in search of PC derogatories

High school students get on bus in front of the high school.

First student: That was gay, man.

Second student: Yeah, that was so gay.

Bus passenger: Excuse me boys? As a lesbian I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being gay, so you shouldn’t use gay as an insult.

(Students snigger.)

5 minutes later:

First student: Man, that was so homo.

- On the #44 to Portland

-- Overheard by Heather

The high cost of boobs in the face

"And the lapdances are when it gets really expensive!"

- University of Oregon Law School, Eugene

-- Overheard by Tim, who writes: "And this in mixed company...."

WTF?

Late-50s man, on cell phone: His heart stopped. Like it always does.

- Outside of NE Broadway/Lloyd Center US Bank

-- Overheard by Chuck, who writes: "Get that s**t checked out, stat!"

Mind powers

So I was walking downtown on Saturday night, and there were these two girls dressed up for halloween. One was a cat and the other was some sort of devil or something. We were waiting for the crosswalk signal, and when it finally flashed, "Walk," this is what they said:

Cat girl: Oh my god girl, I was just thinking I wish this light would turn and then... it DID!

Devil girl: No WAY. Did you do it with your mind!?

Cat girl: I don't know, but all of a sudden I feel like I can do ANYTHING.

- Downtown

-- Oveheard by Abbi, who writes: "They may have been joking, but they were also OBVIOUSLY intoxicated. I thought it was funny."

he did look Irish

Bouncer: Sir, we’re going to have to cut you off.

Drunk 20-something dressed as a priest: My son, it is a blessing.

- Horror Bollywood at The Fez, Oct 27th

-- Overheard by Kelly

Good effort

Woman to her friend as she gets up and walks away:
You stay black!

Black friend, after a bit of a pause: uh, I'll try!

- Smith Memorial Union 2nd floor lounge

-- Overheard by Sarah, who writes: "I actually pulled my headphones out of my ears to laugh with the women. What a great laugh for the day!"

Sure, sure

Guy on cell phone: "Yeah, I'm at seventh and just getting off the bus."

- #14, at 21st & Hawthorne

-- Overheard by Specklet

Double negative

On Stark Street one night:

Upset Trannie: Please, PLEASE don't tell him I'm not really a girl. {{Screaming}} God, why won't you just give me a damn period!?!

Irritated Trannie's friend: I liked you better on meth, girl.

- Overheard by Jasmine

The adventures of Scorpion Del Monte

Man 1: I’ve only heard that one time before and that was from a guy named Scorpion. Right after he told me about wrecking the forklift at the Del Monte plant.

- At the office

-- Overheard by Jasmine

I used to have that ELP album

While leaving the auditorium, I overheard two women discussing the Dvorak's Symphony #9, "From the New World."

Woman 1: It was sure negative. He just wanted to prove it wasn't American.

Woman 2: Yeah, I liked the "Pictures at a Galleria" one better.

(Referring to a previous "Inside the Score" featuring Mussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition")

- Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

-- Overhead by Steve, who writes:

"Inside the Score" is a series in which OR Symphony director Karlos Kalmar discusses and demonstrates parts of a classical work, then has the orchestra perform it in its entirety. On Sunday, they did Dvorak's Symphony #9, "From the New World," and the discussion was centered on just how "American" this work is ("not very" is the consensus that most any music student or connoisseur already knows).

Kalmar started out debunking any relationship to jazz, which didn't appear until decades after the symphony was written.

Sitting next to me in the audience was a woman and her two young daughters. (They tittered, talked and whispered through the whole show.) At one point, Kalmar demonstrated a bass line, and the woman says to her girls, quite excitedly, "It's jazz!" She repeated this a few times to make sure everybody around heard it.

I feel the same way, buddy

(People get onto a very crowded bus.)

Driver, enunciating very precisely: Please move... behind... the yellow line.

(There is much shuffling as people squeeze in tighter.)

Driver, at the next stop: I can take... anyone... who is behind... the yellow line.

(More shuffling. Stop request bell rings, driver pulls over at next stop, no one disembarks.)

Driver, quietly, still enunciating: Going once... Going twice...

(Doors shut, stop request bell rings immediately.)

Driver, quietly: Are you sure? Are you positive?

(Bus stops, lady with cane laboriously makes her way down the packed aisle.)

Lady: Excuse me, thank you. Thank you. You guys have a fun day!

Driver, quietly: That... is going... to take... some doing.

- On the bus

-- Overheard by Specklet

Slow downer

Large Tourist: Man, why is the traffic so darn slow?

Bus Driver: We're in Oregon.

Large Tourist: I know what state I'm in, I just can't figure out why...

Bus Driver: The traffic is slow because we're in Oregon, ma'm.

- The 58

-- Overheard by Erich, who writes: "The quote isn't quite as funny as the look the tourist gave the bus driver afterwards, though."

Chicken of the Sea

Old, grimy hobo to girls exiting a club:
"You shouldn't bend over like that when I've got a raging hard-on! Gonna harpoon a tuna."

- The Fez, last Saturday, sometime around 2 am

-- Overheard by Jen

Ron-tonkin-kia, not Korea

Volunteer: You just came here from Korea?

Couple: Noooooo, we just came from Ron-tonkin-kia!!!

- OMSI

-- Overheard by Kevin

do-se-do

Intermission-- In the line to the ladies room opening night of OBT Germanic Lands

Woman to friend exiting ladies room:
"You know I was about to start complaining when those two guys started dancing together."

Woman in line: "Oh Go Home."

- At OBT

-- Overheard by Kirsten

a river runs through it

On the MAX on Saturday afternoon, as we're crossing the Steel Bridge, a teenaged girl asked her friend:

"Is that the Willamette or the Columbia? If it's the Columbia, I've jumped in there before and that shit is cold."

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Der Vegtards

Mom to daughter (who is holding a package of deli sliced Tofurkey):
"No honey, there are no vegetarian Germans."

- Wild Oates

-- Overheard by Jocelyn

and I can still hear her complain

Hispanic man in suit:

"This woman in Mexico? I love her so much I have to kill her."

- Swagat

-- Overheard by Rich

Traditional Marriage

Customer, after getting off his cell phone:
"Don't get married. It's like talking to yourself. But they talk back."

- Great Northwest Bookstore

-- Overheard by b!X

Gone in 60 seconds

#15 bus driver, on snowy morning a couple years back:

"Ok, you folks that aren't used to riding the bus, you need to sit down or grab hold of something, because I know what this bus can do, and I will drive it like it's stolen."

- SE Morrison and about 17th

-- Overheard by: And he got me to work on time!

Unhosed

Highschool student:

"He said something...said something like, 'I'll buy you a ring, I'll buy you a rose, I'll take off your pantyhose.' But the way he rapped it--it was tiiiight. Oh my goodness! It was tight!"

- On 35 Greely bus

-- Overheard by Michael

and then we remembered we left the toaster on

Crazy Hobo with Two Bags of McDonalds:
"Spider Monkeys are hot right now. I protect all the animals! I got 500 gorillas in the underground, I yell "Hey gorillas!" and they come out and we make the money drops, we use a crane to get to the apartment windows. Stacks of bills! Three grand each! I'm the Treasurer! Just go to Powell's on Sunday and say "Todd is in, give me the money!" Stacks!"

- 10th and Morrison

-- Overheard by: LMoney

Have a nice day!

Bus slows, young man gets up from his seat.

Young man, to bus driver: "Have a nice day!:

Older guy: "He ain't gonna let you off till he gets to his stop!"

Young man: "I know, I know, I'm just tellin' him "Have a nice day!'"

Older guy: "Well, just don't be hopping up like that all the time!"

Young man: "Awww, be quiet!"

- On the bus

-- Overheard by Specklet

Take a message

Last week on the #40 bus, evening commute home. Bus is near full. Nobody is talking. Someone's cellphone rings at the back of the bus. Up front, a sort of homeless looking, street musican responds:

"If it's for me, I'm not here!"
Smiles and chuckles on several faces.

- Overheard by Patrick

Cheesehead diet

In a nail salon:

Woman getting manicure and talking on her cell phone at the same time:

"Just do what I did. Eat lots of yogurt and cheese. No roughage. And DON'T tell your mother."

- Overheard by Elizabeth

In your grocer's freezer

Overhead at the Milwaukie Farmers Market, at a vegetable booth, surrounded by display tables full of lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes, bell peppers, carrots, etc.

Little girl: "Daddy, where do they have the actual food?"

- Overheard by T.K. & G

Going to the chapel

Girl #1 to Girl #2:

"We could get a domestic partnership, get the benefits, and then sleep with whomever we want!"

- Laurelthirst

-- Overheard by Rich

Understatement

Woman in purple:
"I can't drink too much anymore. I'm pregnant."

- Plaid Pantry Store #66

-- Overheard by b!X

Go back to Cali

last night, 8:20pm

Guy on his cell phone yells: "I hate Portland!"

- On the corner of Burnside and NW 20th

-- Overheard by The Blankenships

Who is you?

Obnoxiously loud young man to an older guy talking on the phone:
"Is she in Idaho? Is she? Is she in Idaho?"

Guy: "Yeah."

Loud guy:
"Ask her if she works in a hotel! Dude, ask her if she works in a hotel!" (guffaws)

Guy: "No."

Loud guy: "Who is that? Who is it?"

Guy. "Mary Alice."

Loud guy: "She called me a dork! She doesn't even know who I is! Um, am."

- On the bus

-- Overheard by Specklet

Back in the shop

Patient (inaudible but exasperated sounding):
"...well then I felt it tear again and figured I better come in here."

Nurse (long pause):
"Well that at least was a good idea."

- Emergency Room at Milwaukie Regence Hospital

-- Overheard by Kristen

Better half

Two girls sitting behind me in class, chatting while people still trickle in:

Girl 1: "Tea without honey is like you without me. Worthless."

- Portland State

-- Oveheard by Nuru

Make my day

I was watching my son play in a high school junior varsity football game, about a month ago, in Cedar Mill, when I overheard this exchange between a couple of girls, about 14 or 15 years old:

Girl #1: "Marcus is in jail."

Girl #2: "What did he do now?"

Girl #1: "He shot somebody in the leg. He was going to shoot him in the head but his gun jammed."

- Cedar Mill

-- Overheard by Mr69k69

And it's contagious

Girl, loudly explaining her problems to anyone who will listen:
"To my mom, everything has a disease. Even Jesus probably has a disease. "

- On #6

-- Overheard by Aaron

McDonald's is your kind of place

Sitting at an intersection one night waiting for the green light when I heard:

"MCDONALD'S HERE I COME!!!"

Look over to my left so see a teenage boy hanging out the passenger side window before speeding off to McDonalds.

- Intersection near 185th and HWY 26

-- Overheard by Danielle

nuts

Two older ladies were looking around, confused, at Trader Joe's on 39th. They approached a guy who worked there:

Lady #1: "Excuse me, where are your nuts?"

TJ's guy: (points to himself) "Where are MY nuts?"

Lady #2: "No, where are THE nuts?"


-- Overheard by Cammie

V Mag

I am a student at PNCA, and I was standing at the back dock on 13th and Kearny when these three beefy guys walked out of the upper deck sports bar, and all I heard was:

"Dude you are nothing but a vagina magnet."

Overheard by sim+one, who writes "Nice... we laughed."

Segway duo

I was walking to work downtown this morning, passing two of Portland’s Finest on Segways as they were riding toward each other. They stopped to talk and one says to the other:

“Does it hurt when they mock your Segway?”

Then they both laughed and rolled on!

- Overheard by Rachel

How about both?

"So what's hotter? Lesbians or sluts?"

- on #15

-- Overheard by Aaron

TMI

Woman on cell phone

"Hi Honey. Oh, did I wake you? Sorry, guess where me and your father are at! IKEA!! You wont believe how big it is... Huge!"

- In the stall next to me, Ikea restrooms

-- Overheard by imnverted

Boring, Oregon

Kid: "I don't wanna go! I'll be bored!"

Mom: "I'll be bored too."

Kid: "I don't wanna go! I'll be bored!"

Mom: "We'll be bored together."

Kid: "But I'll be bored!"

Mom: "Look, you do nothing. Then I'll do nothing. We'll be bored together."

Kid: "It's going to be boring!"

Mom: "Don't say anything to Daniel. Then I won't say anything to Daniel. It'll be boring."


- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Jai guru deva om

2 girls, in their early twenties, walking out of the movie "Across the Universe"

Girl 1: "Wow...I'm going to drop out of law school and do drugs."
Girl 2: "Hahaha...(girl 1 doesn't laugh.) Wait, are you serious?"
Girl 1: "Completely."

- Bridgeport Village Regal Cinemas
-- Overheard by Anonymous