Keep her away from K-FED

Bald man: I'll tell you one thing, my daughter is not dating until she's 18. She is NOT dating. No way. I won't allow it.

Other guy: (long pause): Well, good luck with that. Let me know how that works out.

- Overheard by John

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

Young man on Max (to new mom): Moms are cool. Moms are cool. Not mine, I never met her but... moms are cool.

- Overheard by Grace

The new black

Manager: Pants off is the new black.

- At the office

-- Overheard by fool

Battle Grrrrl

A girl waits by the door to get off the bus, and her cell phone rings.

Girl: I've got Ashley's phone, she's in jail. Yeah, she beat the shit out of the chick....No, she just beat the shit out of her. Nothin' but her two hands. Girl had to go to the hospital...It was over at the 7-11 on 82nd & Powell...Well, you know how she repped the bloods, right?"


- On the #4 at PCC

-- Overheard by Charlotte

Say hello to my little friend!

Loud heavily-accented voice from the back of the bus: I have a Russian dog...so I had to call the cops on him. (pause) I have a German cat and a Cuban parrot....

Nice girl: Do they like it here?

Voice: No. They're paranoid...I'm going back to Cuba. I hope the police don't follow me here.

- On the #15

-- Overheard by Marianna

Donkey Kong

Lucid, rambling homeless man: On Jewish holidays, my cock is as big as a... King Kong dick.

- Heard outside a parking garage on 10th & Morrison

-- Overheard by Trevor

Coochie Court

Female shoplifting defendant: I'm just saying I didn't have a vagina full of jewelry in 2005.

- In Court

-- Overheard by Woof

Fountain of Youth

A group of kids taking a tour of downtown stop to look at the waterfront fountain off of Salmon Street.

Boy: I want to go down there and run through that fountain...Like a retard....Like that kid.

- Overheard by Dave

Every Kiss begins with K-8

Two boys, probably 5th or 6th graders, talking as they kicked a ball around after school:

Boy 1: She's my girlfriend, not my wife.

Boy 2: Are you going to marry her?

Boy 1: No, but I could.

Boy 2: No way.

Boy 1: Yeah, all you have to do is buy a diamond ring. Or really, any kind of ring.

- Laurelhurst elementary

-- Overheard by Amy

Filler

Two college aged girls walking past the juniors, then maternity, sections of Target.

Girl #1: That's a cute dress.
Girl #2: Yeah, I don't have the boobs to wear it.
Girl #1: Oh, that's a cute one too!
Girl #2: You don't have the fetus to fill out that dress.

- In the Target on the B-H highway

-- Overheard by M

Doctor Love

Two women talking on a bench, topic seemed to be about a recent blind date:

Woman #1: I can't believe they set you up.

Woman #2: I know. I mean, the guy did not even have a college degree. I don't want to sound like an elitist, but I am a Doctor. What were they thinking?

- In Willamette Park

-- Overheard by Dave

Way Downtown

Guy #1: You know how to make sure your relatives never come back?

Guy #2: No. How?

Guy #1: Drive them out to East 82nd and tell them it's downtown.

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Free Booty

In front of the Lush candle store on NW 23rd, pedestrian walking by chalkboard sign that says "FREE BOOTY."

Man: Free Booty? Man, I gots to get me some of that shit!

- Overheard by Rich

Porn

Her: Clown porn, clown porn, clown porn. ... You put that in my head.

Him: How did I put that in your head?

Her: You told me about it.

Him: No, I told you about midget porn.

- East Bank Saloon

-- Overheard by b!X

Medical Advice

On the streetcar:

Streetboy#1: Why can't mom just direct deposit the child support? Bitch

Streetboy#2 (to the young woman across the aisle): Hey, hey you. What are you? Pissed off? What is it? Are you mad?

Young Woman: What?

Streetboy#1: She doesn't want to talk to you, man.

Streetboy#2: Why so mad? What's the problem?

Young Woman: I'm not mad. I have finals. I'm just tired.

Streetboy#2: School, huh? Have you ever... some people think... have you ever thought of opiates?

Streetboy#2: (to me) Huh? What's so funny? No, why are you laughing?

- Overheard by Nikola

Brutal

At oaks park, in line for the octopus:

Middle-school age girl: And she was like (lowers her voice to a whisper) bleepity bleep bleep bleeeep! And I was all like Whoa.

Her friend: That's brutal.

- Overheard by Ali

FWB

At a party in SE Portland...

Me: So how do you two know each other?

Him: We're friends.

Her: Special friends.

Him: With benefits.

- Overheard by Paul

Rooting

Homeless guy selling Street Roots: I bet I could outwork all of you!

- 21st and Lovejoy

-- Overheard by Rich

Cat Tut

"And then what the Cat Tut does is stretch out your vagina-box like it's asian, so then it doesn't work right. It doesn't really help you at all."

- In my living room

-- Overheard by Lachwen, who writes: "I have the most random roommates in the world."

Not looking for Spare Change

Homeless man sitting on sidewalk: Hey, do either of you know where I can find myself a pretty drag queen?

- SW 12th & Main

- Overheard by Kim

Chest rubbing

Waiting for the crosswalk on Hawthorne, with a friend who's playing the accordion:

Man who appears to be massaging his nipples constantly, stalking about on tiptoe: Hey, you guys got a quarter for a beer? ... Shit, I should be giving you a quarter! (About a quarter of a block away now.) It's good thing that's not Mexican music! I hate Mexican music! That's not Mexican music though, so it's good!

- Overheard by Abner, who writes: "This is the second time we've seen this guy. A few weeks before he'd been announcing the death of the creator of LSD and "spreading love". Even then he was rubbing his chest."

Ready or not

African-american customer talking to two african-american cashiers about Barack Obama...

African-american customer: First day he in, they shoot him. You watch!

White customer: They'd better not shoot him - he's our only hope!

African-american customer, to cashiers: White people think they ready; everybody think they ready.

White customer: I'm ready! I'm ready!

African-american customer looks white customer up and down, finally says: You ain't ready.

- 7-Eleven, N. Lombard & Denver

-- Overheard by another white customer

T... M... I... !

Senior Citizen: You should see my dick. I only had a quarter of it circumcised.

- Morrison Street Grill

-- Overheard by b!X

Should we be getting hazard pay?

Guy from corporate HQ, checking out our wood-and-metal cubicles:
If there was an electrical storm, you guys would all fry! They're cool cubes, though.

- Downtown/waterfront PDX

-- Overheard by Jen

Mommie Dearest

Harassed looking women with 3 kids in tow:
Don’t get me wrong, I love you all to death… but right now I wish I’d drowned you all when you were babies.

- Overheard by FoodDude, who writes: "I was speechless."

analyzed

Two female college students on the 44 bus:

Girl one: we gonna hang out later?
Girl two: i don't know, i have to talk to my english professor. he said my analytical essays aren't like, analytical enough.

- Overheard by Emily

Star punch

Waitress (looking at customer's Entertainment Section): That's weird. Last night I had a dream I beat up Lindsay Lohan!

- Nob Hill Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Mama is the Best!

A little girl of around 5 standing near her mother's shopping cart as they were getting ready to leave the store:
Mama, you are the best mama in the world!

- Overheard by Kris, who writes: "And mama hadn't even bought her anything...it was spontaneous from the little girl's heart. An excellent Mother's Day gift, I'd say."

He's a 10

Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl: (Shrug) Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.

- Outside Trillium Preschool

-- Overheard by Amy

Internal dialogue

Indian entrepreneur: I am tired of listening to people talking. I want to listen to me talking.

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

He's in the jailhouse, now

Twentysomething white gangsta guy on cell phone:
Hey man, yeah, I just got out of jail. (listens.) Naw man, they charged me with the same as having a gun, because the weapon was concealed. (listens.) It was totally just a toy, but now they're going to put me in jail again.
(listens.)
I'm at OHSU right now, I'll be there in like five minutes.
(listens.)
Well, they could give me probation, but I bet they send me back to jail. I should just kiss my ass goodbye right now! They're going to put me back in jail, I know it! I posted bail and all it got me was 5 hours of freedom!
(listens.)
Yeah, maybe I can share a cell with your brother.
(listens.)
He's got a single cell? Damn!

- Overheard by a bus full of mild-mannered commuters

-- #8 bus to OHSU, 8:30 AM 5/5/08

Two left feet

At a house party. A girl was trying to drag a guy onto the dance floor.

Guy: I can't dance - I'm square!

- Overheard by Carla

The L word

Loud Butch Dyke: Well, you know what, if that bastard sales associate hadn't explained the term 'lipstick lesbian' to my mother, we wouldn't even be in this situation!

Loud Butch Dyke's GF: Wow, that's so gonna end up on Overheard in PDX.

- Overheard at Cinco De Mayo Waterfront Festival

cheap beer

Couple pushing a toddler in a stroller past the "silver man" street performer at Saturday's Market:

Woman: We should give him a dollar.
Man: I'm not giving him a dollar--I could buy a beer with that.

-Overheard by John and Jacci

WHOA THERE!

Overhead whilst walking around high school campus.

Freshman boy: Let’s go sodomize each other.

- Overheard by Leslie

Eye of the beholder

Teenagers on the max this morning. One overly confident guy teasing/flirting with a female classmate:

Guy: You aint no Eye Candy.
(pause)
Guy: More like Eye Cavity.

- Overheard by Brewcaster

Fender Bender

Mother and Son in Guitar Center:

Mom: You don't like Fender guitars?
Son: No, not really.
Mom: Why?
Son: Well...
Mom: Because you're stupid?

- Overheard by italiamusica

Do the Hustle

Male to female friend: You're sooo from Maine. All you do is take walks and read books. I'm from San Francisco. All we do is hustle.

- On the Lewis & Clark shuttle

-- Overheard by Flavia