Glassy

College kid admiring my kid's glass artwork: That shit is dope as fuck!

- Overheard by Stuart

Taint

Last night after leaving the Winterhawks game at the Rose Garden:

20-something girl: Do you want to walk or take the MAX?
30 something guy: I don't wanna walk, I have a boil on my taint.

- Overheard by John

weather-proof

20-something year old drunk girl to her friends outside of a house party: I'm too fucked up for a jacket.

- Overheard by Alex

Have faith!

Guy to another guy in men's bathroom: Looks like we have to use 'imaginary' soap?! (dispenser was out)

Other guy, who happened to be peeing at that moment: You just gotta believe!

- Buffalo Gap
-- Overheard by Nacion

Thesis

One prof to another about teaching writing: Put a ball gag in that thesis statement!

- PSU

Vienna Sausages

At the Dollar Store at Mall 205, a family of Mom, Teen Sis, and maybe 5-yr-old Brother:

Sis: I can't find them. We've been up and down this aisle twice.
Mom: Keep looking.
Brother: Can't we just cut up regular hot dogs real small?
Mom (shrieking): NO! We have to have 20 cans of Vienna Sausages or it WON'T WORK!

- Overheard by ZenAngel, who writes: "The last 2 words were shrieked with a panic I have never before attributed to Vienna Sausages. I also can't help but wonder what hellish recipe or plan called for the absolute use of Vienna Sausages, OR ELSE."

Frozen Peas

Scene: Coworker #2 slipped on some mail strewn on the floor. She is hurting and complaining about it.

Coworker #1: You know, there's some frozen peas in the freezer--
Coworker #2: I can't put frozen peas all over my body!
Coworker #1: No, I mean, it's in a bag.

- Overheard by facepalm

Grasshopper spit

Guy on the Green Line: Well, it wasn't any worse than grasshopper spit!

- Overheard by Brittney

What Heaven smells like

Teenage girl on the phone: She smelled what heaven would smell like: shower, perfume deodorant...

-On the #72 bus
--Overheard by Midnight

Cleavage

Heard in an elevator full of people...
"Cleavage is like a half wrapped present that I can't have."

- Overheard by Angela

Hole in the back

Girl on phone: What, she's in a wheelchair? How'd she get home like that? She's got a hole in her back? Ohh, from bed rest.

- Outside of school
-- Overheard by Sam

CuddleTalk at Tea Shop

Young woman 1: So is it required if you stay at her house you have to cuddle?

Young woman 2: Well, it's not required; but it basically is.

Young woman 3: Wow.

- Tea Shop
-- Overheard by Dawn

Ben Wa

So I work the graveyard shift @ Paradise Video on SE Stark. Here's a convo between two of my customers.

Lady 01: Ben Wa balls? What do they do?

Lady 02: Girl! You don't know?! It's like a Thigh Master for your coochie!

- Overheard by Islanesia

Alt.Religion

Young man: What's that book about?
Old man: Alternative theories to the big bang.
Young man: Like creationism?
Old man: No, I'm Buddhist.
Young man: Oh, I like alternative religions.
Old man: Yeah, Buddhism is a good one.

- On the #75 bus
-- Overheard by Rebecca

Neverending weiner

Two kids playing with plastic food in an after school program:

Boy: When I eat this plastic hot dog, it will regenerate. It's the neverending weiner.

- Hillsboro after school Program
-- Overheard by Kirsten

Extinction

Stripper: I don't think I believe in dinosaurs.. I mean, where did they go?

- Strip club
-- Overheard by Sky Rocket

Hella

Skateboard Dude: You should get a hella casual shirt.

- At the Ross in Lloyd's Center
-- Overheard by Josh

HRL

Female college student: I've got that hot retarded look going on.

- On the green line MAX
-- Overheard by Brittney

Support the Troops

Walking by employee we hear a broadcast message over their radio from another employee:

"Do we have a military discount?"
Seconds later a response from another employee:
"No.........but we still support the troops!"

- Target, Washington Square
-- Overheard by Nacion

Rubbermaid

Older woman, trying to squeeze past my towering cartload of Rubbermaid totes: All these people with their crappy crap @#$%*!

- Interstate Fred Meyer
-- Overheard by Steve

Holidays

At a party with bands playing....

Guy 1: It smells like weed and peppermint in here.
Guy 2: Well, it is still close to the holidays.

- Overheard by Kris

Soul mate

Girl on cell phone: Hi, is this Jon? Hi, um, it's Mayte...from Florida...your soulmate?

- Overheard by Jessica