Tree hugger

Man (sits down next to woman at table):
"What's your name?"

Woman: "Juna."

Man: "That reminds of me of a tree... a beautiful tree."

- Blossoming Lotus (the restaurant inside Yoga in the Pearl)

-- Overheard by Leslie

Movin' on up

Father letting son out of car (a few years ago):

"Oh, and tell your mom that Weezy from 'the Jeffersons' died!"

- In front of real estate office

-- Overheard by Leslie

Gender queue

Guys are waiting in line for a men's restroom.

Man #2: "Oh great, a line. Last time a woman came out and said that she couldn't wait."

Man #1: "I don't think it will be too long."

After a bit, an older woman comes out:
"Sorry I had an emergency."

Man #1 goes in. After a bit Man #1 comes out and says:
"Worst part is that she left the seat down!"

- Downtown restaurant

-- Overheard by Brad

Polystyrenophobia

Man: "Styrofoam... just thinking of it sends chills up and down my spine. Man, I hate that stuff."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Aaron

Max penalty

Guy: "Sorry ‘bout that incident – I spent too much time in California to be puttin’ up with that…"

Gal: "Where in California?"

Guy: "San Quentin."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Jeanie

oh god...

Stoned Hippie girl : "The Grateful Dead makes things better; Shakespeare does not!"

- Lewis & Clark College

-- Overheard by LAB

You're as young as the woman you feel

Desperate looking middle aged guy #1: "The woman I'm hanging out with now is much younger than my ex-wife."

Desperate looking middle aged guy #2: "Nice!"

- At the bonfire

-- Overheard by Justin

Line 20 Trimet

#20 bus operator to dispatch:

"Yeah, there are a lot of warning signals on that I've never seen before. Should I be worried?"

- Driving up W. Burnside toward Washington Park

-- Overheard by The Blankenships

Last course

Man in buffet line: "Life is short. Load up on dessert first."

- Swagat

-- Overheard by Rich

Two forms of ID

Guy: "So how can they tell the difference between you folks on the Barfly Bus and us regulars?"

Barfly: "Umm, we're the ones with all our teeth."

- China Village

-- Overheard by Rich

Jurassic position

Woman: "I can't believe my friend pterodactyl-ed me yesterday."

- Stumptown Coffee House

-- Overheard by Jose

Hermit envy

Man: "You can't put a price on solitude."

- Dragonfly

-- Overheard by Rich

Enough snuff

First teen: "My Mom's making me go with the family to see that Crucification of Christ movie. (The Passion of the Christ)

Second teen: "Yeah, mine keeps on about it. She's seen it, like, two times and I'm supposed go with her the next time. I told her I didn't know she was into 'snuff films'!"

First teen (after laughing): "Did she have to google that before getting mad?"

- Outside Benson High School (a couple of years ago)

-- Overheard by Vickie

Thank God for Doppler

Mumbling man (walking in the opposite direction):

"It was the most disgusting sex I've ever had..."

- 21st & Glisan

-- Overheard by Rich

Just put an 'S' on the end of your words

Teenage girl: "Italian is just like, a type of Spanish, right?"

- Downtown

-- Overhead by Seal

Porn Nielsen

Bartender: "So, we're at the party getting really loaded when these guys come in with a couple of 18-year-old chicks and light umbrellas and stuff like that. And then they go in the other room and start making a porn movie!"

Other Bartender: "No way!"

Bartender: "Oh yeah! And so they're in there for a while and then they come out and start partying with us. It gets really late and somebody puts the porn tape on. It's a mixed crowd and we're feeling really uncomfortable and this chick says:

'Hey! Why aren't you watching this? I'm like, totally hot!'"

- 820

-- Overheard by Rich

Relativity

Jennifer writes:

My boyfriend was downtown on his bike (he was working as a courier) and an older, grizzled man, also on a bike, stopped beside him at a red light. They didn't make eye contact, just looked ahead, but after a few seconds the old guy turned and - right before furiously pedaling off - shouted:

"Einstein was a Jew, and he knew it!"

- Downtown

The guilty patent

Guy: "You feel guilty? That's a Catholics invention."

Gal: "No. The Jews invented guilt; the Catholics perfected it."

- Salvador Mollys

-- Overheard by Rich

Office Space

Woman on speakerphone: "I know we need to move forward, but that's not what this meeting is about..."

- Overheard in my boss' office as I walked by (on my final day as I am leaving the company)

-- Overheard by Aaron

Retrograde

From one woman on the bus to another one... complete strangers:

Woman #1: "Mercury goes into retrograde tomorrow."

Woman #2: "Oh yeah? What's that?"

Woman #1: "It means that in astrology Mercury will look like it's going backwards. And Mercury is the planet in charge of the post office, so we can expect a lot of foul ups."

- On the bus

-- Overheard by Sarah

Legion 420

Man #1: "For pot smokers I'm impressed with their organizational skills."

Man #2: "And their motivation."

- Million Marijuana March

-- Overheard by Banana Lee Fishbones

17 will get you 20

Man:

"So now they decided to raise the alert level after the attack, which means now we're supposed to report any suspicious activity on mass transit. I ride the 17! I'd be worried if there were NO suspcious activity on the bus!"

- In the office lunchroom after a terror alert jump

-- Overheard by Banana Lee Fishbones

Not Culpable

Girl: "Yeah, he got caught for humping."

Guy: "Yeah?"

Girl: "Yeah, but he have a baggy ass."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Dyana

Bush of Ghosts

Child: "Who's that costume?"

Mom: "That's President Bush."

Child: "I can be the President for Halloween!"

Mom: "No no, honey, you're smarter than that."

Child: "But you say the President is scary."

- Mall 205 Target

-- Overheard by Banana Lee Fishbones

PU Policy

"Not everybody owns a restaurant. Not everybody thinks it's ok that you smell like french fries."

- Middle of an office building for a Fortune 500 company in the Couve

-- Overheard by Aaron

Modesty Blasés

Two girls sitting in bar.

Girl #1: "I am super attractive. I just don't understand."
Girl #2: "I know!"
Girl #1: (Gets up and attempts to look at her own backside): "C'mon, look at my ass! It's great!"
Girl #2: (Taking a loooong drink from her beverage): "I know!"

- Clinton St. Brewing

-- Overheard by Mike

Not on my Valentine's Day!

Woman's voice from behind apartment door: "Ballet?! FUCK BALLET!"

- Waiting for the elevator

-- Overheard by lab

Amazon Crush

Guy #1: "Wow! Did you ever see a woman palm a whole pitcher like that?"

Guy #2: "No, but she's one mountain I'd like to climb."

- Cactus Jacks

-- Overheard by Rich

Spam Hall of Fame

Guy: "I got spam today with the best subject line EVER!"

Girl: "What was that?"

Guy: "It said: load bearing salad dressing."

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Probably happens in Hillsboro all the time

Girl on cellphone:

"I had one of those things happen that could only happen in Portland ...
... I accidentally maced my best friend's boyfriend...
... well, I didn't know it was mace!"

-NW 10th and Glisan

--Overheard by Awkward_Boy

Blazers' Mom?

Guy: "So I'm sitting in the Lake O Safeway, waiting for my car to get fixed. And I'm thinking like, I'm the only black person in this whole freaking town. All of a sudden this black lady in her pajamas comes walking in pushing a cart and she says,

'What are you doing here?'"

- Museum After Hours

-- Overheard by Rich