An honest wish

Girl in late 20s leaving a port-o-potty: These things make me wish I had a penis.

- During the Flaming Lips/Cat Power/Juliette Lewis concert at Edgefield
-- Submitted by Eric Harker

Weiner cow

I have my mini dachshund who has the color scheme of a brown cow and is really rare because of this.

Drunk Guy (sounds like an inebriated surfer): Woah! Man! What is that?
Me: Pardon?
Drunk Guy: Is that a dog? What kind of dog is that?
Me: A miniature dachshund.
Drunk Guy: When did they start makin' 'em like that?
Me: 2005.

- Amnesia Brewing
-- Submitted by DJ

For that nappy look

Woman talking loudly on cell phone: So, what were you thinking about as you brushed out your hair this morning?
(pause while person on other end answers)
Well, that's what you get for dating a guy who likes to put his penis in your hair.

- On the bus
-- Overheard by Amy

TMI on the MAX

High school age girl to her friend on the MAX during rish hour: Oh, here they come again.

Her friend: What? The bicyclists?

Girl: No, my cramps.

- Overheard by Tom

Someday it will happen to you

Overheard outside of someday lounge.

"That was the second time that I used my vagina for blackmail."

- Overheard by Paul

A Regular Alarm Clock Is Not Enough for Some People

Co-worker A to co-worker B (cheerily): So when you hit the water, did you wake up?

- Montgomery Park ladies room
-- Overheard by lauraf

Bunny food

Man to wife upon exiting restaurant on NW 23rd one morning: Well, now I can say that I've had salad for breakfast.

- Overheard by John

Lumpy

Co-worker on the phone with her mother-in-law: She has a lump on her liver, they think it might be fat, and i'm like, "What? her ass got full?"

- Overheard by Matthew

He can

Guy 1: You can not drink them skinny and pretty.

Guy 2: I did.

- Mcmenamins
--Overheard by Sinn

Don't get too edgy!

Nerdy dude, about 19 on cell: What? You can't have a Street Fighter tournament on September 11th, dude, that's the day all those people died. Actually, put that on the sheet. "In memory of September 11th." ... DON'T PUT THAT ON THE SHEET!

- Submitted by dv

Breakfast of Champions

"I guess I'm not built for 8am drinking anymore."

- Overheard before noon at PDX Adult Soapbox Derby by aoborne

Fatality!

Group of teen-aged boys talking:

Boy1: I tried to break up with her but she wouldn't let me, she kept showing up.
Boy2: Yeah like a scorpion right to the heart. Get over here!
Boy2: Mortal Kombat of Love

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Michael

Maybe Mom's a photographer

Man on bike to friend on cell phone: If she really was on vacation with her mom, then why isn't her mom in ANY OF THE FUCKING PICTURES!!!!!

- Overheard by Brian riding bike past another biker on 42nd and alameda

It won't pay the rental

Male shopper to a friend, upon seeing a couple making out in a photo booth at Washington Square Mall: Why would you want a picture of that?

- Overheard by Katrina

Do the math

Young female student (that sat in back of class and chatted with friends all term) is speaking to her math professor.

Student: What do I need to do to pass the class?

Math professor: You need to get a 105 on the final exam.

Student: So I can still pass the class?

Math professor: You can not get a 105 on final exam.

Student: There is no way to get 105 on the final?

Math professor: There is no way you can pass this class.

- PCC Cascade
-- Overheard by Sinn

Booty call

Overheard on the MAX yellow line to the Expo Center:

A group of teenage girls are standing, one is leaning slightly on the back of an older woman's seat.

Old woman: Get your booty off my shoulder! I don't want your booty touching me!

Teenager: My booty isn't touching you!

Old woman: My shoulder is not a seat for your booty! *turns to person sitting next to her and starts speaking angrily in Spanish*

- Overheard by Shannon

Band on the Run

Overheard at a local community college:

"Paul McCartney? Isn't that the dude from Wings?"

- Overheard by H star

Rain

homeless guy on the 82nd ave bus: I am so unlucky if it was raining pussy i would get hit in the head with a dick.

- Overheard by Wiilliam

Cougar

Girl on cell phone: Face it mom, you'll never be a cougar.

- PSU
-- Overheard by Tom

Penguin

Shouted by some homeless dude with a sign: Run for the hills, it's a penguin.

- Downtown
-- Overheard by Richard, who writes: "I didn't see a penguin, personally, which isn't to say there wasn't one there"

Paging Doctor Snob

"Is he a physician or a real doctor?"

- On the OHSU Tram
-- Overheard by Steve

Body shot

Group of girls heading out to celebrate a birthday: It's kinda like when we were 15 and used to take body shots off other girls.

- Old town Pizza
-- Overheard by Zac

Free meter

"So what's the deal with this new Sunday parking meter thing? Its the 'Holy Day of No Parking...'"

- Fenouil restaurant patio (Sunday eve
-- Submitted by pdxdaily

Not a whore

Bartender at DV8 on 50th and Powell: OK, she's not a whore. I take that back.

- DV8
-- Overheard by Jordan

Tour of duty

Elderly man wearing WWII hat and jacket boards bus and sits in front seat.

Passenger standing at front of the bus: Wow - WWII, what did you do?

WWII Veteran: [no response]

Passenger: [repeats question a little louder]

WWII Veteran: WHAT?? I CAN'T HEAR - I DROVE A TANK

- Aug 4, #8 bus
-- overheard by tami

Big pours

Douchebag body builder with shirt off (to Brew Fest volunteer pourer): I lift heavy, and I like my pours heavy.

- 7/25 at Oregon Brewer’s Festival
-- Overheard by Sheri

Argh

Guy dressed like a pirate, talking to woman dressed like a banker on MAX: Ironically, the engineering department is the most pirate-y.

Toothless guy eavesdropping: I think people should start dressing like Vikings.

- Overheard by Jennifer