Confused Superstar

Obviously Meth-addled woman speaking to evangelist lady:

Meth-woman: I'm Valerie Bertinelli Bitch, I don't need Jesus!

Evangelist lady: Just stands and smiles like a mannequin.

- Lloyd Center Mall, outside the Dollar Store

-- Overheard by Stone

Delicacies

Woman, talking pho: I couldn't bring myself to try the meatballs because they were too much like testicles.

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

Glazed Doughnut

Creepy Homeless man: Hey what's your favorite number? You know what mine is? 69. Ya, there's nothing I like more then waking up with my face like a glazed donut!

- On the max

-- Overheard by Colleen

Penal system

Woman on the phone: Well you don't have to like, stand up and say "I'm-an-alchoholic" do you? Well they can't say you are an alcoholic from one DUI. (slightly outraged) They are making you quit SMOKING?

- On the #75 bus

-- Overheard by Nicole

Low man

Employee to someone on the phone: Well, my manager is in the middle of an interview with Channel 2 news, so tell this guy he's kind of low on the totem pole right now.

- Macy's LLoyd Center, just before Christmas

-- Overheard by Alan, who writes: "That's pretty damn low."

Jingle Bells

I was lurking in a Rite Aid Monday and following a musak performance of Jingle Bells by barking dogs, I heard form the adjoining aisle someone say:

"Well, ok, if you don't like the dog version you probably won't like the meowing cats either."

- Overheard by Ken

Sniffer

Random bar guy: I've smelled many a homeless guy.

- Columbia Broil, Northeast Columbia Blvd.

-- Overheard by Anita

Call center at World's End

Call center worker: I'm getting owned by a level-20 crab here!

- Overheard where people who answer phones for Disney tech support have to play Pirates of the Caribbean for their jobs.

- Overheard by the Blankenships

Holiday parking

"You want my [parking] spot? That will be 10 bucks...or a cocktail."

- Tualatin Fred Meyer parking lot at 2 pm on Dec. 22nd

-- Overheard by lambheel

If we don't end war, war will end us

Tall man (to no one in particular): Every time I hear that bell, I think of the Time Machine with Rod Taylor.

- In front of St. Mark's on NW 21st Ave

-- Overheard by Rich

Boys don't cry

Boy (yelling to his friend in the school's hallway): I don't cry; I piss out of my eyes!

- Overheard by Julie

young and the restless

YOUNG WOMAN #1: That official looks like he's 15.

YOUNG WOMAN #2: He is 15....

YOUNG WOMAN #1: Oh really? those are my favorite!!

- At a basketball game

-- Overheard by Kimberly

Dreaming of a White Christmas

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, I got you the perfect Christmas gift, but I still need an idea for what else to get you...Pauses...NO! It's not cocaine!

- At Lloyd Center in front of the pet store

-- Overheard by Jennifer

fiery doom!

On an airplane coming in for landing at pdx we hit a bit of turbulence. A

Young boy (screaming at the top of his lungs): WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIE!!!
His dad: No, we're not.
Boy (completely calm now): Oh, ok.


- Airplane

-- Overheard by Brennan, who writes: "I'm sure that made some people unnecessarily nervous!"

a guy thing

Woman trying to which Christmas gift to buy and talking to a woman behind the counter.

Woman: I don't know. Should I get the simple one or the more elaborate one?

Guy#1 (volunteering): Get the simple one

Guy#2 (guy#1's friend): Yeah guys like simple, because guys are simple. Really.

Another guy: Yeah, I gotta agree with simple

Woman: OK but if this is not right, I'll hunt the three of you down

Guy#1 (laughing and pointing to a store work order): Here's my number.

Another guy: "Hey, if he doesn't like simple, then three of us really need to talk to him!"


- Mall jewelry store

-- Overheard by Brad

Comp workers

Little boy to Stockers: You guys are all going to lose your jobs!

- CompUSA Going out of business sale

-- Overheard by Rich

Distilled

Woman in Costco to her partner: Are we going to get anything that's NOT alcoholic?

- Overheard by PAgent

Hygiene

Little boy in bathroom stall with mom: Do you still have to push your peepee down?
Mom: Yes, you do.
Little boy: But I don't want to wash my hands! The toilets aren't even dirty.
Mom: No, but your body is.

- PDX Airport

-- Overheard by Sarah

Yuletide

Coworker: “I’ve got Christmas cards coming out my ass!”

- Overheard by Pezolator

Kindergarten cop

A five year old boy I was babysitting:

Me: So do you have homework in kindergarten?
Him: Yeah. Sometimes I have three homeworks.
Me: Wow, your teacher must be tough.
Him: Yeah..... so tough you can't beat her up.

- Overheard by Meghan

farvegnugen

Girl On Cellphone: I mean i could never actually date him. He drives a jetta! I mean, what kind of man drives a jetta? Seriously.

- Line 14 Bus Stop at 50th and Powell

-- Overheard by Edie

Edith Pilaf

I overheard this at La Machin on Hawthorne today. Four college-aged women were eating lunch and they were trying like hell to remember who sang The Song of the Sparrow.

"Edith Pilaf! Phew, I feel so much better now that I remembered."

- Overheard by Melissa

Breaking in and out

Man with White Box, on phone:
Hey, it's me. I just got off the plane from LA, and I've got your In and Out burgers. So I'll see you later, or I'll just break into your house and put them in the fridge.

- On the 12-Barbur to Sherwood

-- Overheard by b!X

Hasn't read the marriage contract

I was at Coach’s in Beaverton on Cedar Hills when I overheard the nastiest thing ever:

Guy to trashy looking girl: Congrats on your engagement.

Girl’s response to guy: Yeah, I can pretty much guarantee he’ll being eating good P**sy for the rest of his life.

-Overheard by L

Homo sociology experiment

Hobo: Hey man, can you spare 5, 10, 20 dollars so I can get some pot around the corner?

Me: Nah man, sorry.

Hobo: Come on, I’m not gonna buy no hard liquor or meth, I just want some pot to chill out.

Me: Sorry.
(The hobo walks away and then comes back a few seconds later.)

Hobo: Would it be any different if I was asking for money to get food?

- At the corner of SW 5th and Washington

-- Overheard by Ben