Monday, July 30, 2007

Oppression is oppression

Very, VERY drunk black guy who's being taken away by security after drinking from one of the overpour buckets:

"These motherfuckers are brewing some oppression up in here!!"

- Brewfest

-- Overheard by Jay

Pounds melt off with every sip

Big woman sporting a muffin top, sloppily eating a Bratwurst:

"Are there any light beers being featured this year?"

- Brewfest

-- Overheard by Jay


Little girl in a stroller about 2 1/2, speaking to caretaker:
"Shut the fuck up."

Caretaker (laughing a bit):
"Hey. I love you"

Little girl:
"Shut the fuck up, shut the FUCK up, shut the FUCK up." (laughing)

Caretaker (to horrified passengers):
"Oh, ha ha she learned that in daycare. We just ignore it. "

Little girl (leaning over in stroller and spitting several times on the floor):
"Shut the FUCK up. Shut the FUCK up, Shut the FUCK up". (Spits on the floor a few more times before continuing her mantra.)

Caretaker: (Calling the father of this child on her cell phone):
"Yeah, she's saying shut the "F" up, you know, in that cute little voice of hers."

- Eastbound MAX on way home from work 7/25/07

-- Overheard by Dyana, who writes:
(At this point, I am waiting for the girl's head to rotate 360, and for her to puke pea soup.)

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Borrowing cloth

Woman (to friend):
"Why'd you tell Grandma I'm wearing her underwear?!"

- In the middle of the street in front of my old house

-- Overheard by el diablo

If this van's a rockin'

"I don't want a rape van; I want a shaggin' wagon."

- In the parking lot behind the 24-hour coffee shop on Powell

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Friday, July 27, 2007


In line in the section 105 mens room of PGE Park last night, the Timbers having just finished a 0-0 game:

Guy at the top of the line: "Man, I hate ties."


Second Guy in front of me looks around: "Who's wearing a tie?"

Me: "Draws. He hates draws."

Second guy: "Oooohhhh."

- Overheard by Ryan

Do that to me one more time

Young woman standing facing the streetcar doors, talking on her cell phone, oblivious to the rest of the riders:

"Oh yeah? I'll beat you up ... Yes, just like last night ... Oh, you liked that, did you?"

- Portland streetcar, Thursday morning

-- Overheard by Paul

The Preacher from Poltergeist?

Standing on the corner smoking, and this guy walks up stops in front of me and in a very monotone soft voice says:

"You are in a good place. You are right where you are supposed to be. May the light be with you."

ME: "Thank you."
(Thinking he'd be on his way. He takes a few steps, turns back around steps closer to me.)

"God wanted me to talk to you more. He wanted me to tell you that he expects to see you on Sunday."

ME: "Yeah?"

"He said yes, He expects to see you at 4397(?) NW Couch St."

ME: "Great sounds like a plan!"

"Great I expect to see you there."

- Overheard by Amanda (Creeped out now)

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Supersize me!

A girl around 10 years old and a friend are picking out candy with a mom.

Mom (to daughter's friend):
"I didn't know you liked candy so much!"

"I do, but I like salty things more. Give me a bag of Doritos, which I never get, but I would eat the whole thing!"

"You never get Doritos? How is your dad raising you?! No TV, no junk food? I think I'll have to call Child Services, that HAS to be child abuse."

- Walgreen's on N. Lombard

-- Overheard by gewurzgrrl

Bunny Butt

Girl in wheelchair to companion re: odd statue at OHSU:

"Look at the bunny with butt cheeks! Look at the bunny with butt cheeks! ...I think it represents beastiality."


-- Overheard by Marianna

Seven years bad luck

Woman #1: "Why are you walking in the street?"

Woman #2: "I'm superstitious about walking under a ladder."

Woman #2: "Would you step on a crack?"

Woman #1: "No. But I did break a mirror over my head when I was eight."

- Green Room

-- Overheard by Rich

Mental Image

Kind of sketchy-looking guy yelling into a cell phone, downtown:

"Well, I'm going to be there, and when I get out of the shower, I will be NAKED!"

- Downtown

-- Overheard by Rosengrants

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

YOU! Out of the gene pool!

A 20-something couple takes advantage of a break in traffic to cross against the light on NW 23rd in front of the stopped bus. The driver casually admonishes:
"No jay walking in front of the bus."

They each give a friendly "sorry" as they pay the fare. Then the woman conversationally asks the driver:
"So, how does it work- the crosswalk?"

- On the 17

-- Overheard by April

Monday, July 23, 2007

For the man who has everything

(someone yelling):
"I brought you peanuts and toilet paper as a peace offering and what did you bring me? Nothing! You brought me nothing! What does that say about our relationship?"

- Coming out of a 2nd floor window near 18th & Salmon

-- Overheard by Michael

Substance in the way

Woman: "You know, I wish I was more superficial."

- Orenco Station

-- Overheard by Rich

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Green around the gills

Bra-less woman in a too-tight pink polo shirt (to her boyfriend):
"I asked Karl what his new girlfriend looked like, and he didn't even hesitate, he just said, 'Shrek'!"

- On the #6 bus downtown

-- Overheard by Stephanie

Jail bait

"The only friend I have on my myspace page so far is that guy who got busted for statutory rape."

- Elevator of Eliot Tower

-- Overheard by Rob, who blogged about it here

Thursday, July 19, 2007

decisions, decisions

Tweaker to no one in particular:
"Which is better, Old Country Buffet or Izzys? It's so hard to choose. I just wanna get stuffed."

- Front of the #15 Belmont

-- Overheard by SaraFist

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Two former army guys talking in statistics:

"It goes through the wall and then blows up."
" it's penetration, then explosion."

- Somewhere in Portland

-- Overheard by Ryan

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Law and Order

Yelling Man:
"Don't try to pick my pocket! I'm in the FBI! I have a badge! I know the Constitution! I COULD KILL YOU!"

- Across from Hal's Tavern

-- Overheard by b!X

Monday, July 16, 2007

Gay, maybe?

Heavyset, sweet looking "Mom", mid-50's, wearing subtle "Support Our Troops" outfit: white capri pants, red sandals, and a blue & white striped shirt; getting hot pink Betty Boop fabric cut at the counter...

Fabric Depot Employee (cutting fabric):
"Oh, that Betty Boop fabric is really could go with anything, with the black and white in it..."

"I know, isn't is great? I am going to put it in a quilt for my son...he's been collecting Betty Boop stuff for years..."

- Fabric Depot on SE 122nd & SE Stark, Sunday afternoon (after church)

-- Overheard by Jayne

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Here's Lucy

"Wow, if Lucille Ball was born in 1911 she'd be like over 100 years old by now."

- Overheard by Brent while playing Beyond Balderdash at his house

book worm

Title: "At least it doesn't freeze like syphilis"

Mid-thirties reader: "It burns... it burns like chlamydia."

-Barnes and Noble

-- Overheard by head stuck in a book

Friday, July 13, 2007

Expensive shoes

"Oh, you like these shoes do you?
Negro, these shoes cost half your rent!"

- NE 17th and Killingsworth

-- Overheard by sparkleburnout


A crazy lady downtown, addressing the #17 bus:

"You stay there and shut up! No, you go to hell!"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Monday, July 09, 2007

9 months before Troll Baby

"I would fuck myself. That would be the best fuck ever."

- Savoy Tavern and Bistro, Saturday night

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Training bikini

"Tuck your tummy in!"

- Mother to 4-year old daughter in bikini at the Waterfront Blues Festival, July 4th

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Half Asleep

"I must not be in Jerusalem because the TV is on and I don't owe you $20 bucks."

- On my couch after a friend half-way woke up from a nap.

-- Overheard by Kai

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Adventure charge

Elderly woman:
"Calm down dear, this is an adventure!"

Teenage girl next to her:
"This adventure sucks and I hope it ends soon. [my iPod battery] will be dead by the time we get there."

- On a MAX blue line train near the Rose Quarter around 11:30pm on Saturday

-- Overheard by Aaron

Gender Independence

Girl: "I stayed at home on the 4th of July and cried."

Guy: "I got drunk and set off illegal fireworks."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Mystery Meat

Server: "Did you need some menus?"

Blind customers: "We can't see them."

- Morrison Street Grill

-- Overheard by b!X

Thursday, July 05, 2007

You're sick, man

Homeless pair at the Halsey St offramp:

Sign holder's friend: "Know what I'm gonna do when I get home?"

Sign Holder: "Jack off?"

Sign holder's friend: "Why you say shit like that?"

Sign holder: "'Cause I'm a nasty motherfucker."

- Overheard by Erik

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

phone tip

Bartender on phone in one of those tiny little bars at Kennedy School, presumably handling a charity solicitation call:

"Yeah, well, I'm not a generous person, so you're wasting your time."

- Overheard by himself

Monday, July 02, 2007

Please keep your knees together for the duration of the flight

Teenage girl:
"She told me to put my feet down during takeoff. How was I supposed to know I shouldn't do it for the rest of the flight?"

- Fruition

-- Overheard by Rich