16 will get you 20

Girl One: "Fuck up, I'm glad you broke it off. I'm sick of his faggety ass!"

Girl Two: "Hey at least my ex was my age, your ex was like 45!"

Girl One: "Hey, he was 43, okay?!"

Girl Three (laughing): "Yeah I'm glad too, he probably has a shriveled dick huh?"

Girl Two (laughing way too loud): "Ha yeah, saggy balls and shit."

Girl One: "No that's a myth."

Girl Two (suddenly very serious): "Oh. Well shit!"


- Walking away from Franklin's high school graduation Wednesday night

-- Overheard by Reid, who writes:
"These were very much high school-aged girls. Oh by the way, included in this group was Girl One's 9-ish year-old sister."

Scabies

Guy to Girlfriend:
"Does this look like scabies to you?"

Random Stranger on bench:
"I don't think you really need to worry about scabies unless you sleep outside all the time."

Guy: "Is scabies like an STD?"

Stranger on bench: "It can be."


- PGE Park Eastbound MAX station, 8:40 AM

-- Overheard by Jen

Death Proof

Group of kindergarteners crossing the street and yelling at a waiting motorist:
"Don't kill us!"

- 24th and NW Thurman

-- Overheard by Rich

Bonding in the concession line

Two friends in line at the concession booth at the Laurelhurst Theater:

"Did you go to the barbecue yesterday?"

"Yeah, but it sucked. I told my girlfriend, everyone of those are the same. There's us there, and then like ten other couples, each with three kids."

A stranger standing in front of them in line turns around, bumps fists with the speaker and said,

"Hells yes."

- Overheard by browse

Sunny side up

Homeless-type man to his friend:
"I want to eat her like a bacon-n-egg sandwich. (pause) She's got nice titties, too."

- On the #12 bus

-- Overheard by hula

head east

Girl #1: "That's why I moved to Oregon. I make $13.27 an hour here!"

Girl #2: "Where did you live before?"

Girl #1: "Beaverton."

- At 820 two nights ago

-- Overheard by lol

At world's end

Stylist imitating a crackhead lady going on and on about her noisy housemate:

"She was clanking around in the bathroom half the night! Then she yelled out that she couldn't see out of her left eye. So I yelled through the door:
'You'll be lucky to see out of either eye after I get a hold of you, bitch!'"

- Bishops

-- Overheard by Rich

putty tat

Loud blonde girl:
"Aww...My vagina's like a little kitten that doesn't realize it's got claws yet!"

- At Shari's

-- Overheard by Justin

You don't say?

Two guys discussing their weekend plans... one says to the other:

"I can bring my cast iron waffle maker. It's cast iron. And it makes waffles."

- Overheard by Sarah & Jason

Schoolyard biology 101

Guy to Girl: "Because urine is sterile and vag juice isn't!"

- Powells

-- Overheard by Ken, who writes:
"I didn't hear any of the context, and somehow, I'm kinda a glad I didn't."

Animal husbandry

Girl giggling and amicably arguing with her friend on her cellphone:

"No, you CAN'T marry a pony!!"

- Off-campus near PSU

-- Overheard by Ashley, who writes:
"I really wish I could've heard the other side of the conversation. It was excellent."

the pile

Stripper: "I slept with this guy and now he won't call me back."

Guy: "Some guys are all about that."

Stripper: "What happened to that girl you used to come in here with?"

Guy: "I put her on the pile of wrecked women."

- Nicolai St Clubhouse

-- Overheard by Rich

Only in PDX

"Do you have a cigarette? All I've got is this fake one I found on the ground. ...No? Well...do you have a light?"

- Waiting for the Max at N. Interstate and Albina

-- Overheard by d.

de-pressed

"Nothing is more infuriating than taking your clothes to get pressed and getting them back with a wrinkle."

- Some guy at Moxie who has a lot of 'first-world problems' and an amazing lack of perspective

-- Overheard by Plumpy

Eeeyukh!

"Go ahead. Try it. It's not bad."

"Eeeyukh! That's the worst thing I ever tasted! Why would anyone want to eat that?"

"That was the tofu hot-dog-like-thing that we're serving."

- Two grillers at the Interstate Ave. New Seasons "Benefit Barbeque" tasting the vegetarian alternative to hot dogs on offer

-- Overheard by Vickie

Vermin Vittles

Gleefully deranged security guard:
"I'm gonna feed this piece of bread to that rat!"

- Parking lot near downtown bar blocks, 10pm-ish

-- Overheard by Jen

Portland's Golden Years

Felony Flats guy:
"I was kickin' ass and takin' names later...you could live like that in the '80s and '90s."

- Red Line Max to City Center

-- Overheard by LAB

We're more about non-violent, creative confrontation

"Oh, this isn't political. I'm with Greenpeace."

- Pioneer Square

-- Overheard by Aaron

Fly babies

Girl #1: "I wonder what would happen to the baby flies if the momma fly died?"

Girl #2: "I don't know... They might die too."

Girl #1: "Awwww."

- Couch Park

-- Overheard by Abigail

Green Economy

Banker to another:
"So I guess you don't want to talk about that giant bag of pot in your briefcase."

- In front of Benson Hotel

-- Overheard by Clickmehard

Shame on you, Mommy!

(Mom grabs blue chapstick)

3-year-old girl: "You need chapstick mommy?"
Mom: "Yup"
Girl: "Why didn't you get the pink one mommy? Don't you like the pink?"
Mom: "No, honey, I don't like pink."
Girl: "Mommy! Pink is for girls, blue is for boys!"
Mom: "I don't like pink."

(Girl puts her hands on her hips while in the shopping cart.)

Girl: "Mommy! You are in big trouble; you said a bad word!"
Mom: "What?"
Girl: "You said you don't like pink! Bad words!"

- Walmart on SE 82nd

-- Overheard by Sarah

No child left behind

Asian kid:
"...And it was fuckin like...(produces frantic crawling motions), and I was fuckin' like...(stabs the air repeatedly)...and then fuckin' like...this fuckin' shit happened and I was like 'holy shit this motherfucker fuckin' knows the Matrix and shit!' Fuck!!"

- At lunch

-- Overheard by Justin

Careful with that tacklebox!

Man 1: "Yeah I fish out on the Mckenzie. Took the poles out last weekend"

Man 2: "You fish with poles? I fish with hand grenades."

- In class

-- Overheard by Justin

Mother's Day

Clerk to man: "Are you looking for a mother's day card?"

Man: "Yeah and I want the one for a dollar fifty."

- Fred Meyer Hollywood

-- Overheard by Alan

Arm Candy Seeks Shallow Hunk

Blond #1 to Blond #2:
"Face it. If either of us wanted to be married, we're not the type who'd have to spend ten years on e-Harmony."

- District

-- Overheard by Rich

You Lookin' At Me?

Man on the MAX to passenger:
"How ya doin' today?"

Passenger: "Good."

Man on the MAX to the passenger:
"I sure wish you'd quit staring at me."

- On an eastbound MAX

-- Overheard by Dyana

Decap

Dad and kids kicking basketballs in the yard; Dad kicks ball uphill and it misses toddler son by inches, blazing over his head.

Mom:
"You’re gonna take his head out with that ball! Oh, wait…here’s another one."

- Carter Park Area, Da Couve

-- Overheard by Johnnie Rx

Well, yeah, duh!

"The world would be a better place if everyone wore pants."

- Garden Home house

-- Overheard by Sarah

Cafe noir

Waiter:
"So what do you like about Portland?"

Customer:
"I like the unique places with character--you know, with some rough edges."

Waiter (drifting away):
"Like my service tonight."

-The Farm Cafe

-- Overheard by Robyn

Beach Blanket Bingo

Three young (20s) gay guys:

#1: "Hey! The ocean called! They are missing an Orca! Get back in the water!"

#2: "Bitch!"

#3: "C*nt!"

- At Sauvie Island on Monday May 7th… early afternoon.

-- Overheard by NoPo Guy

20-20 Hindsight

Waitress (holding up big jar of diet pills):
"Who's are these?"

Bartender:
"Oh. Those belong to name withheld."

Waitress:
"Are you kidding? She has the smallest ass I've ever seen."

- Blitz

-- Overheard by Rich

Wii tennis anyone?

Guy 1: "...no, I means this dude is old school."

Guy 2: "Like how old school?"

Guy 1: "Like so old school he plays tennis!"

- North45

-- Overheard by Brad

Down, Woodrow

Gal: "I'm sorry. My (purse) straps keep sliding off on you."

Guy: "No worries. I think it's kind of sexy."

- District

-- Overheard by Rich

Bada Bing

Guy #1:
"Hey Vito, you're looking pretty sharp in that suit. You out at the galleries tonight?"

Guy #2:
"Fuck that! All these women want to look at art? I got some fuckin' art right here!"

- First Thursday at District

-- Overheard by Rich

habeas corpus

Guy in the room: "We're going to need evidence to make a marketing claim like that."

Guy on the speakerphone: "Evidence is overrated."

Guy in the room: "You sound like George Bush!"

- At the office

-- Overheard by Rich

Short sighted

Guy: "Don't get me wrong, Shakira is really hot. But she's so damn short!"

Girl: "But she's hot."

Guy: "I know, but she'd need stilts to give me head. That's just not acceptable."

- In Beaverton

-- Overheard by Chelsea

Friendly Skies

Old man (to girl with suitcase): "Are you going somewhere exciting?"

Girl with suitcase: "Not really. But when I get there, I'm getting laid."

- On the MAX Red Line to the Airport

-- Overheard by Aaron

Landfill

Guy #1:
"I was reading that there are more people living in garbage dumps outside Mexico City than the populations of a lot of towns in the US."

Guy #2: "Couldn't be any worse than Detroit."

- Blitz

-- Overheard by Rich

Barely Straight

20-something girl who works at Ross but was in line buying something:
"I'm barely straight so he gets what he gets."

- Standing in line at Ross on Cedar Hills in Beaverton

-- Overheard by micah

Pyramid

Rambling Guy:
"So I started my own business. You heard of Quixtar? They used to be Amway but now they do everything online. I used to work at Target but now I'm on disability because I couldn't handle the stress. Anyway, with this business, you sell stuff that people need anyway like dog food and vitamins and stuff and the more people you get underneath you, the more the money just rolls in. Are you interested?"

Quiet Guy:
"Actually, I have a good job that pays really well."

Rambling Guy:
"So you won't be mad if I retire before you?"

- Orenco Station

-- Overheard by Rich

Heard this before

"Just stick it down my hole. Tell me if you need me to pull harder."

- Two men (presumably doing maintenance) in the crawlspace of a government building

-- Overheard by Aaron

Business Plan

Skinny guy #1:
"I'm thinking our restaurant should have like, taxidermied animals and tomato plants and stuff."

Skinny guy #2:
"Way cool!"

Skinny guy #1:
"That way it could be like a museum of natural history full of the things people are eating, living or dead."

- 27th and Upshur

-- Overheard by Rich

Looks just like his Dad

College girl studying a biology textbook:
"I could name my child 'Gonorrhea.'"

- Pix on Hawthorne

-- Overheard by LAB

Gotcha!

"Overall it was a good weekend...my knees, ass and thumb hurt."

- Outside Crystal Ballroom (Air Concert)

-- Overheard by clickmehard

TMI All Around

Woman: "A friend came over last night. He stole $20 and my shoes. (pause) Was the necking that bad?"

- Ross Island Grocery & Cafe

-- Overheard by b!X

FTD

Middle-aged dad with two toddler daughters in Dollar Tree browsing the shelves…

Youngest girl: "Look Daddy! Pretty ribbons & bows for if you’re dressing up."

Dad: "Look sweetie, pretty flowers. So, if you’re, like, dead…."

- Tigard Dollar Tree

-- Overheard by Johnnie Rx

Oscar Mountie Weiner

Man to two horse-mounted police officers:

"Yo man, where the hot dogs at?"

- 1:23 a.m. April 21 at the corner of NW 5th and Couch

-- Overheard by Brandon

Hipster Logic

"It's not venacular enough to be speech."

- Corner of 16th and Brooklyn

-- Overheard by Kai

Really?

"Elvis was a drywall salesman."

- Corner of Alder and 5th

-- Overheard by Amanda

Destination: Red State

A not all together chick in her late 20's chattering away to a stranger next to her:
"So like we'll get married this fall and then I'll get pregnant right away so I can give him the baby for like a birthday present but right now I'm living in like a foster home...Yeah and I'm like the only one who doesn't have someone with me when I go places--the rest are like in wheelchairs and stuff and see like Friday i am going to see my mom, I can't see her every day..."

- Bus Bench at the MTC

-- Overheard by QZ