Green

Guy #1: Check out the lady in the green dress. You think she's a hooker?

Guy #2: You mean the one with Joe Rocket over there? He was in the bathroom earlier. He's a Brit.

Guy #1: Oh, yeah then. Hooker for sure!

- Heathman Bar

-- Overheard by Rich

Karma Police

Six high, hilarious and loud friends in a QUIET line for shuttle bus back to car from Radiohead concert in WA.

Male concert goer (slightly high): Man this line is CRAZY long. Look, there's hundreds just waiting in line to get on board.

Twenty-ish hot and high friend (in Larry David impersonation): This must have been what it was like for the Jews waiting in line for the train to Auschwitz.


- Overheard by Jack, who writes: "Everyone on board: died laughing and groaning...just like Larry David fans do. It was totally wrong, sarcastic and hysterical all at once...especially after a long, insane, altered state of mind concert."

Overlooked in PDX: Dismembered Leg

Our newest feature for this blog is called "Overlooked in PDX." Many thanks to Meghan for the idea ;-)

If you see something unusual, send it to us for posting and be sure to include the following:

* A JPEG file or a link
* Brief description or anecdote
* Location in Portland

This dismembered leg prop scared my kid half to death. Someone made it look like there's a dude sleeping in the bushes. You can find it on NW 27th and Thurman.

Video of the Week: Techno-babble Product Announcement

We are adding some new regular features to this blog including Video of the Week and Overlooked in PDX. Enjoy!

About the video: One of my favorite techno-spoofs was something from the 60's called the Turboencabulator. In this update, we parody our own marketing techno-jargon and laugh as the company launches the Sun Heisenberg Compensator.

ROAD Scholar

Twp ragged young men, obviously travelers, sitting in front of the downtown Border's.

One asks passers by: Can you spare five bucks for a Jack Kerouac novel?

- Overheard by April

Issueless

Male: I just can't imagine Americans will actually elect another republican.
Female: Yeah, I know. And, you know, I am all sympathetic to John McCain because of that Vietnam stuff, but isn't there something he can do about his teeth?
Male: Yeah, and that Romney guy. He's in a cult.

- At the office
-- Overheard by S S

American Teen

Girl #1: My mom thinks I'm a whore cuz I ride the MAX at night.
Girl #2: My mom thinks I'm a whore cuz I have big boobs.

- Beaverton Transit Center about 9 pm tonight.

-- Overheard by Brian

Get the flock out

Old Woman: Evangelists don't like to come to Portland.

Man: Really? Why?

Old Woman: Too many Pagans.

- Laurelthirst
-- Overheard by Rich

Hoyt Dog

Bearded guy walks up to patio tables with a hot dog from a street vendor. He waves it in the face of a drunk girl standing there before he proceeds to sit down. The girl wretches and doubles-over, cursing him.

Witness guy: My God, Man! You've discovered...Brooklyn Repellent!

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Proposal

Guy (to Female Bartender): Why don't we just date other people together?

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Always wear a helmet

Guy #1: Dude, I'm telling you--Dirtbikes are way more satisfying than women!

Guy #2: Dirt pipes?

Guy #1: Fuck you!

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Old Town, New Men

Walking downtown past some bar hopping frat boys who said: She was begging me for a cab, not to put it in her poop chute.

We laughed for about 3 more blocks.

- Overheard by Clinton

2012

Coworker: They're just doing what we told them to do in 2006.
Supervisor: Yeah, well 2006 was six years ago.

- At the office

-- Overheard by Robert

Read too much Shirley MacLaine

Mom: Can you sit there and be mommy's good boy just a little longer? We're almost done shopping.

Boy: No. I’m not your good boy. I’m not your good boy any more.

Mom: Oh you aren’t? Then will you be a big boy for me?

Boy: No, I’m not your big boy! I'm not your big boy, and I’m not your good boy anymore.

Mom: Oh really, then what are you?

Boy: I’m a Grandma!

- Trader Joes
-- Overheard by kari

Not that kind of cougar

A mom and her tyke looking for videos:

Mom: Oh, look, they have Lassie! Lassie: Flight of the Cougar.

Kid (a couple minutes later): Can I get this?

Mom: You want to get Lassie? OK, you don't think it'll be too scary, do you?

Kid: No...What the cougar does? Eats Lassie?"

Mom: I hope not!

- Movie Madness
-- Overheard by Jeff

On the #2

Overheard on a crowded Trimet bus:

Young boy, very loudly: I need to take a dump.

Father, quietly: You mean you need to use the bathroom.

Boy: No, I need to take a dump.

Father: Its rude to say it like that, you should say you need to use the bathroom.

Boy: I need to use the bathroom so I can take a dump.

- Overheard by Frost

Seven Meals from Chaos

Trimet bus pulls over to a stop and a couple get on board. Both are obese. The woman sits down, the man is paying the fair for both of them.

Obese man: Seems you're running late, we've been waiting a while.

Obese woman: Yeah, we've waited like 40 minutes.

Obese man: Yeah, it was at least 40 minutes.

The couple gets off the bus less than three blocks from where they got on.

- Overheard by Frost

Indiana Wants Me

Human 1: I think he's Indian.
Human 2: Which kind?
Human 1: What do you mean?
Human 2: Where does he come from?
Human 1: Indiana.

- Starbucks
-- Overheard by Robert

Indicted on three counts

Gal to Guy: Why are you SUCH a drunken fucking asshole?

Guy: Ummm... What was the middle thing?

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

You ain't gonna make it with anyone, anyhow

Guy #1: Did you see Bob Costas/George Bush thing on the Olympics the other night?

Guy #2: Oh yeah. Did you notice how the camera man put that Chairman Mao picture over his right shoulder? I'm thinking that's probably W's fucking role model.

- MuuMuu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Doctor Horrible

Nurse: (sneezes)

Infectious disease doctor: Gesundheit.

Nurse: Thanks.

Infectious disease doctor: You’d better show me your insurance card; that was a consult.

- Area hospital
-- Overheard by Charissa

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

Skinny twenty something (to her overweight friend): Eew your buying those? Those are so bad for you.

Overweight friend: *sigh* I know...

Skinny twenty something (steps to the counter): Can I get a pack of marb reds?

- 7-Eleven Downtown
-- Overheard by John

Stoners at Flugtag

This was overheard at Flugtag last weekend. We were standing on the outer edge on the street just above Riverplace when a couple of guys that were obviously under the influence of the devil’s lettuce just happened to seemingly stumble upon the event with 60k spectators. These two walked up and stood behind us for about one min and it went something like this....... (one of them sounded like Rick Moranis in Ghost Busters)

Rick Moranis: Hey man, what’s going on here?
Dude: Uhhh...oh yeah, I think it’s that Red Bull thing, man.
Rick Moranis: Huh.. well what do they do?
Dude: They make these things and push them off that ramp.
Rick Moranis: Why?
Dude: I dunno?

- Overheard by Marc

Stir of Echoes

Guy #1 (talking to his duplex neighbors): Have you looked in that secret place in your closet?
Girl #1: No, I'm scared to.
Guy #1: Yeah me too. There might be some Jews in there or something.
Girl #2: Or some Mexicans.
Girl #3: Why would there be Mexicans?
Girl #2: Why would there be Jews?
Girl #3: Because of the Holocaust...
Girl #2: I didn't really go to History class.

- Overheard in Sellwood by Lauren

Porn Dog

Girl (talking about her dog): Yeah...my friends call him facefucker.
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: It means he fucks faces.
Guy: Oh.

- In Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Think outside the bun

Counter Guy: It comes with tzatziki, feta and…
Girl: I don't want feta. And what's tah-zeekee?
Counter Guy: Cucumber yogurt sauce.
Girl: I don't want that either.
Counter Guy: Um, that's what kinda makes a gyro a gyro...

- Zupan's on Macadam
--Overheard by Fenavo

Short attention span theater

Office worker #1: guess what I have?
Office worker #2: herpes?
Other people in their cubes nearby: chuckle, gag and snort

then some silence

Office worker #1: No, actually I have a Snapple Lid with Random Fact #1, can you believe it? The first Snapple fact!!! Goldfish only have an attention span of 3 minutes.

some silence

Unidentified office worker a row away: If you had Herpes that would have been more interesing.
Office worker #1: Go to hell

- In cubicle land at a large corporation
-- Overheard by e c

Ducks

Referring to the fountain statues by Pioneer Courthouse...

Girl #1: I want to have sex with that duck.
Girl #2: Shutup!

- Overheard by Io

Self-cleaning

A mom and her son in the craft aisle.

Boy: I want to get that paint set.

Mom: Then you get to clean it up afterwards.

Boy: WHAT?

- Fred Meyers in Tigard

-- Overheard by Tara

Powdered Messiah

Coworker: Beignets are like the Jesus of the doughnut community.

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Movie admission

On-screen mother's advice to daughter during "Hot Rods to Hell" (1967):
There is not a woman in the world that doesn't want a man!

(many woman in the audience laugh)

Woman stands up and turns to the audience: Not ME!

- Outdoor movie night at Hotel deLuxe

-- Overheard by Brad & Andrea

from the potty mouths of babes

Toddler in stroller, in garbled baby-voice, while throwing his socks and shoes: Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!

- Red line MAX, 8:50AM

-- Overheard by Jen, who writes: "Perhaps he was actually saying something else - I'd like to think so, but this is definitely what it sounded like."

Namespace

Chipper young blonde girl with pamphlets reaches out to shake hands with a passerby: Hi! My name is Amanda, what's yours?!

Passerby as he keeps walking: Late for an appointment!

Blonde girl looks confused for a second, then calls after him: But, that's not a name!


- Overheard by The Redhead

Domestic partnership

Eight year old boy: If I marry a girl, will I have to change my name?

Dad: No. Usually the girl changes her last name to be the same as his.

Eight year old boy: If I marry a boy, will I have to change my name?

- NW 21st Ave

-- Overheard by Rich

We call it beastilicious!

Girl on cellphone: His thing... it was like a big lamb sandwich!

- SW 3rd/Washington

-- Overheard by Aaron

Vagina Monologue

Guy (to Bartender): Dude, she says you promised her that you'd have a Gin&Tonic waiting back there behind the bar.

Bartender: What? What? Typical woman: "I've got a pussy and therefore I'm entitled."

- MuuMuus

-- Overheard by Rich

Rated PG

We were watching "Happily Never After" when a young boy remarked of Frieda:

Boy: Her boobies are purple! (Which, may I add, was true)
Mother: *whispers*
Boy: No, her boobies are purple.

- Regal Cinema, Tigard 11

-- Overheard by Julie

Maxxed out

On a Westbound MAX nearing the Galleria Stop at about 11pm on a recent Saturday night.

Very Drunk Guy #1: (Jumping up and yelling) WE HAVE TO GET OFF NOW!

Drunk Guy #2: Isn't the next stop closer to your place?

Very Drunk Guy #1: (Still yelling and becoming somewhat frantic as the train has already stopped and his friend still isn't getting up to exit the train) WE HAVE TO GET OFF HERE!! IT'S THE LAST STOP IN FARELESS SQUARE! IT'S THE LAW!!

Supreme Being

At Silverton lake on Sunday, female tween following her older brother and swimming towards a restricted area shouts to the shore:

Girl: Mom, can I swim where Derek is?

Mom: No! Swim back over to the shore.

Girl, in a nasally whine: Oh. Myyyyy. God!!!

Mom: Hey, I gave birth to you. I AM your God!

- Overheard by Matt

Just another day in Dilbertville

Two guys at a copy machine at a local bureaucracy:

Guy 1: You liking this paperless office?

Guy 2: We’re paperless?

Guy 1: Oh, yeah. It’s the 21st century, man. Get with the millennium, dude!

- Overheard by Gm

Sperm bank

Dude #1: Dude, if you're gonna artificially inseminate your sister's girlfriend, you gotta fuck her, right?
Dude #2: Absolutely!
Dude #1: Otherwise, you got no respect for yourself.

- In the parking lot at 45th and Belmont

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Gay Soccer

At a pickup soccer game on Wednesday, Moreland Park

Teammate: I think it's 3-1
Opponent: You're counting that first goal? That was kinda gay.
Teammate: What do you mean gay, like it likes other male goals?

- Overheard by Jesse

That Bill Shakespeare Guy Was Probably a Portlander

Author: I had like a couple people read my book, and they were like "It needs some more grammar."

- Overheard on #6 by Aaron

Au Pair

Very affluent woman with a giant diamond ring: I am looking for a gift to get this girl who is taking care of my children.

Salesgirl: Well, what does she like?

Woman with giant diamond ring: Huh, I have no idea. I don't know her very well.

- Williams Sonoma Home store on NW 23rd

-- Overheard by Chelsea

Whining

Mom to daughter: Honey, I don't know what you want, and I don't understand Whine.

- At Mississippi Street Fair

-- Overheard by Jesse

Crossing

Two middle-aged, overweight women are slowly jaywalking across the street. A Hispanic guy in a lowrider is waiting impatiently for them to pass and subsequently bats the Rosary on his rear view mirror in frustration.

Guy #1 drinking at MuuMuu's: Say something religious.

Guy #2 drinking at MuuMuu's: In Jesus' time, them bitches be fucking dead already!

- NW 21st

-- Overheard by Rich

BAM!

Guy to Gal: I was stressing out so bad at culinary school that I totally went off on this guy; "YOU CAN'T reduce the demi-glace!"
Then he fucking popped me in the mouth.

- On the #77

-- Overheard by Rich