Dijon

A 71 bus pulled up next to a 75 at the stoplight near the Hawthorne Fred Meyer. The 75 driver motioned for 71 driver to open his doors, then yelled:

"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

- Overheard by Eph Zero

11 year olds

Co-Worker brings his son into the office.

Co-Worker: This is my son.

Me: How old are you?

Kid: 11.

Me: My son's 11. Do you know him?

- Overheard by Dave

Better living through chemicals

20 something gent to another: I'm about to get Eco-Loaded!

- Better Living Show, near Elemental Vodka station-- equipped with free samples
-- Overheard by EmmaJean

Night at the Museum

Guy to his friend at Omsi's After Dark adults only night: Dude! You gotta come play with these balls!

Me: That's what she said!

- Overheard by Jessica

Seeking nearest exit

Man to date 12:02 am New Years’ Eve during a noticeably uncelebratory conversation:
I’m a weird guy and you met me at a weird time.

Relationship status: no longer together.

- Overheard by someone

Facebook

"Yeah, I cheated on my girl just a little bit ago and then my face started to itch."

- Clark County Health Department in Vancouver
-- Overheard by Michele

Stalker

"It's kind of hard to stalk me, most of the time I don't even know what I'm doing..."

- Airport
-- Overheard by April

Taste, not technology

Man to his two young daughters while shopping for Ice Cream: All natural ingredients........No that wont taste right.

- Safeway
-- 39th & Powell by Alex

Here in White Center

20-something girl getting out of car after just having parked it on a nondescript downtown-Portland street, exclaims to anyone around to hear:

"GOD! Oregon is SO WEIRD!"

A quick glance at license plates reveals Washington plates.

- Overheard by Ed

Punch drunk love

Gentleman to his lady friend: You're the only girl I've ever been with who makes me like getting punched in the face, and I still want your snatch.

- At the bus stop this morning
-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Potential WMDs

Lady to her two young boys: STOP THAT! Those are NOT weapons!!

The two boys of about 6 were running into each other pushing New Season's miniature "helper" shopping carts"

- New Seasons @ Orenco Station (Hillsboro)
-- Overheard by Nation

Spare some change?

Outside my work on SW Broadway and Alder, by the coffeeshop, middle of the day. Two transient women were having a loud conversation, and this is what I heard:

"And I woke up this morning and all I had was nine bucks and a bag of heroin!"

- Overheard by Alexia

Almost never

Girl: Nope, I've never smoked anything before in my life.

Guy 1: Really?

Girl: Yup.

Guy 2: ...Not even crack?


- Overheard by italiamusica

Canvassor

Girl on phone: Hi...no, I don't actually want to talk to you, I just needed to look busy so those f*ckers asking for sh*t outside the library would leave me the f*ck alone. (Pauses and listens) Love you too mom, bye."

-- PSU campus
~ Overheard by Jenni, who writes: "Not that they don't annoy me as well, but wow...I laughed for the rest of the day!"

Stem cells

Woman to another woman: Obama needs to hurry up with the stem cells. I need them for my birthday next year.

- Costello's, 3/11/09, 1pm
-- Overheard by Peter

Before the shoe flew

As I am in the process of getting into my pajamas, my husband comes into the room, stops, and says:

"Wow, you're very, um, verbose."

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Four winds

Fuck dude, wind comes in multiple directions.

- Hawthorne Street
-- Overheard by Robert

Sequitur?

First woman: I couldn't do my work there anymore, so I packed up my...

Second woman: Boat horn?

First woman: ...stapler...

- Overheard by Ben

Overtweaked

At Saturday market:

Street-performer juggling machetes: How's it going?

Tweeked out looking guy walking by: How's it going!? I'M BLIND!!

He wasn't blind...

- Overheard by Ali

Naked

While looking at a photography book at Powell's in which the artist had his friends lay in pitch black rooms, naked, covered with some sort of soot substance, then took a flash photograph of them...

Girl 1: These have to be photoshopped. Something is wrong with their faces...
long pause
Girl 2: ...and their bodies.

- Overheard by Lauren

Morman

Someone in the Watchmen line at Llyod center: I was morman till I was 12. Then my parents decided they wanted to drink, smoke and get divorced.

- Overheard by Marc

Sweater girl

As people were collecting their minds, bodies and material possessions after a house show. 

Young Archie comic looking girl: Ian, I can't find my ironic sweater!

- Overheard by Jordan

Conspiracy

Woman talking on her cellphone: ...that would be the perfect crime, so before I pull the trigger...

- On the #78 bus
-- Overheard by Fatima

Felidae

Middle-aged lady: Yup, that's my daughter. She wants our oldest cat to die so that it can be skinned and stuffed.

- Pioneer Place
-- Overheard by Megan

Everything under one roof

Hipster: Oh, yeah, the Barnes and Noble here is the best place to take a shit.

-- Lloyd Center Mall
- Overheard by Lisa

Female Circumcision

In our birthing class in Clackamas today...

Instructor: Boys aren't routinely circumcised anymore. It's about 50/50 now.

Father-to-be: What about girls?

- Overheard by Marc

Soon to be over relationship

Girl 1 to Girl 2: And then he said to me "I thought we agreed we weren't seeing anyone else anymore." Then she laughed.

- Overheard by Kirsten

Adoption

Guy 1: Wasn't your ex-girlfriend adopted from some country?
Guy 2: No, not her. My current girlfriend. She is Korean, and she's adopted.
Guy 1: (pause) . . . What's up with Koreans and adoption anyway?

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Chris

Paint it Black

Man on cellphone trying to console friend (very loudly):
I don't know why women find you unattractive, Frank!
*brief silence*
Well go and paint yourself black if you think it'll do any good!

- Pioneer Square Starbucks
--Overheard by Frank

Pig in a Poke

Blonde Girl: I wanna get a mini pig
Brunette Girl: They don't stay mini the whole time
Blonde Girl: I know, but I want to take it put it in a skirt and a little mini diaper and prance it around. At least as long as it is still cute.

- In a public hot tub in my apt building near PSU campus.
-- Overheard by Jake

Neither lender or borrower be

Guy to punk rock girlfriend: I've never done tweek in my life! I have sold it though...

- Outside the downtown library
--Overheard by Hank

When you need it bad, get it at Plaid

Woman behind me in line to employee with shit eating grin:

Woman: Hey, how's it going"

Employee: Really good! My friend just harvested a new crop!

Woman: No shit!

Employee: I've sold two ounces of mushrooms at work tonight!

- Plaid Pantry in SE
-- Overheard by tomash

Lolita

Teen Girl 1: And that's when I started to have a crush on my dad.
Teen Girl 2: Ewwww!
Teen Girl 1: But he's my *step* dad, so it's not gross.
Teen Girl 2: (looks disgusted) ...I guess.

- On bus near SE Division and 39th.
-- Overheard by Katt

The Good Ship Safeway

Guy with big bushy beard (into the payphone): Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease.

- Outside the the St. Johns Safeway

-- Overheard by Mark

lethal feet

In the employee locker room of swanky downtown hotel:

Guy 1: (Cough) Dude, what is up with your socks? Was that anthrax?

Guy 2: It's magic.

Guy 1: (Cough, cough)

- Submitted by Crash

we all have to make sacrifices

Boy: My dad got rid of our cable.

His friend's mom: Why is that?

Boy: Stock market.


- Burgerville on Hawthorne
-- Overheard by awkwardboyhero

Corporal punishment

Cashier One: Oh, yeah. My dad would grab me by the hair and beat the crap out of me with a wooden spoon.

Cashier Two: Are you serious?

Cashier One: Of course. I deserved it, you know. I think more kids should get beat nowadays. Made me the person I am.

- Deseret Thrift Store on SE 82nd

--Overheard by Zen Angel

Northwest in a nutshell

A hyped young girl is soliciting funds for an environmental group...

Hype girl: Hey do you have a minute to help save woodland furies?

Man: I'm a logger.

Hype Girl: I sure you do it sustainably.

- Outside of Pioneer Place Mall
-- Overheard by Mark

At the Hoth Branch

Female coworker: I should probably stop being mean to you.
Male coworker: You should. Or I'll have to cut you open and sleep in your body like a Ton-Ton.

- In my office
-- Overheard by Nathan

It's everywhere you want to be

Mid-twenties Guy walks into a bar when it opens for breakfast...

Guy: Hey, I need to pick up a credit card for someone that left it here last night.
Bartender: Yeah? Your friend have a little too much too drink and forget their card?
Guy: It was my mom.

- Laurelthirst Public House
-- Overheard by Nacion

Blood on the Tracks

Homeless guy: Hey man, do you like poetry?

Man: No, I even wrote a poem about how much I hate poetry...and I don't have any change.

- Overheard by Anita

Mama Mia

KJ: I love Abba like I love sex.

- During karaoke at Claudia's on Hawthorne
-- Overheard by Samantha

Baby shower

Mom to pregnant daughter: I'm not going to invite them until they act like the adults they act like they think they are.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

UnderArmour

Husband, trying to get ready for work: Why did I grab underwear? I can't put that on my feet.

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Take the Cannoli

Woman at Powell's on Hawthorne, wielding a used book.

Woman: I want to return this book. It stinks.

Clerk: You don't like Sarah Vowell?

Woman: No, I don't like the way it smells.

- Overheard by Raymond

Pickup game

1st Girl: Oh look the Blazers are playing at the Rose Quarter tonight.

2nd Girl: Yeah and so is San Antonio.

1st Girl: Oh...I wonder if they're playing each other?

2nd Girl: I don't know...maybe...

- On the #8 bus near the Rose Quarter
-- Overheard by Sarah

Believe in the Power of Work

Woman on cellphone: I'm in Goodwill finding treasures cuz... I THINK I GOT A JOB!

- Overheard by Ry

The patch is for quitters

Woman to her salty waitress: How are you doing with the non-smoking thing?
Salty waitress: I'm on Nicorette.

- Horse Brass Pub
-- Overheard by Matt

Xtreme Fighting

My friend and I overhear a 5 y.o. boy and his mom talking:

Mom: So honey, did he try to break your arm before or after you were strangling him?

- The Schnitz
-- Overheard by Berlliner, who writes: "My friend and I walked inside, looked at each other, and cracked up."

Awesome

I was walking in front of the Crystal Ballroom and two men were changing the letters on the marquee:

Man 1: I hope they don't mind that I spelled awesome without the e (awsome) . We ran out of e's.

Man 2: (emphatically) I care! Its the best word in the english language.

- 13th and burnside.
-- Overheard by John