Friday, May 29, 2009

Gypsy curse

My girlfriend and I outside our apt near PSU...

Old Lady: Do you two have a menthol cigarette?
Us: Nope.
Old Lady: Do you sell them?
Us: No, we don't smoke.
Old Lady: Period?
Us: Yeah.
Old Lady: Ok be gone with you.

- Submitted by Jake, who writes: "Creeped me the fuck out."

Slap on the wrist

Man: I hope the bus comes soon cuz I gotta get to court!
Other man: I don't care what you gotta do, I am going to slap you like a little bitch!

- SW 5th and Pine
-- Overheard by Mandy

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Two teenage girls having coffee at Vivace: If I were the kind of parent who wouldn't allow my daughter to have a sleepover with her boyfriend...and I knew she was gay... I wouldn't let her have a sleep-over with her girlfriend either. Breakfast would just be weird.

- NW 23rd
-- Overheard by aoborne


9- or 10-year old kid: Is that an unmarked police car over there?
Dad: (worriedly) Where?

- West Burnside at 20th
-- Overheard by Josh

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Losing it in Hood River

9-year old boy holding a woman's hand as they walked down the main drag.

Son: Mom, you're losing your marbles.

Mom: Thank you.

- Hood River
-- Overheard by PeterK.


Woman: Why can't you be all cute and awkward like that?
Man: I have the awkard part down.

- Lloyd Center Regal 10 Theaters
-- Overheard by Chris

Monday, May 25, 2009

Rich Man? Poor Man?

When: Early May, weekday, about 9:30 AM
Where: Downtown, on westbound MAX
Who: Healthy 30-something parents and their energetic pre-school son.

Son : We're going to work! We're going to work! We're going to work! ...

Mom : Honey... honey ... we don't have jobs.

- Overheard by Broadside Johniie, who writes: "My initial reaction was "what a poignant reminder of the current state of things." The first person I shared this story with replied "Well, maybe they don't have to work."

Mama told me not to come...

Where: Beavers game at PGE Park, the row in front of me and my wife.
When: Sunday afternoon, May 25th
Who: a couple of adult women (sisters?) talking about an upcoming wedding-related event.

First woman: so, are you going?

Second woman: yeah, probably.

First woman: Well, if you see Mom drinking there, that's a violation of her release conditions.

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Criteria for potential dates

Two young men crossing the street:

Guy A: I mean she's how You know she's hotter than a jar of mayonnaise. You know what I mean?

Guy B: No.

- Overheard by Adam


On the 12 to downtown from SW

He: Comin' up to the Swan Mart.
Me: Uh yep.
He: That's where possums go.
Me: Oh really.
Me: That's just great, man, I'm gonna go sit over here now.
He: Fuckin' possums.

- Submitted by Lusus

Guo Pu fights Wild Bill Hickok

"THIS table. It's kind of like really feng shui for me.... Like, I don't like to sit with my back to the door."

- Green Dragon
-- Overheard by Matt

Friday, May 15, 2009

We live in the same world as these people

Setting - Chevron
Mission - Buy beer

Clerk: Can I see your ID?

Me: Sure (hand over passport)

Clerk: I'm sorry we don't accept passports identification here, they are too easy to get.

Me: (Stammering) Ummm...a passport is the most secure piece of identification that a civilian in America can have. Why won't you take it?!

Clerk: It's not secure! You can buy them at Walgreens!

Me: Mam, you can only purchase a passport photo at Walgreens, not the actual passport. (Muttered to myself as I left WITHOUT the beer because she wouldn't accept it as ID.)

- Submitted by Lauren

Already thinking about his next meal

Man (dreamily): french fries... tater tots...

- Kettleman Bagels
-- Overheard by Laura

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Overrun by Prostitutes and Bordellos

Portland walking tour guide in Old Town (to the group of mostly older folks):…used to think this area was overrun by prostitutes and bordellos.

- They were standing directly under the sign for the Spyce Gentleman’s Club on 2nd and Couch
-- Overheard by Kim

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Chicken Run

4 y.o. girl looking perplexed at all the pigeons at Pioneer Square: What are ALL these chickens doing HERE?!

- Overheard by s.m.

Saturday, May 09, 2009


Hipster chick #1 to hipster chick #2: How many times do I have to tell you that I don't fucking speak Chinese, you Jewish bitch!

- On the portland bound 12 bus
-- Overheard by John


Guy to his Son: Yeah I juiced it.... but then the blood of Jesus came out...

- Portland Farmer's Market in SW park blocks
-- Overheard by Connor

Friday, May 08, 2009


Guy in doorway: Come on vein! You'se a junkie vein!

- Downtown
-- Overheard by ASO

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Dog leg

In an office building in Vancouver, WA:

"I kept getting the sudden urge to lick his legs."

(In a conversation regarding a co-worker's dog.)

- Overheard by Adam

...but I'm the dad!

Woman to Little Boy: Who's the mama and who's the daddy?

Little Boy: Two mamas!

Woman to Little Boy: Um, no, I'm the mama and he's the daddy!

Little Boy: Two mamas!

Daddy: Uh just because I have long hair and I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not the DAD!!!!

Little Boy: ... I want my hammer! I have work gloves!

- Outside of Whole Foods, 15th and Fremont
-- Overheard by Kim

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


While waiting for the streetcar to the Waterfront...11th and Alder I think...

Dazed looking woman with thickly bandaged leg: Do you know where the Justice Center is?

Me: I think it's on washington.

Woman: "That way?" she points the opposite way of where the streetcar would take her and I nod.
"Okay. I have to find it. I need to turn myself in"

Me: Uh-huh?

Woman: Yeah, but i have to go to safeway first. I need orange juice.

Me: .....

- Overheard by Shelby

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

how to avoid swine flu...

Overheard in OMSI restroom stall:

Mom to toddler: No, no! We use our feet to flush, watch me.

I'm not sure where she put her foot, they have auto flushing toilets...

- Overheard by Tami

Must work for the Northwest Examiner

Man: Where can we go then?

Woman: Well, we can’t go back here, not allowed at Home Depot, or Fred Meyers.

Man: What about Walgreens?

Woman: Which one?

Man: That way. (pointed east)

Woman: No, they won’t let us there either.

- Coming out of Target in Beaverton
-- Overheard by Nina

Monday, May 04, 2009

Jackie Chan's Last Movie

I was sitting at a stop light on 99W near the Fred Meyer waiting for the light to turn green, when the guy in the car next to me looked over and asked

"Do you know what Jackie Chan's last movie was?"

I said "I have no idea." The light turned green and we both drove on.

- Overheard by Travis


Guy 1: So how was your weekend?

Guy 2: Every Monday somebody asks me how my weekend was, and every Monday I say, "I don't fucking remember, I was fucking blackout drunk. When are you people going to learn?"

Guy 1: (just stares straight ahead)

-- Overheard by Jenni

Sunday, May 03, 2009


Woman coming out of a strip club: Her tattoo matched my bra.

- Overheard by Clinton

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Ingredients for Life!

Homeless man: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Homeless woman: You're the one who got so drunk last night that you couldn't walk and then you peed yourself. So what is wrong with YOU? That's just plain rude.

- Safeway by Lloyd Center
-- Overheard by Mandy

Made in Oregon

Man to his Wife as they look at the Whole 9 Yards display window on E. Burnside:
Yeah, but the whole deer thing is way overdone in Portland.

- Overheard by Steve