Self-sustaining

Woman: "Yeah. I would do me."

- Portland Brewfest

-- Overheard by Brad

Digging for dinner

Kid: "Hey Mom! I found some some edible seed pods in the sand dune!"

- Pacific City beach

- Overheard by Rich

Getting on an elevator

Woman: "One?"

Man: (while rolling a cigarette) "I think Three Dog Night said that one was the loneliest number."

Woman: "Yes. Yes they did."

- Elevator at the Taylor St. Star Park

--Overheard by PAgent

Low-cal SPF 15

Woman: "I ended up buying some of that sunscreen I tasted at the ball game."

Old Woman: "Hmm.. Ok."

- Portland Collectibles Show

-- Overheard by Jason, who sends us this cute video of the goofy stuff people were selling at the show.

Hold the acronym

Sub-shop girl: "I don't know what this means, 'AV', what is that?"

Sub-shop guy: "It means they want Avocado added to their sandwich"

Sub-shop girl: "Oh, why didn't you just write it out then? "AV" could
mean anything"

Sub-shop guy: (sarcastically) "Oh, like what?"

Sub-shop girl: "Well, I thought it meant 'Italian 'vinaigrette'"

Sub-shop guy: (snorting) "Yeah, except Italian starts with an "I" and
not an "A."

- Subway

-- Submitted by pdxotaku

Intel insomnia

Guy #1: "Do they do that at Intel?"

Guy #2: "Oh yeah. Everybody walks around with their laptops open because they're afraid they'll crash if they put them to sleep."

- Montgomery Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Highly unlikely, me thinks

Woman: "He actually makes me look less vain on occasion on some stuff."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Daughter detraction

Mother to preteen daughter: "You better go find the self help section so you'll stop abusing me."

- Downtown Borders

-- Overheard by BabblingStacey

Multichannel

Woman: "How many blogs do you have anyway?

Man: "Umm, give me minute on that."

- Buffalo Gap

-- Overheard by Rich

RIFF Rules

Woman: "My son got laid off at Unisys today. I thought big companies only did that on Fridays."

Man: "Not in Portland. Only conservatives go postal."

- Lion's Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Critters

Gal: "Over on Thurman yesterday he saw a coyote carrying something off in its mouth."

Guy: "What was it?"

Gal: "Looked like a cat's head."

Guy: "Sure it wasn't a huskie?"

- Old Forrestry Commons

-- Overheard by Rich

Ball Room

Drunk guy: "So I heard that the Crystal Ballroom has tennis balls under the floor to make it so bouncy."

Guy: "You think they even had tennis balls a hundred years ago?"

Drunk guy: "Well, they must have. Dodge balls would have been way too squishy."

- Laurelwood Pub House and Brewery

-- Overheard by Rich

Back June 18

Dear Readers,

We are on vacation and will be back Sunday, June 18.
Thanks for tuning in!

-Rich

On the bus on devil day

Guy #1: "I don't get it. Why would the devil torture all the bad people. They are doing his work. And he's doing god's work by torturing them."

Guy #2: "Well the whole point for him is to destroy earth, right? So maybe he's only all friendly while you're alive."

Guy #1: "Well when I get down there I'm going to tell him about it. What if I revolutionize hell? That's my goal. I'm going to go to hell and make it better than heaven."

- Bus 44 to Portland, 6/6/06

-- Overheard by Heather

Olive Branch of a Six-year-old

Kid to park: "Hey! Anybody want have a cookie and be my FRIEND?"

- Wallace Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Diversion

Girl: "Why do you keep changing the subject?"

Guy: "Umm, Can I have your pickle?"

- New Old Lompoc

-- Overheard by Rich

Referendum

Kid: "Daddy, what is that man doing?"

Dad: "He's subverting the political process by getting signatures."

Kid: "Why?"

Dad: "Because in Oregon, they pay you money to find people with opinions."

- Laughing Planet

-- Overheard by Rich

The Nile

Girl: "Oh, the Nile!"

Guy: "Um, that's not the Nile."

Girl: "Well, I didn't grow up here!"

- Crossing the Steel bridge on the Max

-- Submitted by Bonnie

Well in that case

Guy #1: "Like I'm going to let a forty-something woman get the best of me."

Guy #2: "Like you'd even care if she was a co-ed."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Open wounds

Woman #1: "So both guys went and saw her in the hospital."

Woman #2: "You mean, the other man went and saw her too?"

Women #1: "She came out of anesthesia and they both were there. And ever since, it's been an open relationship."

- Bishops

-- Overheard by Rich

Does she? Or doesn't she?

Woman: "So, how old do you think I am?"

Various men sitting around her (trying to be polite): "35, 40...etc.)."

Woman: "Actually, I'm 22...I've just done a lot of heroin."
Then, proceeds to address the entire bus: "Don't ever do heroin, or you'll look like me!"

- Trimet bus

-- Overheard by Jersey

Double trouble

Woman: "How are the twins doing?"

Man: "They're like dogs who can work doors."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Dog eared

Woman #1: "The dog keeps peeing in Wilson's office."

Woman #2: "Have you told him?"

Woman #1: "Yes, but he keeps doing it anyway."

- McMenamins Tavern & Pool

-- Overheard by Rich

Time for reflection

Woman #1: "How long is this country going to keep obsessing about illegal immigration?"

Woman #2: "How long can you stare in the mirror?"

- Atlantis Lounge

-- Submitted by Rich

Spare some change?

Guy: "If the city reallly wants to get rid of panhandlers, they should start with Paul Allen."

- Mash Tun

-- Submitted by Rich

Flakes on a Train

Girl (in a very loud voice): "Well, you and John and me are the only three people who know she screwed him once. And now she's pregnant."

Me, to myself: "Not anymore - everyone in a 20-foot radius now has the scoop as well."

- crowded MAX Blue Line

-- Submitted by Betsy

New Old soft drink

Waitress: "I'm zoning; I need some caffeine."

Bartender: "RC doesn't have caffeine."

Waitress: "What? I mean, it's cola. Well, at least it's got sugar, right?"

Batender: "Nope. Corn Syrup."

Waitress: "Christ!"

- New Old Lompoc

-- Submitted by Rich

Family Feud

Jen Lane, game-show host: "Name something you do when you have a crush."

Stripper contestant: "Sleep with him."

Jen Lane, game-show host: "I'm going to give you that one with our number six answer: Act Retarded."

- Ash Street Saloon

-- Submitted by Rich

Naming convention

Guy #1: "Cool trailer! I'm going to go see that new Miami Vice movie."

Guy #2: "Really? What's it called?"

Guy #1: "Umm, Miami Vice."

- Ash Street Saloon

Submitted by Rich

Pearl blackout

Daycare lady #1: "I just called PGE and they don't know when the lights will come back on."

Daycare lady #2: "Lucky I signed up for wind power."

- Kindercare

-- Submitted by Rich

In that case, Supersize me!

Fry cook: "These fries are all cold!"

Manager lady: "Well, re-fry them...Hey wait. What are you doing? I was kidding!"

- McDonalds

-- Overheard by Lester

Live long and prosper

Kid: "What's a Republican?"

Dad: "They're the people in charge who don't believe in evolution."

Kid: "So they don't die?"

- Emanuel Hospital

-- Overheard by Maxster

Doctor term for "runny nose"

Man: "You must have had a tremendous downpressure in your nasal cavity."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Submitted by Rich

Chop, then add gravy

Man: "Then he got on me to cut costs wherever I can."

Woman: "So what did you say?"

Man: "Give me raise and I'll think about it."

- E San

-- Submitted by Rich

Espresso salvation

Dude #1: "Man, I give up. You find one for me."

Dude #2: "I'm looking at these ads with a fresh eye for you...Here's one; says she's "Secure in Jesus Coffee."

- Santa Fe

-- Submitted by Alphmale

Not self-conscious

Guy: "What are you reading?"

Gal: "It's called, What Does it Mean to be Conscious?"

Guy: "Mmmm. Might put me to sleep."

- White Eagle Saloon

-- Submitted by Rich

More of a guideline than a rule

Woman to man: "Just because I'm against infidelity doesn't mean I want to stop seeing you."

- Amnesia Brewing

-- Submitted by eSStep

out kids

Kid: "I have lots of friends who are gay."
Man: "Really? How old are you?"
Kid: "Twelve."
Lady: "Wow! Things have really change since we grew up. I think it's great that they can be out like that already."
Man: "I just remember the girls in eighth grade being really mean."

- John's Landing

-- Submitted by Rich

Celebrity lookalike

Guy #1: "I'll bet she gets a lot of googles."

Guy #2: "Yeah. Britney freakin' Spears."

- MuMu's

-- Submitted by Rich

Man alone in the shadows: "This used to be such a quiet street."

- NW Kearney St

-- Submitted by Rich

Spikes her coffee maybe

Drunk Woman: "You don't see that much...the spikeys. You don't see them spikeys on black guys much."

Guy: (removing earphones) "What?"

Drunk Woman:

"Are you gay? Cuz it's okay to be gay...even if you're in the closet. Because of the spikeys, you see. Don't see the spikeys on gay black men."
(turns to another random person) "Are you gay? Because you know, it's okay to be in the closet."
(turns back to black guy) "He needs the spikeys too, maybe you could loan him them spikeys of yours so people will know."

-Bus #33

-- Submitted by Kristen

Liquid lunch

Older gal at bar: "Hey, what are you doing here?"
Guy (walking in): "Umm...Do I know you?"
Older gal at bar: "I'm sorry. You look just like my son with that blond hair of yours. It just didn't add up."
Guy: "It's easy--if he was here, there'd be three of us in here drinking before noon."

- Cactus Jacks

-- Submitted by Rich

A little too Granola maybe

Guy #1: "Hair? What do you mean, hair?"
Guy #2: "I mean hair. On her....boobs."
Guy #1: "Get outta' here!"
Guy #2: "I'm not freakin' kidding, man."
Guy #1: "You're not going to finish this story, are you?"

- Portland City Grill

-- Submitted by mauraw

Probably works at the Heathman

Guy (wearing a crown and robe): Portland has really gone to shit.
Girl: Oh really?
Guy: Yeah, it's gotten so weird that the UFO's don't even land here any more.

- Downtown bus stop

-- Submitted by Daryle

Cop Karma?

Guy #1: "Rough night?"

Guy #2: "Yeah. I had this dream that I quit the force and went to work for Pepsi."

- Paragon

-- Submitted by Maxster

Match.com advice

Woman #1: "What did you think of my profile?"

Woman #2: "Sweetie, I don't know how to say this, but your cat is not a feature."

- Blue Moon Tavern and Grill

-- Submitted by eSStep

Too hot to handle

Counter guy: "So how'd you do last night?"

Customer: "Down in flames."

Counter guy: "I heard she was a babe."

Customer: "Dude, this chick was hot enough for five people!"

- Stepping Stone

-- Submitted by Rich

Pearl workforce

Pearlgirl #1: "The mantra for the day was 'do as little as possible'."

Pearlgirl #2: "Same here... Hey, do you know when we are getting our bonuses?"

- D.F. restaurant

-- Submitted by Rich

Eating capacity of a six-year-old

Dad: "You want ice cream? I thought you said you were full?"

Kid: "Yes, but this is going into my dessert stomach."

- Dragonfly

-- Submitted by Rich

Re-try for the Straight Guy

Girl: "You would never be interested in me, would you?"

Guy: "Why would you say that?"

Girl: "I mean, because you're Gay, right?"

Guy: "Umm, no. Am I dressed that well?"

- MuMu's

-- Submitted by Rich