Tired Verbs

First guy: My kid brought home this homework sheet where he had to replace all the "tired verbs."

Second guy: Well, Change and Maverick come to mind.

First guy: Is Maverick a verb?

Second guy: It is now!

- Montgomery Park
-- Overheard by Rich

PC

"I really think it's important to have the multiculturals involved."

-4th & Lincoln

-- Overheard by Meagan

Me love you long time

"That's why I'm a good hooker, cuz I make it last."

-Girl sitting a few rows behind me on the #20 bus this morning

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Ornithophobia

He's weird because he doesn't want to eat at Red Robin for lunch and he eats Vietnamese food.

- Near Powells Bookstore

-- Overheard by Brooke

Boy Milk

Barista: We have soy milk and boy milk. Which would you like?

- Overheard by Michele

Glass half full

Boy #1: Why do you have all your stuff with you?

Boy #2: (Carrying oversized bag of athletic equipment) I have class at 3:50, then I have to ride straight over to practice.

Boy #1: Oh, that sucks.

Boy #2: Well, it could be worse. I could have syphilis.

- Overheard by Lilly

Sedation

Medicated traveler on an overbooked plane: I would be anxious right now if it were chemically possible.

- PDX
-- Overheard by J

TOP backwards

I was on the 12 going out to SE Sandy and there were a ton of 10 year olds on the bus with their teacher coming back from the library, judging by all the library books in their hands.

Boy (to teacher): We think there's a drug addict on the bus!
The other boy: Yeah, he's got a package of, um, nicotine but it doesn't look like nicotine, it's all brown and crumbly.
First boy: And the package says Top, and Top backwards is pot!
The teacher: No, that's just for rolling cigarettes. But what's the lesson here?
Both boys together: Don't do drugs!

- Overheard by Miz Belle

Mom, please?

Listening to a young guy on a borrowed cell-phone asking his mother if he can bring some people he met on the Max train home to hang out with.

Young dude on cell: They smoke cigarettes, but I don't know about weed.

- Blue line Max between Oak/SW 1st Avenue & Oldtown/Chinatown

-- Overheard by Erik

Blueberries

Dude ordering at the counter: So, where are blueberries grown?
Chick behind the counter: Um, in the ground ... mostly ... I think.
Dude: No what region are they grown in? Is there like a special, like, country or something?
Chick: Umm .... Sweden?

- Skinny Dip in the Pearl

-- Overheard by Aaron

Almost sorry

Blonde girl to brunette 'friend': I'm almost sorry I hit you earlier!

- At Hopworks

-- Overheard by: It makes sense if you know them

Intuition Dispenser

First guy (looking at box on the men's room floor): What's that thing? It says "Intuition Dispenser."

Second guy: Some kind of new hands-free towel machine, eh?

First guy: I think maybe we ought to giftwrap the thing and send it to the friggin White House.

- Muu-Muu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Big Girls, You Are Beautiful

Skinny Guy: I like the big girls because they're cleaner and they buy you drinks.

- 20th & E Burnside
-- Overheard by Joe Joe

Lumpy

Woman #1: Well, you know, we're screwed either way. Whether Obama or that other guy with the lump on the side of his face wins...
Woman #2: McCain?
Woman #1: Yeah! I mean, he turns one way and it's just all... (uses hands to demonstrate) THERE! What the fuck is that?

- PCC Sylvania
-- Overheard by Kris

Freaks of Nature

Teen #2: They aren’t going to give your cat back. They’re going to keep it!

Teen #1: I’ll deal with it. [gets on her cell phone]

Teen #1: I heard you aren’t going to give me my cat back! (pause) It’s my cat, I’m going to come by and pick it up today. (pause) If I don’t get my cat back today I’m going to call the cops and have you arrested.

Teen #2: Hey, they changed its name too!

Teen #1: And don’t change my cat’s name. The cat’s name is “Freak” and nothing else! If I don’t get it back I’m going to have you arrested. (pause) I’m going to press charges and have the cops arrest everyone in the entire house! I’ll see you later.

-On the Max
-- Overheard by Bryan

No Delivery Rooms in Talahassee?

On the way up the Portland tram to OHSU hospital...

Woman from Tallahassee: Do they deliver babies at this hospital?

Me: Yes.

Woman from Tallahassee: So they have a place where that happens?

- Overheard by Eddie

First things first

Street Man: I love my kids.
Street Woman: I know, but crack cocaine comes before your children.

- On the way to the Santigold concert
-- Overheard by Jesse

Video of the Week: Khaaan!

When I have a really bad day and need a laugh, I go to Khaaan.com. Sometimes their site is down, so I posted it here.

Renewable power on East 82nd

Teenage-looking canvasser to an older canvasser:
I just met my first hooker today!

- On the #75
-- Overheard by Marianna

Special Competitors

Executive: We're not fucking with them 'cause they're retards.

- In a boardroom
-- Overheard by a sailor of the licorice seas

Neither Nor

(Ugly Betty comes on after the VP debates)

Girl #1: Are we seriously watching this?
Guy: I don't have the remote...nor is it my house.
(pause)
Girl #2: Wait...who's Nor?

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Thursday's Child has far to go

Girl #1: Oh my god, at work today, the kids had to write stories and they are the worst writers ever! One kid had an entire paragraph with no periods and a bunch of them were capitalizing days of the week and stuff. It was awful.

Girl #2: You're supposed to capitalize days of the week.

Girl #1(in embarrassed awe): No! You're kidding right? I told them they weren't supposed to...

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Role reversal

Girl on the phone: Well he's cute, but he isn't that cute to ruin your life over.
*pause*
Girl on the phone: Yeah, even then you'll still have a job.
*pause*
Girl on the phone: Love you Mom, talk to you later.

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Zac

Numbers

Woman (to her male friend): I am trying to figure out how long 14 minutes and 6 minutes is in total.
Male Friend: 20 minutes.
Woman: Regular math and time math are the same?

- Yellow line MAX
--Overheard by Benja

Dissection of my divorce

Gal: The secret to a lasting marriage is to have separate blankets. It's a like a metaphor--you're sharing a bed but you wrap yourselves in your own separate comfort and self-esteem.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Oh, yeah? Your mother...

Guy 1: The fish tacos are really good here.

Guy 2: Your mom's fish taco is really good.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by John, who writes: "LOL, your mom riffs get me every time."

Om Amen

Guy at Bar: Buddha meets JC? What is that? The next Debate?

- Muu-Muu's

-- Overheard by Rich, who was trying to explain why the upcoming Bearing Witness conference is bringing together meditators from Buddhism and Christianity for the first time ever on Oct. 10-12 here in PDX.

Video of the Week: Story of a Sign

I was in New York last week and I noticed how the homeless there just shake their change cups and never speak until spoken to. Very different than Portland.

And then when I got back, someone sent me this wonderful film called Historia de un letrero. Watch how, with a stroke of the pen, a stranger transforms the afternoon for another man in this emotionally stirring short film by Alonso Alvarez.

Dont read this until you see the film:

This film won the Cannes short film award. And I thought a while about just why this film strikes such a chord.
Here is my take:

For most of our lives, we are all the blind man who cannot see the beautiful day.

Still Dead

Two middle aged white trashy looking women:

Lady #1: How's Carrie?
Lady #2: She's dead, remember? Her dad killed her...(said very matter of fact)
Lady #1: Oh, that's right.

- On the #77
-- Overheard by Deb

Burger King RIFF

Guy on Cell phone: You want to do something tonight, I have the night off from work, I was fired. Yeah, the reason was bullshit, I know they did it because I was 2 months away from my 6 month evaluation and they didn't want to give me a raise.

- On the #14 bus

-- Overheard by Deb

Daddy's Little Girl

Small child to her father: You're a sad puppy, that burps. You're a stinky puppy, that's sad, and burps.

- On the bus yesterday afternoon

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

I think I know this woman...

Two men discussing the women who work in a downtown law firm:

Guy 1: What's that attorney's name again? Stacey?

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: She's a freak too man. All these women are freaks. Why was she wearing a see-through shirt like that?

Guy 2: I don't know man...

Guy 1: Must be her age. Women at that age have reached their sexual peak.

- Restroom
-- Overheard by Skip

Born on a bad sign

Male cashier to female cashier: Hey, that's my pen.

Female cashier: No it's not, Kayla gave me this pen.

Male cashier: Kayla and I have the same birthday.

Female cashier: But you hate Kayla.

Male cashier: I know, isn't that weird?

- Downtown RiteAid
-- Overheard by a different Rich

Water bored

Girl #1: What's the opposite of constipation?
Girl #2: I dunno. Diarrhea?
Girl #1: Well. What's the opposite of constipation that's not diarrhea?
(Pause as Girl #2 thinks this over.)
Girl #1: All I know is that I sure have been drinking a lot of water this weekend and it hasn't been good.

- Heard through the vent in the Buffalo Exchange dressing room. These girls were probably next door trying on clothes in Red Light and had no idea that several people could hear every word that they were saying.

-- Overheard by Autum

Our Survey Says!

Cops are loading notoriously belligerent Homeless Guy into the CHIERS van on NW 23rd.

Surveyor at tripod (into his radio): Are they taking his belongings?

Voice on Radio: No, they are leaving his cart behind. You can probably get whatever you want out of it in a minute.

Surveyor at tripod: They are just going to make a bad situation worse; he'll get out and have to steal to fill up his cart again.

Voice on Radio: Right behind you, headed North. Killer Redhead!

- NW 23rd and Marshall

-- Overheard by Rich

Another side effect of smoking

Old man to young lady smoking a cigarette: You know you really shouldn't smoke!

Young lady: Why not?

Old man: Because if you smoke you will only attract low lifes who smoke too...

- Dublin Pub

-- Overheard by Lori

Overlooked in PDX: Phone to Terabithia?

7187 sends us this pic of a touchtone phone near Overlook footbridge.

Nun Bun

Kid: Look mommy, a witch!!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.

- At Mt. Angel Oktoberfest while everyone was watching the glockenspiel chime
-- Overheard by Natalie

T15

Voice heard from my apartment window, 3am on Friday: Dude, the economy is so bad, it's like $15 for a legit T-shirt.

- Overheard by Carissa

Hey, nena!

Techie Coworker: Dude, do me a favor. When you know she's looking, go to HotHispanicChicks.com.

- MAX Blue Line, Beaverton Central

-- Overheard by Jeff

Drill, Baby, Drill!!!

Woman: I work with Sarah Palin's Uncle, and I can't say anything because people around me are like "Oh yeah, she is sooo great!"

Man: Obama totally got outplayed on that VP pick. He's betting on the intelligence of the American electorate. Karl Rove is betting on the stupidity of the American Electorate and that is why they're going to win.

- Wilf's

-- Overheard by Rich

Human Canvas Project

One of the Human Canvas Project canvases: Can somebody blow on my butt-crack?

- Overheard backstage at the recent Human Canvas Project at The Fez, after the models' whole bodies were painted white. The paint wasn't drying quickly enough for some.

Our???

Man on cell describing his weekend: Then Saturday we got a wild hair up our butt...

- Overheard by So that’s what makes hairs wild

Gentlemen Prefer Hanes

Office troubleshooter, on phone: We’re going to have to put pantyhose on the monster, because we need control.

- In the office

-- Overheard by lauraf

Baby maker

Young guy talking with young woman, back of crowded #77 bus: I make beautiful babies.

- Overheard by Kimberley, who writes: "Nice pick-up line, dude."

Bumble Bee

14 year old boy to his friend: I've never been able to figure out how the Transformers are able to see in car form.

- In Forest Park yesterday afternoon

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Video of the Week: Portland, Oreganic

Here is the film that should have won the Merc's video contest for "My Pretty Portland." Probably NSFW.

Deep

Woman: If you drop a pickle or a bratwurst down her throat, it's gone.

- Outside of Crush

-- Overheard by b!X

Suddenly, Seymour

Female college student to her roommate: The original tentacle porn... Little Shop of Horrors.

- Overheard by lshaver

Rug burn

College girl #1: Larry's rug is a trap!
College girl #2: Her rug has a penis?

- Overheard by lshaver