Friday, August 31, 2007

Not how you want to start your day

From one bicyclist to another:
"...I rode through a pile of human shit this morning downtown..."

- Overheard on my front porch as they were riding past

-- Overheard by Pam

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Drunk girls

Drunk girl #1: "We should do some opium, it makes you smart and shit."

Drunk girl #2: "I'm down."

- La Costita Restaurant

-- Overhead by Esther

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

So, Is It Fried?

Southern Accent Man:
"Ain't nobody eat no fruit in the south, its all fried, double fried and doublefuck fried."

- The Basement Pub

-- Overheard by b!X

Singular mission

"Your only job today is to make sure at lunchtime that I get some shrimp."

- At Southwest WA Medical Center

-- Overheard by Aaron

Monday, August 27, 2007

Keep Portland Weird and Eternally Damned

Well-churched lady talking to her husband gossiping about various people and mentioning "burning in the lakes of fire" ... with obvious disdain mentions Portland:
"I heard in that in Portland they have bumper stickers that say: Don't change us - we're strange ...?"

- Reno Airport

-- Overheard by Mike

Face it

"Umm, sorry about that."

"Geez, I usually have pay for boobs in the face!"

- Bar Fly Bus

-- Overheard by Rich

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Max dementia

On a MAX in transit between Old Town and Lloyd Center:

A shrieking man gets on in Old Town:

(Insert Joan Rivers voice here) "Oh Oh Oh Oh Gawd I almost had a heart attack. Oh Oh Oh Gawd. Oh Oh Oh."

The wild-eyed transient sitting across from me:

"Something's wrong with that guy. He must have smoked too much. Must have a hole in his lung. Oh Oh he sounds like Santa Claus."

"He'd better not have a heart attack here. We'll throw him in the Willamette. Man that guy's messed up."

Gazing out towards the river he says to no one in particular:

"Hey, whatever happened to The River Queen? That was a nice place. What happened to The River Queen? I liked that place. Hey, whatever happened to Farrell's? What happened to Farrell's? This is ice cream weather. What happened to Farrell's? They could have sold it to me. I would have bought it. What happened to The River Queen?"

From the back of the train, the man having the heart attack cries out:

"We are living in a material world and I am a Material Girl. "

- Eastbound MAX train 2:30pm, August 23

-- Overheard by Dyana

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Redneck mother

All statements made by a very drunk, older woman:

1) “I don’t really like the cocksucker but he makes sense sometimes.”

2) “If I want to take a nap on my lunch break, it’s my prerogative."

3) “What would you do if a guy was slumped over on your grass? You’d try to run him over too and you better have a gun.”

4) “The state recognizes gay marriage – Why SHOULDN’T I marry my sister?”

- In a bar in the St. John's neighborhood

-- Overheard by Breanna

Boob envy

Fifty-something woman standing outside an office building, smoking a cigarette, to me as I walked by:

"You look lovely, my dear. I wish I had boobs. Boy, I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bag boy

Said by a thick-rimmed-glasses-wearing, homely, pubescent boy gathering up grocery carts outside Fred Meyer to a work associate:

"... but my face is too well known around here. If I did have to take someone down tho, they wouldn't be getting up any time soon. I'd go for the windpipe first..."

- Overheard by Bpaul

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Somewhere inside a strange nexus of wtf?

Guy: "That night, I learned that erectile dysfunction can be caused by remorse."

Not 2 minutes later....


- 7-11 quickie mart

-- Overheard by Justin

Monday, August 20, 2007

You go, girl!

[immediately after having a very vocal orgasm] Two guys:
"Woo hooooooo! Yeah! You go, girl! Damn!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Hallmark of Postminimalism

"It's the perfect bachelor pad. I don't have any furniture in there."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Aaron


Middle-aged man:
"I made the mistake of letting my grandkids come over Saturday. They are nothing but little virus factories."

- On the 36 South Shore bus through Lake Oswego

-- Overhear by Micah

Friday, August 17, 2007

Final Destination

Man: "How far are we going?"

Woman: "To the end, to the end."

- Portland Street Car

-- Overheard by paul

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Feel the burn

On SE Belmont near Zupan's 30 something couple walking dogs while having the following 'heated' conversation:

He: ". . .well sex is exercise."

She: "Actually, no it's not, I've googled it, it doesn't really count."

He: "It is too, it gets your heart rate up. You just need to stay on it."

"Feel the burn."

- Overheard by Barb

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

And your mother

Man yelling very loudly:
"Well, fuuuuuuuck you! [long pause] AND your mother!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Monday, August 13, 2007

I Heart Portland

"I love Portland because of the hippies and meth."

- Scoreboard Tavern

-- Overheard by Kai

Sunday, August 12, 2007

From both sides now

Mentally ill woman (yelling):
"How much more can a person take? I'm had vomit and diarrhea coming out of me every day since June 7th."

- Pharmacy department at Rite Aid on Lombard and Denver

-- Overheard by JBJ

Saturday, August 11, 2007


Mentally-Ill Woman, To No One:
"I don't want your respect, bitch. I just want your death."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

What? No Ordnance?

"Dad, these airplanes are boring. When are they going to drop some bombs?"

- Hillsboro Air Show

-- Overheard by Rich

Friday, August 10, 2007

Big Love

"We hate each other. We call each other names. We've alienated our fucking neighbors. And I've already hit him in the face a couple of times."

- Anna Banannas

-- Overheard by Rich

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Flat fee

"I'm like, OK, I'll cancel my breast augmentation appointment, bitch!"

- Anna Bannanas

-- Overheard by Rich

Sunday, August 05, 2007

hobby HO

Woman who bummed a ride after locking her keys in her car:
"I'm going to get a room, smoke some coke, and masturbate all afternoon."

Horrified driver:
"Ahh, yeah. Everbody needs a hobby."

- MLK Blvd

-- Overheard by Good Sam

Friday, August 03, 2007

Scenes from a marriage

Woman on cell:
"And I said 'blah blah blah' and he said 'blah blah blah blah blah' and then I said 'blah blah blah blah blah.'"

Overheard by sue

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Bo po po po po!

Dad: "Whatcha got there? A stick? ... NO!"

Mom: "No no no no no no!"

Dad: "We don't do that with sticks."

Tiny kid: "Ohhhh bo po po po po!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Roots Rock Reggae

Guy in the street:
"What you know about reggae music? What you know about reggae music? WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT REGGAE MUSIC? Throw me some beats and I'll show you some moves!"

- Outside my fucking window at 12:30 a.m.

-- Overheard by LAB