Oh, the joys of public transportation

Older lady to two teen girls (about extremely drunk guy on the MAX): You guys might want to move before he throws up all over you.

- Blue line to Hillsboro

-- Overheard by Jen

But They're Kinda Used...

20-ish girl: "Man, I want my condoms back from his ass!"

- Overheard by Aaron on MAX

caffeine makes some people a bit too edgy

Scruffy, sarcastic guy: See you around.

Clean-cut, angry/nervous guy: Yeah, see you around. Next time I'll be packing just like you, bud.

Scruffy guy: Cool.

Clean-cut guy: Next time I'll have a knife just like you, bro.

- Outside Coffee Time on NW 21st, around 11pm

-- Overheard by Jen

nor gloom of night

"Our tax dollars don't pay them to make chit chat!"

(The USPS is self-funding and does not receive any tax revenue for
operations.)

- Kenton Station P.O

-- Overheard by Steve

"So, what are you doing later? Besides jumping off the KOIN tower, I mean."

Girl on cell: "Hello? Oh hi, I just wanted to tell you that your parents adopted you and your whole life's a lie. You're a fat sack of crap and everyone hates you. I also just set your dog on fire."

- PSU cafeteria

-- Overheard by Justin

the weather outside is frightful, so is the conversation...

Guy #1: And it was so cold---

Guy #2: And the snot was frozen all over his face.

- Walking down NW 21st last night

-- Overheard by Jen

Brisk, post-Thanksgiving Walk in Berlin

It's that chilly Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I'm on a walk with a friend heading out toward St. Johns. Three late 20-something, sheet rocker-type guys are standing around on the porch of a tired-looking house.

Sheet Rocker 1: "I've been meaning to read Mein Kampf."

Sheet Rocker 2: "Yeah, I hear it's good."

We cross the street.

- Overheard by Gm

It was chilly in the Ladies' that evening...

Girl one, in toilet stall: Brrr!

Girl two, in stall next to her (sing song): My butt is freeeeeezing!

Girl one (sing song): And there's a black thing on my toiiiiilet!

Girl two: Ahhh, the joys of the public restroom...


- Hawthorne Hideaway

-- Overheard by Specklet

Damn hippies!

Overheard on the 33 bus line, an alternative looking couple was talking when the guy gasped and turned to the girl:

Guy: I have a job now...that means I'm a contributing member of society...

Guy and Girl: Wuh-wuh-wuuuuuuhhh....

- Overheard by ali

low tech

A group of seven people are sitting at a long table.
A guy and girl sitting across from one another...

Girl: I'm not technical or anything.

Guy: I know. I've been to your house.

- Greater Trumps

-- Overheard by Laurie

Happy hour

This one is rich. Am in Blue Hour for happy hour on Friday (Nov. 16) and in the corner, up in the front, near a window are a guy and gal. Cocktail server comes up and asks if she can get them anything.

Guy: Yes. I'll take six of those (pointing to the drink his gal is drinking). I want three by I.V., one poured over my head, and the rest in front of me. (Server laughs and walks away.)

- Overheard by Gm

Terminate hipster with extreme prejudice

Stupid Hipster: We can't have lunch at a Jewish deli! This is Wednesday, not Jewsday!

- Inside the Ace Hotel Stumptown

-- Overheard by Ted

the little apple

Little girl to father in central downtown: Are we in New York city right now?

- Overheard by SkyB

Smoking bitches

Scene: Group of three female smokers are outside on a break.

Homeless Man: Smoking bitches, smoking bitches, die smoking bitches, die!

- Downtown at Washington and 5th

-- Overheard by: PDXCABBIE, who writes: He yelled from from the middle of the street. I had to drive around him.

Hemingway

Tall street kid in a trench coat, (loudly speaking into a pay phone):
I'm going to assassinate a bull fighter in Italy! (slams phone receiver down)

Street kid sitting on the side walk (enthusiastically): You do that, Jeff!

Trench coat (yelling): The hairy messiah KNOWS I'm on overload!


- Outside the downtown RiteAid

-- Overheard by Specklet

Ave Maria

Woman: Yeah, you know when I was a kid there was Donnie Osmond. But not like any guy would want to go see Donnie.

Man sitting nearby: I'd go see Marie. Yeah, she's hot.

- Eastbound MAX train, 5:00 rush hour

-- Overheard by Dyana

Oops

Two young guys yelling at each other outside Cedar Hills Crossing in Beaverton.

Guy 1 : So what? I slept with your sister; get over it already!!

Guy 2: Dude, that wasn't my sister that was my MOM!!!


- Overheard by Jim

Saving the Day

(My friends and I walk up to a group of people crowded around a collapsed female streetkid; a male streetkid is kneeling at her side.)

My friend: Is there anything I can do to help? I'm a critical care nurse.

Male streetkid: I know how to keep people breathing! I did heroin for years!

(At this point, we walked away, and heard sirens shortly thereafter.)

- SW 10th & Morrison

-- Overheard by J

I see what you mean

(Woman boards bus with white cane and dark sunglasses)

Woman (to driver): I need to go to *muffled*

Driver: Where?

Woman: Oh nevermind, I'll see it when we get close.

- Overheard on #4 by Aaron

Open road

Driver: I have four days off and I'm going to help my sister-in-law move. It's about a 12 hour drive, but that's OK. It's not like I have to stop every two blocks...

- On the #12 Sandy Bus

-- Overheard by Duffbert

Raging Taqueria Boohoos

Two different men, within minutes of each other, outside Taqueria Los Gorditos on 50th and Division:

Man the First: It's okay, my dad's the sheriff. I am a LOO-OO-OO-OOSER! FUCK YOO-OO-OOU!

Man the Second, to me and companions: Why aren't you kids smoking yet?!

- Overheard by Abner

Comeback

While a girl strums her guitar and sings at Valentine's:

Girl: "Are you listening to this? She sounds just like Lead Belly!"

Guy: "Except Lead Belly played the twelve string."

Girl: "You've worn the same clothes four days in a row."

- Overheard by Joel

blackholes

Father and young son looking at the planetarium schedule

Father: No son, blackholes is not a porno... not here at OMSI.

- At the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry

-- Overheard by Kevin

Too much caffeine

Two girls were walking down Yamhill on Saturday afternoon, and the one of them asked the other:

"Is there such a thing as restless arm syndrome?"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Sushi Town

Heard after my plane landed in Portland on a flight from Boston:

After male passenger comments he is traveling to Vancouver, Washington on business, a female passenger replies,

"You will LOVE vancouver washington. they have great sushi!"

- Overheard by liz

Welcome mat

Restaurant worker on break: What do you think after a 15 hour shift? All I want to do is to get in bed. What the hell was she sleeping in front of the door for anyway?

- Near Saturday Market

-- Overheard by Steve

wisdom recipe 420

Heard through my kitchen window from the neighbors on their porch:

"Lesson learned- never eat pot brownies on the beach in Florida."


- Overheard by purplespider

babelfish

Exasperated white girl to Japanese friend: Wait, so you're telling me that you speak Japanese, but you don't speak French?!

Japanese friend: [Nods.]

- Hawthorne Fred Meyer

-- Overheard by LAB

but at least I'm a well-read retard

Girl in cat-eye glasses, staring into space: You know what I would love to eat?
Brunette, facetiously: A bear?
Girl in cat-eye glasses, startled: What? Oh, yeah, I'd totally eat a bear!
Brunette: No, you wouldn't!
Girl in cat-eye glasses, earnestly: Yeah, they're supposed to be delicious, especially in the fall when they're all fattened up to hibernate...
Brunette (interrupting): Who do you know that's eaten a bear?
Girl in cat-eye glasses: Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Brunette: You. Are a retard.

- Rose's Deli on NW 23rd

-- Overheard by: I remember that part

Sicko

Co Worker on phone: I've been sick for 30 years, COME ON!

- Overheard by Jim

must use High Karate

Guy on #12 bus: I get more coochie than every man! Thursday! Monday! Tuesday! Saturday! Sunday! Jesus' birthday!

- Overheard by birds fly

secret code?

Girl on cellphone walking down sidewalk:

"Well, I actually caught some dragonflies.."

- Overheard by molly

Hung

At a KMart, walked past a couple of grungy looking young-adult girls, one to the other:

"Dude, I have the gnarliest fucking hangover..."

Couldn't hear the rest, but me and my friends could only try and not laugh.

- Kmart

-- Overheard by Nick