Tired Verbs

First guy: My kid brought home this homework sheet where he had to replace all the "tired verbs."

Second guy: Well, Change and Maverick come to mind.

First guy: Is Maverick a verb?

Second guy: It is now!

- Montgomery Park
-- Overheard by Rich

PC

"I really think it's important to have the multiculturals involved."

-4th & Lincoln

-- Overheard by Meagan

Me love you long time

"That's why I'm a good hooker, cuz I make it last."

-Girl sitting a few rows behind me on the #20 bus this morning

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Ornithophobia

He's weird because he doesn't want to eat at Red Robin for lunch and he eats Vietnamese food.

- Near Powells Bookstore

-- Overheard by Brooke

Boy Milk

Barista: We have soy milk and boy milk. Which would you like?

- Overheard by Michele

Glass half full

Boy #1: Why do you have all your stuff with you?

Boy #2: (Carrying oversized bag of athletic equipment) I have class at 3:50, then I have to ride straight over to practice.

Boy #1: Oh, that sucks.

Boy #2: Well, it could be worse. I could have syphilis.

- Overheard by Lilly

Sedation

Medicated traveler on an overbooked plane: I would be anxious right now if it were chemically possible.

- PDX
-- Overheard by J

TOP backwards

I was on the 12 going out to SE Sandy and there were a ton of 10 year olds on the bus with their teacher coming back from the library, judging by all the library books in their hands.

Boy (to teacher): We think there's a drug addict on the bus!
The other boy: Yeah, he's got a package of, um, nicotine but it doesn't look like nicotine, it's all brown and crumbly.
First boy: And the package says Top, and Top backwards is pot!
The teacher: No, that's just for rolling cigarettes. But what's the lesson here?
Both boys together: Don't do drugs!

- Overheard by Miz Belle

Mom, please?

Listening to a young guy on a borrowed cell-phone asking his mother if he can bring some people he met on the Max train home to hang out with.

Young dude on cell: They smoke cigarettes, but I don't know about weed.

- Blue line Max between Oak/SW 1st Avenue & Oldtown/Chinatown

-- Overheard by Erik

Blueberries

Dude ordering at the counter: So, where are blueberries grown?
Chick behind the counter: Um, in the ground ... mostly ... I think.
Dude: No what region are they grown in? Is there like a special, like, country or something?
Chick: Umm .... Sweden?

- Skinny Dip in the Pearl

-- Overheard by Aaron

Almost sorry

Blonde girl to brunette 'friend': I'm almost sorry I hit you earlier!

- At Hopworks

-- Overheard by: It makes sense if you know them

Intuition Dispenser

First guy (looking at box on the men's room floor): What's that thing? It says "Intuition Dispenser."

Second guy: Some kind of new hands-free towel machine, eh?

First guy: I think maybe we ought to giftwrap the thing and send it to the friggin White House.

- Muu-Muu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Big Girls, You Are Beautiful

Skinny Guy: I like the big girls because they're cleaner and they buy you drinks.

- 20th & E Burnside
-- Overheard by Joe Joe

Lumpy

Woman #1: Well, you know, we're screwed either way. Whether Obama or that other guy with the lump on the side of his face wins...
Woman #2: McCain?
Woman #1: Yeah! I mean, he turns one way and it's just all... (uses hands to demonstrate) THERE! What the fuck is that?

- PCC Sylvania
-- Overheard by Kris

Freaks of Nature

Teen #2: They aren’t going to give your cat back. They’re going to keep it!

Teen #1: I’ll deal with it. [gets on her cell phone]

Teen #1: I heard you aren’t going to give me my cat back! (pause) It’s my cat, I’m going to come by and pick it up today. (pause) If I don’t get my cat back today I’m going to call the cops and have you arrested.

Teen #2: Hey, they changed its name too!

Teen #1: And don’t change my cat’s name. The cat’s name is “Freak” and nothing else! If I don’t get it back I’m going to have you arrested. (pause) I’m going to press charges and have the cops arrest everyone in the entire house! I’ll see you later.

-On the Max
-- Overheard by Bryan

No Delivery Rooms in Talahassee?

On the way up the Portland tram to OHSU hospital...

Woman from Tallahassee: Do they deliver babies at this hospital?

Me: Yes.

Woman from Tallahassee: So they have a place where that happens?

- Overheard by Eddie

First things first

Street Man: I love my kids.
Street Woman: I know, but crack cocaine comes before your children.

- On the way to the Santigold concert
-- Overheard by Jesse

Video of the Week: Khaaan!

When I have a really bad day and need a laugh, I go to Khaaan.com. Sometimes their site is down, so I posted it here.

Renewable power on East 82nd

Teenage-looking canvasser to an older canvasser:
I just met my first hooker today!

- On the #75
-- Overheard by Marianna

Special Competitors

Executive: We're not fucking with them 'cause they're retards.

- In a boardroom
-- Overheard by a sailor of the licorice seas

Neither Nor

(Ugly Betty comes on after the VP debates)

Girl #1: Are we seriously watching this?
Guy: I don't have the remote...nor is it my house.
(pause)
Girl #2: Wait...who's Nor?

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Thursday's Child has far to go

Girl #1: Oh my god, at work today, the kids had to write stories and they are the worst writers ever! One kid had an entire paragraph with no periods and a bunch of them were capitalizing days of the week and stuff. It was awful.

Girl #2: You're supposed to capitalize days of the week.

Girl #1(in embarrassed awe): No! You're kidding right? I told them they weren't supposed to...

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren