Key Caps

Mother to Child: "The key to life is communication! This means tell grandma where you're going!"

- Washington Square Mall

-- Overheard by Molly

Female Cache Memory

Guy #1: "You know why women don't listen?"

Guy #2: "No. Why?"

Guy #1: "Because they're too busy memorizing every word you've ever said."

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Cage Match

Guy (Speaking to himself): "Maaaan, Nicholas Cage is in three movies just on this one rack. Asshole."

- Hollywood Video (West Burnside)

-- Overheard by MJS on 12/24

Fountain of Youth

Bouncer (looking at ID): "Wow! 1962? What's your secret?"

Guy: "You're as young as the woman you feel."

- Towne Lounge

-- Overheard by Rich

Scoots of Rock

A car pulls up next to me.

Guy 1: "We're putting the *band* back together!"

Guy 2: "Wanna come along?"

They drive away without waiting for an answer.

- Downtown gas station parking lot

-- Overheard by Brandon

Shaq attack

Large black guy, singing: "My name is O'Neal Shaquille!" (giggles) "You know Jesus, he have a crush on everybody!"

- #14 Hawthorne Bus to Portland

-- Overheard by L.A.B.

Best Defense

Woman: "You write cursive. That means you're defensive."

Guy: "No I'm not!"

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Sticker Shock

Customer #1: "You've got something stuck to your back."

Barista: "I do? What is it?"

Customer #1: "I don't know, I didn't catch it."

Customer #2: "It says, 'Use First.'"

Barista: "It does?"

Customer #2: "Yeah."

Barista: "Awesome."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

Ma-kin' Copies

Woman #1 in office: “What’s a good exercise for the abs?”

Woman #2 in office: “Well, I can think of one thing that’s good for the abs…”

Woman #3 in office: “Yeah, but only if he can last longer than a minute or two!”

Forgotten copier repairman, coming out from under the copier: “Thanks ladies, it’s been an educational afternoon.”

- Portland office

-- Overheard by Pez

A fight in any other town?

In a dark parking lot, First Guy is inspecting his parked sporty European car. It seems like it might have been dinged while parked there. He sees something on his windshield (a note from the dinger?), looks at it dismissively, and tosses it on the ground.

Second Guy (seeing paper on the ground): "You're not just going to litter like that, are you?"

First Guy: "Well, I was going to, but now I don't think I will." (He bends over and picks it up.)

Second Guy: "Wow, thanks, man. Have a great night."

- 12th and Taylor

-- Overheard by Gregory

Gregory notes: I thought this was right on. What could have been a heated, profanity-laced exchange ended up being pretty damned cool. I salute those two guys.

Yeah, It'll Be a Real Vacation, All Right

Dad to Dad: "Maybe next time I see you I'll have a little one strapped to my chest. I'm looking forward to it -- I really need a vacation from work. I'm taking three weeks paternity leave."

- Sohbet Coffeehouse

-- Overheard by Wacky Mommy
http://wackymommy.org/

Goddess Shrugged

Real estate agent (looking at ad): "This is bull. You can't be a loan goddess when you've never done a loan."

Guy: "And you can't be a lone goddess if you've never been alone."

- Wilf's

-- Overheard by Rich

Magnum Booty

Bartender: "So this chick was big--like, stepladder big, you know? So I asked her if she wanted to go out to the parking lot and make out. She goes, ok."

Patron: "No way."

Bartender: "Yeah, I mean she was big. (Holds two round drink trays over his butt cheeks.) Her ass was like this I'm telling you. So anyway, I come back in and the other bartender just puts this shot in front of me and doesn't say a word!"

- Mu Mu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Come Hither

Parent resembling Tobias from Arrested Development: "You look like you want to get some more action."

Recruiter: "Well... I do hope to speak with more students."

- Portland college fair during a slow period

-- Overheard by Robyn from Austin

Was Bush in Town?

Scientologist to colleague (laughing): "...so he tested so far toward the devil that they literally asked him to leave!"

- Exiting the Scientologist Celebrity Center

-- Overheard by electricspacegirl

Crystal Method

Goth teenager 1: "Hey! Where's my magic crystal! Did you take my crystal?"

Goth teenager 2: "It's not even a crystal! It's made of plastic!"

Goth teenager 1: "Hmph! It's the shape that matters."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Sara

Harry Potter Generation

Girl #1: "I went to San Fransisco once."
Girl #2: "Ohhh! Did you go to Azkaban?"
Girl #1: "What?"
Girl #2: "Azkaban. You know, the prison."

Random man behind me (muttering): "That's Alcatraz, you moron."

- Bus #33 to Oregon City Transit Center

-- Overheard by: Kris

What is Black Rock?

Business Dude: "It's kind of like a jewish Burning Man."

- Red Coach Inn

-- Overheard by Ralph

Book Force

Brunette: "Do you like to read?"

Powell's employee (laughing): "I don't think anyone who works at Powells doesn't like to read."

- Blue Room, Powell's City of Books

-- Overheard by P.J.

A Woman's Scorn

Drunk pixie in booth: "I swear, I must have told over 300 people how small his penis is."

- Billy Ray's Neighborhood Dive

-- Overheard by 22oz Pabst

Crack

Drunk Dude #1: "I saw your butt crack."

Drunk Dude #2: "My butt crack is majestical like a lion."

- On the steps of the Wellesley Court Apartments

-- Overheard by b!X

24 months to go

Kid walking: "Daddy, are you voting for President?"

Daddy: "No. The President gets to keep his job for two more years."

Man walking by: "Two long years."

- Bull Ring

-- Overheard by Rich

Scratch the hotties

Woman on cell phone: "He said he didn't want anyone he'd ever considered dating at his wedding, so I'm not invited."

- SW Third and Taylor

-- Overheard by Cat

Too young to be PC

White boy, 8 or 9 years old to 30ish african american cashier: "You're a brown girl; i like brown girls."

Cashier: "Oh, that's so cute."

- Checkout at gateway fred meyers

-- Overheard by carywd

More of a guideline than a rule?

Man with woman walking dog: "The rule was: you weren't supposed to drink any f***ing whiskey! That means no f***ing hard liquor!"

- Faulkner Alternators

-- Overheard by Rich

Tat tutor

Coming out of a PE class:

girl in mid-20s: "Where did you get your tattoos?"

guy in early-30s: "Prison."

girl: "Oh, I guess I can't go there, can I?"

- PCC Sylvania campus

-- Overheard by The Blankenships

Something smells funny in Eugene

After the Decemberists' show on Wednesday night:

Girlfriend: "I have to go to the bathroom!"

German major # 1: "Wait until we get outside and piss in the street. That's how we do it in Eugene."

German major # 2: "No we don't. We piss on our own front doors!"

German major #1: "And when we aren't at home, we piss on der dummkopf!"

German major #2: "Piss on der dummkopf!"

German major # 1 and # 2: [chanting] "Piss on der dummkopf! Piss on der dummkopf!"

- Stairwell at the Crystal Ballroom

-- Overheard by Brandon

As if he'd want you to

Six Foot Transvestite: "As if I'd want to work my whole life making some rich, straight white man richer."

- Fat Tire Farm

--Overheard by Rich

Prices SoLo

Gal: "How much did you say that beer was?"

Guy: "Seven bucks."

Gal: "That's a lot for a bar in Portland."

Guy: "Maybe we're supposed to keep the glass."

- SoLo

-- Overheard by Rich

Pennyless is Timelessness

Teenager: "Dude, can you spare some change?"

Man: "Sure, kid."

Teenager: "Thanks, that's cool. So, how's it going for you today?"

Man: "What can I say? It's Friday."

Teenager (bugeyed): "It's Friday? Oh man, I am so screwed."

- Blue Moon Cafe

-- Overheard by Rich

Choose your way out

Woman #1: "How do you want to go?"

Woman #2: "I'd prefer to be suffocated."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Bubble numbers

Lady Real Estate Agent: "You bought it two months ago? Sorry. You can't use that number for market value."

- Dragonfly

-- Overheard by Rich

Even if I did, we were on a break!

30's man and woman couple
Him (screaming): "I told you at lunch and I'll tell you again, I did not f*ck her!"

- NW Park Blocks

-- Overheard by John

Nerds

Girl 1: "It's almost like I'd rather have no scene than a nerd scene."

Girl 2: "Yeah, nerd scenes are the worst."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

A convenient truth

Woman: "We have like, California weather in Seattle now. I like global warming!"

- Wallace Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Scootch over

Guy to Gal: "Can I ask you to scootch over?"

Gal: "Scootch? That's a great word!"

- Green Room

-- Overheard by Rich

Double-feature

Bartender: "I remember you two."

Woman #1: "Oh yeah. I flirted and then you tried to pick us both up."

Woman #2: "I'm the mean one."

- Cinetopia

-- Overheard by Rich

I'll have what she's having

Female patron: "Why can't I ever remember how many drinks I've had?"

Bartender: "Consistency is an underrated quality."

- Crow Bar

-- Overheard by Rich

There's no remote out there

Neighbor Grandma to her 6-year-old granddaughter: "Marissa, come outside with Grandma. You can help me in the garden. It's a beautiful day and I don't want you inside watching TV all day. Come out and play!"

Granddaughter wailing from inside of house: "But, Grandma! I don't know HOW to play outside!"

- Southeast

-- Overheard by MissKriss

Accessories no macho

Guy to Gal: "What's up with all the Man purses? That shit is fucked up!"

- Mississippi Pizza

-- Overheard by Rich

Worse than a rooster

Old Codger: "Damned Starbucks truck! It pulls up here every morning at 5:30 and honks his horn. People here are trying to sleep!"

- Pioneer Square

-- Overheard by Rich

Karma Police

Guy: "That red bracelet. Are you into Kabbalah?"

Gal: "Umm, I'm not really supposed to talk about it."

Guy: "I'm sorry. Is saying 'Kabbalah' like, bad Karma?"

(pauses) "Do they have Karma in Kabbalah?"

- Doug Fir

-- Overheard by Rich

Max Volume

Loud Child: "Why is the train going so slow, mommy?"
Mother: "Because you're screaming."

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Scot

At least they're not driving

Pissed Old Man #1: "Now my wife wants me to stop drinking!"

Confused Old Man #2: (Looking a bit lost) "Well maybe they should have thought about that before selling the RV!"

- On the Max

-- Overheard by Jay

One toke over the line

Speaker finishing his Legalize-it talk: "So Seattle, I want to thank you very much..."

- Walking by Portland's Hempstalk festival stage at Waterfront park

-- Overheard by Andrea & Brad

How proud your parents must be

Young man (speaking to a young pregnant woman): "I used to say I was sterile, then I impregnated two girls in one night!"

- Pioneer Square (where else?)

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Put it on lay-away

Girl #1 (In Massage Chair): "Do you think I could marry this thing?"

Girl #2 (Standing in front of her): "Maybe, but it would leave after you whored around with the shower massager."

- Pioneer Square inside of Sharper Image

-- Overheard by Jay

Intolerance

Man to woman: "Yeah, I'm intolerant of the intolerant" [pause] "sooo I guess that makes me intolerant."

- Max station, outside the Galleria

-- Overheard by Megan

Gluten Maximus

Lady: "Are any of your crusts gluten-free?"

Cashier: "I'm pretty sure they're all high in calories."

- Pizza Caboose in Tigard

-- Overheard by Jay

fish & rac

Man referring to Brooklyn restaurant: "...yeah it's totally racist, but the seafood is great."

- gym in NE Portland

-- Overheard by Brad

Rockstar Recount

Woman (to the TV): "That's bullshit! He's so ugly!"

- Acapulco's Gold, where a small crew watched Lucas win "Rock Star: Supernova"

--Overheard by Rich

Modern McCarthyism

Crazy Italian guy on bike: "You sir, you with the shiny boots. You look to me like a terrorist!"

Man walking by: "I'm such deep cover I didn't even know myself."

- Arlene Schnitzer Hall

-- Overheard by Rich

Karma Season

Woman to man: "So you're choosing football over Buddha!!!?

- Oba

-- Overheard by Rich

Butt Paste

Man in baby aisle: "Butt Paste? That's got to be the funniest name for a baby product ever."

Clerk: "It's brilliant marketing, but the mommies won't buy it."

- Walgreens on Burnside

-- Overheard by Rich

Super No

Woman: "And these dickheads think they can do a concert in Portland?"

- Dante's, where a large crowd watched Storm Large get voted out of the Supernova band on live TV.

-- Overheard by Rich

Head in the zipper?

Woman [to friend]: "So I had to cut into the pants because the zipper jammed and his hat was stuck in it. Do you think they'll take them back?"

[Goes up to costumer service rep.]

Woman: "I don't have a receipt."

- REI Costumer Service Line

-- Overheard by Ramse

Hoot

Him: "You've never been to Hooter's?"

Her: "Well I don't like wings, so there's nothing for me there."

- Floyd's Coffee Shop

-- Overheard by b!X

Relocation

Woman: "We really moved here from Missouri to escape the weather. But when people ask, we say we came for the sustainability."

- Cracker's Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Drinks

Woman: "...but you drink rum and cokes."

Man: "What does that mean?"

Woman: "You don't get out much."


- Saucebox

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Mercy Without Borders

Mercy Corp employee: "Do you have time to learn about Mercy Corp?"

Girl walking by: "Um, I am going over there to have a smoke. If you want to talk to me your gonna have to walk over there with me."

Mercy Corp employee (ponders a few moments): "Might as well."

- Downtown

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bumb a ride?

Guy on the street: "Can you give me a ride up to Hawthorne?"
Girl walking by: "What, in my invisible car?"

- Near Voodoo donuts

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

PA Risk

Kid on Coast Guard PA system: "Attention! Attention everyone! Why is my Mom being so mean?"

- Seaport Celebration

-- Overheard by Rich

Circus music playing in my head

"Street Roots" vendor: "What's up?"

Man riding past on very tall unicycle: "Me."

"Street Roots" vendor: (cheerfully) "No shit!"

-SW 16th and Morrison

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

At least it's not canned chicken of the sea tacos

Woman: "waaa? Sea Tacos?"

Dread-locked Man at outside table: "...welcome to Portland"

- Outside downtown Taco Del Mar, last saturday lunch

-- Overheard by Brad

You know, the kind without those people

Teenage girl: "I mean, he's totally ghetto. I mean, y'know, not like, real ghetto, ghetto. You know: Portland Ghetto."

- Downtown coffee shop

-- Overheard by totally ghetto

Rimflicks on the Bricks

Twenty-Something # 1: "So, I tried that rimflick thing."
Twenty-Something # 2: "Rimflick thing?"
Twenty-Something # 1: "Yeah, remember? I've just taken to calling it the rimflick thing.
Twenty-Something # 2: "Oooh. Yeah! So you tried it on Danny?"
Twenty-Something # 1: "Yeah. He liked it."
Twenty-Something # 2: "Did he specifically say 'I liked the rimflick thing,' or are you just assuming?"

- Gabriel Park

-- Overheard by: Tried to keep from laughing

Rack detector

Woman to wand-waving TSA screener: "In Memphis, that thing went off in my bra!"

- PDX Airport

-- Overheard by Rich

Psychic Salad Girl

Woman: "I'll have the Chef's Salad."
Deli Girl: "Do you want everything on that?"
Woman: "I don't know. What do you put on it that I don't like?"

- Local deli

-- Overheard by Todd

However, I am a Marine Biologist

Man, who had been clearly trying to pick up a woman, then said:

"Yeah, I had a pretty fucked up childhood; my Mom was a junkie."

- Berbati's Pan, last summer

-- Overheard by Brad

Bike Messenger loves Granola Girl

Girl (To Friend): "So Sam thinks I should shave my legs because he feels like the woman in the relationship."

[Laughter From Anyone In Hearing Distance]

- Hollywood Theater

-- Overheard by Ramse

Next time, buy a travel book before arrival

Man: "Is this exclusively a video store?"
Store clerk: "Yes, it is."
Man: "Do you know if there are any bookstores in this area?"
Store clerk: "Not that I know of... well, there's Powells."
Man: "Powells? Where's that?"
Store clerk: "Tenth and Burnside."
Man: Sorry, "What?"
Store clerk: "TENTH AND BURNSIDE!"

- Videorama on 12th and Lovejoy

-- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Color Blind

Woman, having just landed at the PDX airport, from California, to her husband and two teenage sons:

"I thought you said it was green here! I don't see any green!"

- Overheard by Awkward Boy

Next best thing

Woman walking past large man holding a small infant:

"Those poor people; they couldn't get a chihuahua so they had to have a baby."

- near Gelato store on SE 28th

-- Overheard by Brad

Hairy Hypothesis

Mom (To Kid): "NO! I'm not going to EXPERIMENT seven days before! Yes! That's what it's called when I don't know what it is, experimenting!"

- Hair Dye Aisle In Fred Myers

- Overheard by Ramse

Empowered

(After sleater kinney show last year)

Guy: "What did you think?"

Girl: "I feel empowered as a woman!!!"

Guy: "Me too!"

- Crystal Ballroom

-- Overheard by laurax

She's had wurst

Guy: "That guacamole taste like it’s gone bad."

Girl joyfully eating guacamole: "It tastes really good to me."

Guy: "I guess I’m just not used to eating rotten food."

- The steps in Pioneer Square at lunch

-- Overheard by Swaimfan

The art of always appearing interested

Woman #1 (about baby): "He looks sort of like Winston Churchill."

Mother of said baby: "Yeah, that isn't the first time he's been told that."

- Portland Street Car

-- Overheard by Monika

Red Spotted

Guy #1: "That's the first Bush-Cheney t-shirt I've ever seen around here."

Guy #2: "Must be from out of town."

Guy #1: "Sure as shit; she's got Idaho plates."

- Doug Fir patio

-- Overheard by Rich

Blame it on GPS

Guy #1: "Oh my God! I'm in a gay bar!"

Guy #2: "I thought this was Burning Man."

Guy #1: "Looks like Flaming Queen."

- Crush

-- Overheard by Shelly

Comb-over?

Woman: "Merkin, what's a Merkin?"

(ed note: friends explain)

Woman: "Huh, maybe I should get a Merkin."

- Echo bar

-- Overheard by Brad

Your mileage may vary

Woman: "...As long as it doesn't cause anal leakage."

- Brewfest

-- Overheard by Brad

Time for a makeover

Stripper: "Supercuts?"

Guy: "Ummm, no, actually. You always this mean when you're naked?"

- DV8

-- Overheard by tinman

Self-sustaining

Woman: "Yeah. I would do me."

- Portland Brewfest

-- Overheard by Brad

Digging for dinner

Kid: "Hey Mom! I found some some edible seed pods in the sand dune!"

- Pacific City beach

- Overheard by Rich

Getting on an elevator

Woman: "One?"

Man: (while rolling a cigarette) "I think Three Dog Night said that one was the loneliest number."

Woman: "Yes. Yes they did."

- Elevator at the Taylor St. Star Park

--Overheard by PAgent

Low-cal SPF 15

Woman: "I ended up buying some of that sunscreen I tasted at the ball game."

Old Woman: "Hmm.. Ok."

- Portland Collectibles Show

-- Overheard by Jason, who sends us this cute video of the goofy stuff people were selling at the show.

Hold the acronym

Sub-shop girl: "I don't know what this means, 'AV', what is that?"

Sub-shop guy: "It means they want Avocado added to their sandwich"

Sub-shop girl: "Oh, why didn't you just write it out then? "AV" could
mean anything"

Sub-shop guy: (sarcastically) "Oh, like what?"

Sub-shop girl: "Well, I thought it meant 'Italian 'vinaigrette'"

Sub-shop guy: (snorting) "Yeah, except Italian starts with an "I" and
not an "A."

- Subway

-- Submitted by pdxotaku

Intel insomnia

Guy #1: "Do they do that at Intel?"

Guy #2: "Oh yeah. Everybody walks around with their laptops open because they're afraid they'll crash if they put them to sleep."

- Montgomery Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Highly unlikely, me thinks

Woman: "He actually makes me look less vain on occasion on some stuff."

- Blue Moon Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Daughter detraction

Mother to preteen daughter: "You better go find the self help section so you'll stop abusing me."

- Downtown Borders

-- Overheard by BabblingStacey

Multichannel

Woman: "How many blogs do you have anyway?

Man: "Umm, give me minute on that."

- Buffalo Gap

-- Overheard by Rich

RIFF Rules

Woman: "My son got laid off at Unisys today. I thought big companies only did that on Fridays."

Man: "Not in Portland. Only conservatives go postal."

- Lion's Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Critters

Gal: "Over on Thurman yesterday he saw a coyote carrying something off in its mouth."

Guy: "What was it?"

Gal: "Looked like a cat's head."

Guy: "Sure it wasn't a huskie?"

- Old Forrestry Commons

-- Overheard by Rich

Ball Room

Drunk guy: "So I heard that the Crystal Ballroom has tennis balls under the floor to make it so bouncy."

Guy: "You think they even had tennis balls a hundred years ago?"

Drunk guy: "Well, they must have. Dodge balls would have been way too squishy."

- Laurelwood Pub House and Brewery

-- Overheard by Rich

Back June 18

Dear Readers,

We are on vacation and will be back Sunday, June 18.
Thanks for tuning in!

-Rich

On the bus on devil day

Guy #1: "I don't get it. Why would the devil torture all the bad people. They are doing his work. And he's doing god's work by torturing them."

Guy #2: "Well the whole point for him is to destroy earth, right? So maybe he's only all friendly while you're alive."

Guy #1: "Well when I get down there I'm going to tell him about it. What if I revolutionize hell? That's my goal. I'm going to go to hell and make it better than heaven."

- Bus 44 to Portland, 6/6/06

-- Overheard by Heather

Olive Branch of a Six-year-old

Kid to park: "Hey! Anybody want have a cookie and be my FRIEND?"

- Wallace Park

-- Overheard by Rich

Diversion

Girl: "Why do you keep changing the subject?"

Guy: "Umm, Can I have your pickle?"

- New Old Lompoc

-- Overheard by Rich

Referendum

Kid: "Daddy, what is that man doing?"

Dad: "He's subverting the political process by getting signatures."

Kid: "Why?"

Dad: "Because in Oregon, they pay you money to find people with opinions."

- Laughing Planet

-- Overheard by Rich

The Nile

Girl: "Oh, the Nile!"

Guy: "Um, that's not the Nile."

Girl: "Well, I didn't grow up here!"

- Crossing the Steel bridge on the Max

-- Submitted by Bonnie

Well in that case

Guy #1: "Like I'm going to let a forty-something woman get the best of me."

Guy #2: "Like you'd even care if she was a co-ed."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Open wounds

Woman #1: "So both guys went and saw her in the hospital."

Woman #2: "You mean, the other man went and saw her too?"

Women #1: "She came out of anesthesia and they both were there. And ever since, it's been an open relationship."

- Bishops

-- Overheard by Rich

Does she? Or doesn't she?

Woman: "So, how old do you think I am?"

Various men sitting around her (trying to be polite): "35, 40...etc.)."

Woman: "Actually, I'm 22...I've just done a lot of heroin."
Then, proceeds to address the entire bus: "Don't ever do heroin, or you'll look like me!"

- Trimet bus

-- Overheard by Jersey

Double trouble

Woman: "How are the twins doing?"

Man: "They're like dogs who can work doors."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Overheard by Rich

Dog eared

Woman #1: "The dog keeps peeing in Wilson's office."

Woman #2: "Have you told him?"

Woman #1: "Yes, but he keeps doing it anyway."

- McMenamins Tavern & Pool

-- Overheard by Rich

Time for reflection

Woman #1: "How long is this country going to keep obsessing about illegal immigration?"

Woman #2: "How long can you stare in the mirror?"

- Atlantis Lounge

-- Submitted by Rich

Spare some change?

Guy: "If the city reallly wants to get rid of panhandlers, they should start with Paul Allen."

- Mash Tun

-- Submitted by Rich

Flakes on a Train

Girl (in a very loud voice): "Well, you and John and me are the only three people who know she screwed him once. And now she's pregnant."

Me, to myself: "Not anymore - everyone in a 20-foot radius now has the scoop as well."

- crowded MAX Blue Line

-- Submitted by Betsy

New Old soft drink

Waitress: "I'm zoning; I need some caffeine."

Bartender: "RC doesn't have caffeine."

Waitress: "What? I mean, it's cola. Well, at least it's got sugar, right?"

Batender: "Nope. Corn Syrup."

Waitress: "Christ!"

- New Old Lompoc

-- Submitted by Rich

Family Feud

Jen Lane, game-show host: "Name something you do when you have a crush."

Stripper contestant: "Sleep with him."

Jen Lane, game-show host: "I'm going to give you that one with our number six answer: Act Retarded."

- Ash Street Saloon

-- Submitted by Rich

Naming convention

Guy #1: "Cool trailer! I'm going to go see that new Miami Vice movie."

Guy #2: "Really? What's it called?"

Guy #1: "Umm, Miami Vice."

- Ash Street Saloon

Submitted by Rich

Pearl blackout

Daycare lady #1: "I just called PGE and they don't know when the lights will come back on."

Daycare lady #2: "Lucky I signed up for wind power."

- Kindercare

-- Submitted by Rich

In that case, Supersize me!

Fry cook: "These fries are all cold!"

Manager lady: "Well, re-fry them...Hey wait. What are you doing? I was kidding!"

- McDonalds

-- Overheard by Lester

Live long and prosper

Kid: "What's a Republican?"

Dad: "They're the people in charge who don't believe in evolution."

Kid: "So they don't die?"

- Emanuel Hospital

-- Overheard by Maxster

Doctor term for "runny nose"

Man: "You must have had a tremendous downpressure in your nasal cavity."

- Nob Hill Tavern

-- Submitted by Rich

Chop, then add gravy

Man: "Then he got on me to cut costs wherever I can."

Woman: "So what did you say?"

Man: "Give me raise and I'll think about it."

- E San

-- Submitted by Rich

Espresso salvation

Dude #1: "Man, I give up. You find one for me."

Dude #2: "I'm looking at these ads with a fresh eye for you...Here's one; says she's "Secure in Jesus Coffee."

- Santa Fe

-- Submitted by Alphmale

Not self-conscious

Guy: "What are you reading?"

Gal: "It's called, What Does it Mean to be Conscious?"

Guy: "Mmmm. Might put me to sleep."

- White Eagle Saloon

-- Submitted by Rich

More of a guideline than a rule

Woman to man: "Just because I'm against infidelity doesn't mean I want to stop seeing you."

- Amnesia Brewing

-- Submitted by eSStep

out kids

Kid: "I have lots of friends who are gay."
Man: "Really? How old are you?"
Kid: "Twelve."
Lady: "Wow! Things have really change since we grew up. I think it's great that they can be out like that already."
Man: "I just remember the girls in eighth grade being really mean."

- John's Landing

-- Submitted by Rich

Celebrity lookalike

Guy #1: "I'll bet she gets a lot of googles."

Guy #2: "Yeah. Britney freakin' Spears."

- MuMu's

-- Submitted by Rich

Man alone in the shadows: "This used to be such a quiet street."

- NW Kearney St

-- Submitted by Rich

Spikes her coffee maybe

Drunk Woman: "You don't see that much...the spikeys. You don't see them spikeys on black guys much."

Guy: (removing earphones) "What?"

Drunk Woman:

"Are you gay? Cuz it's okay to be gay...even if you're in the closet. Because of the spikeys, you see. Don't see the spikeys on gay black men."
(turns to another random person) "Are you gay? Because you know, it's okay to be in the closet."
(turns back to black guy) "He needs the spikeys too, maybe you could loan him them spikeys of yours so people will know."

-Bus #33

-- Submitted by Kristen

Liquid lunch

Older gal at bar: "Hey, what are you doing here?"
Guy (walking in): "Umm...Do I know you?"
Older gal at bar: "I'm sorry. You look just like my son with that blond hair of yours. It just didn't add up."
Guy: "It's easy--if he was here, there'd be three of us in here drinking before noon."

- Cactus Jacks

-- Submitted by Rich

A little too Granola maybe

Guy #1: "Hair? What do you mean, hair?"
Guy #2: "I mean hair. On her....boobs."
Guy #1: "Get outta' here!"
Guy #2: "I'm not freakin' kidding, man."
Guy #1: "You're not going to finish this story, are you?"

- Portland City Grill

-- Submitted by mauraw

Probably works at the Heathman

Guy (wearing a crown and robe): Portland has really gone to shit.
Girl: Oh really?
Guy: Yeah, it's gotten so weird that the UFO's don't even land here any more.

- Downtown bus stop

-- Submitted by Daryle

Cop Karma?

Guy #1: "Rough night?"

Guy #2: "Yeah. I had this dream that I quit the force and went to work for Pepsi."

- Paragon

-- Submitted by Maxster

Match.com advice

Woman #1: "What did you think of my profile?"

Woman #2: "Sweetie, I don't know how to say this, but your cat is not a feature."

- Blue Moon Tavern and Grill

-- Submitted by eSStep

Too hot to handle

Counter guy: "So how'd you do last night?"

Customer: "Down in flames."

Counter guy: "I heard she was a babe."

Customer: "Dude, this chick was hot enough for five people!"

- Stepping Stone

-- Submitted by Rich

Pearl workforce

Pearlgirl #1: "The mantra for the day was 'do as little as possible'."

Pearlgirl #2: "Same here... Hey, do you know when we are getting our bonuses?"

- D.F. restaurant

-- Submitted by Rich

Eating capacity of a six-year-old

Dad: "You want ice cream? I thought you said you were full?"

Kid: "Yes, but this is going into my dessert stomach."

- Dragonfly

-- Submitted by Rich

Re-try for the Straight Guy

Girl: "You would never be interested in me, would you?"

Guy: "Why would you say that?"

Girl: "I mean, because you're Gay, right?"

Guy: "Umm, no. Am I dressed that well?"

- MuMu's

-- Submitted by Rich

Band mergers

Bar patron: "I've got their CD. It's like Destroyer meets Bob Dylan."

Bartender: "I thought that going in, but it was more like Devo meets The Jesus Lizard."

- New Old Lompoc

-- Submitted by Rich

Like Film Noir in Real Life

Man: "I'm sorry. Did you say something?"

Woman: “You’re watching someone else in this room. Is it the girl in the corner?”

- Fruition coffee shop

-- Submitted by Rich.

This small fragment of their conversation intrigued me so much, I based a short story on it.

First post: Overhead in PDX

The idea behind Overheard in PDX is not a new one--there are "Overheard" blogs for cities like New York, Chicago, and our sister city in Portland, Maine. There's even a book based on the New York version.

Portland, Oregon is as rich with conversation as any place on Earth. So I thought it was high time to share some things I've heard and invite you all to chime in.

To post on this site, just send the following information to overheardinpdx@gmail.com:

* What you heard
* Where you heard it

Cheers,

-Rich