Relocation

Woman: "We really moved here from Missouri to escape the weather. But when people ask, we say we came for the sustainability."

- Cracker's Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Drinks

Woman: "...but you drink rum and cokes."

Man: "What does that mean?"

Woman: "You don't get out much."


- Saucebox

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Mercy Without Borders

Mercy Corp employee: "Do you have time to learn about Mercy Corp?"

Girl walking by: "Um, I am going over there to have a smoke. If you want to talk to me your gonna have to walk over there with me."

Mercy Corp employee (ponders a few moments): "Might as well."

- Downtown

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bumb a ride?

Guy on the street: "Can you give me a ride up to Hawthorne?"
Girl walking by: "What, in my invisible car?"

- Near Voodoo donuts

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

PA Risk

Kid on Coast Guard PA system: "Attention! Attention everyone! Why is my Mom being so mean?"

- Seaport Celebration

-- Overheard by Rich

Circus music playing in my head

"Street Roots" vendor: "What's up?"

Man riding past on very tall unicycle: "Me."

"Street Roots" vendor: (cheerfully) "No shit!"

-SW 16th and Morrison

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

At least it's not canned chicken of the sea tacos

Woman: "waaa? Sea Tacos?"

Dread-locked Man at outside table: "...welcome to Portland"

- Outside downtown Taco Del Mar, last saturday lunch

-- Overheard by Brad

You know, the kind without those people

Teenage girl: "I mean, he's totally ghetto. I mean, y'know, not like, real ghetto, ghetto. You know: Portland Ghetto."

- Downtown coffee shop

-- Overheard by totally ghetto

Rimflicks on the Bricks

Twenty-Something # 1: "So, I tried that rimflick thing."
Twenty-Something # 2: "Rimflick thing?"
Twenty-Something # 1: "Yeah, remember? I've just taken to calling it the rimflick thing.
Twenty-Something # 2: "Oooh. Yeah! So you tried it on Danny?"
Twenty-Something # 1: "Yeah. He liked it."
Twenty-Something # 2: "Did he specifically say 'I liked the rimflick thing,' or are you just assuming?"

- Gabriel Park

-- Overheard by: Tried to keep from laughing

Rack detector

Woman to wand-waving TSA screener: "In Memphis, that thing went off in my bra!"

- PDX Airport

-- Overheard by Rich

Psychic Salad Girl

Woman: "I'll have the Chef's Salad."
Deli Girl: "Do you want everything on that?"
Woman: "I don't know. What do you put on it that I don't like?"

- Local deli

-- Overheard by Todd

However, I am a Marine Biologist

Man, who had been clearly trying to pick up a woman, then said:

"Yeah, I had a pretty fucked up childhood; my Mom was a junkie."

- Berbati's Pan, last summer

-- Overheard by Brad

Bike Messenger loves Granola Girl

Girl (To Friend): "So Sam thinks I should shave my legs because he feels like the woman in the relationship."

[Laughter From Anyone In Hearing Distance]

- Hollywood Theater

-- Overheard by Ramse

Next time, buy a travel book before arrival

Man: "Is this exclusively a video store?"
Store clerk: "Yes, it is."
Man: "Do you know if there are any bookstores in this area?"
Store clerk: "Not that I know of... well, there's Powells."
Man: "Powells? Where's that?"
Store clerk: "Tenth and Burnside."
Man: Sorry, "What?"
Store clerk: "TENTH AND BURNSIDE!"

- Videorama on 12th and Lovejoy

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Color Blind

Woman, having just landed at the PDX airport, from California, to her husband and two teenage sons:

"I thought you said it was green here! I don't see any green!"

- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Next best thing

Woman walking past large man holding a small infant:

"Those poor people; they couldn't get a chihuahua so they had to have a baby."

- near Gelato store on SE 28th

-- Overheard by Brad

Hairy Hypothesis

Mom (To Kid): "NO! I'm not going to EXPERIMENT seven days before! Yes! That's what it's called when I don't know what it is, experimenting!"

- Hair Dye Aisle In Fred Myers

- Overheard by Ramse

Empowered

(After sleater kinney show last year)

Guy: "What did you think?"

Girl: "I feel empowered as a woman!!!"

Guy: "Me too!"

- Crystal Ballroom

-- Overheard by laurax

She's had wurst

Guy: "That guacamole taste like it’s gone bad."

Girl joyfully eating guacamole: "It tastes really good to me."

Guy: "I guess I’m just not used to eating rotten food."

- The steps in Pioneer Square at lunch

-- Overheard by Swaimfan

The art of always appearing interested

Woman #1 (about baby): "He looks sort of like Winston Churchill."

Mother of said baby: "Yeah, that isn't the first time he's been told that."

- Portland Street Car

-- Overheard by Monika

Red Spotted

Guy #1: "That's the first Bush-Cheney t-shirt I've ever seen around here."

Guy #2: "Must be from out of town."

Guy #1: "Sure as shit; she's got Idaho plates."

- Doug Fir patio

-- Overheard by Rich

Blame it on GPS

Guy #1: "Oh my God! I'm in a gay bar!"

Guy #2: "I thought this was Burning Man."

Guy #1: "Looks like Flaming Queen."

- Crush

-- Overheard by Shelly

Comb-over?

Woman: "Merkin, what's a Merkin?"

(ed note: friends explain)

Woman: "Huh, maybe I should get a Merkin."

- Echo bar

-- Overheard by Brad

Your mileage may vary

Woman: "...As long as it doesn't cause anal leakage."

- Brewfest

-- Overheard by Brad

Time for a makeover

Stripper: "Supercuts?"

Guy: "Ummm, no, actually. You always this mean when you're naked?"

- DV8

-- Overheard by tinman

Self-sustaining

Woman: "Yeah. I would do me."

- Portland Brewfest

-- Overheard by Brad

Digging for dinner

Kid: "Hey Mom! I found some some edible seed pods in the sand dune!"

- Pacific City beach

- Overheard by Rich

Getting on an elevator

Woman: "One?"

Man: (while rolling a cigarette) "I think Three Dog Night said that one was the loneliest number."

Woman: "Yes. Yes they did."

- Elevator at the Taylor St. Star Park

--Overheard by PAgent

Low-cal SPF 15

Woman: "I ended up buying some of that sunscreen I tasted at the ball game."

Old Woman: "Hmm.. Ok."

- Portland Collectibles Show

-- Overheard by Jason, who sends us this cute video of the goofy stuff people were selling at the show.

Hold the acronym

Sub-shop girl: "I don't know what this means, 'AV', what is that?"

Sub-shop guy: "It means they want Avocado added to their sandwich"

Sub-shop girl: "Oh, why didn't you just write it out then? "AV" could
mean anything"

Sub-shop guy: (sarcastically) "Oh, like what?"

Sub-shop girl: "Well, I thought it meant 'Italian 'vinaigrette'"

Sub-shop guy: (snorting) "Yeah, except Italian starts with an "I" and
not an "A."

- Subway

-- Submitted by pdxotaku

Intel insomnia

Guy #1: "Do they do that at Intel?"

Guy #2: "Oh yeah. Everybody walks around with their laptops open because they're afraid they'll crash if they put them to sleep."

- Montgomery Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Highly unlikely, me thinks

Woman: "He actually makes me look less vain on occasion on some stuff."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Daughter detraction

Mother to preteen daughter: "You better go find the self help section so you'll stop abusing me."

- Downtown Borders

-- Overheard by BabblingStacey

Multichannel

Woman: "How many blogs do you have anyway?

Man: "Umm, give me minute on that."

- Buffalo Gap

-- Overheard by Rich

RIFF Rules

Woman: "My son got laid off at Unisys today. I thought big companies only did that on Fridays."

Man: "Not in Portland. Only conservatives go postal."

- Lion's Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Critters

Gal: "Over on Thurman yesterday he saw a coyote carrying something off in its mouth."

Guy: "What was it?"

Gal: "Looked like a cat's head."

Guy: "Sure it wasn't a huskie?"

- Old Forrestry Commons

-- Overheard by Rich

Ball Room

Drunk guy: "So I heard that the Crystal Ballroom has tennis balls under the floor to make it so bouncy."

Guy: "You think they even had tennis balls a hundred years ago?"

Drunk guy: "Well, they must have. Dodge balls would have been way too squishy."

- Laurelwood Pub House and Brewery

-- Overheard by Rich

Back June 18

Dear Readers,

We are on vacation and will be back Sunday, June 18.
Thanks for tuning in!

-Rich

On the bus on devil day

Guy #1: "I don't get it. Why would the devil torture all the bad people. They are doing his work. And he's doing god's work by torturing them."

Guy #2: "Well the whole point for him is to destroy earth, right? So maybe he's only all friendly while you're alive."

Guy #1: "Well when I get down there I'm going to tell him about it. What if I revolutionize hell? That's my goal. I'm going to go to hell and make it better than heaven."

- Bus 44 to Portland, 6/6/06

-- Overheard by Heather

Olive Branch of a Six-year-old

Kid to park: "Hey! Anybody want have a cookie and be my FRIEND?"

- Wallace Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Diversion

Girl: "Why do you keep changing the subject?"

Guy: "Umm, Can I have your pickle?"

- New Old Lompoc

-- Overheard by Rich

Referendum

Kid: "Daddy, what is that man doing?"

Dad: "He's subverting the political process by getting signatures."

Kid: "Why?"

Dad: "Because in Oregon, they pay you money to find people with opinions."

- Laughing Planet

-- Overheard by Rich

The Nile

Girl: "Oh, the Nile!"

Guy: "Um, that's not the Nile."

Girl: "Well, I didn't grow up here!"

- Crossing the Steel bridge on the Max

-- Submitted by Bonnie

Well in that case

Guy #1: "Like I'm going to let a forty-something woman get the best of me."

Guy #2: "Like you'd even care if she was a co-ed."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Open wounds

Woman #1: "So both guys went and saw her in the hospital."

Woman #2: "You mean, the other man went and saw her too?"

Women #1: "She came out of anesthesia and they both were there. And ever since, it's been an open relationship."

- Bishops

-- Overheard by Rich

Does she? Or doesn't she?

Woman: "So, how old do you think I am?"

Various men sitting around her (trying to be polite): "35, 40...etc.)."

Woman: "Actually, I'm 22...I've just done a lot of heroin."
Then, proceeds to address the entire bus: "Don't ever do heroin, or you'll look like me!"

- Trimet bus

-- Overheard by Jersey

Double trouble

Woman: "How are the twins doing?"

Man: "They're like dogs who can work doors."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Dog eared

Woman #1: "The dog keeps peeing in Wilson's office."

Woman #2: "Have you told him?"

Woman #1: "Yes, but he keeps doing it anyway."

- McMenamins Tavern & Pool

-- Overheard by Rich

Time for reflection

Woman #1: "How long is this country going to keep obsessing about illegal immigration?"

Woman #2: "How long can you stare in the mirror?"

- Atlantis Lounge

-- Submitted by Rich

Spare some change?

Guy: "If the city reallly wants to get rid of panhandlers, they should start with Paul Allen."

- Mash Tun

-- Submitted by Rich