Beer breath

Cycling past a trio of college-aged gals walking on the sidewalk: ... and they didn't have that beer breath, y'know, like boys get.

- SE Stark & 18th
-- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Army of One

"As soon as I get off probation, I'm going back to the army."

- On the #8 Bus
-- Overheard by Daniel

Bridesmaid

Intoxicated woman on cellphone: You're gonna be my first or second bridesmaid, so don't let me get married. When they ask if anyone has any objections speak up, because I'll probably be drunk.

- Inner SE Bar
-- Overheard by Daniel

Can relate

Man to woman: We can relate, I mean, you're not a black lesbian and you get along.

- Lloyd Center Cafe
-- Overheard by Heidi

We try harder

One guy to another: I never drink and drive in a rental car.

- Vancouver Safeway
-- Overheard by Tina

Hands full

Girl to guy friend: So you had to hold onto your wallet and your keys--and protect your junk!

- MAX stop
-- Overheard by Deborah

The hat

Man on Cellphone: ...and he was completely naked! Well, I can't say that because he was wearing a cowboy hat; but he was totally naked.

- Near Chinatown
-- Overheard by Joanna and Connor

Accessories

Girl at table to friends: A wheelchair is basically an accessory these days...like cellphones

Guy from another table to his friends: Did you hear what that girl said? That wheelchairs are accessories?


Guy to girl: Did you just say that wheelchairs are like an accessory? High five!

- Overheard by Shawna

Little people

Two teen boys on Line 70.

Teen 1 (frantically pointing out window): Look! Midgets!
Teen 2: (no response)
Teen 1: Dude! Did you see them?
Teen 2: Yeah. I don't know why you're all excited.
Teen 1 (slow and deliberate): Because ... they're ... midgets!

- Overheard by Lawrence

The Drowning

Black guy to his friend: You know the movie White Man Can't Jump? I always wondered why there wasn't a movie of the opposite. Like... Black men can't swim. You know, I am going to make that movie.

- PSU-Michigan men's basketball game
-- Overheard by Connor

White man's domain

Filipina Girl: Middle Easterners don't know how to drive!
White Girl: I'm so glad that you're Asian so I can be racist!


- Overheard by Megan

I bet these two are "good listeners"

Office girl 1: I don't even like real sugar anymore.
Office girl 2's response: What time do you think a tattoo shop would open?

- Overheard by Bonnie

Dis-kabob-ulated

Staggering, apparently quite inebriated woman to man inside Turkish food cart: Why you closed?

No reply.

Woman: I want a divorce!

- SW 10th and Alder, 9:02 AM
-- Overheard by Jen

Life of Larry

Guy at Movie Madness: What if his name wasn't Jesus? What if it was, like, Larry Christ? Then when you fell off a ladder or something you'd be shouting, "Larry Christ!"

- Overheard by Kristen

Robot

"Would you nail a robot?"

"Psh, Yea!"

long pause.....

"As long as you could clean it"

- Submitted by Josh, who writes: "My friends are messed up."

Toothless

Toothless man in the booth next to my husband and me at the diner in Lloyd Center food court is apparently a regular there.

Waitress: Where's your teeth?
Toothless man: In my pocket.

- Overheard by Jen

Pipeless

Scraggly Guy crosses in front of my car, then comes to my window.

Me: (Rolls down window a little.)
Scraggly Guy: Hey, you got a pipe?
Me: Nope.
Scraggly Guy: Man, I really need to get baked!!
Me: Sorry, man.

- SE Hawthorne
-- Submitted by dv

Akthelt and Gunnel

Guy sitting in front of me clearly on a first date: I’ve dabbled in Norse religions.

- Overheard by Henry