Got my piece on me

Skater dude, early 20s, reeks of what I'm assuming was Body Spray, on his phone:
"Yeah, so I just drank a 40oz. and a Sparks, so I'm feelin' pretty good. Now I'm gonna go zoobomb....Do you have any herbals? I got my piece on me...I drank $90 of vodka the other night. I've been on a 2-week drinking binge. ... I gotta tell ya somethin. I'm a daddy! Oh, yeah, I already told ya..." [his phone dies in the tunnel, thankfully]

- On the MAX going into Portland @ 4pm today

-- Overheard by the Blankenships

So, she went out of town for the weekend?

"Outside my cube this morning:

Woman 1: "What did you do this weekend?"

Woman 2: "I slept with a superstar!"

- At the office

-- Overheard by Laura

Laugh a minute

Man: "Cholera is breaking out in Basra."

Woman: "Why do you say just things?"

Man: "It's here in the paper, I find it funny."

- Downtown coffee shop

-- Overheard by Brad

Mortal sin

Loud girl on cell phone:
"Girl! I went to the carnival on Lombard last night, and I spent WAY too much money."
[pause]
"No seriously, I can't tell you, I'm embarrassed."
[pause]
"OK....[long dramatic pause] I spent sixteen dollars."
[muffled shouting through cell phone]
"I know! I'm ashamed. I'm on my way to confession now."
[pause]
"OK! See you at Betty Ford's!"

- On the #17, 7:30am

-- Overheard by Junniper

You only give me your funny paper

(Homeless couple--all shouted loudly, start to finish)

Man, seated on steel-topped city trashcan:
"Well, what DO you want?!"

Woman, pacing the sidewalk in front of him:
"You know, I never wanted any Hundred-dollar shoes. I just want somewhere to LIVE!"

Man clangs lid of garbage can and erupts angrily and incoherently.

- Broadway and Washington

-- Overheard by wizzlepig

420

Smiling Woman (to me and my wife):
"Hey, do you smoke pot?"

Me: "No..."

Smiling Woman:
"Oh, ok. Because I have a lot of extra pot that I'm trying to give away." (walks away)

(She tried the next guy who walked out of Hollywood video with the same line)

- Outside Hawthorne Hollywood Video, 2 weeks ago

-- Overheard by Joel

Must be the periodicals

"Don't you know, 90% of dominatrix are librarians?"

- Overheard by Kate

Cave talk

Drunk boyfriend: "We need to plan our next move."

Drunk girlfriend: "I want to go fuck."

Guy at bar: "That's no way to start an argument."

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

No respect

"It's like no one respects us bitches, you know?"

- On th#6

-- Overheard by Aaron

no "borderline" about it

Man [in line behind woman downtown after lending her a nickel]:
You know... I'm borderline..."

Woman: "Borderline what?"

Man: "Borderline nymphomaniac."

- Rite-Aid by the square

-- Overheard by: Sweeeeeeeeeet

Who knew?

Man: "There's no such thing as vegan bacon."

Woman: "They use bacon bits, which are vegan."

Man: "Bacon bits aren't vegan."

Woman: "Yeah they are. You didn't know that?"

- Outside Wellesley Court Apartment

-- Overheard by b!X

Setting a good example

"Oh my god I don't understand why my kids aren't popular!"

- Phone conversation coming from Ladies room stall at Holiday Inn

-- Overheard by Kai

Must be something in the water

Five year old girl:
"Teenagers, and young people, are sometimes strange.... in this city".

Overheard by Meghan, who writes: "This was from a girl I was babysitting, after we heard some yelling from some boys on the street."

not YET, anyway

LOUDEST GIRL ALIVE (overheard during a full-volume concert from a full 30 feet away):
"I'm not a librarian!"

Her friend:
"Me either! Wooooo!"

- Crystal Ballroom

-- Overheard by molly

Goose Rider

(Teenage girl is sitting on a goose statue at the MAX station by Lincoln High School.)

Random guy: "It's only fair if he can ride you too."

Teenage girl: "Uhhh...."

- Overheard by Alyssa

Aint no cheap Ho

Waiting for the bus at 50th and Division, a couple crossed Division and the car at the light honked once. The woman came over to talk to the driver, the man kept walking. The woman stood there for a few moments and then walked away angrily and yelled out:

"I cost fifty dollars, not twenty-five!"

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

He happens to be a boxer

Delivery guy: "My dog likes it when you punch him in the back."

- Office building downtown

-- Overheard by Jen

Something wonderful

Woman addressing two middle-aged gentlemen:
"Excuse me. Are you two Viet Nam vets?"

Gentlemen: "Well yes we are."

Woman (extending her hand): "Thank you and welcome home."

- Westbound morning MAX

-- Overheard by Dyana, who writes:
"While I don't support the current war in Iraq, or the Viet Nam war, I do think our military men and women deserve our sincerest gratitude for laying their lives on the line in order to protect us. I was deeply moved by this woman's comment as were the veterans she thanked who may have waited nearly 40 years to hear that gratitude expressed."

The sandy wiles

Guy: "Yeah, so through the sandy wiles of the Himalayas. Didn't get a scratch on me."

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Learning How to Be Patient

"I'm trying to learn how to be patient but it's driving me crazy."

- Animal at the Scoreboard

-- Overheard by Kai

Anyway

Woman with bulging 23rd shopping bags #1:
"Cuz if you're poor but you STILL want to, like, fight something, what do you do?"

Woman with bulging 23rd shopping bags #2:
"Oh my god. I don't know."

Woman #1: "Anyway, we're getting the boat. the mortgage is bad, but it's a boat and we need it."

- Coffee time on nw 21st

-- Overheard by heather r

If he had a Prius, we'd cut him a break

At an intersection downtown, the light turns red and as people are beginning to cross the street, a man on his mobile in an SUV runs the red light.

Nicely dressed business man ahead of me:
"You fucking asshole! Christ! Get off your phone!"

Woman behind him: "They're just people."

Business man: "I swear, they're better off driving drunk than on the phone."

- On the corner of 6th & Taylor

-- Overheard by Dyana

Beached

Drunk middle-aged woman #1:
"You're acting like an old woman."

Drunk middle-aged woman #2:
"Well, I'll tell you. I have to go to the beach with this person and her ass is the size of a whale and she talks non-stop."

Woman #1: "Is she a friend of yours?"

Woman #2: "Does she sound like a friend of mine?"

Overhead at a restaurant by: E

Not how you want to start your day

From one bicyclist to another:
"...I rode through a pile of human shit this morning downtown..."

- Overheard on my front porch as they were riding past

-- Overheard by Pam

Drunk girls

Drunk girl #1: "We should do some opium, it makes you smart and shit."

Drunk girl #2: "I'm down."

- La Costita Restaurant

-- Overhead by Esther

So, Is It Fried?

Southern Accent Man:
"Ain't nobody eat no fruit in the south, its all fried, double fried and doublefuck fried."

- The Basement Pub

-- Overheard by b!X

Singular mission

"Your only job today is to make sure at lunchtime that I get some shrimp."

- At Southwest WA Medical Center

-- Overheard by Aaron

Keep Portland Weird and Eternally Damned

Well-churched lady talking to her husband gossiping about various people and mentioning "burning in the lakes of fire" ... with obvious disdain mentions Portland:
"I heard in that in Portland they have bumper stickers that say: Don't change us - we're strange ...?"

- Reno Airport

-- Overheard by Mike

Face it

Gal:
"Umm, sorry about that."

Guy:
"Geez, I usually have pay for boobs in the face!"

- Bar Fly Bus

-- Overheard by Rich

Max dementia

On a MAX in transit between Old Town and Lloyd Center:

A shrieking man gets on in Old Town:

(Insert Joan Rivers voice here) "Oh Oh Oh Oh Gawd I almost had a heart attack. Oh Oh Oh Gawd. Oh Oh Oh."

The wild-eyed transient sitting across from me:

"Something's wrong with that guy. He must have smoked too much. Must have a hole in his lung. Oh Oh he sounds like Santa Claus."

"He'd better not have a heart attack here. We'll throw him in the Willamette. Man that guy's messed up."

Gazing out towards the river he says to no one in particular:

"Hey, whatever happened to The River Queen? That was a nice place. What happened to The River Queen? I liked that place. Hey, whatever happened to Farrell's? What happened to Farrell's? This is ice cream weather. What happened to Farrell's? They could have sold it to me. I would have bought it. What happened to The River Queen?"

From the back of the train, the man having the heart attack cries out:

"We are living in a material world and I am a Material Girl. "

- Eastbound MAX train 2:30pm, August 23

-- Overheard by Dyana

Redneck mother

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Boob envy

Fifty-something woman standing outside an office building, smoking a cigarette, to me as I walked by:

"You look lovely, my dear. I wish I had boobs. Boy, I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bag boy

Said by a thick-rimmed-glasses-wearing, homely, pubescent boy gathering up grocery carts outside Fred Meyer to a work associate:

"... but my face is too well known around here. If I did have to take someone down tho, they wouldn't be getting up any time soon. I'd go for the windpipe first..."

- Overheard by Bpaul

Somewhere inside a strange nexus of wtf?

Guy: "That night, I learned that erectile dysfunction can be caused by remorse."

Not 2 minutes later....

Another Guy: "DIDN'T I HAVE A PIZZA LAST NIGHT MUTHAFUCKAH?! DIDN'T I?!"

- 7-11 quickie mart

-- Overheard by Justin

You go, girl!

[immediately after having a very vocal orgasm] Two guys:
"Woo hooooooo! Yeah! You go, girl! Damn!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Hallmark of Postminimalism

"It's the perfect bachelor pad. I don't have any furniture in there."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Aaron

Offspring

Middle-aged man:
"I made the mistake of letting my grandkids come over Saturday. They are nothing but little virus factories."

- On the 36 South Shore bus through Lake Oswego

-- Overhear by Micah

Final Destination

Man: "How far are we going?"

Woman: "To the end, to the end."

- Portland Street Car

-- Overheard by paul

Feel the burn

On SE Belmont near Zupan's 30 something couple walking dogs while having the following 'heated' conversation:

He: ". . .well sex is exercise."

She: "Actually, no it's not, I've googled it, it doesn't really count."

He: "It is too, it gets your heart rate up. You just need to stay on it."

"Feel the burn."

- Overheard by Barb

And your mother

Man yelling very loudly:
"Well, fuuuuuuuck you! [long pause] AND your mother!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

I Heart Portland

"I love Portland because of the hippies and meth."

- Scoreboard Tavern

-- Overheard by Kai

From both sides now

Mentally ill woman (yelling):
"How much more can a person take? I'm had vomit and diarrhea coming out of me every day since June 7th."

- Pharmacy department at Rite Aid on Lombard and Denver

-- Overheard by JBJ

R E S P E C T

Mentally-Ill Woman, To No One:
"I don't want your respect, bitch. I just want your death."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

What? No Ordnance?

Kid:
"Dad, these airplanes are boring. When are they going to drop some bombs?"

- Hillsboro Air Show

-- Overheard by Rich

Big Love

Woman:
"We hate each other. We call each other names. We've alienated our fucking neighbors. And I've already hit him in the face a couple of times."

- Anna Banannas

-- Overheard by Rich

Flat fee

Woman:
"I'm like, OK, I'll cancel my breast augmentation appointment, bitch!"

- Anna Bannanas

-- Overheard by Rich

hobby HO

Woman who bummed a ride after locking her keys in her car:
"I'm going to get a room, smoke some coke, and masturbate all afternoon."

Horrified driver:
"Ahh, yeah. Everbody needs a hobby."

- MLK Blvd

-- Overheard by Good Sam

Scenes from a marriage

Woman on cell:
"And I said 'blah blah blah' and he said 'blah blah blah blah blah' and then I said 'blah blah blah blah blah.'"

Overheard by sue

Bo po po po po!

Dad: "Whatcha got there? A stick? ... NO!"

Mom: "No no no no no no!"

Dad: "We don't do that with sticks."

Tiny kid: "Ohhhh bo po po po po!"

- Outside my window

-- Overheard by Specklet

Roots Rock Reggae

Guy in the street:
"What you know about reggae music? What you know about reggae music? WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT REGGAE MUSIC? Throw me some beats and I'll show you some moves!"

- Outside my fucking window at 12:30 a.m.

-- Overheard by LAB