Barely Straight

20-something girl who works at Ross but was in line buying something:
"I'm barely straight so he gets what he gets."

- Standing in line at Ross on Cedar Hills in Beaverton

-- Overheard by micah

Pyramid

Rambling Guy:
"So I started my own business. You heard of Quixtar? They used to be Amway but now they do everything online. I used to work at Target but now I'm on disability because I couldn't handle the stress. Anyway, with this business, you sell stuff that people need anyway like dog food and vitamins and stuff and the more people you get underneath you, the more the money just rolls in. Are you interested?"

Quiet Guy:
"Actually, I have a good job that pays really well."

Rambling Guy:
"So you won't be mad if I retire before you?"

- Orenco Station

-- Overheard by Rich

Heard this before

"Just stick it down my hole. Tell me if you need me to pull harder."

- Two men (presumably doing maintenance) in the crawlspace of a government building

-- Overheard by Aaron

Business Plan

Skinny guy #1:
"I'm thinking our restaurant should have like, taxidermied animals and tomato plants and stuff."

Skinny guy #2:
"Way cool!"

Skinny guy #1:
"That way it could be like a museum of natural history full of the things people are eating, living or dead."

- 27th and Upshur

-- Overheard by Rich

Looks just like his Dad

College girl studying a biology textbook:
"I could name my child 'Gonorrhea.'"

- Pix on Hawthorne

-- Overheard by LAB

Gotcha!

"Overall it was a good weekend...my knees, ass and thumb hurt."

- Outside Crystal Ballroom (Air Concert)

-- Overheard by clickmehard

TMI All Around

Woman: "A friend came over last night. He stole $20 and my shoes. (pause) Was the necking that bad?"

- Ross Island Grocery & Cafe

-- Overheard by b!X

FTD

Middle-aged dad with two toddler daughters in Dollar Tree browsing the shelves…

Youngest girl: "Look Daddy! Pretty ribbons & bows for if you’re dressing up."

Dad: "Look sweetie, pretty flowers. So, if you’re, like, dead…."

- Tigard Dollar Tree

-- Overheard by Johnnie Rx

Oscar Mountie Weiner

Man to two horse-mounted police officers:

"Yo man, where the hot dogs at?"

- 1:23 a.m. April 21 at the corner of NW 5th and Couch

-- Overheard by Brandon

Hipster Logic

"It's not venacular enough to be speech."

- Corner of 16th and Brooklyn

-- Overheard by Kai

Really?

"Elvis was a drywall salesman."

- Corner of Alder and 5th

-- Overheard by Amanda

Destination: Red State

A not all together chick in her late 20's chattering away to a stranger next to her:
"So like we'll get married this fall and then I'll get pregnant right away so I can give him the baby for like a birthday present but right now I'm living in like a foster home...Yeah and I'm like the only one who doesn't have someone with me when I go places--the rest are like in wheelchairs and stuff and see like Friday i am going to see my mom, I can't see her every day..."

- Bus Bench at the MTC

-- Overheard by QZ

In more than one way, apparently

Solitary, yet normal looking guy dancing and leaping about ballerina style, singing at the top of his lungs while grinning from ear to ear:

"Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Woo-dee-woo-dee-woo-dee-woo-dee-woo!
La-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da!
Tippy, tippy, toe! I'm so very, very queer!
Queer, queer, queer, queer, queer!!!"

- NW 21st & Lovejoy

-- Overheard by Rachel

Married to the Mob

Woman: "My life is surreal. His life is about anger and priorities."

- Fruition

-- Overheard by Rich

Geographically Undesirable

California girl: "This is a great mall. Dude, I'd LOVE Portland if I didn't have so much family here."

- Lloyd Center

-- Overheard by Laura

Between a Rock and a Bad Attitude

Mother (pointing at fossils):
"Oooh, what do you think of these?"

Disaffected teen girl (sneering): "They're rocks."

Mother:
"No they're not. They're creatures that were alive millions of years ago, and were slowly turned into rock."

Disaffected teen girl: "Same thing."

- At the Mount Hood Rock Club's Rock, Gem, and Craft Show

-- Overheard by PAgent

Three-meat fundito

Counter-protester (from across the street to protesters):
"Go back to Russia, homos!"

Protesters: "Go back to Applebees!"

- At the Rove protest in Tigard last night

-- Overheard by mar-tin

Emo

Two girls shopping, one of them says,
"This shirt isn't emo enough for me."

- Downtown Buffalo Exchange

-- Overheard by ApocGirl

with great power comes great responsibility

Father referring to crying son holding spiderman card:

"That damn Tobey McGuire is ruining my life!"

- Safeway

-- Overheard by Artwork

Danglies

Two grandmotherly women discussing one of the employees:

Grandmother 1: "Did you see that she has an earring in her tongue?"

Grandmother 2: "I did! I wonder if she ever wears danglies?"

- Micheal's Italian Beef and Sausage Company

-- Overheard by Divebarwife

Craigslist

Father to son, repeated many, many times:
“If you need tires for your motorcycle, look them up on Craigslist.”
“If you need an arc welder, look them up on Craigslist.”
“If you need to find a motor for the Camaro, look on Craigslist.”

Father to son one day:
“Do you have a spare computer monitor? Ours fried.”

Son to Father: “Look it up on Craigslist.”

- My Living Room

-- Overheard by Pezolator

The Man who fell to Earth

Kid: "Daddy, why did you give that man a dollar?"

Dad (laughing):
"His cardboard sign; it says 'Space ship crashed.'"

- NW 23rd and Vaughan

-- Overheard by Rich

Deputized

"These are kind of like deputy pickles."

- Multnomah County Sheriff's Office breakroom

-- Overheard by Anonymous

Stumble into Grace

Cube Girl to Cube Guy, who's playing music on his PC early in the workday: "Is that Emmylou Harris?"

Cube Guy: "Yeah, with Mark Knopfler."

Cube Girl: "I had my first oral orgasm to Emmylou Harris."

- In a local bureaucracy

-- Overheard by Faceless Bureaucrat

ReMax

Lady with a microphone:
"Nothing is more powerful than Jesus! He die, he get up!"

- Lloyd Center Max stop

-- Overheard by LAB

Super Button

Waitress #1: "See our new (superman) decoration? Press his S and his X-ray eyes light up."

Waitress #2: "It's not working."

Waitress #1: "I said, press his S, not press his ass!"

- Stepping Stone Cafe

-- Overheard by Rich

Art ho's

Large woman in an electric scooter (hollering to a drunk guy in a dinner jacket leaning in the doorway with a large cell phone):

"I don't know why you calling ten ho's! I'm spoiling you!"

- In line at the Motel Gallery

-- Overheard by Carissa, Abe and Plump

Benchmark

Trimet Regular #1: "Two days left this week"

Trimet Regular #2: "No, today's over, Gloria, we already got up."

- On the #15 at 5:25am Thursday

-- Overheard by Marianna

Frankenwitness

Woman:
"I'm going to have to bring someone with me if I go to see that guy as a witness. Know anybody scary looking?"

- Anna Bannanas

-- Overheard by Rich

Meth, Inc.

There was this poor old guy, looked like he was jonesing for his meth. The max started getting pretty crowded and he started getting crazy, started pushing some guy around and yelling.

School kid: "Mind your own business"

Old meth head (shouting): "I AM NOT A BUSINESS."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by McMack

Parents in Cancun

Kindergarten-age boy to his grandmother:

"When I'm older can I go stay at a hotel for 10 days?"

- On the streetcar, 10th and alder stop

-- Overhead by Nicole

Vermin Valentine

"My daughter got me a rat for Valentine's Day. An actual rat."

- Lobby of the Cornell West building

--Overheard by Aaron

Um, Okay...

Girl with Hood with Ears: "Oh, you're the hungry guy. I heard you outside. Don't eat me! I come in peace."

- Mission Theater

-- Overheard by b!X

Visual Viagra

Man #1: "What did you think of her?"

Man #2: "Nice body, but it's the face that keeps it hard."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

gallus domesticus

Woman Customer: “Is the Mama Leone’s Chicken Soup vegetarian?"

Male Server: “Yes. Except for the chicken.”

- Flying Elephants

-- Overheard by NoPoButch

Fresh wheels

Park (not parking, but park, as in city park) Patrol woman on radio to coworker:

“Well you better get over here pretty quick, they saran-wrapped the whole car…”

- April 1st at the 7-11 at Hwy 26 and 185th

-- Overheard by Pezolator