Soul mate

Girl on cell phone: Hi, is this Jon? Hi, um, it's Mayte...from Florida...your soulmate?

- Overheard by Jessica

Pokemon

This afternoon, I overheard the following exchange between two employees at the Beaverton Powell's.

Book buyer 1: You gotta catch 'em all, man.

Book buyer 2: Have you heard of the Pokemon Liberation Front?

Book buyer 1: What's that?

Book buyer 2: All of the trainers force the Pokemon to fight, but maybe not all of them want to. So they try to free them.

Book buyer 1: I've always felt that the entire Pokemon series was Ash's fever dream.

- Overheard by Doug

Baby Jesus is weeping

Guy in line for tickets on the day after Christmas: What's the date today?

-Newmark Theater, downtown
-- Overheard by TK

Hulk smash!

Mom to young son, who is playing with a plastic Hulk action figure, banging it against tables: Be gentle with the Hulk.

- Bakery Bar NE
-- Overheard by Ed

Blue Light Special

Mom, loudly to son at the checkout: Do you want me
to start using my Satan voice? Because I will, if you don't start
behaving!

- KMart
-- Overheard by Laurel

Needle

Girl: My boyfriend's dog swallowed a bottlecap and it was going to die, so all my Christmas money went to pay for an operation.

Guy: I swallowed a sewing needle.

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Rich

Co-pilot

Doorman (to co-worker): It doesn't matter, I still need my stripper to hold my hand while I'm driving.

- Marriott on Broadway
-- Overheard by Isaac

Didgeridoo

Didgeridoo salesman to customer: I used to think that playing the didgeridoo was hard, until I realized that it's just making body noises into a tube.

- Holiday Artisan Market in Pioneer Square
-- Overheard by Maria

Happy Holidays

At my mother-in-law's holiday open house this weekend.

Mother-in-law (opening door): Welcome, come on in!
Neighbor: What a lovely house you have.
Mother-in-law: Oh, thanks. Now, remind me who you are.
Neighbor: I live four houses down in the green house
Mother-in-law: Oh that's right. You're the lady whose dog just died!! Now I remember.
Neighbor: Yes, but I prefer to be called "Nancy".

- Submitted by Patrick

Kicker

Woman on the MAX to her pregnant friend: I had such bad gas one time it felt like a baby kicking.

- Overheard by Brittney

It was bad

Two dudes on the #12 bus:

"Oh you saw that movie?"
"It was bad."
"Cool, I've been wanting to see it."
"Don't even bother, it's so bad."
"Oh, it's bad? I thought you meant bad as in good."
"No, dude, I meant bad as in awful."
"Yeah? How bad is it?"
"It's like Blair Witch Project bad."

- Overheard by a p

Energizer

Girl on cell phone, in an "that's so obvious" voice: Yeah but you can still pee in the toilet and flush it without having a battery.

- Near PSU, by Hotlips Pizza
-- Overheard by Sarah

Promotion

Overheard at a red light - the family in the car next to us (mother, father, and son)

Father (Angrily): You have the brains of a grasshopper!
Mother: Oh, look! Daddy promoted you! I usually say he has the brain of a flea.

- Overheard by Sal

Slapshot

Police scanner: ...suspect is armed with a hockey stick.

- Overheard by Nation

Ducks

Following the Civil War, when Duck fans stormed the field...

Girl: I wouldn't want to be caught in that. Crowds like that are so dangerous.
Guy 1: They're Oregonians for chrissake. What are they going to do, drive slowly in the left lane?
Guy 2: Hot box you?
Guy 3: Force you to compost?

- South Waterfront apartment
-- Overheard by Stefan

Kiss the Chef

Coworker: I make out with weirdos all the time. Eating spit from some line chef isn't such a big deal when you think about it.

- Overheard by Jake

Treatment

Woman to man: Yea right... You wish you could be in treatment.

- Holladay Park
-- Overheard by Alex

Extasy

Girl to her friend: Why do you do herion dude? Everybody knows extasy is the best drug.

- Fish and chip shop in NE
-- Overheard by John

Bagged

Self-serve station in a 'cozy' Beaverton coffee place: woman's shoulder bag brushes the head of a seated woman a couple of times...


Woman fixing coffee: I'm sorry, I seem to want to keep hitting you with my purse.

Seated woman: That's okay, honey, we all feel that way some day.

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Ultimate

Guy on Cell Phone: You've got to decide what's more important: your job or this ultimate frisbee game.

- Laurelhurst Lobby
-- Overheard by Ted

Abuse

2 women smoking cigarettes and talking:

Woman #1: Apparently that's abuse.
Woman #2: No! You're crazy.

- Waiting for the #15 Bus
- Overheard by Rose

Culprit

Young boy holding his nose and pointing at a morbidly obese man: I think it's him.

- On the #6 bus
-- Overheard by Daniel

Wild Life

Skinny, seriously drunk guy who is flitting his arms very poorly: I’m a little birdie, I can FLYYYYY! Watch me fly.

10 footsteps later.

Professional-looking young man, exiting a building and carrying a fish in a fishbowl: Who's a good little fishie?

- Submitted by: I’m just trying to pick up my lunch

Kidnapped

Youngish woman: He's really good at kidnapping me. This one time he threw me over his shoulder when I was really drunk in Calispell and I woke up in Missoula. I got fired.

Middle-aged man: Really?

Youngish woman: Yeah, he wouldn't drive me back to Kalispell. My boss was like, 'Well, you're in Missoula'. Fair enough.

- Black Cat Cafe
-- Overheard by Charlie

Thursday

Late 30's women: Damnit! I'm never having sex on a Thursday!

- Hollywood Bowl, during kid's league with plenty of children around

-- Overheard by Alex

Next!

Man, about his ex-girlfriend: She wanted me to marry her and her fiance – you know, perform the wedding. I told her I would, but I warned her, “Well, know what I’ll say: ‘You may now kiss the bride – because I already have.’”

- At Utopia Cafe

-- Overheard by lauraf

Upgrade?

Husky, whiskey-voiced older woman talking to a handful of what look to be homeless people standing and smoking under the eaves outside the Salem bus terminal:

"So then we upgraded to a Geo Metro."

- Overheard by John

Time out

A group of 6- and 7-year-old party-goers (all boys) mobbed Chuck-E, bopping him on the nose, slapping his cheeks and pulling his tail.

Kid to his mom: Chuck-E-Cheese called a time out.

- Overheard by Pam

Dumber

"Unfortunately, he's more dumber than me."

- At The Standard
-- Overheard by Luther

Pandora let down

Man: Is that Cher on the radio, who's responsible for that?

Barista: Pandora, it pisses us off every 7th song...

- Cafe Viale, SW 6th Ave
-- Overheard by Dave

A Leak of Their Own

Two guys, two gals, high-spirited, briskly exiting the Rose Garden after the Blazers opening night win.

Guy: Man, we gotta do more of this shit! Go to Blazers games and pee on people!

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Deaf ear

Overheard in a CNA class at PCC:

"Sometimes you have to put in ear plugs and let your baby cry for 5 hours."

- Overheard by Gary

Better get started

Video store clerk: Those are all due back Tuesday at 10.

Dad: Emma, do you think we can watch all these by Tuesday?

Three-year-old (definitively): Yes.

Dad: Do you know when Tuesday is?

Three-year-old (just as definitively): No.

- At Movie Madness

-- Overhead by lauraf

Dino

Two bums talking to each other: Well then how many dinosaurs DO you want to kill?

- While walking down 21st Ave
-- Overheard by Nathan

Chance of showers

Three street folks walking by the MAX stop, SW 3rd and Morrison:

Guy #1: Man, who ordered this rain?
Guy #2: I did, but I ordered a side of Sun with it!
Guy #1: I'm gonna shave right here (pauses in an office building entryway).

moments later ...

Guy #1: Man, I'm getting shit on!
Gal: By a bird?
Guy #1: No, the rain!

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Freedom fries

Girl: If you live in Paris, you're supposed to call it 'pah-ree'
Guy: What?
Girl: That's how they pronounce it there, they don't even call the city by the right name and they live there.
Guy: Well, that's dumb.


- At Muchas Gracias while waiting for food
-- Overheard by Mike

When iPhones cry

Man is texting.

Woman: That's not your iPhone. What is that?
Man: It a Google phone.
Woman: Doesn't your iPhone cry when you do that?

- Overheard by Jeff

Semen. sorry

Two Girls, mid-twenties: ..and you actually kept the semen?

Then they both looked at me.. It was uncomfortable.. I had to keep sitting there cause the bus was full.

- On the #14 bus
-- Overheard by Josh

Dreads

Stoner talking about his crush: She doesn't have the prettiest face, but she has the longest dreads in south east.

- Somewhere near se 39 and hawthorne

-Overheard by nico

Disabled

Bus driver to 70-something guy in wheelchair: Do you want straps or restraints?
70-something in reply: Not in public.

- On Tri-Met this morning
-- Overheard by Mike

Spider sack

Two guys smoking outside of a cell phone store in Aloha: So anyway, that's when the spider crawled down and bit my nuts.

- Overheard by Katie

Fly with a Friendly Face

Old lady looking at the tail of an Alaskan Airlines jet: Is that Bob Marley?... Oh, it's an Eskimo!

- Portland Airport.
-- Overheard by Timber Ninja

One in a Million

Aging rocker dude: I've got long hair, I wear a leather jacket, I wear black clothes... I'm an original!

- MAX Yellow Line
-- Overheard by Steve

Happy Hour

Woman to man: I just got out of jail, so I went to the bar. I ordered myself a triple margarita. I'm sitting next to this guy and I tell him I just got out of jail. He says, aren't you on probation? You're not supposed to be drinking. I said to him, it's 4:30! You're not supposed to be drinking either!

- On the #15 Bus
-- Submitted by TJ

Crabs

Young Guy #1 to Young Guy #2, as they approach the urinals: Dude, how do you know if you have crabs?

- Hawthorne Fred Meyer Men's Room
-- Overheard by Noah

Denmark

Blonde girl: I've been to Denmark. That's basically the same as IKEA.

- IKEA
-- Overheard by Shea

Procedure

Guy 1: Vasectomies are cheap and easy procedures. I definitely recommend looking into one.

Guy 2: No man, I can't handle sharp things that close to my penis. Other than piercings, but that's a different story.

- Overheard by a p

Paternity

Co-worker 1: So, do you have any kids?

Co-worker 2: None that I’m aware of.

- Overheard by Kyle

Payday

Group get onto streetcar:

Girl 1: Why on Wednesday?
Girl 2: Because thats when we get our foodstamps. We're getting fucked up!

- Overheard by Sky

Blossoming Lotus

Middle-aged man and woman walking down the sidewalk outside Blossoming Lotus on Davis.

Woman: I was taking a yoga class and my breasts kept spilling out during the class.

- In front of Blossoming Lotus
-- Overheard by Shannon