Tree hugger

Man (sits down next to woman at table):
"What's your name?"

Woman: "Juna."

Man: "That reminds of me of a tree... a beautiful tree."

- Blossoming Lotus (the restaurant inside Yoga in the Pearl)

-- Overheard by Leslie

Movin' on up

Father letting son out of car (a few years ago):

"Oh, and tell your mom that Weezy from 'the Jeffersons' died!"

- In front of real estate office

-- Overheard by Leslie

Gender queue

Guys are waiting in line for a men's restroom.

Man #2: "Oh great, a line. Last time a woman came out and said that she couldn't wait."

Man #1: "I don't think it will be too long."

After a bit, an older woman comes out:
"Sorry I had an emergency."

Man #1 goes in. After a bit Man #1 comes out and says:
"Worst part is that she left the seat down!"

- Downtown restaurant

-- Overheard by Brad

Polystyrenophobia

Man: "Styrofoam... just thinking of it sends chills up and down my spine. Man, I hate that stuff."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Aaron

Max penalty

Guy: "Sorry ‘bout that incident – I spent too much time in California to be puttin’ up with that…"

Gal: "Where in California?"

Guy: "San Quentin."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Jeanie

oh god...

Stoned Hippie girl : "The Grateful Dead makes things better; Shakespeare does not!"

- Lewis & Clark College

-- Overheard by LAB

You're as young as the woman you feel

Desperate looking middle aged guy #1: "The woman I'm hanging out with now is much younger than my ex-wife."

Desperate looking middle aged guy #2: "Nice!"

- At the bonfire

-- Overheard by Justin

Line 20 Trimet

#20 bus operator to dispatch:

"Yeah, there are a lot of warning signals on that I've never seen before. Should I be worried?"

- Driving up W. Burnside toward Washington Park

-- Overheard by The Blankenships

Last course

Man in buffet line: "Life is short. Load up on dessert first."

- Swagat

-- Overheard by Rich

Two forms of ID

Guy: "So how can they tell the difference between you folks on the Barfly Bus and us regulars?"

Barfly: "Umm, we're the ones with all our teeth."

- China Village

-- Overheard by Rich

Jurassic position

Woman: "I can't believe my friend pterodactyl-ed me yesterday."

- Stumptown Coffee House

-- Overheard by Jose

Hermit envy

Man: "You can't put a price on solitude."

- Dragonfly

-- Overheard by Rich

Enough snuff

First teen: "My Mom's making me go with the family to see that Crucification of Christ movie. (The Passion of the Christ)

Second teen: "Yeah, mine keeps on about it. She's seen it, like, two times and I'm supposed go with her the next time. I told her I didn't know she was into 'snuff films'!"

First teen (after laughing): "Did she have to google that before getting mad?"

- Outside Benson High School (a couple of years ago)

-- Overheard by Vickie

Thank God for Doppler

Mumbling man (walking in the opposite direction):

"It was the most disgusting sex I've ever had..."

- 21st & Glisan

-- Overheard by Rich

Just put an 'S' on the end of your words

Teenage girl: "Italian is just like, a type of Spanish, right?"

- Downtown

-- Overhead by Seal

Porn Nielsen

Bartender: "So, we're at the party getting really loaded when these guys come in with a couple of 18-year-old chicks and light umbrellas and stuff like that. And then they go in the other room and start making a porn movie!"

Other Bartender: "No way!"

Bartender: "Oh yeah! And so they're in there for a while and then they come out and start partying with us. It gets really late and somebody puts the porn tape on. It's a mixed crowd and we're feeling really uncomfortable and this chick says:

'Hey! Why aren't you watching this? I'm like, totally hot!'"

- 820

-- Overheard by Rich

Relativity

Jennifer writes:

My boyfriend was downtown on his bike (he was working as a courier) and an older, grizzled man, also on a bike, stopped beside him at a red light. They didn't make eye contact, just looked ahead, but after a few seconds the old guy turned and - right before furiously pedaling off - shouted:

"Einstein was a Jew, and he knew it!"

- Downtown

The guilty patent

Guy: "You feel guilty? That's a Catholics invention."

Gal: "No. The Jews invented guilt; the Catholics perfected it."

- Salvador Mollys

-- Overheard by Rich

Office Space

Woman on speakerphone: "I know we need to move forward, but that's not what this meeting is about..."

- Overheard in my boss' office as I walked by (on my final day as I am leaving the company)

-- Overheard by Aaron

Retrograde

From one woman on the bus to another one... complete strangers:

Woman #1: "Mercury goes into retrograde tomorrow."

Woman #2: "Oh yeah? What's that?"

Woman #1: "It means that in astrology Mercury will look like it's going backwards. And Mercury is the planet in charge of the post office, so we can expect a lot of foul ups."

- On the bus

-- Overheard by Sarah

Legion 420

Man #1: "For pot smokers I'm impressed with their organizational skills."

Man #2: "And their motivation."

- Million Marijuana March

-- Overheard by Banana Lee Fishbones

17 will get you 20

Man:

"So now they decided to raise the alert level after the attack, which means now we're supposed to report any suspicious activity on mass transit. I ride the 17! I'd be worried if there were NO suspcious activity on the bus!"

- In the office lunchroom after a terror alert jump

-- Overheard by Banana Lee Fishbones

Not Culpable

Girl: "Yeah, he got caught for humping."

Guy: "Yeah?"

Girl: "Yeah, but he have a baggy ass."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Dyana

Bush of Ghosts

Child: "Who's that costume?"

Mom: "That's President Bush."

Child: "I can be the President for Halloween!"

Mom: "No no, honey, you're smarter than that."

Child: "But you say the President is scary."

- Mall 205 Target

-- Overheard by Banana Lee Fishbones

PU Policy

"Not everybody owns a restaurant. Not everybody thinks it's ok that you smell like french fries."

- Middle of an office building for a Fortune 500 company in the Couve

-- Overheard by Aaron

Modesty Blasés

Two girls sitting in bar.

Girl #1: "I am super attractive. I just don't understand."
Girl #2: "I know!"
Girl #1: (Gets up and attempts to look at her own backside): "C'mon, look at my ass! It's great!"
Girl #2: (Taking a loooong drink from her beverage): "I know!"

- Clinton St. Brewing

-- Overheard by Mike

Not on my Valentine's Day!

Woman's voice from behind apartment door: "Ballet?! FUCK BALLET!"

- Waiting for the elevator

-- Overheard by lab

Amazon Crush

Guy #1: "Wow! Did you ever see a woman palm a whole pitcher like that?"

Guy #2: "No, but she's one mountain I'd like to climb."

- Cactus Jacks

-- Overheard by Rich

Spam Hall of Fame

Guy: "I got spam today with the best subject line EVER!"

Girl: "What was that?"

Guy: "It said: load bearing salad dressing."

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Probably happens in Hillsboro all the time

Girl on cellphone:

"I had one of those things happen that could only happen in Portland ...
... I accidentally maced my best friend's boyfriend...
... well, I didn't know it was mace!"

-NW 10th and Glisan

--Overheard by Awkward_Boy

Blazers' Mom?

Guy: "So I'm sitting in the Lake O Safeway, waiting for my car to get fixed. And I'm thinking like, I'm the only black person in this whole freaking town. All of a sudden this black lady in her pajamas comes walking in pushing a cart and she says,

'What are you doing here?'"

- Museum After Hours

-- Overheard by Rich

Downhill grouser

Boarder: "Icy and slippery out there, not to complain."

Skier: "Yep."

Boarder: "I need darker googles for this sun."

Skier: "Yep."

Boarder: "Pretty windy and kinda cold at the top."

Skier: "Yep, not to complain."

- Cascade chair lift at Mt. Hood Meadows

-- Overheard by Brad

Rolling Asylum

Little girl, talking to the man seated behind her: "I'm not even scared of anything!"

Man: "I wasn't either, until I rode the bus."

- On the #72 bus, 82nd and Powell

-- Overheard by Ilana

The double-stick didn't work

Woman (shouting out the front door): "Can you bring me the duct tape? I need to change my kid's diaper."

- SE 52nd and Knapp on the Snow Day

-- Overheard by Crackhead Jones

Retro Overheard

Man, semi-sober, obviously a citizen of Burnside street, loudly and to no one in particular:
"Today's President Reagan's birthday."

Pause.

"I think I'll skip it."

- Overheard on #14 bus, 1980s

-- Overheard by Margaret, never forgotten it

Mr. Manners

Old man on Portland Streetcar, watching passenger in wheelchair exiting through a crowd at the door:

"Can't you see he's in a wheelchair? You people are a bunch of idiots."

(To the entire car); "Where's people's goddamn manners? What a bunch of ignorant people."

- Overheard by Steve

Cramming for the Bar

Girl at bar: "I have to read half this ten-pound textbook by tomorrow morning."

(pauses) "Bartender, make it a double!"

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Department of Redundancy Department

Girl on cell phone: "I tend to go on and on and on and on and say the same things over and over and over and over again. When I do that, he just shuts down."

-- Overheard by Steve on No. 19 bus

Winwood

4 year old girl on her way to preschool on a foggy day: "I'm lost in my imagination and I can't find my way home."

- In the fog

-- Overheard by Nicole

Eating Outside the Box

Wife to Husband: "What kind of pasta should we get?"

Husband to Wife : "I dunno."

Wife to Husband: "Well, why don't we try something really different? How about this fettucine stuff?"

- Safeway

-- Overheard by Dyana

Beth, I hear you callin'

Bartender: "You heard of this band that has midgets playing Kiss covers?"

Drummer: "Oh yeah, Mini Kiss. Our manager had to drop those guys because the little Paul Stanley dude kept whipping his dick out."

- Ash Street Saloon

-- Overheard by Rich

Viva Max

Man: "Sir, can I ask you a short question...no money involved?"

dramatic pause... "Ain't love grand?"

- Yellow Max at Skidmore Fountain, 9:40am on 1/20/2007

-- Overheard by Steve

Not much she can say, then

Overheard from a group doing what looked like court-ordered community service, cleaning streets in Old Town:

Guy: “Well, she was naked when I met her, so...”

- Old Town

-- Overheard by lauraf

By Pure Deduction

Woman #1 (in the stall): "I'm just so glad that men have their own bathrooms. You know what they do?"

Woman #2 (at the sink): "What? What are you talking about?"

Woman #1: "Men. You know they... they pee standing up."

Woman #2: "Umm, yes. Yes they do."

Woman #1: "And they only sit to go poop."

Woman #2: "Ok, so how do you know all this?"

Woman #1 (poking her head out of the stall): "You know what? I've been thinking about it for a long time."

- Chevy's

-- Overheard by Stella

The trans-fat dialectic

Customer: “My sister’s a F#&$in’ communist and is anti-organic!!!”

Clerk: "Anti-organic?? So, what… she wants to be contaminated so she can turn into an alien??”

Customer: “Yeah, she’ll learn.”

- Portland lunch counter

-- Overheard by Sheri

Roamin Meal

Guy:
"My name is Roamin Freely! That's spelled R-O-A-M-I-N...No, I changed it legally!"

- Outside of Bob's Handy Pantry, SE Pershing & SE Milwaukie

-- Overheard by L.A.B.

But then you'll have to go to chick flicks

Guy with mohawk: "You can only masturbate so much. Sometimes you just want somebody to hold you."

- Dots

-- Overheard by joh

Direct Deposit

Elderly man at teller window passes gas, long and loud.

Young Man, Next In Line: "That's awesome."

- Washington Mutual, SE 39th and Hawthorne

-- Overheard by b!X

Hot for Teacher

Drunk Guy: "She's a teacher? Teachers are hot! There's something about being around those kids all day that makes 'em horny."

- Mississippi Pizza

-- Overheard by Rich

As the Brits say, "On your bike!"

Man on corner barstool: "They tried to fire me after I quit."

- Imbibe

-- Overheard by Rich