Confused Superstar

Obviously Meth-addled woman speaking to evangelist lady:

Meth-woman: I'm Valerie Bertinelli Bitch, I don't need Jesus!

Evangelist lady: Just stands and smiles like a mannequin.

- Lloyd Center Mall, outside the Dollar Store

-- Overheard by Stone

Delicacies

Woman, talking pho: I couldn't bring myself to try the meatballs because they were too much like testicles.

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

Glazed Doughnut

Creepy Homeless man: Hey what's your favorite number? You know what mine is? 69. Ya, there's nothing I like more then waking up with my face like a glazed donut!

- On the max

-- Overheard by Colleen

Penal system

Woman on the phone: Well you don't have to like, stand up and say "I'm-an-alchoholic" do you? Well they can't say you are an alcoholic from one DUI. (slightly outraged) They are making you quit SMOKING?

- On the #75 bus

-- Overheard by Nicole

Low man

Employee to someone on the phone: Well, my manager is in the middle of an interview with Channel 2 news, so tell this guy he's kind of low on the totem pole right now.

- Macy's LLoyd Center, just before Christmas

-- Overheard by Alan, who writes: "That's pretty damn low."

Jingle Bells

I was lurking in a Rite Aid Monday and following a musak performance of Jingle Bells by barking dogs, I heard form the adjoining aisle someone say:

"Well, ok, if you don't like the dog version you probably won't like the meowing cats either."

- Overheard by Ken

Sniffer

Random bar guy: I've smelled many a homeless guy.

- Columbia Broil, Northeast Columbia Blvd.

-- Overheard by Anita

Call center at World's End

Call center worker: I'm getting owned by a level-20 crab here!

- Overheard where people who answer phones for Disney tech support have to play Pirates of the Caribbean for their jobs.

- Overheard by the Blankenships

Holiday parking

"You want my [parking] spot? That will be 10 bucks...or a cocktail."

- Tualatin Fred Meyer parking lot at 2 pm on Dec. 22nd

-- Overheard by lambheel

If we don't end war, war will end us

Tall man (to no one in particular): Every time I hear that bell, I think of the Time Machine with Rod Taylor.

- In front of St. Mark's on NW 21st Ave

-- Overheard by Rich

Boys don't cry

Boy (yelling to his friend in the school's hallway): I don't cry; I piss out of my eyes!

- Overheard by Julie

young and the restless

YOUNG WOMAN #1: That official looks like he's 15.

YOUNG WOMAN #2: He is 15....

YOUNG WOMAN #1: Oh really? those are my favorite!!

- At a basketball game

-- Overheard by Kimberly

Dreaming of a White Christmas

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, I got you the perfect Christmas gift, but I still need an idea for what else to get you...Pauses...NO! It's not cocaine!

- At Lloyd Center in front of the pet store

-- Overheard by Jennifer

fiery doom!

On an airplane coming in for landing at pdx we hit a bit of turbulence. A

Young boy (screaming at the top of his lungs): WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIE!!!
His dad: No, we're not.
Boy (completely calm now): Oh, ok.


- Airplane

-- Overheard by Brennan, who writes: "I'm sure that made some people unnecessarily nervous!"

a guy thing

Woman trying to which Christmas gift to buy and talking to a woman behind the counter.

Woman: I don't know. Should I get the simple one or the more elaborate one?

Guy#1 (volunteering): Get the simple one

Guy#2 (guy#1's friend): Yeah guys like simple, because guys are simple. Really.

Another guy: Yeah, I gotta agree with simple

Woman: OK but if this is not right, I'll hunt the three of you down

Guy#1 (laughing and pointing to a store work order): Here's my number.

Another guy: "Hey, if he doesn't like simple, then three of us really need to talk to him!"


- Mall jewelry store

-- Overheard by Brad

Comp workers

Little boy to Stockers: You guys are all going to lose your jobs!

- CompUSA Going out of business sale

-- Overheard by Rich

Distilled

Woman in Costco to her partner: Are we going to get anything that's NOT alcoholic?

- Overheard by PAgent

Hygiene

Little boy in bathroom stall with mom: Do you still have to push your peepee down?
Mom: Yes, you do.
Little boy: But I don't want to wash my hands! The toilets aren't even dirty.
Mom: No, but your body is.

- PDX Airport

-- Overheard by Sarah

Yuletide

Coworker: “I’ve got Christmas cards coming out my ass!”

- Overheard by Pezolator

Kindergarten cop

A five year old boy I was babysitting:

Me: So do you have homework in kindergarten?
Him: Yeah. Sometimes I have three homeworks.
Me: Wow, your teacher must be tough.
Him: Yeah..... so tough you can't beat her up.

- Overheard by Meghan

farvegnugen

Girl On Cellphone: I mean i could never actually date him. He drives a jetta! I mean, what kind of man drives a jetta? Seriously.

- Line 14 Bus Stop at 50th and Powell

-- Overheard by Edie

Edith Pilaf

I overheard this at La Machin on Hawthorne today. Four college-aged women were eating lunch and they were trying like hell to remember who sang The Song of the Sparrow.

"Edith Pilaf! Phew, I feel so much better now that I remembered."

- Overheard by Melissa

Breaking in and out

Man with White Box, on phone:
Hey, it's me. I just got off the plane from LA, and I've got your In and Out burgers. So I'll see you later, or I'll just break into your house and put them in the fridge.

- On the 12-Barbur to Sherwood

-- Overheard by b!X

Hasn't read the marriage contract

I was at Coach’s in Beaverton on Cedar Hills when I overheard the nastiest thing ever:

Guy to trashy looking girl: Congrats on your engagement.

Girl’s response to guy: Yeah, I can pretty much guarantee he’ll being eating good P**sy for the rest of his life.

-Overheard by L

Homo sociology experiment

Hobo: Hey man, can you spare 5, 10, 20 dollars so I can get some pot around the corner?

Me: Nah man, sorry.

Hobo: Come on, I’m not gonna buy no hard liquor or meth, I just want some pot to chill out.

Me: Sorry.
(The hobo walks away and then comes back a few seconds later.)

Hobo: Would it be any different if I was asking for money to get food?

- At the corner of SW 5th and Washington

-- Overheard by Ben

Oh, the joys of public transportation

Older lady to two teen girls (about extremely drunk guy on the MAX): You guys might want to move before he throws up all over you.

- Blue line to Hillsboro

-- Overheard by Jen

But They're Kinda Used...

20-ish girl: "Man, I want my condoms back from his ass!"

- Overheard by Aaron on MAX

caffeine makes some people a bit too edgy

Scruffy, sarcastic guy: See you around.

Clean-cut, angry/nervous guy: Yeah, see you around. Next time I'll be packing just like you, bud.

Scruffy guy: Cool.

Clean-cut guy: Next time I'll have a knife just like you, bro.

- Outside Coffee Time on NW 21st, around 11pm

-- Overheard by Jen

nor gloom of night

"Our tax dollars don't pay them to make chit chat!"

(The USPS is self-funding and does not receive any tax revenue for
operations.)

- Kenton Station P.O

-- Overheard by Steve

"So, what are you doing later? Besides jumping off the KOIN tower, I mean."

Girl on cell: "Hello? Oh hi, I just wanted to tell you that your parents adopted you and your whole life's a lie. You're a fat sack of crap and everyone hates you. I also just set your dog on fire."

- PSU cafeteria

-- Overheard by Justin

the weather outside is frightful, so is the conversation...

Guy #1: And it was so cold---

Guy #2: And the snot was frozen all over his face.

- Walking down NW 21st last night

-- Overheard by Jen

Brisk, post-Thanksgiving Walk in Berlin

It's that chilly Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I'm on a walk with a friend heading out toward St. Johns. Three late 20-something, sheet rocker-type guys are standing around on the porch of a tired-looking house.

Sheet Rocker 1: "I've been meaning to read Mein Kampf."

Sheet Rocker 2: "Yeah, I hear it's good."

We cross the street.

- Overheard by Gm

It was chilly in the Ladies' that evening...

Girl one, in toilet stall: Brrr!

Girl two, in stall next to her (sing song): My butt is freeeeeezing!

Girl one (sing song): And there's a black thing on my toiiiiilet!

Girl two: Ahhh, the joys of the public restroom...


- Hawthorne Hideaway

-- Overheard by Specklet

Damn hippies!

Overheard on the 33 bus line, an alternative looking couple was talking when the guy gasped and turned to the girl:

Guy: I have a job now...that means I'm a contributing member of society...

Guy and Girl: Wuh-wuh-wuuuuuuhhh....

- Overheard by ali

low tech

A group of seven people are sitting at a long table.
A guy and girl sitting across from one another...

Girl: I'm not technical or anything.

Guy: I know. I've been to your house.

- Greater Trumps

-- Overheard by Laurie

Happy hour

This one is rich. Am in Blue Hour for happy hour on Friday (Nov. 16) and in the corner, up in the front, near a window are a guy and gal. Cocktail server comes up and asks if she can get them anything.

Guy: Yes. I'll take six of those (pointing to the drink his gal is drinking). I want three by I.V., one poured over my head, and the rest in front of me. (Server laughs and walks away.)

- Overheard by Gm

Terminate hipster with extreme prejudice

Stupid Hipster: We can't have lunch at a Jewish deli! This is Wednesday, not Jewsday!

- Inside the Ace Hotel Stumptown

-- Overheard by Ted

the little apple

Little girl to father in central downtown: Are we in New York city right now?

- Overheard by SkyB

Smoking bitches

Scene: Group of three female smokers are outside on a break.

Homeless Man: Smoking bitches, smoking bitches, die smoking bitches, die!

- Downtown at Washington and 5th

-- Overheard by: PDXCABBIE, who writes: He yelled from from the middle of the street. I had to drive around him.

Hemingway

Tall street kid in a trench coat, (loudly speaking into a pay phone):
I'm going to assassinate a bull fighter in Italy! (slams phone receiver down)

Street kid sitting on the side walk (enthusiastically): You do that, Jeff!

Trench coat (yelling): The hairy messiah KNOWS I'm on overload!


- Outside the downtown RiteAid

-- Overheard by Specklet

Ave Maria

Woman: Yeah, you know when I was a kid there was Donnie Osmond. But not like any guy would want to go see Donnie.

Man sitting nearby: I'd go see Marie. Yeah, she's hot.

- Eastbound MAX train, 5:00 rush hour

-- Overheard by Dyana

Oops

Two young guys yelling at each other outside Cedar Hills Crossing in Beaverton.

Guy 1 : So what? I slept with your sister; get over it already!!

Guy 2: Dude, that wasn't my sister that was my MOM!!!


- Overheard by Jim

Saving the Day

(My friends and I walk up to a group of people crowded around a collapsed female streetkid; a male streetkid is kneeling at her side.)

My friend: Is there anything I can do to help? I'm a critical care nurse.

Male streetkid: I know how to keep people breathing! I did heroin for years!

(At this point, we walked away, and heard sirens shortly thereafter.)

- SW 10th & Morrison

-- Overheard by J

I see what you mean

(Woman boards bus with white cane and dark sunglasses)

Woman (to driver): I need to go to *muffled*

Driver: Where?

Woman: Oh nevermind, I'll see it when we get close.

- Overheard on #4 by Aaron

Open road

Driver: I have four days off and I'm going to help my sister-in-law move. It's about a 12 hour drive, but that's OK. It's not like I have to stop every two blocks...

- On the #12 Sandy Bus

-- Overheard by Duffbert

Raging Taqueria Boohoos

Two different men, within minutes of each other, outside Taqueria Los Gorditos on 50th and Division:

Man the First: It's okay, my dad's the sheriff. I am a LOO-OO-OO-OOSER! FUCK YOO-OO-OOU!

Man the Second, to me and companions: Why aren't you kids smoking yet?!

- Overheard by Abner

Comeback

While a girl strums her guitar and sings at Valentine's:

Girl: "Are you listening to this? She sounds just like Lead Belly!"

Guy: "Except Lead Belly played the twelve string."

Girl: "You've worn the same clothes four days in a row."

- Overheard by Joel

blackholes

Father and young son looking at the planetarium schedule

Father: No son, blackholes is not a porno... not here at OMSI.

- At the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry

-- Overheard by Kevin

Too much caffeine

Two girls were walking down Yamhill on Saturday afternoon, and the one of them asked the other:

"Is there such a thing as restless arm syndrome?"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Sushi Town

Heard after my plane landed in Portland on a flight from Boston:

After male passenger comments he is traveling to Vancouver, Washington on business, a female passenger replies,

"You will LOVE vancouver washington. they have great sushi!"

- Overheard by liz