Everything under one roof

Hipster: Oh, yeah, the Barnes and Noble here is the best place to take a shit.

-- Lloyd Center Mall
- Overheard by Lisa

Female Circumcision

In our birthing class in Clackamas today...

Instructor: Boys aren't routinely circumcised anymore. It's about 50/50 now.

Father-to-be: What about girls?

- Overheard by Marc

Soon to be over relationship

Girl 1 to Girl 2: And then he said to me "I thought we agreed we weren't seeing anyone else anymore." Then she laughed.

- Overheard by Kirsten

Adoption

Guy 1: Wasn't your ex-girlfriend adopted from some country?
Guy 2: No, not her. My current girlfriend. She is Korean, and she's adopted.
Guy 1: (pause) . . . What's up with Koreans and adoption anyway?

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Chris

Paint it Black

Man on cellphone trying to console friend (very loudly):
I don't know why women find you unattractive, Frank!
*brief silence*
Well go and paint yourself black if you think it'll do any good!

- Pioneer Square Starbucks
--Overheard by Frank

Pig in a Poke

Blonde Girl: I wanna get a mini pig
Brunette Girl: They don't stay mini the whole time
Blonde Girl: I know, but I want to take it put it in a skirt and a little mini diaper and prance it around. At least as long as it is still cute.

- In a public hot tub in my apt building near PSU campus.
-- Overheard by Jake

Neither lender or borrower be

Guy to punk rock girlfriend: I've never done tweek in my life! I have sold it though...

- Outside the downtown library
--Overheard by Hank

When you need it bad, get it at Plaid

Woman behind me in line to employee with shit eating grin:

Woman: Hey, how's it going"

Employee: Really good! My friend just harvested a new crop!

Woman: No shit!

Employee: I've sold two ounces of mushrooms at work tonight!

- Plaid Pantry in SE
-- Overheard by tomash

Lolita

Teen Girl 1: And that's when I started to have a crush on my dad.
Teen Girl 2: Ewwww!
Teen Girl 1: But he's my *step* dad, so it's not gross.
Teen Girl 2: (looks disgusted) ...I guess.

- On bus near SE Division and 39th.
-- Overheard by Katt

The Good Ship Safeway

Guy with big bushy beard (into the payphone): Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease.

- Outside the the St. Johns Safeway

-- Overheard by Mark

lethal feet

In the employee locker room of swanky downtown hotel:

Guy 1: (Cough) Dude, what is up with your socks? Was that anthrax?

Guy 2: It's magic.

Guy 1: (Cough, cough)

- Submitted by Crash

we all have to make sacrifices

Boy: My dad got rid of our cable.

His friend's mom: Why is that?

Boy: Stock market.


- Burgerville on Hawthorne
-- Overheard by awkwardboyhero

Corporal punishment

Cashier One: Oh, yeah. My dad would grab me by the hair and beat the crap out of me with a wooden spoon.

Cashier Two: Are you serious?

Cashier One: Of course. I deserved it, you know. I think more kids should get beat nowadays. Made me the person I am.

- Deseret Thrift Store on SE 82nd

--Overheard by Zen Angel

Northwest in a nutshell

A hyped young girl is soliciting funds for an environmental group...

Hype girl: Hey do you have a minute to help save woodland furies?

Man: I'm a logger.

Hype Girl: I sure you do it sustainably.

- Outside of Pioneer Place Mall
-- Overheard by Mark

At the Hoth Branch

Female coworker: I should probably stop being mean to you.
Male coworker: You should. Or I'll have to cut you open and sleep in your body like a Ton-Ton.

- In my office
-- Overheard by Nathan

It's everywhere you want to be

Mid-twenties Guy walks into a bar when it opens for breakfast...

Guy: Hey, I need to pick up a credit card for someone that left it here last night.
Bartender: Yeah? Your friend have a little too much too drink and forget their card?
Guy: It was my mom.

- Laurelthirst Public House
-- Overheard by Nacion

Blood on the Tracks

Homeless guy: Hey man, do you like poetry?

Man: No, I even wrote a poem about how much I hate poetry...and I don't have any change.

- Overheard by Anita

Mama Mia

KJ: I love Abba like I love sex.

- During karaoke at Claudia's on Hawthorne
-- Overheard by Samantha

Baby shower

Mom to pregnant daughter: I'm not going to invite them until they act like the adults they act like they think they are.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

UnderArmour

Husband, trying to get ready for work: Why did I grab underwear? I can't put that on my feet.

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Take the Cannoli

Woman at Powell's on Hawthorne, wielding a used book.

Woman: I want to return this book. It stinks.

Clerk: You don't like Sarah Vowell?

Woman: No, I don't like the way it smells.

- Overheard by Raymond

Pickup game

1st Girl: Oh look the Blazers are playing at the Rose Quarter tonight.

2nd Girl: Yeah and so is San Antonio.

1st Girl: Oh...I wonder if they're playing each other?

2nd Girl: I don't know...maybe...

- On the #8 bus near the Rose Quarter
-- Overheard by Sarah

Believe in the Power of Work

Woman on cellphone: I'm in Goodwill finding treasures cuz... I THINK I GOT A JOB!

- Overheard by Ry

The patch is for quitters

Woman to her salty waitress: How are you doing with the non-smoking thing?
Salty waitress: I'm on Nicorette.

- Horse Brass Pub
-- Overheard by Matt

Xtreme Fighting

My friend and I overhear a 5 y.o. boy and his mom talking:

Mom: So honey, did he try to break your arm before or after you were strangling him?

- The Schnitz
-- Overheard by Berlliner, who writes: "My friend and I walked inside, looked at each other, and cracked up."

Awesome

I was walking in front of the Crystal Ballroom and two men were changing the letters on the marquee:

Man 1: I hope they don't mind that I spelled awesome without the e (awsome) . We ran out of e's.

Man 2: (emphatically) I care! Its the best word in the english language.

- 13th and burnside.
-- Overheard by John

Ringing

This was on new years day around 1am at the thirsty lion.

Girl 1: so like... where did the word, "ring in the new year," come from?
Girl 2: well... maybe in ancient culture they rang bells because they like... thought it would start another year?
Girl 1: but did they even know what years were back then? like in ancient culture-ish times?
Girl 2: well... yeah. obviously. i mean, the aztecs predicted 9/11... right? so they had to know years.
Girl 3: no dude i think that was nostril anus or something like that.
Girl 1: no shit. well... let's start another year with another shot of Patrón!

- Overheard by Abbi, who writes: "Oh man. I mean, they were completely obliterated. But still... wow."

Bigger in Texas

Girl on phone: No, we have to fly to Dallas then on to Houston. I don't know why. I guess we have to refuel in Dallas so we can make it to Houston.

- PDX Airport
-- Overheard by Jamie

Online Investing

Two friends catching up after an apparent long time apart:

Friend 1: So what are you doing for work these days?
Friend 2: I got into online investing?
Friend 1: Oh woah, nice. What are you investing in exactly?
Friend 2: Um, mostly college basketball. A little NFL. I stay away from the NBA. Too volatile for me.

- Overheard by John

Bloke

Overheard waiting in line for "Slumdog Millionaires" at the Fox Tower Cinema:

Young Man: I like being called a bloke, it makes me feel continental!

Young Woman: I like it when they call me a broad...

-- Overheard by harkman

Lucky elevator

Elevator repairman to Bell staff at swanky downtown hotel:
Well, that should do it. Keep your fingers crossed.

- Submitted by crash

Video of the Week: New Year's Resolutions

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

After the pillow fight

One girl to another: Am I gay enough for you?

- Bedroom
-- Submitted by MB on behalf of TW

Sealed

Guy 1: Great white sharks don't eat people, just seals.
Girl: But we look like seals.
pause
Guy 2: I don't feel like I look like a seal...

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Eco-Mall

Woman: I guess the people at Lloyd Center aren't used to people bringing their own shopping bags.

Man: Yeah.

Woman: Plastic bags kill the earth.

- 11th and Holladay

-- Overheard by Michele

Day After Tomorrow

During the first Sunday of the huge snowstorm:

Girl 1: Oh my gosh, it’s all snowy downtown.

Girl 2: Did the river freeze?

- Overheard by Bailey

Thighmaster

A guy is walking down Couch in the Pearl District, talking on his hands-free bluetooth loud enough for the entire street to hear.

Guy: I mean, these chicks were strippers, and they didn't even have ABS! What the FUCK?!?

Kid stories

Guy at a bus stop on Grand, in the deep snow: Give a mouse a cookie, it will summon an ice-queen.

- Overheard by Joe

Monkey business

Boy #1: My monkey kills people!
Boy #2: That's not a nice monkey.
Boy #1: It's the same monkey you have.

- Conestoga School

-- Overheard by Julie

Snowburger

A little girl is walking with her family on SW Broadway downtown.

Little girl: (shoving a handful of snow from the sidewalk in her mouth): MMM! I love eating snow!

Mom: Oh honey, not downtown. That's not a good choice.

- Overheard by Kimberly

Curse of the Bourgeoisie

Early 20s girl: I need to be rich when i grow up, cuz i'm such a slob. I will have to be able to afford a maid to clean for me. I am not going to be stuck cleaning my mansion every weekend.

- Overheard by SmB

Freak of Nature

While watching TV...

Girl 1: Look at that cow! Or horse...or...what the fuck is that?
Girl 2: A donkey.

- In Sellwood

-- Overheard by Lauren

Video of the Week: Shoe Toss Uncensored Footage

While this is funny and all, I think we really ought to be throwing the Book at torture-monger Dick Cheney.

Canooks

Portland Winter Hawks vs. Medicine Hat (Alberta) Tigers, nearly two minutes into the final period of play, overheard from a group of teenage males in section 68:

"Medicine Hat... must be from Canada."

- Overheard by Steve

KFC

At KFC a very large woman was in front of my sister in line. She orders a large bucket of chicken.

Guy at the counter: Is that for here or to go?

Woman: Bas'cuse me muthafucka?! You think I can eat a whole bucket of chicken by myself?!

Guy at the counter: Bitch I don't know your life!

- Overheard by Hannah

Video of the Week: Tradeshow Magic

In this video, my friend Scott Tokar shows us some marketing magic at the SC08 conference. In case you're wondering, setting up this kind of fun stuff is my day job.

Kitty Castration

My coworker, on her cell phone: So, I can take my kitty to you now, right? You'll cut his nuts off?

- Overheard by Elizabeth

The High Price of Gelato

Woman: So, what do think? Is going to the frozen yogurt place too much of a girl thing?

Bartender: Well yeah, but gay men like it too. I mean, as long as you let your boyfriend talk baseball or something afterwards.

Woman: Would a trip to the strip joint make up for it?

Boyfriend: Awesome, dude! We're going to Sassy's!

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Cinnabonfire of the Vanities

Overweight woman pushing her sleeping infant in a stroller and talking to herself so that everyone around her can hear:

Mommy's been working really hard today... I think she deserves a Cinnabon.

-Washington Square Mall

-- Overheard by Michael

Video of the Week: Sooner or Later

I love SCI-FI short films like this one.

At the end of World War II the Nazis build a time machine. This technology would enable them to snatch victory. However, nobody knows what will really happen if they succeed.