Downhill grouser

Boarder: "Icy and slippery out there, not to complain."

Skier: "Yep."

Boarder: "I need darker googles for this sun."

Skier: "Yep."

Boarder: "Pretty windy and kinda cold at the top."

Skier: "Yep, not to complain."

- Cascade chair lift at Mt. Hood Meadows

-- Overheard by Brad

Rolling Asylum

Little girl, talking to the man seated behind her: "I'm not even scared of anything!"

Man: "I wasn't either, until I rode the bus."

- On the #72 bus, 82nd and Powell

-- Overheard by Ilana

The double-stick didn't work

Woman (shouting out the front door): "Can you bring me the duct tape? I need to change my kid's diaper."

- SE 52nd and Knapp on the Snow Day

-- Overheard by Crackhead Jones

Retro Overheard

Man, semi-sober, obviously a citizen of Burnside street, loudly and to no one in particular:
"Today's President Reagan's birthday."

Pause.

"I think I'll skip it."

- Overheard on #14 bus, 1980s

-- Overheard by Margaret, never forgotten it

Mr. Manners

Old man on Portland Streetcar, watching passenger in wheelchair exiting through a crowd at the door:

"Can't you see he's in a wheelchair? You people are a bunch of idiots."

(To the entire car); "Where's people's goddamn manners? What a bunch of ignorant people."

- Overheard by Steve

Cramming for the Bar

Girl at bar: "I have to read half this ten-pound textbook by tomorrow morning."

(pauses) "Bartender, make it a double!"

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Department of Redundancy Department

Girl on cell phone: "I tend to go on and on and on and on and say the same things over and over and over and over again. When I do that, he just shuts down."

-- Overheard by Steve on No. 19 bus

Winwood

4 year old girl on her way to preschool on a foggy day: "I'm lost in my imagination and I can't find my way home."

- In the fog

-- Overheard by Nicole

Eating Outside the Box

Wife to Husband: "What kind of pasta should we get?"

Husband to Wife : "I dunno."

Wife to Husband: "Well, why don't we try something really different? How about this fettucine stuff?"

- Safeway

-- Overheard by Dyana

Beth, I hear you callin'

Bartender: "You heard of this band that has midgets playing Kiss covers?"

Drummer: "Oh yeah, Mini Kiss. Our manager had to drop those guys because the little Paul Stanley dude kept whipping his dick out."

- Ash Street Saloon

-- Overheard by Rich

Viva Max

Man: "Sir, can I ask you a short question...no money involved?"

dramatic pause... "Ain't love grand?"

- Yellow Max at Skidmore Fountain, 9:40am on 1/20/2007

-- Overheard by Steve

Not much she can say, then

Overheard from a group doing what looked like court-ordered community service, cleaning streets in Old Town:

Guy: “Well, she was naked when I met her, so...”

- Old Town

-- Overheard by lauraf

By Pure Deduction

Woman #1 (in the stall): "I'm just so glad that men have their own bathrooms. You know what they do?"

Woman #2 (at the sink): "What? What are you talking about?"

Woman #1: "Men. You know they... they pee standing up."

Woman #2: "Umm, yes. Yes they do."

Woman #1: "And they only sit to go poop."

Woman #2: "Ok, so how do you know all this?"

Woman #1 (poking her head out of the stall): "You know what? I've been thinking about it for a long time."

- Chevy's

-- Overheard by Stella

The trans-fat dialectic

Customer: “My sister’s a F#&$in’ communist and is anti-organic!!!”

Clerk: "Anti-organic?? So, what… she wants to be contaminated so she can turn into an alien??”

Customer: “Yeah, she’ll learn.”

- Portland lunch counter

-- Overheard by Sheri

Roamin Meal

Guy:
"My name is Roamin Freely! That's spelled R-O-A-M-I-N...No, I changed it legally!"

- Outside of Bob's Handy Pantry, SE Pershing & SE Milwaukie

-- Overheard by L.A.B.

But then you'll have to go to chick flicks

Guy with mohawk: "You can only masturbate so much. Sometimes you just want somebody to hold you."

- Dots

-- Overheard by joh

Direct Deposit

Elderly man at teller window passes gas, long and loud.

Young Man, Next In Line: "That's awesome."

- Washington Mutual, SE 39th and Hawthorne

-- Overheard by b!X

Hot for Teacher

Drunk Guy: "She's a teacher? Teachers are hot! There's something about being around those kids all day that makes 'em horny."

- Mississippi Pizza

-- Overheard by Rich

As the Brits say, "On your bike!"

Man on corner barstool: "They tried to fire me after I quit."

- Imbibe

-- Overheard by Rich