Friday, August 31, 2007

Not how you want to start your day

From one bicyclist to another:
"...I rode through a pile of human shit this morning downtown..."

- Overheard on my front porch as they were riding past

-- Overheard by Pam

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Drunk girls

Drunk girl #1: "We should do some opium, it makes you smart and shit."

Drunk girl #2: "I'm down."

- La Costita Restaurant

-- Overhead by Esther

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

So, Is It Fried?

Southern Accent Man:
"Ain't nobody eat no fruit in the south, its all fried, double fried and doublefuck fried."

- The Basement Pub

-- Overheard by b!X

Singular mission

"Your only job today is to make sure at lunchtime that I get some shrimp."

- At Southwest WA Medical Center

-- Overheard by Aaron

Monday, August 27, 2007

Keep Portland Weird and Eternally Damned

Well-churched lady talking to her husband gossiping about various people and mentioning "burning in the lakes of fire" ... with obvious disdain mentions Portland:
"I heard in that in Portland they have bumper stickers that say: Don't change us - we're strange ...?"

- Reno Airport

-- Overheard by Mike

Face it

Gal:
"Umm, sorry about that."

Guy:
"Geez, I usually have pay for boobs in the face!"

- Bar Fly Bus

-- Overheard by Rich

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Max dementia

On a MAX in transit between Old Town and Lloyd Center:

A shrieking man gets on in Old Town:

(Insert Joan Rivers voice here) "Oh Oh Oh Oh Gawd I almost had a heart attack. Oh Oh Oh Gawd. Oh Oh Oh."

The wild-eyed transient sitting across from me:

"Something's wrong with that guy. He must have smoked too much. Must have a hole in his lung. Oh Oh he sounds like Santa Claus."

"He'd better not have a heart attack here. We'll throw him in the Willamette. Man that guy's messed up."

Gazing out towards the river he says to no one in particular:

"Hey, whatever happened to The River Queen? That was a nice place. What happened to The River Queen? I liked that place. Hey, whatever happened to Farrell's? What happened to Farrell's? This is ice cream weather. What happened to Farrell's? They could have sold it to me. I would have bought it. What happened to The River Queen?"

From the back of the train, the man having the heart attack cries out:

"We are living in a material world and I am a Material Girl. "

- Eastbound MAX train 2:30pm, August 23

-- Overheard by Dyana

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Redneck mother

All statements made by a very drunk, older woman:

1) “I don’t really like the cocksucker but he makes sense sometimes.”

2) “If I want to take a nap on my lunch break, it’s my prerogative."

3) “What would you do if a guy was slumped over on your grass? You’d try to run him over too and you better have a gun.”

4) “The state recognizes gay marriage – Why SHOULDN’T I marry my sister?”

- In a bar in the St. John's neighborhood

-- Overheard by Breanna

Boob envy

Fifty-something woman standing outside an office building, smoking a cigarette, to me as I walked by:

"You look lovely, my dear. I wish I had boobs. Boy, I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bag boy

Said by a thick-rimmed-glasses-wearing, homely, pubescent boy gathering up grocery carts outside Fred Meyer to a work associate:

"... but my face is too well known around here. If I did have to take someone down tho, they wouldn't be getting up any time soon. I'd go for the windpipe first..."

- Overheard by Bpaul

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Somewhere inside a strange nexus of wtf?

Guy: "That night, I learned that erectile dysfunction can be caused by remorse."

Not 2 minutes later....

Another Guy: "DIDN'T I HAVE A PIZZA LAST NIGHT MUTHAFUCKAH?! DIDN'T I?!"

- 7-11 quickie mart

-- Overheard by Justin

Monday, August 20, 2007

You go, girl!

[immediately after having a very vocal orgasm] Two guys:
"Woo hooooooo! Yeah! You go, girl! Damn!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Hallmark of Postminimalism

"It's the perfect bachelor pad. I don't have any furniture in there."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Aaron

Offspring

Middle-aged man:
"I made the mistake of letting my grandkids come over Saturday. They are nothing but little virus factories."

- On the 36 South Shore bus through Lake Oswego

-- Overhear by Micah

Friday, August 17, 2007

Final Destination

Man: "How far are we going?"

Woman: "To the end, to the end."

- Portland Street Car

-- Overheard by paul

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Feel the burn

On SE Belmont near Zupan's 30 something couple walking dogs while having the following 'heated' conversation:

He: ". . .well sex is exercise."

She: "Actually, no it's not, I've googled it, it doesn't really count."

He: "It is too, it gets your heart rate up. You just need to stay on it."

"Feel the burn."

- Overheard by Barb

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

And your mother

Man yelling very loudly:
"Well, fuuuuuuuck you! [long pause] AND your mother!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Monday, August 13, 2007

I Heart Portland

"I love Portland because of the hippies and meth."

- Scoreboard Tavern

-- Overheard by Kai

Sunday, August 12, 2007

From both sides now

Mentally ill woman (yelling):
"How much more can a person take? I'm had vomit and diarrhea coming out of me every day since June 7th."

- Pharmacy department at Rite Aid on Lombard and Denver

-- Overheard by JBJ

Saturday, August 11, 2007

R E S P E C T

Mentally-Ill Woman, To No One:
"I don't want your respect, bitch. I just want your death."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

What? No Ordnance?

Kid:
"Dad, these airplanes are boring. When are they going to drop some bombs?"

- Hillsboro Air Show

-- Overheard by Rich

Friday, August 10, 2007

Big Love

Woman:
"We hate each other. We call each other names. We've alienated our fucking neighbors. And I've already hit him in the face a couple of times."

- Anna Banannas

-- Overheard by Rich

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Flat fee

Woman:
"I'm like, OK, I'll cancel my breast augmentation appointment, bitch!"

- Anna Bannanas

-- Overheard by Rich

Sunday, August 05, 2007

hobby HO

Woman who bummed a ride after locking her keys in her car:
"I'm going to get a room, smoke some coke, and masturbate all afternoon."

Horrified driver:
"Ahh, yeah. Everbody needs a hobby."

- MLK Blvd

-- Overheard by Good Sam

Friday, August 03, 2007

Scenes from a marriage

Woman on cell:
"And I said 'blah blah blah' and he said 'blah blah blah blah blah' and then I said 'blah blah blah blah blah.'"

Overheard by sue

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Bo po po po po!

Dad: "Whatcha got there? A stick? ... NO!"

Mom: "No no no no no no!"

Dad: "We don't do that with sticks."

Tiny kid: "Ohhhh bo po po po po!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Roots Rock Reggae

Guy in the street:
"What you know about reggae music? What you know about reggae music? WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT REGGAE MUSIC? Throw me some beats and I'll show you some moves!"

- Outside my fucking window at 12:30 a.m.

-- Overheard by LAB