Bagged

Self-serve station in a 'cozy' Beaverton coffee place: woman's shoulder bag brushes the head of a seated woman a couple of times...


Woman fixing coffee: I'm sorry, I seem to want to keep hitting you with my purse.

Seated woman: That's okay, honey, we all feel that way some day.

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Ultimate

Guy on Cell Phone: You've got to decide what's more important: your job or this ultimate frisbee game.

- Laurelhurst Lobby
-- Overheard by Ted

Abuse

2 women smoking cigarettes and talking:

Woman #1: Apparently that's abuse.
Woman #2: No! You're crazy.

- Waiting for the #15 Bus
- Overheard by Rose

Culprit

Young boy holding his nose and pointing at a morbidly obese man: I think it's him.

- On the #6 bus
-- Overheard by Daniel

Wild Life

Skinny, seriously drunk guy who is flitting his arms very poorly: I’m a little birdie, I can FLYYYYY! Watch me fly.

10 footsteps later.

Professional-looking young man, exiting a building and carrying a fish in a fishbowl: Whose a good little fishie?

- Submitted by: I’m just trying to pick up my lunch

Kidnapped

Youngish woman: He's really good at kidnapping me. This one time he threw me over his shoulder when I was really drunk in Calispell and I woke up in Missoula. I got fired.

Middle-aged man: Really?

Youngish woman: Yeah, he wouldn't drive me back to Kalispell. My boss was like, 'Well, you're in Missoula'. Fair enough.

- Black Cat Cafe
-- Overheard by Charlie

Thursday

Late 30's women: Damnit! I'm never having sex on a Thursday!

- Hollywood Bowl, during kid's league with plenty of children around

-- Overheard by Alex

Next!

Man, about his ex-girlfriend: She wanted me to marry her and her fiance – you know, perform the wedding. I told her I would, but I warned her, “Well, know what I’ll say: ‘You may now kiss the bride – because I already have.’”

- At Utopia Cafe

-- Overheard by lauraf

Upgrade?

Husky, whiskey-voiced older woman talking to a handful of what look to be homeless people standing and smoking under the eaves outside the Salem bus terminal:

"So then we upgraded to a Geo Metro."

- Overheard by John

Time out

A group of 6- and 7-year-old party-goers (all boys) mobbed Chuck-E, bopping him on the nose, slapping his cheeks and pulling his tail.

Kid to his mom: Chuck-E-Cheese called a time out.

- Overheard by Pam

Dumber

"Unfortunately, he's more dumber than me."

- At The Standard
-- Overheard by Luther

Pandora let down

Man: Is that Cher on the radio, who's responsible for that?

Barista: Pandora, it pisses us off every 7th song...

- Cafe Viale, SW 6th Ave
-- Overheard by Dave

A Leak of Their Own

Two guys, two gals, high-spirited, briskly exiting the Rose Garden after the Blazers opening night win.

Guy: Man, we gotta do more of this shit! Go to Blazers games and pee on people!

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Deaf ear

Overheard in a CNA class at PCC:

"Sometimes you have to put in ear plugs and let your baby cry for 5 hours."

- Overheard by Gary

Better get started

Video store clerk: Those are all due back Tuesday at 10.

Dad: Emma, do you think we can watch all these by Tuesday?

Three-year-old (definitively): Yes.

Dad: Do you know when Tuesday is?

Three-year-old (just as definitively): No.

- At Movie Madness

-- Overhead by lauraf

Dino

Two bums talking to each other: Well then how many dinosaurs DO you want to kill?

- While walking down 21st Ave
-- Overheard by Nathan

Chance of showers

Three street folks walking by the MAX stop, SW 3rd and Morrison:

Guy #1: Man, who ordered this rain?
Guy #2: I did, but I ordered a side of Sun with it!
Guy #1: I'm gonna shave right here (pauses in an office building entryway).

moments later ...

Guy #1: Man, I'm getting shit on!
Gal: By a bird?
Guy #1: No, the rain!

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Freedom fries

Girl: If you live in Paris, you're supposed to call it 'pah-ree'
Guy: What?
Girl: That's how they pronounce it there, they don't even call the city by the right name and they live there.
Guy: Well, that's dumb.


- At Muchas Gracias while waiting for food
-- Overheard by Mike

When iPhones cry

Man is texting.

Woman: That's not your iPhone. What is that?
Man: It a Google phone.
Woman: Doesn't your iPhone cry when you do that?

- Overheard by Jeff

Semen. sorry

Two Girls, mid-twenties: ..and you actually kept the semen?

Then they both looked at me.. It was uncomfortable.. I had to keep sitting there cause the bus was full.

- On the #14 bus
-- Overheard by Josh

Dreads

Stoner talking about his crush: She doesn't have the prettiest face, but she has the longest dreads in south east.

- Somewhere near se 39 and hawthorne

-Overheard by nico

Disabled

Bus driver to 70-something guy in wheelchair: Do you want straps or restraints?
70-something in reply: Not in public.

- On Tri-Met this morning
-- Overheard by Mike

Spider sack

Two guys smoking outside of a cell phone store in Aloha: So anyway, that's when the spider crawled down and bit my nuts.

- Overheard by Katie

Fly with a Friendly Face

Old lady looking at the tail of an Alaskan Airlines jet: Is that Bob Marley?... Oh, it's an Eskimo!

- Portland Airport.
-- Overheard by Timber Ninja

One in a Million

Aging rocker dude: I've got long hair, I wear a leather jacket, I wear black clothes... I'm an original!

- MAX Yellow Line
-- Overheard by Steve

Happy Hour

Woman to man: I just got out of jail, so I went to the bar. I ordered myself a triple margarita. I'm sitting next to this guy and I tell him I just got out of jail. He says, aren't you on probation? You're not supposed to be drinking. I said to him, it's 4:30! You're not supposed to be drinking either!

- On the #15 Bus
-- Submitted by TJ

Crabs

Young Guy #1 to Young Guy #2, as they approach the urinals: Dude, how do you know if you have crabs?

- Hawthorne Fred Meyer Men's Room
-- Overheard by Noah

Denmark

Blonde girl: I've been to Denmark. That's basically the same as IKEA.

- IKEA
-- Overheard by Shea

Procedure

Guy 1: Vasectomies are cheap and easy procedures. I definitely recommend looking into one.

Guy 2: No man, I can't handle sharp things that close to my penis. Other than piercings, but that's a different story.

- Overheard by a p

Paternity

Co-worker 1: So, do you have any kids?

Co-worker 2: None that I’m aware of.

- Overheard by Kyle

Payday

Group get onto streetcar:

Girl 1: Why on Wednesday?
Girl 2: Because thats when we get our foodstamps. We're getting fucked up!

- Overheard by Sky

Blossoming Lotus

Middle-aged man and woman walking down the sidewalk outside Blossoming Lotus on Davis.

Woman: I was taking a yoga class and my breasts kept spilling out during the class.

- In front of Blossoming Lotus
-- Overheard by Shannon

You got another thing coming

Drunk guy at Pearl Jam show: Man, I'm fuckin' pissed that Shannon broke up with that Judas Priest cover band.
His friends: unintelligible mumbles of assent.

- Overheard by Jason

Smells like chicken

Guy in line at book store: What happen to you and that girl?

Friend: She farted and it smelled like chicken.

Guy in line: Chicken?

Friend: Yep!

- In line at school book store. PCC

-- Overheard by Sinn

Fashion PDX

Girl #1: We should go to one of the Portland Fashion Week events.
Girl #2: Portland has a Fashion Week?
Girl #3: Portland has fashion at all? And for a whole week? I figure it would take about twenty minutes to say, "Here's what's new in flip-flops and microfleece." Get serious.

- Outside of Powell's on Burnside
-- Overheard by Liana

Legends of the Fall

Earnest young man to a young woman: September, October, November...see, they're all cold because they all have "brrrr" at the end.

- Clearing Cafe in NW PDX
-- Overheard by Carol

Cool dude

I'm boarding a plane back to PDX and a 60-70 year old man is on his phone.

Old Man: Only if she takes her boob out... Only if she shows her boob. Ok, honey, goodbye.

Submitted by dv

Mussolini

Girl: I have mussolini.
Boy: Mussolini??
Girl: Yeah isn't that what it's called?
Boy: Mussolini was an italian dictator.
Girl: Oh. then what's this called?
Boy: Muesli.

- VegFest
-- Overheard by Rebekah

Marathon

A couple riding bikes past my house (SE 19th & Bybee). They were both dressed in tight black turtlenecks and stretch pants, looking like mimes or robbers.

Girl: I can’t believe Oprah ran a marathon once.
Guy: Yeah, but it took her like 10 hours.

- Overheard by Candice

Foreign Exchange?

Freshman girl to upperclassman guy: I really want to do a foreign exchange to India.
Upperclassman guy replies: Wait, you want to do a porn scene with me?

- Near PSU
-- Overheard by Eric H

Debra Winger

Office workers on a smoke break: I have a blog on Debra Winger too.

- Outside office near Lloyd Center
-- Overheard by Eric

Rice

Asian girl to Asian boyfriend (suprised): ohh my gosh I haven't had any rice today! That's like really bad for your body.

- Beaverton Dennys
-- Overheard by bigmanbeats

Grilled

Someone screaming into a cell phone: OOOHHHHH. that is messed up. i took an
extra shift at work to buy you a grill and you don't even pick up my call? that is messed up. $120 grill and you can't even pick up my phone call? that is messed up. i've been at work since noon working to buy you that. fuck you man, fuck you.

- Safeway parking lot on mlk/ainsworth
-- Overheard by Kate

Jesus

Overheard at a public event: Well of course Jesus was a zombie!

- Overheard by Angela

Walk it off

Father to crying son (about 8 years old) in a wheelchair: Walk it off!

- State Fair
-- Overheard by Kim, who writes: "Definitely going for that Father of the Year award."

Taxi

Guy in line to friend: She was too old to do the walk of shame so I called her a cab.

Friend: I do not think it is a good idea to sleep with your professors

- Overheard by Sinn

Whatever gets the job done

Co-worker #1 after hanging up the phone: Jim says he's going to go get on Monica.

[pause]

Co-worker #2 : Umm... Well, that's a motivational tool that I hadn't thought of.

- Overheard by Byron

Dollar's worth

Crazy guy on the yellow line: I'll kill a guy for a penny. That way if I kill a hundred people, I'll have a dollar.

- Overheard by Michele

An honest wish

Girl in late 20s leaving a port-o-potty: These things make me wish I had a penis.

- During the Flaming Lips/Cat Power/Juliette Lewis concert at Edgefield
-- Submitted by Eric Harker

Weiner cow

I have my mini dachshund who has the color scheme of a brown cow and is really rare because of this.

Drunk Guy (sounds like an inebriated surfer): Woah! Man! What is that?
Me: Pardon?
Drunk Guy: Is that a dog? What kind of dog is that?
Me: A miniature dachshund.
Drunk Guy: When did they start makin' 'em like that?
Me: 2005.

- Amnesia Brewing
-- Submitted by DJ