Ghosts of the Indian Herb

In this video, I read my latest story: Ghosts of the Indian Herb. Recorded at the GHOST STORIES Open Mic event at Joe's Cellar in Portland on April 16, 2011.

Anomolee at the Poetry Slam

In this video, Anomolee performs at the Backspace Poetry Slam on April 10, 2011 in Portland.

Ghost Stories: 10:00am Saturday, April 16th at Joe's Cellar

The folks who brought you Cat Stories a few weeks ago are proud to announce the sequel event:

GHOST STORIES
TIME: 10:00am
DATE: Saturday, April 16th
PLACE: Joe's Cellar, 1332 Northwest 21st Avenue, Portland

We need your stories!
Got a ghost story? Get up on stage and tell your tale while the band performs a musical accompaniment.

Fahrenheit 451

Office worker #1: I'll take your newspaper for my fireplace again.

Office worker #2: You like to build fires, don't you?

Office worker #1: Yeah, I love my fireplace. I'm thinking about buying some wood.

- Financial Institution Call Center

-- Overheard by Deb

Manwich

Well to do woman walks out of St. Honore' bakery on NW Thurman.

Hipster street kid: Hey can you spare any change?

Well to do woman: No, but you can have my leftover croissant. [which runs about $4]

Hipster street kid: No way, I'm vegan.

- Overheard by Tom

Couch surfer

Chad 1: Dude, I didn't wake you up last night when I came home did I?
Chad 2: Only a little bit.
Chad 1 takes long drag from Venti Starbucks.
Chad 2: So dude, who was that girl on the couch this morning?
Chad 1: I have no idea.
Chad 2: Nice. 

- In line at Zupans
--Overheard by Amie

Texting

Woman #1: So he cheated on you... What is it you like about this guy?
Woman #2: Our texting. We can go back and forth for like hours and hours!

- Muu Muus
-- Overheard by Rich

Guns and Smartphones

Woman to group of men: We're a modern family. My nephew just got a .22 shotgun and an iPhone for his birthday.

- Nob Hill Pub

-- Overheard by Rich, who writes: "I don't know which is funnier: the notion of a .22 caliber shotgun or that kind of combo present for a kid."

Attitude-free

Angry woman on the phone: I don't have an attitude! I'm saying it's okay you want to be an asshole!

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Libby

It Is Ironic, Isn't It?

Group of teenage girls having an energetic conversation: You see why I don't get irony? It's cause of that song!"

- Overheard by Libby, who writes: "It's ironic because the only thing ironic about that song is that nothing in it is actually ironic."

Rich writes: "Hadn't heard it for years, but I played Alanis today and damn, that's good stuff!"

Knuckles

Lady: What is wrong with your knuckles?

Teenager: What? There is nothing wrong with them.

Lady: Yea, they are all red and banged up. Look, look at my knuckles. Mine don't look like that. Well you could see them if I wasn't so fat. But they are there.

- Sweet Tomatoes
-- Overheard by Gerald

Cat Stories: Come Tell Your Tale March 19, 2011

UPDATE: In this podcast, I interview Phil Farrell from Smell Mop on the upcoming Cat Stories show. Download the MP3.

Here's a place where you will undoubtedly overhear some weird stuff:

The band known as Smell Mop will present Cat Stories, a live interactive performance on Saturday, March 19 at 9:30am at Joe's Cellar, 1332 Northwest 21st Avenue in Portland.

Cat lovers are invited to get up on stage and tell a story about their favorite pet while the band performs a musical accompaniment.

The truth hurts

Earnest blonde discussing facelifts: She needed that lift. She told me, 'Oh, I didn't really need it,' but I told her..."

- Bread & Ink
-- Overheard by lauraf

Video: NUTZ

In this film shot in Portland, a man wakes up from a dream of a squirrel apocalypse.

Produced by Honor System Snack Box.

Nerds

Mother 1: So, for graduation, my daughter wanted a poster of some rock star named Julian Casablancas ... and a poster of Abraham Lincoln.
Mother 2: ...what a nerd!
Mother 1: I know, right!?


- At Townshend's Tea House
-- Overheard by Ansel

Fair use

Wannabe Musician: It's not like I'm stealing any music. I'm just borrowing the lyrics.

- Clackamas Fred Meyer
-- Overheard by Capt. Mobius

Party Naked

Overheard while standing in the beer line at Cinema 21:

"Portland is just like any other city, only there's more alcohol and nudity."

- Overheard by Howard

Stateside

On the max this morning, headed downtown, we got stuck on the bridge. People got bored, which is never good, because they start revealing things about themselves.

One ex-military to another: I was gonna go to Iraq before my ex-husband stabbed me in the side with a steak knife.

- Overheard by Christa

Give me an "A"

Entrepreneur (to Angel): What is the startup scene like here in Portland?
Angel: It's like cheerleaders on crutches.

- Bye & Bye Kickstarter Meetup
-- Overheard by Rich

Dinosaurs

A girl and a guy at a restaurant with toy dinosaurs. The girl is looking at the names of the dinosaurs printed on the bottoms:

Girl (reading): "Parasaurolophus."
Guy: That's a made-up dinosaur name.
Girl: They're all made-up.

- Laughing Planet on NW 10th
-- Overheard by Alex

All the single ladies

3rd grade girl to another at the drinking fountain: So, are you single?

- At a North Portland elementary school
-- Overheard by Ellen

Contract with America

Woman at bar: I have a confession to make; When I was a waitress, I spit in Newt Gingrich's salad.

- Muu Muus
-- Overheard by Rich

Sausage Love

Three girls headed to Rontoms on a Friday night

Girl #1: I LOVE sausage and pie. Together.
Girl #2: I know what you mean.
Girl #3: Yeah

- Overheard by Porte

Higher Education

Hipster #1, coming to a sudden realization: Is everyone at this table applying for grad school?


- Utopia Cafe
-- Overhead by lauraf

Suction him

Leaving the ER, there are two women in scrubs walking towards me.

Woman 1: So I said someone better get in there and suction him before he dies...

Woman 2: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Woman 1: ... because I sure ain't gonna do it!

- Local hospital

Video: The Dream of the 90's is Alive in Portland

It has been really quiet here, so I thought our readers might enjoy this video. Happy Holidays!

AARP Porn

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Jigsaw Falling Into Place

Sorry to interrupt whatever it is that normally happens here, but last night I got lectured that I'm not putting enough of my stuff out there.

This past Spring, the folks over at Aniboom hosted a contest where writers and animators could submit storyboards set to songs from Radiohead's new album In Rainbows. I think it's still going on, but the band will judge the contest and the winner gets $10K to produce a music video.

So here is my entry. It didn't make the finals, but it did inspire me to do a film script that I think has some legs.

Cheers,

-Rich

Flight of the Conchords

You know, Flight of the Conchords - it's like Glee for hipsters.

- In my office
- Overheard by Emma

Virgin ghost

Girl to her friends: Oh my god, if I died right now I would come back and haunt you until I wasn't a virgin anymore!

- Overheard by Zira

Sammich Newbie

Food Cart Browser: Are Reubens vegetarian?

- Outside of Pastrami on Rye
-- Overheard by Dave

That Sam Adams

Bitter old man: So they told you no more plastic bags?
Checker: No, I just came in one day and they were gone.
Bitter old man: That Sam Adams, (grumble chuckle grumble)
Checker: Actually, Fred Meyer decided on their own to stop using plastic bags.

Bitter old man: Well, you know, that Sam Adams, (grumble chuckle grumble)

- West Hollywood Fred Meyer
-- Overheard by Alex

California Dreaming

Douche Bag #1: How many strips clubs have you been to in California?
Douche Bag #2: I dunno, 4 or 5.
Douche Bag#1: And were the strippers hot?
Douche Bag #2: Most of them.
Douche Bag #1: Well prepare yourself, 'cause here the girls are WAY worse.

- Waiting for a bus on the corner of SW Burnside and 6th
-- Overheard by "T"

Delivery room

Unseen woman in stall 1: I mean, if you're going to have a baby in a public bathroom, at least take it with you when you leave.

Unseen woman in stall 2: Right!

- Sweet Tomatoes restaurant bathroom (Clackamas)
-- Overheard by Jill

Antifast

A Hipster gal riding her bike sans helmet, while smoking a cigarette, says to her friend, about Burgerville: ...An antifast food fast food place.

You're in the right city, guys

Man to woman, sitting in the sun on the bar's patio drinking a beer: Just think -- if we lived in San Diego, we could do this every day.
Woman: If we had a baby sitter.
Man: And if we liked the sun.

- At the Moon and Sixpence
-- Overheard by Leila

Express Mail

One bicyclist to another: Yeah, but would you TRUST a homing pigeon?

- In the Alberta area
-- Overheard by Raevyn

Academics

Real phone conversation from a weird looking dude:
Guess what, your test is coming up in 2 days, and it will be 20% of your grade, I guess you're screwed. I am 39 years old, and you're 23. I'm all the way over this side of town, and you want me to head over to your house and help you with your test. Once I get there, we will be doing anything but studying. Your mother is 3 years older than I, and I'm doing this for her as a favor (really?). When I'm there, your mother is there too, she's going to think I'm a child molester!

- Right outside SuperDog’s Park store
-- Overheard by Ellen

Simply ageless

Dad: That canvasser gave me the creeps. He had a lot of makeup on.

Kid: How come guys don't wear makeup?

Dad: We don't care what we look like.

- NW Trader Joes
-- Overheard by Rich

Wheelchair zone

Guy on his cell phone repeating a conversation he had with someone else: He was like, no I'm not dating her. I'm married, but its ok since my wife is handicapped.

- Westbound Blue Line MAX
-- Overheard by Brian

Crisscross

Homeless-smelling dude who always just talks and talks on the bus to no one in particular: Are you a Christopher Cross fan? You look like a Christopher Cross fan.

- #12 bus headed downtown
-- Overheard by Eric

Cranky

Kid (to waitress): Are you cranky today?

- Stepping Stone
-- Overheard by Rich

Don't stop till you get enough

Woman 1: Why did Michael Jackson have to die? There's so many other people out there that coulda died!

Woman 2: Michael Jackson had to die cause he had a prescription drug addiction, and God don't like that.

- PCC
-- Overheard by Erin

Sharing

Woman: (crying)

Man: Would you stop crying so I can fucking share.

- After a Timbers game
-- Overheard by Ellie

Religious restrictions

Woman: Hey! You took your arm off my shoulders again!
Man: I'm sorry! I'm catholic...

- Overheard by Cecilia

bag

Gal: You had me at "Bag of dicks."

- Muu Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

The Man Show

Guy: You know that woman's book "Eat, Pray, Love?" I'm writing a book about my own journey and I'm calling it: "Drink, Whore, Nap."

- PDX airport
-- Overheard by Rich

Is that so much to ask?

Overheard at Kenton post office when Ace of Base's "All That She Wants" started playing behind two Boomer-aged male employees:

USPS Guy 1: All that she wants is another baby, Ken...

- Overheard by Jeff

real Starbucks?

At a Starbucks inside a Safeway at SE 122nd and Glisan....

"Are you sure this is a real Starbucks? They don't even have CDs."

- Overheard by Christopher