Oppression is oppression

Very, VERY drunk black guy who's being taken away by security after drinking from one of the overpour buckets:

"These motherfuckers are brewing some oppression up in here!!"

- Brewfest

-- Overheard by Jay

Pounds melt off with every sip

Big woman sporting a muffin top, sloppily eating a Bratwurst:

"Are there any light beers being featured this year?"

- Brewfest

-- Overheard by Jay

Pottymouth

Little girl in a stroller about 2 1/2, speaking to caretaker:
"Shut the fuck up."

Caretaker (laughing a bit):
"Hey. I love you"

Little girl:
"Shut the fuck up, shut the FUCK up, shut the FUCK up." (laughing)

Caretaker (to horrified passengers):
"Oh, ha ha she learned that in daycare. We just ignore it. "

Little girl (leaning over in stroller and spitting several times on the floor):
"Shut the FUCK up. Shut the FUCK up, Shut the FUCK up". (Spits on the floor a few more times before continuing her mantra.)

Caretaker: (Calling the father of this child on her cell phone):
"Yeah, she's saying shut the "F" up, you know, in that cute little voice of hers."

- Eastbound MAX on way home from work 7/25/07

-- Overheard by Dyana, who writes:
(At this point, I am waiting for the girl's head to rotate 360, and for her to puke pea soup.)

Borrowing cloth

Woman (to friend):
"Why'd you tell Grandma I'm wearing her underwear?!"

- In the middle of the street in front of my old house

-- Overheard by el diablo

If this van's a rockin'

"I don't want a rape van; I want a shaggin' wagon."

- In the parking lot behind the 24-hour coffee shop on Powell

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Ties

In line in the section 105 mens room of PGE Park last night, the Timbers having just finished a 0-0 game:

Guy at the top of the line: "Man, I hate ties."

*pause*

Second Guy in front of me looks around: "Who's wearing a tie?"

Me: "Draws. He hates draws."

Second guy: "Oooohhhh."

- Overheard by Ryan

Do that to me one more time

Young woman standing facing the streetcar doors, talking on her cell phone, oblivious to the rest of the riders:

"Oh yeah? I'll beat you up ... Yes, just like last night ... Oh, you liked that, did you?"

- Portland streetcar, Thursday morning

-- Overheard by Paul

The Preacher from Poltergeist?

Standing on the corner smoking, and this guy walks up stops in front of me and in a very monotone soft voice says:

HIM:
"You are in a good place. You are right where you are supposed to be. May the light be with you."

ME: "Thank you."
(Thinking he'd be on his way. He takes a few steps, turns back around steps closer to me.)

HIM:
"God wanted me to talk to you more. He wanted me to tell you that he expects to see you on Sunday."

ME: "Yeah?"

HIM:
"He said yes, He expects to see you at 4397(?) NW Couch St."

ME: "Great sounds like a plan!"

HIM:
"Great I expect to see you there."

- Overheard by Amanda (Creeped out now)

Supersize me!

A girl around 10 years old and a friend are picking out candy with a mom.

Mom (to daughter's friend):
"I didn't know you liked candy so much!"

Friend:
"I do, but I like salty things more. Give me a bag of Doritos, which I never get, but I would eat the whole thing!"

Mom:
"You never get Doritos? How is your dad raising you?! No TV, no junk food? I think I'll have to call Child Services, that HAS to be child abuse."

- Walgreen's on N. Lombard

-- Overheard by gewurzgrrl

Bunny Butt

Girl in wheelchair to companion re: odd statue at OHSU:

"Look at the bunny with butt cheeks! Look at the bunny with butt cheeks! ...I think it represents beastiality."

- OHSU

-- Overheard by Marianna

Seven years bad luck

Woman #1: "Why are you walking in the street?"

Woman #2: "I'm superstitious about walking under a ladder."

Woman #2: "Would you step on a crack?"

Woman #1: "No. But I did break a mirror over my head when I was eight."

- Green Room

-- Overheard by Rich

Mental Image

Kind of sketchy-looking guy yelling into a cell phone, downtown:

"Well, I'm going to be there, and when I get out of the shower, I will be NAKED!"

- Downtown

-- Overheard by Rosengrants

YOU! Out of the gene pool!

A 20-something couple takes advantage of a break in traffic to cross against the light on NW 23rd in front of the stopped bus. The driver casually admonishes:
"No jay walking in front of the bus."

They each give a friendly "sorry" as they pay the fare. Then the woman conversationally asks the driver:
"So, how does it work- the crosswalk?"

- On the 17

-- Overheard by April

For the man who has everything

(someone yelling):
"I brought you peanuts and toilet paper as a peace offering and what did you bring me? Nothing! You brought me nothing! What does that say about our relationship?"

- Coming out of a 2nd floor window near 18th & Salmon

-- Overheard by Michael

Substance in the way

Woman: "You know, I wish I was more superficial."

- Orenco Station

-- Overheard by Rich

Green around the gills

Bra-less woman in a too-tight pink polo shirt (to her boyfriend):
"I asked Karl what his new girlfriend looked like, and he didn't even hesitate, he just said, 'Shrek'!"

- On the #6 bus downtown

-- Overheard by Stephanie

Jail bait

"The only friend I have on my myspace page so far is that guy who got busted for statutory rape."

- Elevator of Eliot Tower

-- Overheard by Rob, who blogged about it here

decisions, decisions

Tweaker to no one in particular:
"Which is better, Old Country Buffet or Izzys? It's so hard to choose. I just wanna get stuffed."

- Front of the #15 Belmont

-- Overheard by SaraFist

Whoa

Two former army guys talking in statistics:

"It goes through the wall and then blows up."
"...so it's penetration, then explosion."

- Somewhere in Portland

-- Overheard by Ryan

Law and Order

Yelling Man:
"Don't try to pick my pocket! I'm in the FBI! I have a badge! I know the Constitution! I COULD KILL YOU!"

- Across from Hal's Tavern

-- Overheard by b!X

Gay, maybe?

Heavyset, sweet looking "Mom", mid-50's, wearing subtle "Support Our Troops" outfit: white capri pants, red sandals, and a blue & white striped shirt; getting hot pink Betty Boop fabric cut at the counter...

Fabric Depot Employee (cutting fabric):
"Oh, that Betty Boop fabric is really cute...it could go with anything, with the black and white in it..."

Mom:
"I know, isn't is great? I am going to put it in a quilt for my son...he's been collecting Betty Boop stuff for years..."

- Fabric Depot on SE 122nd & SE Stark, Sunday afternoon (after church)

-- Overheard by Jayne

Here's Lucy

"Wow, if Lucille Ball was born in 1911 she'd be like over 100 years old by now."

- Overheard by Brent while playing Beyond Balderdash at his house

book worm

Title: "At least it doesn't freeze like syphilis"

Mid-thirties reader: "It burns... it burns like chlamydia."

-Barnes and Noble

-- Overheard by head stuck in a book

Expensive shoes

"Oh, you like these shoes do you?
Negro, these shoes cost half your rent!"

- NE 17th and Killingsworth

-- Overheard by sparkleburnout

Tri-Meds

A crazy lady downtown, addressing the #17 bus:

"You stay there and shut up! No, you go to hell!"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

9 months before Troll Baby

"I would fuck myself. That would be the best fuck ever."

- Savoy Tavern and Bistro, Saturday night

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Training bikini

"Tuck your tummy in!"

- Mother to 4-year old daughter in bikini at the Waterfront Blues Festival, July 4th

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Half Asleep

"I must not be in Jerusalem because the TV is on and I don't owe you $20 bucks."

- On my couch after a friend half-way woke up from a nap.

-- Overheard by Kai

Adventure charge

Elderly woman:
"Calm down dear, this is an adventure!"

Teenage girl next to her:
"This adventure sucks and I hope it ends soon. [my iPod battery] will be dead by the time we get there."

- On a MAX blue line train near the Rose Quarter around 11:30pm on Saturday

-- Overheard by Aaron

Gender Independence

Girl: "I stayed at home on the 4th of July and cried."

Guy: "I got drunk and set off illegal fireworks."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Mystery Meat

Server: "Did you need some menus?"

Blind customers: "We can't see them."

- Morrison Street Grill

-- Overheard by b!X

You're sick, man

Homeless pair at the Halsey St offramp:

Sign holder's friend: "Know what I'm gonna do when I get home?"

Sign Holder: "Jack off?"

Sign holder's friend: "Why you say shit like that?"

Sign holder: "'Cause I'm a nasty motherfucker."


- Overheard by Erik

phone tip

Bartender on phone in one of those tiny little bars at Kennedy School, presumably handling a charity solicitation call:

"Yeah, well, I'm not a generous person, so you're wasting your time."

- Overheard by himself

Please keep your knees together for the duration of the flight

Teenage girl:
"She told me to put my feet down during takeoff. How was I supposed to know I shouldn't do it for the rest of the flight?"

- Fruition

-- Overheard by Rich

good to be king

Man to guy in Elvis costume:

"Yo, Elvis! Welcome back!"

Elvis: "Well, thank you very much."

- NW 23rd & Everett

-- Overheard by Rich

Smells like teen spirit

Group of rather skanky looking teenaged girls are sitting on the train. One girl announces loudly:

"I can't believe we used all my deodorant. I mean, what the fuck."

Eastbound rush hour MAX
Overheard by Dyana

Pick up and deliver

Female taxi dispatcher on the radio:
"OK, I have an undefined one here and I want see if I can get a volunteer; there's a woman in the Pearl district in labor and she needs a ride to Emanuel Hospital."

(static)

Dispatcher: "458, are you sure you want someone to have a baby in your car?"

- PDX airport

-- Overheard by Rich

an impromptu one-act play about literacy

Yuppie #1: "... also, he's very well-read."

Yuppie #2: "Meaning?"

Yuppie #1: "He, you know, reads a lot of books."

Yuppie #2 (speaking slowly carefully):
"Oh. I assumed you meant he, ah, understood what he read really fast and good and so on. As in "well-liked".

Yuppie #1: "Nuh-uh. So where should we go for drinks?"

- Got Pho

-- Overheard by Charlie

Caniform hygiene

Woman:
"She got to take a bath with him & was able to get her bear washed."

- Westside Red Line Max train going downtown around 6:45 am

-- Overheard by Janet, who writes:

"I e-mailed this overheard comment to my spousal unit noting that I've been in the band tooooo long. He said I should send it in. From what I overheard after that remark, I think the woman was talking about a baby girl & a toy bear."

D'oh Nut

Woman inside an apartment:
"I didn't eat any candy today, baby! ...Well, I did have a doughnut. But that's because I was out of milk for my cereal."

- SE 15th and Belmont

-- Overheard by b!X

You have to say this one out loud

Customer: "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

Employee: "Sure."

Customer: "Do you know if you have any black caulk here?"

- Beaverton Home Depot

--Overheard by Laura Cincinnati

Better than cake

Mother to small child:

"First we're going to get you some kitty and doggy food for your birthday alright?"

- Entrance to Petco

-- Overheard by Taterlain

Portland = Homoville?

Young stabby hobo yelling at no one in particular:

"Get out of Homoville! This ain't worldwide!"

- Max stop at Pioneer Square

-- Overheard by Justin

Guns 'n Santa Rosa

Crazy Woman: "Didn't I see you in Santa Rosa?"

Average Dude: "Umm, no..."

Crazy Woman: "Do you have a gun?"

Average Dude: "WHAT?"

Crazy Woman: "What are doing?"

Average Dude: "Getting lunch."

Crazy Woman: "Alright, rock out!"


-Lunch carts on Alder

-- Overheard by Jordana

Rrrrrr

Conversation between 2 teenagers:

boy: "So you've HEARD of butt pirates?"

girl: "Well, yeah but I've never actually spoken to one."

- Pioneer Courthouse on Saturday night

-- Overheard by Ms. Blake Buchanan-Munro

crabby

Woman on cell:
"Well, the whole family's pretty close, so any one of us could have crabs."

- Bethany QFC

-- Overheard by Nicole who writes:
"If I hadn't heard this myself, I wouldn't believe it."

Perfect couple

Large white woman speaking to her small Mexican husband:

"I'm bleeding."

(Pokes at her husband who ignores her.)

"Heyyy, I'm bleeding from my neck. Don't you care?"

(Husband puts headphones on and looks out the window.)

"I wish I knew you didn't speak English before I married you!"

- On the Blue Max at City Center

-- Overheard by Corwin

Unbiased education

Man:
"The malaria epidemic spread from Sitka in California, which means it clearly came from the Russians...those sons of bitches."

- PCC

-- Overheard by Justin

Line, color, texture, shape, form, space, and value!

Carpool driver, noticing woman at bus stop:
"She has art between her legs."

- On the commute home, somewhere downtown

-- Overheard by b!X

WTF?

Guy on the train (to no one in particular):
"Does anyone know of a place to donate plasma that opens before 7am?"

Me: "No, sorry, I don't."

Guy: "Aww man, they lied to me!"

Me: "Well maybe you could call a local hospital and they could direct you."

Guy: "I'm just kidding you."

- MAX, headed downtown this morning

-- Overheard by cabernet4me