Ingredients for Life!

Homeless man: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Homeless woman: You're the one who got so drunk last night that you couldn't walk and then you peed yourself. So what is wrong with YOU? That's just plain rude.

- Safeway by Lloyd Center
-- Overheard by Mandy

Made in Oregon

Man to his Wife as they look at the Whole 9 Yards display window on E. Burnside:
Yeah, but the whole deer thing is way overdone in Portland.

- Overheard by Steve

Not big on wieners in India

An Indian national, on spying the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile drive by: What the heck is that?!?

- Overheard by Steve

Save Money. Live Better

Girl on cell phone: My cousin always goes to Walmart at 2 am, and she never invites me.
Girl: She invites her mom, because she's her "best friend", but never me. Like, I'm her cousin!
(silence)
Girl: Yeah, she wakes up at 2 and goes.
(silence)
Girl: Because that's the best time to go. There's no lines or traffic or anything.
Girl: Yeah. You've never done that?

- Target
-- Overheard by Stepanie

and that's the TOOTH!

Co-worker in her 40's talking to benefits representative by phone: I have had this tooth since the fifth grade!

- Overheard by Lori

The King

Loud expert on all things classic rock: I can do whatever I want! I'm elvis! I can do your wife!

- At MFP
-- Heard by Shelby

Girlfriend

Hungover Guy #1: I called my girlfriend last night? Did I say anything stupid?

Guy #2: No.

Guy #1: So I didn't say anything about the strippers or coke?

Guy #2: Nope.

Guy #1: OK, good.

- Heard in IHOP on McLoughlin at 10am Saturday morning
-- Overheard by CL

LiLash

Woman to friend: "So eventually I had to cut my eyelashes, because they were getting so long that they would get spiderwebs on them."

-Overheard by Emily

Soap box

Standing outside the PSU Library, one could hear a man a block away proselytizing about Christ.

I overheard woman say: I’d rather listen to the hippies jamming.

- Overheard by Tom

Classic Schwinns

On Sunday we rode our 1970s Schwinn bicycles to Alameda and parked them outside of a restaurant where we sat down nearby to eat lunch.

Dad to his son (about 5 years old): Wow... look at those cool old bikes!

Son: Weird.

- Overheard by S

Easter

Tween girl #1: Easter is such a white holiday!

Tween girl #2: Yeah, they wouldn't even make fried rice!

- 82nd Fred Meyer, Easter Sunday
-- Overheard by Jorden, who writes "I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either..."

Return of the Black Panthers

Woman: You'll never believe what I saw yesterday, right outside my own window! Black Panther cats. Just walking around like they owned the neighborhood.

Man: Black Panther cats?

Woman: Yeah, can you believe it! I mean, this is BEAVERTON we're talking about.

Man: What do you mean, Black Panthers were outside your window?

Woman: You know, Black Panther cats. Those big stray cats that look like black panthers.

Man: Oh.


- Guiseppe's restaurant in SE Portland
-- Zen Angel.

backstory

Girl 1: Eww, it smells like sewage.

(Girl 3 storms out of the car and into the bar.)

Girl 1: She is sooo stuck up.

Girl 2: I have cum on my shirt.

- Outside Eye Candy last night
-- Overheard by Jesse

Rainbow Warriors

Between two kids in their late teens in front of my home in South Beaverton

Boy : Yeah that house down there has some like rainbow crap on it.

Girl: Like lesbian stuff or like religious propaganda?

Boy: Religious propaganda?

Girl: Yeah I heard about this religious cult, you know like Catholicism, in like New York where they use rainbows and stuff it's like the "Rainbow Coalition" or something!

- Overheard by Mike

Observe and Report

Guy 1: My dad taught me how to make meth.

Guy 2: Yeah?

Guy 1: My dad's a cop.

- On the MAX Red Line
-- Overheard by Michele

300 Level Just Doesn't Give a Shit!

At Blazers / L*kers game.

T-shirt on two guys walking down to his 100 level seats: "Luck the Fakers".

Matching t-shirts on a group of of three guys wondering around on the 200 level: "F**k the Lakers".

T-shirt on a one middle aged man strutting through the 300 level: "FUCK THE LAKERS!"

My buddy: Woah, 300 level just don't give a shit, huh??

- Overheard by John

Boy's room

5 Year Old Boy: Is this the Boy's Room?
Me: Yes, did you see the Cowboy on the door? Aren't you a Cowboy?
5 Year Old Boy: No, I'm a Raider's fan.

- Overheard by Rick

Oedipus now

dude #1: Hey, motherfucker!

dude #2: Dude, you have to stop calling me that.

dude #1: Why? i mean it with love, motherfucker.

dude #2: Shh. shit, man. you make it sound like i'm some kind of asshole.

dude #1: Hey, you're the one who thought it'd be cool to have a kid.

- Downtown Wednesday
-- Overheard by Myrrh

Gave at the gym

Faculty to another, heading towards the elevator on the 4th floor of Neuberger Hall:
I go to the gym--I don't need to take the stairs.

- PSU
-- Overheard by Marianna

Salvia

Guy: Dude, I'm never going to do Salvia again.
Girl 1: When did you buy Salvia?
Guy: I didn't, you left it at my house.
Girl 1: What? I didn't even know that I'd bought any!
Guy: Yeah, and you left it at my house. I did way too much--It was the worst experience of my life. I threw the rest out.
Girl 1: What!?! I can't believe you threw away my Salvia!

- Coffee shop on NW 21st
-- Overheard by Ansel

Hot dogs & b-ball

In Zach Shack on Hawthorne, watching Blazers away game at Houston. Blazers are losing, lots of grumbling.

Dude at bar: Houston sucks! Houston, go home!
Dude at table: Um, they are home?
(awkward pause)
Dude at bar: ...To their HOUSES!

- Overheard by Martha, who writes: "This moment made up for the obnoxious douche sitting next to me, who was cheering for the Rockets incidentally."

Power

Guy 1: You girls just don't realize the power you have.
Girl: Why, because we have pretty faces?
Guy 1: Yeah! We guys like it!
Guy 2 (Sitting in the middle): I can't believe I'm trapped between an intelligent conversation! I'm actually really dumb.

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Dalas, who writes: "I couldn't figure out if he was being sarcastic or he was actually that stupid. The other 15 minutes of the conversation pointed towards stupid."

Scary things

Gay boy in a beaver t-shirt: Parks are filled with scary things.

Companion: Scary things?

Gay boy: ...like bugs.

- Laurelhurst Park
-- Overheard by Marianna

Maybe it's time to shut up

A snippet of a conversation between a woman and a mounted patrol officer on SW 5th Ave.

Officer: Do you have a question?

Woman: Yes, I want to know why I'm getting a ticket, and not some kind of warning.

Officer: Ma'am, I tried to give you a warning.

- Overheard by PAgent

Private Life in the Work Place

Coworker: Yeah, but you haven't seen anal like this.

Conversation ender explaining how angry she was with her sister eating food that was planned for dinner.

- Overheard by plane.luke

Drug War

Man in central library: They have a poster promoting marijuana use on a bulletin board in this library. I told them they'd better rip it down. I told the librarian and she wouldn't take it down. I told her, 'there are people smoking weed in front of your library and blowing the smoke in your face!' They are not against marijuana use at this library, they are FOR it! I told her I'd call the cops... marijuana use is illegal and they don't even care!

His Friend: You can't change the world, man.

Man: I can pray! I can pray that this library closes. I can do that! I'm going to pray that they close this library.

- Overheard by Chris

Dijon

A 71 bus pulled up next to a 75 at the stoplight near the Hawthorne Fred Meyer. The 75 driver motioned for 71 driver to open his doors, then yelled:

"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

- Overheard by Eph Zero

11 year olds

Co-Worker brings his son into the office.

Co-Worker: This is my son.

Me: How old are you?

Kid: 11.

Me: My son's 11. Do you know him?

- Overheard by Dave

Better living through chemicals

20 something gent to another: I'm about to get Eco-Loaded!

- Better Living Show, near Elemental Vodka station-- equipped with free samples
-- Overheard by EmmaJean

Night at the Museum

Guy to his friend at Omsi's After Dark adults only night: Dude! You gotta come play with these balls!

Me: That's what she said!

- Overheard by Jessica

Seeking nearest exit

Man to date 12:02 am New Years’ Eve during a noticeably uncelebratory conversation:
I’m a weird guy and you met me at a weird time.

Relationship status: no longer together.

- Overheard by someone

Facebook

"Yeah, I cheated on my girl just a little bit ago and then my face started to itch."

- Clark County Health Department in Vancouver
-- Overheard by Michele

Stalker

"It's kind of hard to stalk me, most of the time I don't even know what I'm doing..."

- Airport
-- Overheard by April

Taste, not technology

Man to his two young daughters while shopping for Ice Cream: All natural ingredients........No that wont taste right.

- Safeway
-- 39th & Powell by Alex

Here in White Center

20-something girl getting out of car after just having parked it on a nondescript downtown-Portland street, exclaims to anyone around to hear:

"GOD! Oregon is SO WEIRD!"

A quick glance at license plates reveals Washington plates.

- Overheard by Ed

Punch drunk love

Gentleman to his lady friend: You're the only girl I've ever been with who makes me like getting punched in the face, and I still want your snatch.

- At the bus stop this morning
-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Potential WMDs

Lady to her two young boys: STOP THAT! Those are NOT weapons!!

The two boys of about 6 were running into each other pushing New Season's miniature "helper" shopping carts"

- New Seasons @ Orenco Station (Hillsboro)
-- Overheard by Nation

Spare some change?

Outside my work on SW Broadway and Alder, by the coffeeshop, middle of the day. Two transient women were having a loud conversation, and this is what I heard:

"And I woke up this morning and all I had was nine bucks and a bag of heroin!"

- Overheard by Alexia

Almost never

Girl: Nope, I've never smoked anything before in my life.

Guy 1: Really?

Girl: Yup.

Guy 2: ...Not even crack?


- Overheard by italiamusica

Canvassor

Girl on phone: Hi...no, I don't actually want to talk to you, I just needed to look busy so those f*ckers asking for sh*t outside the library would leave me the f*ck alone. (Pauses and listens) Love you too mom, bye."

-- PSU campus
~ Overheard by Jenni, who writes: "Not that they don't annoy me as well, but wow...I laughed for the rest of the day!"

Stem cells

Woman to another woman: Obama needs to hurry up with the stem cells. I need them for my birthday next year.

- Costello's, 3/11/09, 1pm
-- Overheard by Peter

Before the shoe flew

As I am in the process of getting into my pajamas, my husband comes into the room, stops, and says:

"Wow, you're very, um, verbose."

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Four winds

Fuck dude, wind comes in multiple directions.

- Hawthorne Street
-- Overheard by Robert

Sequitur?

First woman: I couldn't do my work there anymore, so I packed up my...

Second woman: Boat horn?

First woman: ...stapler...

- Overheard by Ben

Overtweaked

At Saturday market:

Street-performer juggling machetes: How's it going?

Tweeked out looking guy walking by: How's it going!? I'M BLIND!!

He wasn't blind...

- Overheard by Ali

Naked

While looking at a photography book at Powell's in which the artist had his friends lay in pitch black rooms, naked, covered with some sort of soot substance, then took a flash photograph of them...

Girl 1: These have to be photoshopped. Something is wrong with their faces...
long pause
Girl 2: ...and their bodies.

- Overheard by Lauren

Morman

Someone in the Watchmen line at Llyod center: I was morman till I was 12. Then my parents decided they wanted to drink, smoke and get divorced.

- Overheard by Marc

Sweater girl

As people were collecting their minds, bodies and material possessions after a house show. 

Young Archie comic looking girl: Ian, I can't find my ironic sweater!

- Overheard by Jordan

Conspiracy

Woman talking on her cellphone: ...that would be the perfect crime, so before I pull the trigger...

- On the #78 bus
-- Overheard by Fatima

Felidae

Middle-aged lady: Yup, that's my daughter. She wants our oldest cat to die so that it can be skinned and stuffed.

- Pioneer Place
-- Overheard by Megan