Skunky

From the next row of cubes in my office:

“I don’t get it, I ALWAYS see skunks in Macy’s!”

- Overheard by Jaimie

Almost famous

Random drunk guy (by himself, only 8pm) sitting close to the stage, no music is playing: What the fuck is this shit, this band sucks...fucking dick, it sucks dick.

- Dante's, 2 weeks ago, getting ready to play a show, sitting at the side bar watching the opening band set up their gear.

--Overheard by italiamusica

CRL

Crazy rambling lady (to know one in particular): Why don't you lick a penis!

-On NW 23rd

-- Overheard by SkyB

Apartment parking lot fun

Heard this a few days ago near Milwaukie and Holgate:

"HEY! We have fucking milk in the goddamn fridge, WHORESLUT!"

-- Overheard by Angela

The boys need a house

A little boy to his mom in the next aisle (yelling):
Mom! My penis is sticking to my leg!

Mom (embarrassed): Shh! Honey!

Kid: But it's sticky!

- Michael's craft store

-- Overheard by Lisa

Good luck, Chuck

Me: Like semen?

Guy out of nowhere: Chuck Norris!!

- At a secret place

-- Overheard by Cookie

How Come I Don't Have Custody?

Man on phone: Yeah dude, I'll grab us a couple beers. I always gotta drink before court.

- Overheard by Aaron on the Yellow line

eclipse

A man standing on the corner outside the bar, looking at the eclipse:

Must be a full moon, too.

- Overheard by Kif

Name drop

Me (finishing sip of coffee): Good morning, Bonnie.
Bobbie: It's Bobbie
Me: I know, that's what I said. Bobbie
Bobbie: I thought I heard Bonnie
Me: Nope, Bobbie.

- Overheard by derrick

Vengeance

Man getting off bus after only one stop: Which one of you murdered my sister? I was twenty-one. I'll break your neck when I find you. Prison doesn't matter to me. Been there done that.

- Downtown on the 12-Barbur

-- Overheard by b!X

You can do it. We can help.

Exasperated mom: I am so angry with you right now! What were you thinking?

Little girl: I was thinking "Oh oh - I just pooped in my pants."

- Overheard by Steph in the ladies restroom at the Jantzen Beach Home Depot

carrots

60-something woman, walking arm-and-arm with an 80-something woman, carrying a large bunch of carrots with the tops still on:

“This is my organic bridal bouquet!”

- Overheard at New Seasons by CC

Mistaken identity, right ethnicity?

Asian Guy: [Rolls down backseat car window.] Hey, are you Isaiah Herrington?

Me: Er, no.

Asian Guy: Oh. What's your last name?

Me: Loftus.

Asian Guy: Oh! Are you Irish?

Me: Uh, sort of?

Asian Guy: Yes or no.

Me: Yes.

Asian Guy: So am I! [Smiles and rolls the window back up.]

- At the corner of 60th and Burnside

-- Overheard by Abner

Hobo hookup

Guy that sits next to me: You should hook me up!

Me: Well she rides freight trains around the country.

Guy that sits next to me: Is she in Canada?

Me: Dude I just said that she is riding freight trains around the country. She would not be in Canada.

Guy that sits next to me: Oh.

- At a secret place

-- Overheard by cookie

Better Than a Beef Pot

Guy on cell phone: Where are you at? (Pause) A chicken pan?

- Yamhill MAX station

-- Overheard by Aaron

Jury Duty

crazy, smelly guy (waiting to go onto a jury selection panel):

...and this one time? I was at Freddy's, and i wrote them this check, and all the ink disappeared off it, invisible ink, you know? And when the ink disappeared off of it, somebody wrote in a new amount and ripped off two grand from my account. Assholes!

Not-crazy guy (wondering why he happened to sit next to crazy guy, searching for something innocuous to say):

...you gotta just keep a sense of humor about stuff like that, you know?

- Overheard by: a jury of your peers

oh the irony

Guy: So this is the first Valentines that I will have to worry about getting something for someone.
Girl: Oh so you two are still dating then? How's that going?
Guy: Good...Ironically she is a Christian like me and we have a lot of the same beliefs and values.
(brief pause)
Girl: Ok where is the irony in that?
Guy: I didn't say anything about irony.
(another pause as she stares at him then begins to laugh hysterically)

- In my office

-- Overheard by Kat

Magic Kingdom

Young lady upon entering The Disney Store: Shit, this is one of those places I'm not supposed to say "fuck" in, isn't it?

- Lloyd Center

-- via SaraFist

Finger in the dike

Couple walking away from Hawthorne Hot Lips Pizza:

Girl #1: Yeah, I don't know. I always date the dyke-iest girls.
Girl #2: Hey!
Girl #1: Oh yeah, well, you know...

- Overheard by SaintSacrilege

Hey! No fare!

Tri-Met driver to a passenger paying her fare with two new, very shiny Presidential dollar coins:

I'm sorry, we don't take chocolate coins.

- #70 bus, southbound on SE12th early January, middle of weekday

-- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Jesus

Guy 1: And then Jesus came down, and he had brown hair, and he put his hand right on top of my head. And he said, 'I'll see you in Paraquay.

Guy 2: Paraquay?

Guy 1: Yeah, like Paraguay, but with the letters wrong - a Q instead of a G. Paraquay. That's the crazy thing.

- NE Portland Starbuck's

-- Overheard by Dave

Note to self: do not buy birthday gifts at Safeway

20ish woman on cellphone, angrily: He forgot to put any money on it. Yeah. Nothing says 'happy birthday' like a Safeway gift card!

- NW 12th and Lovejoy

-- Overheard by awkwardboyhero

Iron City

20s Guy 1: You know, Portland was originally the steel and cast-iron capitol.
20s Guy 2: Well, fuck me!


- Chinatown

-- Overheard by Sky B

Careful

Extraordinarily Drunk Man: Be very careful! BE VERY VERY CAREFUL! ... Be very careful! BE VERY VERY CAREFUL!

- Echoing through the streets of Buckman, at 1:00 AM

-- Overheard by b!X

The Count

Counter guy: We're out of ones.
DJ: Well ask the girls then.
Counterguy: You know they can't count!

- Jefferson Theatre in downtown Portland

-- Overheard by Edie

Fashionista

Woman: You're an American? You don't dress like one.

Guy: Actually, I'm from Milwaukee. Where are you from?

Woman: San Diego.

Guy: That explains it; you're not used to being around Americans!

- Overheard by Rich

Weird Beard Guy

A teen passes by two men who appear to know him.

Man #1: Are you growing a beard there?"
Teen: Yeah, you noticed?"
Man #1(to friend): You've got some competition.

- Overheard by Julie

madagascar?

guy playing hockey: The Fossa are coming, the Fossa!!!

- Overheard by Julie, who writes "Did he mean the Fossa (the evil weaselly animals) from the movie Madagascar?"

Rockford Files

Ed: (boarded and sat down on #1 bus)

Crazy man: Hey Kevin! how are you man? you're been following me around everywhere you crazy ex-con.

Ed: (silence)

Crazy man: I've been playing instruments since I was 9 or 10.

Ed: Wow.

Crazy man: I paid $2000-3000 for a PI. I paid him just like on Rockford Files. Rockford files.

Ed: thats crazy.

Crazy man: rockford files. and you know what! they don't even have PI in this city!

Ed: speechless

- On the #1 bus

--Overheard by Ed

Civic Duty

Teacher: Remind your parents to vote in the Presidential Caucus this weekend! Republicans and Democrats!

Student: My parents can't vote. They're felons.

Teacher: Oh, I'm sorry.

Student: That's OK. I'm a felon too.

- At a high school in Clark County

-- Overheard by Teacher's Pet

Are your prawns pc?

Male customer: Can you tell me where your prawns come from?

Female server: ummm... the Ocean?

- Maid in the Mist Restaurant, SE Belmont

-- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Paul's

Loud middle-aged woman: What is this?
Friend: It's Powells.
Woman: Paul's? Is it all this? [gestures to small display window]
Friend: Yeah. It's the whole block.

- Outside Powell's

-- Overheard by Specklet

RFJ

Black woman: Oh, I just like him so much!
White woman: He's a rebel for Jesus, amen!

- Pioneer Square

-- Overheard by LAB

and...

Stripper after set to bouncer: Calvin, you ate all my Froot Loops again!

- Magic Gardens

-- Overheard by LAB

Symbiosis

Stripper: So which one of the Mercury writers got dumped by a stripper? They are really harsh on the dancers. Don't they know who supports music in this town? Musicians can't pay their bills--their girlfriends do.

- Casa Diablo

-- Overheard by Rich

The IT crowd

Guy #1: Unix? You said Unix? I can't you believe you said that to her.
Guy #2: What? She said she does IT.
Guy #1: Dude, that means she doesn't do guys that use the word Unix!

- MuMus

-- Overheard by Rich