Corporal punishment

Cashier One: Oh, yeah. My dad would grab me by the hair and beat the crap out of me with a wooden spoon.

Cashier Two: Are you serious?

Cashier One: Of course. I deserved it, you know. I think more kids should get beat nowadays. Made me the person I am.

- Deseret Thrift Store on SE 82nd

--Overheard by Zen Angel

Northwest in a nutshell

A hyped young girl is soliciting funds for an environmental group...

Hype girl: Hey do you have a minute to help save woodland furies?

Man: I'm a logger.

Hype Girl: I sure you do it sustainably.

- Outside of Pioneer Place Mall
-- Overheard by Mark

At the Hoth Branch

Female coworker: I should probably stop being mean to you.
Male coworker: You should. Or I'll have to cut you open and sleep in your body like a Ton-Ton.

- In my office
-- Overheard by Nathan

It's everywhere you want to be

Mid-twenties Guy walks into a bar when it opens for breakfast...

Guy: Hey, I need to pick up a credit card for someone that left it here last night.
Bartender: Yeah? Your friend have a little too much too drink and forget their card?
Guy: It was my mom.

- Laurelthirst Public House
-- Overheard by Nacion

Blood on the Tracks

Homeless guy: Hey man, do you like poetry?

Man: No, I even wrote a poem about how much I hate poetry...and I don't have any change.

- Overheard by Anita

Mama Mia

KJ: I love Abba like I love sex.

- During karaoke at Claudia's on Hawthorne
-- Overheard by Samantha

Baby shower

Mom to pregnant daughter: I'm not going to invite them until they act like the adults they act like they think they are.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

UnderArmour

Husband, trying to get ready for work: Why did I grab underwear? I can't put that on my feet.

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Take the Cannoli

Woman at Powell's on Hawthorne, wielding a used book.

Woman: I want to return this book. It stinks.

Clerk: You don't like Sarah Vowell?

Woman: No, I don't like the way it smells.

- Overheard by Raymond

Pickup game

1st Girl: Oh look the Blazers are playing at the Rose Quarter tonight.

2nd Girl: Yeah and so is San Antonio.

1st Girl: Oh...I wonder if they're playing each other?

2nd Girl: I don't know...maybe...

- On the #8 bus near the Rose Quarter
-- Overheard by Sarah

Believe in the Power of Work

Woman on cellphone: I'm in Goodwill finding treasures cuz... I THINK I GOT A JOB!

- Overheard by Ry

The patch is for quitters

Woman to her salty waitress: How are you doing with the non-smoking thing?
Salty waitress: I'm on Nicorette.

- Horse Brass Pub
-- Overheard by Matt

Xtreme Fighting

My friend and I overhear a 5 y.o. boy and his mom talking:

Mom: So honey, did he try to break your arm before or after you were strangling him?

- The Schnitz
-- Overheard by Berlliner, who writes: "My friend and I walked inside, looked at each other, and cracked up."

Awesome

I was walking in front of the Crystal Ballroom and two men were changing the letters on the marquee:

Man 1: I hope they don't mind that I spelled awesome without the e (awsome) . We ran out of e's.

Man 2: (emphatically) I care! Its the best word in the english language.

- 13th and burnside.
-- Overheard by John

Ringing

This was on new years day around 1am at the thirsty lion.

Girl 1: so like... where did the word, "ring in the new year," come from?
Girl 2: well... maybe in ancient culture they rang bells because they like... thought it would start another year?
Girl 1: but did they even know what years were back then? like in ancient culture-ish times?
Girl 2: well... yeah. obviously. i mean, the aztecs predicted 9/11... right? so they had to know years.
Girl 3: no dude i think that was nostril anus or something like that.
Girl 1: no shit. well... let's start another year with another shot of Patrón!

- Overheard by Abbi, who writes: "Oh man. I mean, they were completely obliterated. But still... wow."

Bigger in Texas

Girl on phone: No, we have to fly to Dallas then on to Houston. I don't know why. I guess we have to refuel in Dallas so we can make it to Houston.

- PDX Airport
-- Overheard by Jamie

Online Investing

Two friends catching up after an apparent long time apart:

Friend 1: So what are you doing for work these days?
Friend 2: I got into online investing?
Friend 1: Oh woah, nice. What are you investing in exactly?
Friend 2: Um, mostly college basketball. A little NFL. I stay away from the NBA. Too volatile for me.

- Overheard by John

Bloke

Overheard waiting in line for "Slumdog Millionaires" at the Fox Tower Cinema:

Young Man: I like being called a bloke, it makes me feel continental!

Young Woman: I like it when they call me a broad...

-- Overheard by harkman

Lucky elevator

Elevator repairman to Bell staff at swanky downtown hotel:
Well, that should do it. Keep your fingers crossed.

- Submitted by crash

Video of the Week: New Year's Resolutions

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