Gypsy curse

My girlfriend and I outside our apt near PSU...

Old Lady: Do you two have a menthol cigarette?
Us: Nope.
Old Lady: Do you sell them?
Us: No, we don't smoke.
Old Lady: Period?
Us: Yeah.
Old Lady: Ok be gone with you.


- Submitted by Jake, who writes: "Creeped me the fuck out."

Slap on the wrist

Man: I hope the bus comes soon cuz I gotta get to court!
Other man: I don't care what you gotta do, I am going to slap you like a little bitch!

- SW 5th and Pine
-- Overheard by Mandy

Sleepover

Two teenage girls having coffee at Vivace: If I were the kind of parent who wouldn't allow my daughter to have a sleepover with her boyfriend...and I knew she was gay... I wouldn't let her have a sleep-over with her girlfriend either. Breakfast would just be weird.

- NW 23rd
-- Overheard by aoborne

Lookout

9- or 10-year old kid: Is that an unmarked police car over there?
Dad: (worriedly) Where?

- West Burnside at 20th
-- Overheard by Josh

Losing it in Hood River

9-year old boy holding a woman's hand as they walked down the main drag.

Son: Mom, you're losing your marbles.

Mom: Thank you.

- Hood River
-- Overheard by PeterK.

Awkward

Woman: Why can't you be all cute and awkward like that?
Man: I have the awkard part down.

- Lloyd Center Regal 10 Theaters
-- Overheard by Chris

Rich Man? Poor Man?

When: Early May, weekday, about 9:30 AM
Where: Downtown, on westbound MAX
Who: Healthy 30-something parents and their energetic pre-school son.

Son : We're going to work! We're going to work! We're going to work! ...

Mom : Honey... honey ... we don't have jobs.

- Overheard by Broadside Johniie, who writes: "My initial reaction was "what a poignant reminder of the current state of things." The first person I shared this story with replied "Well, maybe they don't have to work."

Mama told me not to come...

Where: Beavers game at PGE Park, the row in front of me and my wife.
When: Sunday afternoon, May 25th
Who: a couple of adult women (sisters?) talking about an upcoming wedding-related event.

First woman: so, are you going?

Second woman: yeah, probably.

First woman: Well, if you see Mom drinking there, that's a violation of her release conditions.

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Criteria for potential dates

Two young men crossing the street:

Guy A: I mean she's how You know she's hotter than a jar of mayonnaise. You know what I mean?

Guy B: No.

- Overheard by Adam

Possums

On the 12 to downtown from SW

He: Comin' up to the Swan Mart.
Me: Uh yep.
He: That's where possums go.
Me: Oh really.
He: TO DIE.
Me: That's just great, man, I'm gonna go sit over here now.
He: Fuckin' possums.

- Submitted by Lusus

Guo Pu fights Wild Bill Hickok

"THIS table. It's kind of like really feng shui for me.... Like, I don't like to sit with my back to the door."

- Green Dragon
-- Overheard by Matt

We live in the same world as these people

Setting - Chevron
Mission - Buy beer

Clerk: Can I see your ID?

Me: Sure (hand over passport)

Clerk: I'm sorry we don't accept passports identification here, they are too easy to get.

Me: (Stammering) Ummm...a passport is the most secure piece of identification that a civilian in America can have. Why won't you take it?!

Clerk: It's not secure! You can buy them at Walgreens!

Me: Mam, you can only purchase a passport photo at Walgreens, not the actual passport. (Muttered to myself as I left WITHOUT the beer because she wouldn't accept it as ID.)


- Submitted by Lauren

Already thinking about his next meal

Man (dreamily): french fries... tater tots...

- Kettleman Bagels
-- Overheard by Laura

Overrun by Prostitutes and Bordellos

Portland walking tour guide in Old Town (to the group of mostly older folks):…used to think this area was overrun by prostitutes and bordellos.

- They were standing directly under the sign for the Spyce Gentleman’s Club on 2nd and Couch
-- Overheard by Kim

Chicken Run

4 y.o. girl looking perplexed at all the pigeons at Pioneer Square: What are ALL these chickens doing HERE?!

- Overheard by s.m.

Kaifeng

Hipster chick #1 to hipster chick #2: How many times do I have to tell you that I don't fucking speak Chinese, you Jewish bitch!

- On the portland bound 12 bus
-- Overheard by John

Juicer

Guy to his Son: Yeah I juiced it.... but then the blood of Jesus came out...

- Portland Farmer's Market in SW park blocks
-- Overheard by Connor

Vein

Guy in doorway: Come on vein! You'se a junkie vein!

- Downtown
-- Overheard by ASO

Dog leg

In an office building in Vancouver, WA:

"I kept getting the sudden urge to lick his legs."

(In a conversation regarding a co-worker's dog.)

- Overheard by Adam

...but I'm the dad!

Woman to Little Boy: Who's the mama and who's the daddy?

Little Boy: Two mamas!

Woman to Little Boy: Um, no, I'm the mama and he's the daddy!

Little Boy: Two mamas!

Daddy: Uh just because I have long hair and I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not the DAD!!!!

Little Boy: ... I want my hammer! I have work gloves!

- Outside of Whole Foods, 15th and Fremont
-- Overheard by Kim

Wanted

While waiting for the streetcar to the Waterfront...11th and Alder I think...

Dazed looking woman with thickly bandaged leg: Do you know where the Justice Center is?

Me: Um...no... I think it's on washington.

Woman: "That way?" she points the opposite way of where the streetcar would take her and I nod.
"Okay. I have to find it. I need to turn myself in"

Me: Uh-huh?

Woman: Yeah, but i have to go to safeway first. I need orange juice.

Me: .....

- Overheard by Shelby

how to avoid swine flu...

Overheard in OMSI restroom stall:

Mom to toddler: No, no! We use our feet to flush, watch me.

I'm not sure where she put her foot, they have auto flushing toilets...

- Overheard by Tami

Must work for the Northwest Examiner

Man: Where can we go then?

Woman: Well, we can’t go back here, not allowed at Home Depot, or Fred Meyers.

Man: What about Walgreens?

Woman: Which one?

Man: That way. (pointed east)

Woman: No, they won’t let us there either.

- Coming out of Target in Beaverton
-- Overheard by Nina

Jackie Chan's Last Movie

I was sitting at a stop light on 99W near the Fred Meyer waiting for the light to turn green, when the guy in the car next to me looked over and asked

"Do you know what Jackie Chan's last movie was?"

I said "I have no idea." The light turned green and we both drove on.

- Overheard by Travis

Memento

Guy 1: So how was your weekend?

Guy 2: Every Monday somebody asks me how my weekend was, and every Monday I say, "I don't fucking remember, I was fucking blackout drunk. When are you people going to learn?"

Guy 1: (just stares straight ahead)

- PSU
-- Overheard by Jenni

Ink

Woman coming out of a strip club: Her tattoo matched my bra.

- Overheard by Clinton

Ingredients for Life!

Homeless man: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Homeless woman: You're the one who got so drunk last night that you couldn't walk and then you peed yourself. So what is wrong with YOU? That's just plain rude.

- Safeway by Lloyd Center
-- Overheard by Mandy

Made in Oregon

Man to his Wife as they look at the Whole 9 Yards display window on E. Burnside:
Yeah, but the whole deer thing is way overdone in Portland.

- Overheard by Steve

Not big on wieners in India

An Indian national, on spying the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile drive by: What the heck is that?!?

- Overheard by Steve

Save Money. Live Better

Girl on cell phone: My cousin always goes to Walmart at 2 am, and she never invites me.
Girl: She invites her mom, because she's her "best friend", but never me. Like, I'm her cousin!
(silence)
Girl: Yeah, she wakes up at 2 and goes.
(silence)
Girl: Because that's the best time to go. There's no lines or traffic or anything.
Girl: Yeah. You've never done that?

- Target
-- Overheard by Stepanie

and that's the TOOTH!

Co-worker in her 40's talking to benefits representative by phone: I have had this tooth since the fifth grade!

- Overheard by Lori

The King

Loud expert on all things classic rock: I can do whatever I want! I'm elvis! I can do your wife!

- At MFP
-- Heard by Shelby

Girlfriend

Hungover Guy #1: I called my girlfriend last night? Did I say anything stupid?

Guy #2: No.

Guy #1: So I didn't say anything about the strippers or coke?

Guy #2: Nope.

Guy #1: OK, good.

- Heard in IHOP on McLoughlin at 10am Saturday morning
-- Overheard by CL

LiLash

Woman to friend: "So eventually I had to cut my eyelashes, because they were getting so long that they would get spiderwebs on them."

-Overheard by Emily

Soap box

Standing outside the PSU Library, one could hear a man a block away proselytizing about Christ.

I overheard woman say: I’d rather listen to the hippies jamming.

- Overheard by Tom

Classic Schwinns

On Sunday we rode our 1970s Schwinn bicycles to Alameda and parked them outside of a restaurant where we sat down nearby to eat lunch.

Dad to his son (about 5 years old): Wow... look at those cool old bikes!

Son: Weird.

- Overheard by S

Easter

Tween girl #1: Easter is such a white holiday!

Tween girl #2: Yeah, they wouldn't even make fried rice!

- 82nd Fred Meyer, Easter Sunday
-- Overheard by Jorden, who writes "I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either..."

Return of the Black Panthers

Woman: You'll never believe what I saw yesterday, right outside my own window! Black Panther cats. Just walking around like they owned the neighborhood.

Man: Black Panther cats?

Woman: Yeah, can you believe it! I mean, this is BEAVERTON we're talking about.

Man: What do you mean, Black Panthers were outside your window?

Woman: You know, Black Panther cats. Those big stray cats that look like black panthers.

Man: Oh.


- Guiseppe's restaurant in SE Portland
-- Zen Angel.

backstory

Girl 1: Eww, it smells like sewage.

(Girl 3 storms out of the car and into the bar.)

Girl 1: She is sooo stuck up.

Girl 2: I have cum on my shirt.

- Outside Eye Candy last night
-- Overheard by Jesse

Rainbow Warriors

Between two kids in their late teens in front of my home in South Beaverton

Boy : Yeah that house down there has some like rainbow crap on it.

Girl: Like lesbian stuff or like religious propaganda?

Boy: Religious propaganda?

Girl: Yeah I heard about this religious cult, you know like Catholicism, in like New York where they use rainbows and stuff it's like the "Rainbow Coalition" or something!

- Overheard by Mike

Observe and Report

Guy 1: My dad taught me how to make meth.

Guy 2: Yeah?

Guy 1: My dad's a cop.

- On the MAX Red Line
-- Overheard by Michele

300 Level Just Doesn't Give a Shit!

At Blazers / L*kers game.

T-shirt on two guys walking down to his 100 level seats: "Luck the Fakers".

Matching t-shirts on a group of of three guys wondering around on the 200 level: "F**k the Lakers".

T-shirt on a one middle aged man strutting through the 300 level: "FUCK THE LAKERS!"

My buddy: Woah, 300 level just don't give a shit, huh??

- Overheard by John

Boy's room

5 Year Old Boy: Is this the Boy's Room?
Me: Yes, did you see the Cowboy on the door? Aren't you a Cowboy?
5 Year Old Boy: No, I'm a Raider's fan.

- Overheard by Rick

Oedipus now

dude #1: Hey, motherfucker!

dude #2: Dude, you have to stop calling me that.

dude #1: Why? i mean it with love, motherfucker.

dude #2: Shh. shit, man. you make it sound like i'm some kind of asshole.

dude #1: Hey, you're the one who thought it'd be cool to have a kid.

- Downtown Wednesday
-- Overheard by Myrrh

Gave at the gym

Faculty to another, heading towards the elevator on the 4th floor of Neuberger Hall:
I go to the gym--I don't need to take the stairs.

- PSU
-- Overheard by Marianna

Salvia

Guy: Dude, I'm never going to do Salvia again.
Girl 1: When did you buy Salvia?
Guy: I didn't, you left it at my house.
Girl 1: What? I didn't even know that I'd bought any!
Guy: Yeah, and you left it at my house. I did way too much--It was the worst experience of my life. I threw the rest out.
Girl 1: What!?! I can't believe you threw away my Salvia!

- Coffee shop on NW 21st
-- Overheard by Ansel

Hot dogs & b-ball

In Zach Shack on Hawthorne, watching Blazers away game at Houston. Blazers are losing, lots of grumbling.

Dude at bar: Houston sucks! Houston, go home!
Dude at table: Um, they are home?
(awkward pause)
Dude at bar: ...To their HOUSES!

- Overheard by Martha, who writes: "This moment made up for the obnoxious douche sitting next to me, who was cheering for the Rockets incidentally."

Power

Guy 1: You girls just don't realize the power you have.
Girl: Why, because we have pretty faces?
Guy 1: Yeah! We guys like it!
Guy 2 (Sitting in the middle): I can't believe I'm trapped between an intelligent conversation! I'm actually really dumb.

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Dalas, who writes: "I couldn't figure out if he was being sarcastic or he was actually that stupid. The other 15 minutes of the conversation pointed towards stupid."

Scary things

Gay boy in a beaver t-shirt: Parks are filled with scary things.

Companion: Scary things?

Gay boy: ...like bugs.

- Laurelhurst Park
-- Overheard by Marianna

Maybe it's time to shut up

A snippet of a conversation between a woman and a mounted patrol officer on SW 5th Ave.

Officer: Do you have a question?

Woman: Yes, I want to know why I'm getting a ticket, and not some kind of warning.

Officer: Ma'am, I tried to give you a warning.

- Overheard by PAgent