Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Pizza in a cup

Girl: Is that pizza leaking?

- Corner of NW 21st Ave and Kearney
-- Overheard by Michele


Girl on cell phone: It's Sunday afternoon! Who decides to go crazy on a Sunday afternoon?

- Delta Park MAX Station
-- Overheard by Michelle

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Post Tard

Stoner kid # 1: There are cops going up and down the street by my girlfriend Alicia's apartments all the time.

Stoner kid # 2: she skinny and hot?

Stoner kid # 1: Yeah.

Stoner kid # 2: I think I made out with her in middle school.

Stoner kid # 1: Prolly..she makes out with everyone.

Stoner kid # 2: (pause) Isn't she retarded?

Stoner kid # 1: No, she just talks funny.

Stoner kid # 2: (long pause) She was retarded in middle school.

- Overheard by Amy

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Porn Gum

A co-worker, speaking to another co-worker about chewing gums: I'm a bad blower, but I'm a good popper.

- Overheard by Veronique

Friday, June 12, 2009


Gal: What's your favorite sport?

Guy: Lesbianism. It's on Channel 32.

- Muu Muu's
-- Submitted by Rich

Thursday, June 11, 2009


A homeless guy asked some guys at the trolley stop if they were gay…

Gay guy: We’re not just gay. We’re like, gay gay.

- Overheard by Kyle

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Fart plugs

Little girl and guy looking at wine-stoppers in a store...

Girl: What are these things?
Guy: Those? Those are fart plugs! When you’ve got gas you take it (at this point he picked one up, put it behind his rear and made a motion as if he was shoving it up his butt) and shove it up your butt and it stops the farts!
Girl: EEWWW!

- Overheard by Nacion


Woman on SW 3rd Ave shrieking for her kid: Ambience!

- Overheard by: My ear is still ringing


My wife (who freely admits to her inept vocabulary skills): Is that a boy or a girl? Or one of those Portland ambidextrous hippie kids?

- Rose Parade
-- Submitted by Tom

Saturday, June 06, 2009


Tranny on the #4 bus: There are too many Virgo birthdays- they are going to ruin me for my Sagittarian birthday! I woke up in the morning and found a tranny in my kitchen with a twelve pack of beer.

- Overheard by Suzanne

Friday, June 05, 2009

Mickey Rourke Exhbit

Over the PA system at work: If anyone has any mineral oil or a staple gun, please bring them upstairs to the museum.

- Overheard by Lea

Thursday, June 04, 2009


Lady #1, sees some type of bird flying in the top of the penguin enclosure: OH! I didn't know penguins could fly!

Lady #2: Those aren't penguins, they're BIRDS.

- Oregon Zoo
-- Overheard by Gretl


My coworker's voice, floating over the cubicle wall: There's something wrong with the dog's butt. What is that? Is it giving birth? They don't give birth with their butts. What is that? It looks like a duck!

- Overheard by Ealasaid, who writes: "I don't know what she was looking at, and I don't want to know. I gather it was a picture someone had emailed her. Better her than me."


Homeless man who raises his hand every time he sees someone explains: Every time I go sieg heil sieg heil sieg heil, it's exorcism. I'm sending the spirits from inside you down to the bottom of the Willamette and the giant squid eats you and spits you back up and chops you up into little pieces and serves you for lunch.

- Overheard by ap

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Miso Funny

Guy: I’m not too into Chinese food. All the tastes kind of blend together to give you that one “food” taste.

Woman: Yeah, I know what you mean. They have three sauces: the red one, the brown one, and the whitish creamy one.

- In a local bureaucracy. [So much for 5,000 years of culture and dozens of Chinese ethnicities...]

-- Overheard by Lex, who writes: "And, yeah, I know: miso soup is Japanese."

That's the ol' heater

Last Thirsty Thursday at PGE Park. The Beavers are just beginning to get their collective clock cleaned by the Memphis Redbirds, who seem like men among boys. The Beavers pitcher is visited by his manager. Some runny, snot-nosed college kid, big in his ($2) cups yells:

"Yeah, get that pervert off the mound."

No idea what that means, but it made me laugh all game long.

- Overheard by Lex


This one took place Sunday at the Oregon Zoo. A man and a woman approach the Amur tiger exhibit, where a woman in a wheelchair has been for some time.

Man: Wow! I've never seen the tigers actually out and awake and doing something!
Woman: I know! Isn't it great?
Woman in wheelchair: If you go around the corner, the leopard is in a really playful mood today, coming right up to the glass and everything.
Man: Where?
(Woman points.)
Man: That was a leopard? I thought it was a polar bear.

(For the record, there is a polar bear at the zoo, but it is in the opposite direction from that in which the woman was pointing).

--- Overheard by Zen Angel

Sleeping gas

Homeless man: Well my sleeping bag is made of propane!

- Overheard while walking down W. Burnside
-- Overheard by Renee