After the pillow fight

One girl to another: Am I gay enough for you?

- Bedroom
-- Submitted by MB on behalf of TW

Sealed

Guy 1: Great white sharks don't eat people, just seals.
Girl: But we look like seals.
pause
Guy 2: I don't feel like I look like a seal...

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Eco-Mall

Woman: I guess the people at Lloyd Center aren't used to people bringing their own shopping bags.

Man: Yeah.

Woman: Plastic bags kill the earth.

- 11th and Holladay

-- Overheard by Michele

Day After Tomorrow

During the first Sunday of the huge snowstorm:

Girl 1: Oh my gosh, it’s all snowy downtown.

Girl 2: Did the river freeze?

- Overheard by Bailey

Thighmaster

A guy is walking down Couch in the Pearl District, talking on his hands-free bluetooth loud enough for the entire street to hear.

Guy: I mean, these chicks were strippers, and they didn't even have ABS! What the FUCK?!?

Kid stories

Guy at a bus stop on Grand, in the deep snow: Give a mouse a cookie, it will summon an ice-queen.

- Overheard by Joe

Monkey business

Boy #1: My monkey kills people!
Boy #2: That's not a nice monkey.
Boy #1: It's the same monkey you have.

- Conestoga School

-- Overheard by Julie

Snowburger

A little girl is walking with her family on SW Broadway downtown.

Little girl: (shoving a handful of snow from the sidewalk in her mouth): MMM! I love eating snow!

Mom: Oh honey, not downtown. That's not a good choice.

- Overheard by Kimberly

Curse of the Bourgeoisie

Early 20s girl: I need to be rich when i grow up, cuz i'm such a slob. I will have to be able to afford a maid to clean for me. I am not going to be stuck cleaning my mansion every weekend.

- Overheard by SmB

Freak of Nature

While watching TV...

Girl 1: Look at that cow! Or horse...or...what the fuck is that?
Girl 2: A donkey.

- In Sellwood

-- Overheard by Lauren

Video of the Week: Shoe Toss Uncensored Footage

While this is funny and all, I think we really ought to be throwing the Book at torture-monger Dick Cheney.

Canooks

Portland Winter Hawks vs. Medicine Hat (Alberta) Tigers, nearly two minutes into the final period of play, overheard from a group of teenage males in section 68:

"Medicine Hat... must be from Canada."

- Overheard by Steve

KFC

At KFC a very large woman was in front of my sister in line. She orders a large bucket of chicken.

Guy at the counter: Is that for here or to go?

Woman: Bas'cuse me muthafucka?! You think I can eat a whole bucket of chicken by myself?!

Guy at the counter: Bitch I don't know your life!

- Overheard by Hannah

Video of the Week: Tradeshow Magic

In this video, my friend Scott Tokar shows us some marketing magic at the SC08 conference. In case you're wondering, setting up this kind of fun stuff is my day job.

Kitty Castration

My coworker, on her cell phone: So, I can take my kitty to you now, right? You'll cut his nuts off?

- Overheard by Elizabeth

The High Price of Gelato

Woman: So, what do think? Is going to the frozen yogurt place too much of a girl thing?

Bartender: Well yeah, but gay men like it too. I mean, as long as you let your boyfriend talk baseball or something afterwards.

Woman: Would a trip to the strip joint make up for it?

Boyfriend: Awesome, dude! We're going to Sassy's!

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Cinnabonfire of the Vanities

Overweight woman pushing her sleeping infant in a stroller and talking to herself so that everyone around her can hear:

Mommy's been working really hard today... I think she deserves a Cinnabon.

-Washington Square Mall

-- Overheard by Michael

Video of the Week: Sooner or Later

I love SCI-FI short films like this one.

At the end of World War II the Nazis build a time machine. This technology would enable them to snatch victory. However, nobody knows what will really happen if they succeed.

Quickie Mart

Customer: Man it's cold this morning.

Clerk: Yup. This is the time of year when people start leaving their gloves, purses, and kids behind.

Customer: Kids?

Clerk: Oh yeah. This lady comes in here last week with kids, takes three of them across the street to daycare, but she friggin forgets the littlest one here. She comes running in five minutes later in a panic: "Oh my god, have you seen my kid?" Yeah, I tell her, she's right here behind the counter.

- Thurman Market
-- Overheard by Rich

"Some of my best friends are gay."

Male customer addressing woman behind the counter, and for whatever reason he's just discovered that she works with her partner.

Man: So she's your husband, or... life partner?
Woman: We have kids together and grandkids.
Man: OK, so she's the man and you're the girl?
Woman, somewhat flabbergasted: I'm a girl, yes.
Man: That makes sense, then. You're subtle, because you're the girl. She's out and loud because she's the man.
Woman, smirking: Sure. She makes the money and I spend it.
Man: That's the way it should be.

- Overheard by Dave in Beaverton

Only in Portland

One student to another (about an orange): Is it organic or conventional?

- at PSU

-- Overheard by Marianna

Make things right

Guy: I got to go piss blood. Then things will be halfway right with the world.

- Muu-Muu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Fat cat

Girl #1: I looove cats now.
Girl #2: (makes face)
Girl #3: You don't like cats?
Girl #2: Well I do...but only if they're fat or mean.

- Morrison Hotel Bar
-- Overheard by Lauren

Trimeth

Homeless guy #1: Dude, what the hell, why are you addicted to meth!? I mean, meth sucks!

Homeless guy #2 (hangs his head down): I don't know.

Homeless guy #3: Meth is kinda fun.

- 12th and Washington
-- Overheard by John

Sign of the times

From a co-worker having computer trouble: I don’t know what I did wrong, but it worked.

- Overheard by April

close enough for government work

Guy #1: Yeah my dad's a stock broker.
Guy #2: Your dad's a stock broker?
Guy #1: Well not a stock broker, but he buys stock for himself.

- Overheard on the streetcar by Molly

Video of the Week: Wish You Were Here

I lost some of my heros this year. In 2008, the world lost even more.

In order of appearance:
Isaac Hayes
Richard Wright
Jake LaMotta
Dick Martin
George Carlin
Steve Fossett
Eugene Upshaw
Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Richard Widmark
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Eli Wallach
David Groh
Harvey Korman
Bo Diddley
Dith Pran (as portrayed by the late actor Haing S. Ngor in The Killing Fields)
Sydney Pollack
Bobby Murcer
William F. Buckley Jr.
Bernie Mac
Tim Russert
Roy Scheider
Charleton Heston
Arthur C. Clarke
J. D. Salinger (reported dead, but still kicking)
Heath Ledger
Paul Newman

No Po Ho

Girl on cell phone: Did you just call me a jet-setting whore? I'm in Portland for Pete's sake.

- Waiting to deplane at PDX

-- Overheard by Gwen

mmmmmm…donuts!

Man On Cellphone: I'm getting a big beer and a bunch of donuts. Yeah, I know it's not a good hobby, but I figured I'd just go home and get fat.

-At the Oak Grove Fred Meyer u-scan
--Lachwen

Shower power

Conversation on a plane between two business women headed down to San Jose:

Woman 1: Did you get So-and-so a shower gift yet?

Woman 2: No, but I know she is registered at Babies-R-Us. I really hate it when my pregnant friends register at Babies-R-Us. I wish they’d register at Target. It’s just so much more convenient for me.

VP

Overheard the day after election day

Middle-Aged co-worker about Obama: What are those letters after his name? What are they? B... I... D... E... N...? What are those letters for?

- South Waterfront
-- Overheard by Sarah D.

Video of the Week: FlexRex - A Day in the Life

In this mashup of OddTodd.com, our work-from-home hero makes it through a typical work day.

Since I did this spoof some seven years ago, I learned how to draw (kind of) and changed him into my own character for a bunch of sequels and even his own fictional blog. Then I started working from home and he turned into me. Or something.

Beaver believer

Flaming gay fellow fawns all over young girl at the bar, telling her how hot her dreads are.

FGF to woman: You keep those curls so nice. (She brightens up.) Tell me. Do you shave the pussy hair?

FGF to me as I try to feign disinterest: You hear that? She shaves the pussy hair!

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Whistle while you work

Kid:

I'm gonna blow up another planet
La la la la la,
I'm gonna blow up another planet
La la la la la

- Chapman School
-- Overheard by Rich

Hostile Territory

A group of 15 Republicans in suits and their entourage of stuck-up Proto-MILFs come into the bar. They are all loaded and apparently just came from some alumni gathering. One of the dudes comes and sits down with us at our booth.

Woman: Are you all Republicans?

Suit: You know, that's the trouble with this town! Just because I wear a suit and drive an SUV, every motherfucker on a bicycle gives me the finger and assumes they know everything about me. They're like, you better start riding a bike, asshole!

Woman: So why did you decide to become a Republican?

Suit: I'm fucking fiscally conservative, OK?

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

He's the one that fought dinosaurs, eh?

Middle-aged woman telling the bus driver a story: He said his name was Jason, so I said 'do you have a ship called the Argo?'...you know, like Jason in the Bible...

(If by Bible you mean Edith Hamilton's Mythology...)

- On this #15
-- Overheard by Marianna

Office Space

Overheard on election night, coming out of the executive suite, when only Kentucky and Vermont had been called:

Exec #1: What do you do on election night?
Exec #2: Turn on Fox News and wait.

Overheard in nearby cubicles: stifled snickering.

Moments later, when the electoral map had become more blue:

Exec #2: It looked so good for a while, we were up 8 to 3!

More snickering from the cube farm.

- Overheard by Anonymous

Dumb Dentists

Female Dentist 1: Look at all these pens she gave me!
Female Dentist 2: Dont you have more than that?
Female Dentist 1: Yea but that Bitch stole them..
Female Dentist 2: (whispers to Female 1) she keeps them in her backpack
Female Dentist 1: What the F*** (yells Female Dentist #3's Name) Give me my PENS!!!
Female Dentist 3: (yells while with a patient) I'm Busy! and they're mine!!
Female Dentist 1: Well you Better Give them Back!!

This Debate Continued for our whole visit and and it was quite amazing compared to regular dentist visits lol

- Overheard by Devon

Tired Verbs

First guy: My kid brought home this homework sheet where he had to replace all the "tired verbs."

Second guy: Well, Change and Maverick come to mind.

First guy: Is Maverick a verb?

Second guy: It is now!

- Montgomery Park
-- Overheard by Rich

PC

"I really think it's important to have the multiculturals involved."

-4th & Lincoln

-- Overheard by Meagan

Me love you long time

"That's why I'm a good hooker, cuz I make it last."

-Girl sitting a few rows behind me on the #20 bus this morning

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Ornithophobia

He's weird because he doesn't want to eat at Red Robin for lunch and he eats Vietnamese food.

- Near Powells Bookstore

-- Overheard by Brooke

Boy Milk

Barista: We have soy milk and boy milk. Which would you like?

- Overheard by Michele

Glass half full

Boy #1: Why do you have all your stuff with you?

Boy #2: (Carrying oversized bag of athletic equipment) I have class at 3:50, then I have to ride straight over to practice.

Boy #1: Oh, that sucks.

Boy #2: Well, it could be worse. I could have syphilis.

- Overheard by Lilly

Sedation

Medicated traveler on an overbooked plane: I would be anxious right now if it were chemically possible.

- PDX
-- Overheard by J

TOP backwards

I was on the 12 going out to SE Sandy and there were a ton of 10 year olds on the bus with their teacher coming back from the library, judging by all the library books in their hands.

Boy (to teacher): We think there's a drug addict on the bus!
The other boy: Yeah, he's got a package of, um, nicotine but it doesn't look like nicotine, it's all brown and crumbly.
First boy: And the package says Top, and Top backwards is pot!
The teacher: No, that's just for rolling cigarettes. But what's the lesson here?
Both boys together: Don't do drugs!

- Overheard by Miz Belle

Mom, please?

Listening to a young guy on a borrowed cell-phone asking his mother if he can bring some people he met on the Max train home to hang out with.

Young dude on cell: They smoke cigarettes, but I don't know about weed.

- Blue line Max between Oak/SW 1st Avenue & Oldtown/Chinatown

-- Overheard by Erik

Blueberries

Dude ordering at the counter: So, where are blueberries grown?
Chick behind the counter: Um, in the ground ... mostly ... I think.
Dude: No what region are they grown in? Is there like a special, like, country or something?
Chick: Umm .... Sweden?

- Skinny Dip in the Pearl

-- Overheard by Aaron

Almost sorry

Blonde girl to brunette 'friend': I'm almost sorry I hit you earlier!

- At Hopworks

-- Overheard by: It makes sense if you know them

Intuition Dispenser

First guy (looking at box on the men's room floor): What's that thing? It says "Intuition Dispenser."

Second guy: Some kind of new hands-free towel machine, eh?

First guy: I think maybe we ought to giftwrap the thing and send it to the friggin White House.

- Muu-Muu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Big Girls, You Are Beautiful

Skinny Guy: I like the big girls because they're cleaner and they buy you drinks.

- 20th & E Burnside
-- Overheard by Joe Joe

Lumpy

Woman #1: Well, you know, we're screwed either way. Whether Obama or that other guy with the lump on the side of his face wins...
Woman #2: McCain?
Woman #1: Yeah! I mean, he turns one way and it's just all... (uses hands to demonstrate) THERE! What the fuck is that?

- PCC Sylvania
-- Overheard by Kris

Freaks of Nature

Teen #2: They aren’t going to give your cat back. They’re going to keep it!

Teen #1: I’ll deal with it. [gets on her cell phone]

Teen #1: I heard you aren’t going to give me my cat back! (pause) It’s my cat, I’m going to come by and pick it up today. (pause) If I don’t get my cat back today I’m going to call the cops and have you arrested.

Teen #2: Hey, they changed its name too!

Teen #1: And don’t change my cat’s name. The cat’s name is “Freak” and nothing else! If I don’t get it back I’m going to have you arrested. (pause) I’m going to press charges and have the cops arrest everyone in the entire house! I’ll see you later.

-On the Max
-- Overheard by Bryan

No Delivery Rooms in Talahassee?

On the way up the Portland tram to OHSU hospital...

Woman from Tallahassee: Do they deliver babies at this hospital?

Me: Yes.

Woman from Tallahassee: So they have a place where that happens?

- Overheard by Eddie

First things first

Street Man: I love my kids.
Street Woman: I know, but crack cocaine comes before your children.

- On the way to the Santigold concert
-- Overheard by Jesse

Video of the Week: Khaaan!

When I have a really bad day and need a laugh, I go to Khaaan.com. Sometimes their site is down, so I posted it here.

Renewable power on East 82nd

Teenage-looking canvasser to an older canvasser:
I just met my first hooker today!

- On the #75
-- Overheard by Marianna

Special Competitors

Executive: We're not fucking with them 'cause they're retards.

- In a boardroom
-- Overheard by a sailor of the licorice seas

Neither Nor

(Ugly Betty comes on after the VP debates)

Girl #1: Are we seriously watching this?
Guy: I don't have the remote...nor is it my house.
(pause)
Girl #2: Wait...who's Nor?

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Thursday's Child has far to go

Girl #1: Oh my god, at work today, the kids had to write stories and they are the worst writers ever! One kid had an entire paragraph with no periods and a bunch of them were capitalizing days of the week and stuff. It was awful.

Girl #2: You're supposed to capitalize days of the week.

Girl #1(in embarrassed awe): No! You're kidding right? I told them they weren't supposed to...

- Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Role reversal

Girl on the phone: Well he's cute, but he isn't that cute to ruin your life over.
*pause*
Girl on the phone: Yeah, even then you'll still have a job.
*pause*
Girl on the phone: Love you Mom, talk to you later.

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Zac

Numbers

Woman (to her male friend): I am trying to figure out how long 14 minutes and 6 minutes is in total.
Male Friend: 20 minutes.
Woman: Regular math and time math are the same?

- Yellow line MAX
--Overheard by Benja

Dissection of my divorce

Gal: The secret to a lasting marriage is to have separate blankets. It's a like a metaphor--you're sharing a bed but you wrap yourselves in your own separate comfort and self-esteem.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Oh, yeah? Your mother...

Guy 1: The fish tacos are really good here.

Guy 2: Your mom's fish taco is really good.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by John, who writes: "LOL, your mom riffs get me every time."

Om Amen

Guy at Bar: Buddha meets JC? What is that? The next Debate?

- Muu-Muu's

-- Overheard by Rich, who was trying to explain why the upcoming Bearing Witness conference is bringing together meditators from Buddhism and Christianity for the first time ever on Oct. 10-12 here in PDX.

Video of the Week: Story of a Sign

I was in New York last week and I noticed how the homeless there just shake their change cups and never speak until spoken to. Very different than Portland.

And then when I got back, someone sent me this wonderful film called Historia de un letrero. Watch how, with a stroke of the pen, a stranger transforms the afternoon for another man in this emotionally stirring short film by Alonso Alvarez.

Dont read this until you see the film:

This film won the Cannes short film award. And I thought a while about just why this film strikes such a chord.
Here is my take:

For most of our lives, we are all the blind man who cannot see the beautiful day.

Still Dead

Two middle aged white trashy looking women:

Lady #1: How's Carrie?
Lady #2: She's dead, remember? Her dad killed her...(said very matter of fact)
Lady #1: Oh, that's right.

- On the #77
-- Overheard by Deb

Burger King RIFF

Guy on Cell phone: You want to do something tonight, I have the night off from work, I was fired. Yeah, the reason was bullshit, I know they did it because I was 2 months away from my 6 month evaluation and they didn't want to give me a raise.

- On the #14 bus

-- Overheard by Deb

Daddy's Little Girl

Small child to her father: You're a sad puppy, that burps. You're a stinky puppy, that's sad, and burps.

- On the bus yesterday afternoon

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

I think I know this woman...

Two men discussing the women who work in a downtown law firm:

Guy 1: What's that attorney's name again? Stacey?

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: She's a freak too man. All these women are freaks. Why was she wearing a see-through shirt like that?

Guy 2: I don't know man...

Guy 1: Must be her age. Women at that age have reached their sexual peak.

- Restroom
-- Overheard by Skip

Born on a bad sign

Male cashier to female cashier: Hey, that's my pen.

Female cashier: No it's not, Kayla gave me this pen.

Male cashier: Kayla and I have the same birthday.

Female cashier: But you hate Kayla.

Male cashier: I know, isn't that weird?

- Downtown RiteAid
-- Overheard by a different Rich

Water bored

Girl #1: What's the opposite of constipation?
Girl #2: I dunno. Diarrhea?
Girl #1: Well. What's the opposite of constipation that's not diarrhea?
(Pause as Girl #2 thinks this over.)
Girl #1: All I know is that I sure have been drinking a lot of water this weekend and it hasn't been good.

- Heard through the vent in the Buffalo Exchange dressing room. These girls were probably next door trying on clothes in Red Light and had no idea that several people could hear every word that they were saying.

-- Overheard by Autum

Our Survey Says!

Cops are loading notoriously belligerent Homeless Guy into the CHIERS van on NW 23rd.

Surveyor at tripod (into his radio): Are they taking his belongings?

Voice on Radio: No, they are leaving his cart behind. You can probably get whatever you want out of it in a minute.

Surveyor at tripod: They are just going to make a bad situation worse; he'll get out and have to steal to fill up his cart again.

Voice on Radio: Right behind you, headed North. Killer Redhead!

- NW 23rd and Marshall

-- Overheard by Rich

Another side effect of smoking

Old man to young lady smoking a cigarette: You know you really shouldn't smoke!

Young lady: Why not?

Old man: Because if you smoke you will only attract low lifes who smoke too...

- Dublin Pub

-- Overheard by Lori

Overlooked in PDX: Phone to Terabithia?

7187 sends us this pic of a touchtone phone near Overlook footbridge.

Nun Bun

Kid: Look mommy, a witch!!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.

- At Mt. Angel Oktoberfest while everyone was watching the glockenspiel chime
-- Overheard by Natalie

T15

Voice heard from my apartment window, 3am on Friday: Dude, the economy is so bad, it's like $15 for a legit T-shirt.

- Overheard by Carissa

Hey, nena!

Techie Coworker: Dude, do me a favor. When you know she's looking, go to HotHispanicChicks.com.

- MAX Blue Line, Beaverton Central

-- Overheard by Jeff

Drill, Baby, Drill!!!

Woman: I work with Sarah Palin's Uncle, and I can't say anything because people around me are like "Oh yeah, she is sooo great!"

Man: Obama totally got outplayed on that VP pick. He's betting on the intelligence of the American electorate. Karl Rove is betting on the stupidity of the American Electorate and that is why they're going to win.

- Wilf's

-- Overheard by Rich

Human Canvas Project

One of the Human Canvas Project canvases: Can somebody blow on my butt-crack?

- Overheard backstage at the recent Human Canvas Project at The Fez, after the models' whole bodies were painted white. The paint wasn't drying quickly enough for some.

Our???

Man on cell describing his weekend: Then Saturday we got a wild hair up our butt...

- Overheard by So that’s what makes hairs wild

Gentlemen Prefer Hanes

Office troubleshooter, on phone: We’re going to have to put pantyhose on the monster, because we need control.

- In the office

-- Overheard by lauraf

Baby maker

Young guy talking with young woman, back of crowded #77 bus: I make beautiful babies.

- Overheard by Kimberley, who writes: "Nice pick-up line, dude."

Bumble Bee

14 year old boy to his friend: I've never been able to figure out how the Transformers are able to see in car form.

- In Forest Park yesterday afternoon

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Video of the Week: Portland, Oreganic

Here is the film that should have won the Merc's video contest for "My Pretty Portland." Probably NSFW.

Deep

Woman: If you drop a pickle or a bratwurst down her throat, it's gone.

- Outside of Crush

-- Overheard by b!X

Suddenly, Seymour

Female college student to her roommate: The original tentacle porn... Little Shop of Horrors.

- Overheard by lshaver

Rug burn

College girl #1: Larry's rug is a trap!
College girl #2: Her rug has a penis?

- Overheard by lshaver

Video of the Week: Hadron Collider Rap

You know what? Bad rap music can be extremely compelling and informative:

"Science can be pretty weird, especially theoretical physics, but weirder still is watching someone rapping about the Large Hadron Collider. (That's the giant device in Switzerland that will recreate the Big Bang, among other things.) Time to recalibrate your strangeness meters - science writer Kate McAlpine and some friends filmed themselves busting various moves deep in the caverns of the LHC while Kate dropped mad verse about the collider."

So if this thingy helps us figure out how the Universe works, think it will know what to do if we end up with Mama-Kass-Palin as just one bad ticker away from the Presidency?

Not so sharpie

Ditzy-looking teenage blonde: WASHABLE markers?  Like, why would you want to wash the markers off the paper?

Much less ditzy-looking redhead: That's...really not what they mean, you know.

- In the craft aisle at the Oak Grove Fred Meyer
-- Overheard by Lachwen

The Wait Out

Guy #1: It's cuz your untrustworthy dude. Like for example, I wouldn't leave you alone with my girlfriend.
Guy #2: That's cuz your gay.

- Overheard by John in the beer isle at Tigard Fred Meyers

Overlooked in PDX: I Surrender

I have been to Tributes dozens of times to grab a bite, but somehow I missed this photo of Marilyn. Even if I had no idea who she was I would have fallen in love. That's a face that could launch a thousand ships.

S.M.S. Pinafore

Girl #1's deaf friend came over a few days earlier and watched TV. No one has been able to turn the captions off since.

Girl #1: It took him forever to figure out how to turn them on. Good luck.

Girl #2 continues trying to turn the captions off without much success.

Girl #2 (clearly angry): This is ridiculous! Ask him how to turn them off. Let's call--

Girl #1 and Girl #3 burst into laughter.

Girl #2: Well...text him. Let's text him...

- Overheard in Sellwood by Lauren

Throwing stones

Old codger with a six-pack in a bag, commenting to us about all the folks drinking on the patio: What a bunch of disgusting drunks!

Me: Yeah, Dude, that's the good thing about hypocrisy--You get to keep your values.

- Muu-Muu's

Video of the Week: Overheard in My Pretty Portland

Unfortunately, my submission to the My Pretty Portland video contest did not make the finals. But you can enoy it here before they screen the ten finalist films on Saturday night. I'll see you at the Art Institute of Portland.

Many thanks to: Adam, Anita, Brian, Kevin, SaraFist, and "L" for their Overheards that we used in the film. And to all the rest of you eavesdroppers out there, thanks for the laughs. We may even do a gallery show based on this concept. Stay tuned.

Cheers,

-Rich

Need the Green to get the Green

Guy #1: Check out the lady in the green dress. You think she's a hooker?

Guy #2: You mean the one with Joe Rocket over there? He was in the bathroom earlier. He's a Brit.

Guy #1: Oh, yeah then. Hooker for sure!

- Heathman Bar

-- Overheard by Rich

Karma Police

Six high, hilarious and loud friends in a QUIET line for shuttle bus back to car from Radiohead concert in WA.

Male concert goer (slightly high): Man this line is CRAZY long. Look, there's hundreds just waiting in line to get on board.

Twenty-ish hot and high friend (in Larry David impersonation): This must have been what it was like for the Jews waiting in line for the train to Auschwitz.


- Overheard by Jack, who writes: "Everyone on board: died laughing and groaning...just like Larry David fans do. It was totally wrong, sarcastic and hysterical all at once...especially after a long, insane, altered state of mind concert."

Overlooked in PDX: Dismembered Leg

Our newest feature for this blog is called "Overlooked in PDX." Many thanks to Meghan for the idea ;-)

If you see something unusual, send it to us for posting and be sure to include the following:

* A JPEG file or a link
* Brief description or anecdote
* Location in Portland

This dismembered leg prop scared my kid half to death. Someone made it look like there's a dude sleeping in the bushes. You can find it on NW 27th and Thurman.

Video of the Week: Techno-babble Product Announcement

We are adding some new regular features to this blog including Video of the Week and Overlooked in PDX. Enjoy!

About the video: One of my favorite techno-spoofs was something from the 60's called the Turboencabulator. In this update, we parody our own marketing techno-jargon and laugh as the company launches the Sun Heisenberg Compensator.

ROAD Scholar

Twp ragged young men, obviously travelers, sitting in front of the downtown Border's.

One asks passers by: Can you spare five bucks for a Jack Kerouac novel?

- Overheard by April

Issueless

Male: I just can't imagine Americans will actually elect another republican.
Female: Yeah, I know. And, you know, I am all sympathetic to John McCain because of that Vietnam stuff, but isn't there something he can do about his teeth?
Male: Yeah, and that Romney guy. He's in a cult.

- At the office
-- Overheard by S S

American Teen

Girl #1: My mom thinks I'm a whore cuz I ride the MAX at night.
Girl #2: My mom thinks I'm a whore cuz I have big boobs.

- Beaverton Transit Center about 9 pm tonight.

-- Overheard by Brian

Get the flock out

Old Woman: Evangelists don't like to come to Portland.

Man: Really? Why?

Old Woman: Too many Pagans.

- Laurelthirst
-- Overheard by Rich

Hoyt Dog

Bearded guy walks up to patio tables with a hot dog from a street vendor. He waves it in the face of a drunk girl standing there before he proceeds to sit down. The girl wretches and doubles-over, cursing him.

Witness guy: My God, Man! You've discovered...Brooklyn Repellent!

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Proposal

Guy (to Female Bartender): Why don't we just date other people together?

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Always wear a helmet

Guy #1: Dude, I'm telling you--Dirtbikes are way more satisfying than women!

Guy #2: Dirt pipes?

Guy #1: Fuck you!

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

Old Town, New Men

Walking downtown past some bar hopping frat boys who said: She was begging me for a cab, not to put it in her poop chute.

We laughed for about 3 more blocks.

- Overheard by Clinton

2012

Coworker: They're just doing what we told them to do in 2006.
Supervisor: Yeah, well 2006 was six years ago.

- At the office

-- Overheard by Robert

Read too much Shirley MacLaine

Mom: Can you sit there and be mommy's good boy just a little longer? We're almost done shopping.

Boy: No. I’m not your good boy. I’m not your good boy any more.

Mom: Oh you aren’t? Then will you be a big boy for me?

Boy: No, I’m not your big boy! I'm not your big boy, and I’m not your good boy anymore.

Mom: Oh really, then what are you?

Boy: I’m a Grandma!

- Trader Joes
-- Overheard by kari

Not that kind of cougar

A mom and her tyke looking for videos:

Mom: Oh, look, they have Lassie! Lassie: Flight of the Cougar.

Kid (a couple minutes later): Can I get this?

Mom: You want to get Lassie? OK, you don't think it'll be too scary, do you?

Kid: No...What the cougar does? Eats Lassie?"

Mom: I hope not!

- Movie Madness
-- Overheard by Jeff

On the #2

Overheard on a crowded Trimet bus:

Young boy, very loudly: I need to take a dump.

Father, quietly: You mean you need to use the bathroom.

Boy: No, I need to take a dump.

Father: Its rude to say it like that, you should say you need to use the bathroom.

Boy: I need to use the bathroom so I can take a dump.

- Overheard by Frost

Seven Meals from Chaos

Trimet bus pulls over to a stop and a couple get on board. Both are obese. The woman sits down, the man is paying the fair for both of them.

Obese man: Seems you're running late, we've been waiting a while.

Obese woman: Yeah, we've waited like 40 minutes.

Obese man: Yeah, it was at least 40 minutes.

The couple gets off the bus less than three blocks from where they got on.

- Overheard by Frost

Indiana Wants Me

Human 1: I think he's Indian.
Human 2: Which kind?
Human 1: What do you mean?
Human 2: Where does he come from?
Human 1: Indiana.

- Starbucks
-- Overheard by Robert

Indicted on three counts

Gal to Guy: Why are you SUCH a drunken fucking asshole?

Guy: Ummm... What was the middle thing?

- MuuMuu's
-- Overheard by Rich

You ain't gonna make it with anyone, anyhow

Guy #1: Did you see Bob Costas/George Bush thing on the Olympics the other night?

Guy #2: Oh yeah. Did you notice how the camera man put that Chairman Mao picture over his right shoulder? I'm thinking that's probably W's fucking role model.

- MuuMuu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Doctor Horrible

Nurse: (sneezes)

Infectious disease doctor: Gesundheit.

Nurse: Thanks.

Infectious disease doctor: You’d better show me your insurance card; that was a consult.

- Area hospital
-- Overheard by Charissa

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

Skinny twenty something (to her overweight friend): Eew your buying those? Those are so bad for you.

Overweight friend: *sigh* I know...

Skinny twenty something (steps to the counter): Can I get a pack of marb reds?

- 7-Eleven Downtown
-- Overheard by John

Stoners at Flugtag

This was overheard at Flugtag last weekend. We were standing on the outer edge on the street just above Riverplace when a couple of guys that were obviously under the influence of the devil’s lettuce just happened to seemingly stumble upon the event with 60k spectators. These two walked up and stood behind us for about one min and it went something like this....... (one of them sounded like Rick Moranis in Ghost Busters)

Rick Moranis: Hey man, what’s going on here?
Dude: Uhhh...oh yeah, I think it’s that Red Bull thing, man.
Rick Moranis: Huh.. well what do they do?
Dude: They make these things and push them off that ramp.
Rick Moranis: Why?
Dude: I dunno?

- Overheard by Marc

Stir of Echoes

Guy #1 (talking to his duplex neighbors): Have you looked in that secret place in your closet?
Girl #1: No, I'm scared to.
Guy #1: Yeah me too. There might be some Jews in there or something.
Girl #2: Or some Mexicans.
Girl #3: Why would there be Mexicans?
Girl #2: Why would there be Jews?
Girl #3: Because of the Holocaust...
Girl #2: I didn't really go to History class.

- Overheard in Sellwood by Lauren

Porn Dog

Girl (talking about her dog): Yeah...my friends call him facefucker.
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: It means he fucks faces.
Guy: Oh.

- In Sellwood
-- Overheard by Lauren

Think outside the bun

Counter Guy: It comes with tzatziki, feta and…
Girl: I don't want feta. And what's tah-zeekee?
Counter Guy: Cucumber yogurt sauce.
Girl: I don't want that either.
Counter Guy: Um, that's what kinda makes a gyro a gyro...

- Zupan's on Macadam
--Overheard by Fenavo

Short attention span theater

Office worker #1: guess what I have?
Office worker #2: herpes?
Other people in their cubes nearby: chuckle, gag and snort

then some silence

Office worker #1: No, actually I have a Snapple Lid with Random Fact #1, can you believe it? The first Snapple fact!!! Goldfish only have an attention span of 3 minutes.

some silence

Unidentified office worker a row away: If you had Herpes that would have been more interesing.
Office worker #1: Go to hell

- In cubicle land at a large corporation
-- Overheard by e c

Ducks

Referring to the fountain statues by Pioneer Courthouse...

Girl #1: I want to have sex with that duck.
Girl #2: Shutup!

- Overheard by Io

Self-cleaning

A mom and her son in the craft aisle.

Boy: I want to get that paint set.

Mom: Then you get to clean it up afterwards.

Boy: WHAT?

- Fred Meyers in Tigard

-- Overheard by Tara

Powdered Messiah

Coworker: Beignets are like the Jesus of the doughnut community.

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Movie admission

On-screen mother's advice to daughter during "Hot Rods to Hell" (1967):
There is not a woman in the world that doesn't want a man!

(many woman in the audience laugh)

Woman stands up and turns to the audience: Not ME!

- Outdoor movie night at Hotel deLuxe

-- Overheard by Brad & Andrea

from the potty mouths of babes

Toddler in stroller, in garbled baby-voice, while throwing his socks and shoes: Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!

- Red line MAX, 8:50AM

-- Overheard by Jen, who writes: "Perhaps he was actually saying something else - I'd like to think so, but this is definitely what it sounded like."

Namespace

Chipper young blonde girl with pamphlets reaches out to shake hands with a passerby: Hi! My name is Amanda, what's yours?!

Passerby as he keeps walking: Late for an appointment!

Blonde girl looks confused for a second, then calls after him: But, that's not a name!


- Overheard by The Redhead

Domestic partnership

Eight year old boy: If I marry a girl, will I have to change my name?

Dad: No. Usually the girl changes her last name to be the same as his.

Eight year old boy: If I marry a boy, will I have to change my name?

- NW 21st Ave

-- Overheard by Rich

We call it beastilicious!

Girl on cellphone: His thing... it was like a big lamb sandwich!

- SW 3rd/Washington

-- Overheard by Aaron

Vagina Monologue

Guy (to Bartender): Dude, she says you promised her that you'd have a Gin&Tonic waiting back there behind the bar.

Bartender: What? What? Typical woman: "I've got a pussy and therefore I'm entitled."

- MuuMuus

-- Overheard by Rich

Rated PG

We were watching "Happily Never After" when a young boy remarked of Frieda:

Boy: Her boobies are purple! (Which, may I add, was true)
Mother: *whispers*
Boy: No, her boobies are purple.

- Regal Cinema, Tigard 11

-- Overheard by Julie

Maxxed out

On a Westbound MAX nearing the Galleria Stop at about 11pm on a recent Saturday night.

Very Drunk Guy #1: (Jumping up and yelling) WE HAVE TO GET OFF NOW!

Drunk Guy #2: Isn't the next stop closer to your place?

Very Drunk Guy #1: (Still yelling and becoming somewhat frantic as the train has already stopped and his friend still isn't getting up to exit the train) WE HAVE TO GET OFF HERE!! IT'S THE LAST STOP IN FARELESS SQUARE! IT'S THE LAW!!

Supreme Being

At Silverton lake on Sunday, female tween following her older brother and swimming towards a restricted area shouts to the shore:

Girl: Mom, can I swim where Derek is?

Mom: No! Swim back over to the shore.

Girl, in a nasally whine: Oh. Myyyyy. God!!!

Mom: Hey, I gave birth to you. I AM your God!

- Overheard by Matt

Just another day in Dilbertville

Two guys at a copy machine at a local bureaucracy:

Guy 1: You liking this paperless office?

Guy 2: We’re paperless?

Guy 1: Oh, yeah. It’s the 21st century, man. Get with the millennium, dude!

- Overheard by Gm

Sperm bank

Dude #1: Dude, if you're gonna artificially inseminate your sister's girlfriend, you gotta fuck her, right?
Dude #2: Absolutely!
Dude #1: Otherwise, you got no respect for yourself.

- In the parking lot at 45th and Belmont

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Gay Soccer

At a pickup soccer game on Wednesday, Moreland Park

Teammate: I think it's 3-1
Opponent: You're counting that first goal? That was kinda gay.
Teammate: What do you mean gay, like it likes other male goals?

- Overheard by Jesse

That Bill Shakespeare Guy Was Probably a Portlander

Author: I had like a couple people read my book, and they were like "It needs some more grammar."

- Overheard on #6 by Aaron

Au Pair

Very affluent woman with a giant diamond ring: I am looking for a gift to get this girl who is taking care of my children.

Salesgirl: Well, what does she like?

Woman with giant diamond ring: Huh, I have no idea. I don't know her very well.

- Williams Sonoma Home store on NW 23rd

-- Overheard by Chelsea

Whining

Mom to daughter: Honey, I don't know what you want, and I don't understand Whine.

- At Mississippi Street Fair

-- Overheard by Jesse

Crossing

Two middle-aged, overweight women are slowly jaywalking across the street. A Hispanic guy in a lowrider is waiting impatiently for them to pass and subsequently bats the Rosary on his rear view mirror in frustration.

Guy #1 drinking at MuuMuu's: Say something religious.

Guy #2 drinking at MuuMuu's: In Jesus' time, them bitches be fucking dead already!

- NW 21st

-- Overheard by Rich

BAM!

Guy to Gal: I was stressing out so bad at culinary school that I totally went off on this guy; "YOU CAN'T reduce the demi-glace!"
Then he fucking popped me in the mouth.

- On the #77

-- Overheard by Rich

Muffin Top

Valley Girl: Whoa! Did you see that chick's muffin top? Gross!
Valley Girl's Overweight Friend: Oh, ummm, yeah - gross.

- Overheard by J.

Repoke

Bartender to cute girls: Well, if you let someone poke you enough times, you're bound to get something free out of it.

- Overheard by: a cute girl

Soul Food

Woman talking on her cell phone: Well, it's a spiritual dinner, that's probably why you're not invited.

-On the #20 during rush hour

-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Bidet

Woman to Storm Large: How did the car wash go?

Storm Large: I love water in my butt. So good, so good.

- Overheard by Sean in the Gerding Theater lobby

Big Lebowski

Homeless Guy at Bus Stop: Sir, do you have bus fare?

Jeff Bridges as "the Dude" lookalike: Fuck no! That's why I'm walking.

- 21st and Irving

-- Overheard by Rich

Lifts and Separates

My friend: Hey, will you check my bra size?
(I lift up the back of her shirt to check)
Me: Um, dude, you're not wearing one...again.
Middle-aged woman next to us (starts laughing, then turns to her friend): I wish I could get away with forgetting I wasn't wearing a bra.

- Victoria's Secret, Clackamas Town Center

-- Overheard by Kris

Minutes before a full-on makeout session in the middle of the lobby...

Ditzy girl buying movie tickets with her boyfriend:

Could I get two tickets to Journey to the Center of, um... wherever that is?

- Overheard at Cinetopia

Bear naked granola

Man on Streetcar to tourists: Blah, blah, blah. You know, it used to be blah, blah, blah, but now it is blog, blog, blog. And, with granola underwear, no, granola thongs!

- Overheard by s.m.

Something in the Way

An obviously drunk homeless woman:

I grew up on the South side of Seattle, and Kurt Cobain killed himself in my backyard!

- Outside of Voodoo Donoughts, midnight

-- Overheard by Josh

Process of elimination

Costco Shopper on a cell phone pondering contact lens liquid: Do I want Lasting Comfort or Lasting Moisture?

(Other side responds.)

Costco Shopper: Whatever, I'll go with the not the cheapest, not the most expensive. I was raised Protestant

- Overheard by Clintondowns

Starbuck Prostitutes

Five women sitting around a table, all clearly soccer moms..

Women: Well, you shouldn't have her prostitute on Burnside anymore, you should really have her work the Pearl.
Women 2: Yeah, I agree, you get better tips in the Pearl.

- Starbucks on NW 23rd

-- Overheard by Annie

The hardest job you'll ever love

Volunteer (interrupting two talking teens): Hi, would you like to sign this petition?
Girl: What is it about?
Volunteer: It's basically making the pamphlet about all the different voting issues shorter and easier to understand.
Girl: I like to read.Why would you want to do that?
Volunteer: To make it easier to understand, and help more people learn about the issues.
Girl: So there would be less information?
Volunteer: Yes! It would be just the basic information, to get more people to vote who didn't before because it was so hard.
Girl(Loudly): So basically, you're telling me you want to dumb down the voting help guide, so that people who were too stupid to understand it before, will be more likely to vote? No, I won't sign. If they give up because it's too hard to read, good. Like hell I want them to vote.
Volunteer (shocked) :...Don't you want everyone to vote?
Girl: Hell, no. I want smart people to vote. I'm not signing some petition to help stupid people take part in making major decisions.Why do you think we're at war?
Volunteer (backing away): Well, uh...Ok. Have a nice day..(
Girl to friend: I love fucking with those guys. I hope that keeps her up tonight.
Friend: You are so going to hell.
Girl: That's nothing. I thought the polar bear dude earlier was going to cry by the time I was done with him.

- Pioneer Square
-- Overheard by Seal

Dangerous, that Hawthorne District

Middle-aged man to two others, with great emphasis, crossing Hawthorne by the Bagdad:

You can't let him loose in the Hawthorne District! He becomes conniving.

- Overheard by AJ

Kids... Don't you love them??

While perusing magazines at the Fred Meyer in Tillamook, OR., a young man no more than 10 years old and his adoring younger sister...

Boy: Anybody can get breast implants, even kids.

Girl: Really??

Boy: Yeah, boys, too.

- Overheard by Byron

Meltdown

On the #17 Bus when it was about 90 degrees outside:

Bus Driver: Folks, this just in from the weather service, I just thought I'd pass it along to you all. Don't let all these clouds fool you, there's a high heat warning in effect for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Gum Drops, and ... Snow Cones, so if you have any of those items, you'd better keep them inside. That's all.

- Overheard by The Redhead

That's no lady

Outside Fire on the Mountain, a team of baseball players is splitting 100 wings. A horrible noise is heard…

Woman: what is that???

Man: It’s an elk…and my wife. (answers cell phone with elk call ringtone)

- Overheard by Deb

Monkey Butt

Overweight/obese woman: Eeewww! They are cute in the face but their asses are ugly!

- Mandrill primate house at the Oregon Zoo in Portland

-- Overheard by Debbie

Reconsidering reconsiderations

Woman: ...what the hell? Treatment, I don't need treatment.
Man: ...I was just saying.

a few steps later

Woman: Look someone tied a kitty to a parking meter.
Man: That's a dog.
Woman: Oh.

- Downtown street

-- Overheard by Brad

Rainy day policy

Ms. Talkalot on the topic of oil alternatives: We can't use solar, because the Sun isn't always out.

- On the #44

-- Overheard by Eddie

Pillars of society

Pregnant teen girl to mom, in doctor's waiting room:
I hope it's a girl, that way it won't matter that whoever the dad is isn't around.

- Overheard by Aaron

One man's spam

Lawyer 1: I have 300 emails to go through and 200 of them are junk.
Lawyer 2: What are the other 100 about?
Lawyer 1: Well, some are from the BNA and the Digest. I don't consider those junk.
Lawyer 2 (laughing hysterically): That is so funny!

- Corner of Couch and Burnside

-- Submitted by Still Trying to Figure Out What's So Funny

The Learning Process

At a Southridge soccer game, sitting in front of a group of cheerleader-types.

Girl: We were supposed to read section nine last night, but I read section ten. Does that make me smarter?

A little while later...

Another Girl: Oh. My. God. Look at what her! Socks with sandals? Just because we're at a soccer game doesn't mean we can't have fashion!

- Overheard by MissesOregon

Rod Control

Two women had locked their keys in the car and the locksmith was using a metal stick to reach in the window and unlock the door.

Locksmith to women: Would one of you ladies hold this flashlight for me? I have better control over my rod when I use both hands.

- Overheard by Tyler

Open road

Young guy in old school SUV with no driver's-side door, to motorcyclist in next lane:
Yeah, I didn't expect it to rain today either.

- In Gresham

-- Overheard by Kama

Baby Boom

Young woman, about 20, thuggish attire: I swear to god, I woulda shot that bitch if I hadn't of been nine months pregnant.

- On the #9 bus

-- Overheard by Adam

I've got nothing better to do

I was waiting for my drink at orange julius when this sort of white trash guy goes to order

In the middle of his order his friend comes running over to him and says, quite loud so everyone around could hear:

"Dude, you wanna go smoke some meth and watch Indiana Jones?"

- Overheard by Mark

no safe way left to get advice

Woman: ...with a 'tude like that, you really need to read your horoscope today.
Man: What is Adolf Hitler, your savior?
Woman: Whaaaat?
Man: That is what Hitler used to control the Germans, yep, occult and superstition. Those exact same things those greedy Cheney corporations are using today to control you!

- On the Max downtown

-- Overheard by Brad

Sausage Fest

Approximately 12-year-old boy to friend: You know what was lame? I invited a bunch of chicks to my Halloween party, but it ended up being a sausage-fest.

- At the Oak Grove Fred Meyer

-- Overheard by Lachwen, who writes: "I want to know why the kid didn't bring this up until June."

modern day prospector

Old lady, to no one in particular: Gold was valued at 250 dollars an ounce for years! Years and years and years. All of a sudden, last year, it jumps to 900 dollars! Find your nuggets! Do you have any? In your drawers, in your knapsacks. Pull out your gold fillings!! (laughs uncontrollably)

- PGE Park, 8:05 AM

-- Overheard by Jen

What party was Mom at?

Two older women, probably in their 50s, sitting next to each other chatting:

"...Fishnet stockings, a skirt that barely covered *something,* and a bustier. I looked up, and it was my daughter."

- On the #12 Sandy bus

-- Overheard by Mehitabel

It sucks at the Center of the Universe

Woman holds baby while man is tickling its feet outside The Fresh Pot.

Man: It's all about you! Yes it is!
Baby: Baaah!

- Overheard by Doug

Like a Virgin (or Practice What You Preach)

Woman 1: I'm not going to tell them if it was my first time!

Woman 2: I understand, I was youth pastor too.

- On the Max

-- Overheard by sasscass

Time is a mystery

Climber 1: Dude I've been working on this thing for months, I mean months!

Climber 2: Ok I'll take a look.

Climber 1: Ok, well not months, but forever!

- At indoor climbing gym

-- Overheard by Brad

Distinction

Man in cowboy hat: Don't confuse my style with what I'm doing.

- Overheard by Rich

Anatomy of a Mistrial Meets Sam Walton

At a place near the county courthouse, two guys and a woman talking over dinner:

Woman: When I had my first office at the courthouse, I had to leave my office whenever the jury was deliberating because I could hear everything. I went and asked about it and I was like, you mean I am the first person to say something about this?? They could have soundproofed the jury room a little better or something . . . .

Later in the same conversation, apparently a new topic:

Man: Yeah, if you really want to see some toothless welfare-suckers, go to Wal-Mart.

Overheard by J.

Helium

A table of people was doing helium, particularly one young man.

Guy at nearby table: Hey, man, don't fuck around with that shit. It'll fucking destroy your lungs. I'm serious.

Then he took a long drag on his cigarette.

- At the PDX Pride festival

-- Overheard by Dave

Iron Man

Overheard in Bridge City Comics:

"Hey, look! They made a comic book out of Iron Man."
"Actually the movie was based on the comic books....they've been around since, like, the 60s."
"Hmmm....that doesn't sound right."

- Overheard by Nate

It's ok, I'm a pilot

Woman on cell phone: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.

- On the #4

-- Overheard by Aaron

The Dinosaur Whisperer

"She agreed to marry the dinosaur whisperer, because although he had more power than she did, she could fly and he couldn't."

- Over an indian dinner out in The Couv

-- Overheard by Bpaul

Caffeine Conspiracy

Woman: I always ask for my latte to be extra hot, and it never is. Also I'm pretty sure that coffee shop is giving me decaf.

Her friend (sardonically): Why would they do that?

- On the Max Red Line

-- Overheard by Ryan

The last supper

Guy: Jesus puked in your car?

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Mmm, Pocket Steak

Man: Look, there's Indiana Jones! It's playing at Cine Magic.

Woman: Too bad we can't hop off. I have the cat's steak in my pocket.

- On the 14-Hawthorne

-- Overheard by b!X

Get your stuff out...

Scraggly dude with high voice: Yeah, then I had to tell my mom to get her stuff out.

- On MAX

-- Overheard by Tom

A takeover?

"I didn't know you could see astronauts and pirates on the same train."

- On the Max, where there was a notable lack of astronauts or pirates

-- Overheard by lyeth

D&D thug

"So... he hit me up for D&D..."

- On the max

-- Overheard by: i wish i was that cool...

Double Jeopardy

I was standing outside Bridgeport brewpub (about NW 14th and NW Marshall) last night at maybe 7:45 when a group of four or five people walked by.

One participant said, "How can you have a scale of one to two?" to which another replied, "It's a scale of one to seven, two being the highest. Our sins are a two."

- Overheard by KJ

greatest pain of all

Girl: Girls are NOT wimpier than boys!
Boy: Well-
Man: Women have to go through childbirth, that makes them tougher.
Girl: HA! Girls can have babies! Boys can't do that!

- Overheard by Julie

Busy body

Approximately 4-year old girl to mother-

Little girl: What does "nosy" mean?
Mom: It means you stick your nose where it doesn't belong.
Little girl: That's not what it means.
Mom: Nosy means you cannot contain your curiosity about other peoples' business.
Little girl: Yes I can!!!

- On the bus line 8, Monday afternoon

-- Overheard by bird pdx

Pass on that slide show

Woman on cell phone to unknown party: Wouldn't you hate to get one of THOSE in Kenya?

- On 10 to downtown Friday May 30th 7:30 AM

--Overheard by Franc

Back from Eternia

Group of 20-somethings chatting:

Woman 1: ...I got a Masters in Education.

Man: Oh. Y'know what you should have gotten? A Masters in Astrophysics. Then you could be a "Master of the Universe."

Woman 2: But with her degree at least she can say "By the Power of Grade School!"

- Ross Island Market

-- Overheard by Dave

Keep her away from K-FED

Bald man: I'll tell you one thing, my daughter is not dating until she's 18. She is NOT dating. No way. I won't allow it.

Other guy: (long pause): Well, good luck with that. Let me know how that works out.

- Overheard by John

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

Young man on Max (to new mom): Moms are cool. Moms are cool. Not mine, I never met her but... moms are cool.

- Overheard by Grace

The new black

Manager: Pants off is the new black.

- At the office

-- Overheard by fool

Battle Grrrrl

A girl waits by the door to get off the bus, and her cell phone rings.

Girl: I've got Ashley's phone, she's in jail. Yeah, she beat the shit out of the chick....No, she just beat the shit out of her. Nothin' but her two hands. Girl had to go to the hospital...It was over at the 7-11 on 82nd & Powell...Well, you know how she repped the bloods, right?"


- On the #4 at PCC

-- Overheard by Charlotte

Say hello to my little friend!

Loud heavily-accented voice from the back of the bus: I have a Russian dog...so I had to call the cops on him. (pause) I have a German cat and a Cuban parrot....

Nice girl: Do they like it here?

Voice: No. They're paranoid...I'm going back to Cuba. I hope the police don't follow me here.

- On the #15

-- Overheard by Marianna

Donkey Kong

Lucid, rambling homeless man: On Jewish holidays, my cock is as big as a... King Kong dick.

- Heard outside a parking garage on 10th & Morrison

-- Overheard by Trevor

Coochie Court

Female shoplifting defendant: I'm just saying I didn't have a vagina full of jewelry in 2005.

- In Court

-- Overheard by Woof

Fountain of Youth

A group of kids taking a tour of downtown stop to look at the waterfront fountain off of Salmon Street.

Boy: I want to go down there and run through that fountain...Like a retard....Like that kid.

- Overheard by Dave

Every Kiss begins with K-8

Two boys, probably 5th or 6th graders, talking as they kicked a ball around after school:

Boy 1: She's my girlfriend, not my wife.

Boy 2: Are you going to marry her?

Boy 1: No, but I could.

Boy 2: No way.

Boy 1: Yeah, all you have to do is buy a diamond ring. Or really, any kind of ring.

- Laurelhurst elementary

-- Overheard by Amy

Filler

Two college aged girls walking past the juniors, then maternity, sections of Target.

Girl #1: That's a cute dress.
Girl #2: Yeah, I don't have the boobs to wear it.
Girl #1: Oh, that's a cute one too!
Girl #2: You don't have the fetus to fill out that dress.

- In the Target on the B-H highway

-- Overheard by M

Doctor Love

Two women talking on a bench, topic seemed to be about a recent blind date:

Woman #1: I can't believe they set you up.

Woman #2: I know. I mean, the guy did not even have a college degree. I don't want to sound like an elitist, but I am a Doctor. What were they thinking?

- In Willamette Park

-- Overheard by Dave

Way Downtown

Guy #1: You know how to make sure your relatives never come back?

Guy #2: No. How?

Guy #1: Drive them out to East 82nd and tell them it's downtown.

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

Free Booty

In front of the Lush candle store on NW 23rd, pedestrian walking by chalkboard sign that says "FREE BOOTY."

Man: Free Booty? Man, I gots to get me some of that shit!

- Overheard by Rich

Porn

Her: Clown porn, clown porn, clown porn. ... You put that in my head.

Him: How did I put that in your head?

Her: You told me about it.

Him: No, I told you about midget porn.

- East Bank Saloon

-- Overheard by b!X

Medical Advice

On the streetcar:

Streetboy#1: Why can't mom just direct deposit the child support? Bitch

Streetboy#2 (to the young woman across the aisle): Hey, hey you. What are you? Pissed off? What is it? Are you mad?

Young Woman: What?

Streetboy#1: She doesn't want to talk to you, man.

Streetboy#2: Why so mad? What's the problem?

Young Woman: I'm not mad. I have finals. I'm just tired.

Streetboy#2: School, huh? Have you ever... some people think... have you ever thought of opiates?

Streetboy#2: (to me) Huh? What's so funny? No, why are you laughing?

- Overheard by Nikola

Brutal

At oaks park, in line for the octopus:

Middle-school age girl: And she was like (lowers her voice to a whisper) bleepity bleep bleep bleeeep! And I was all like Whoa.

Her friend: That's brutal.

- Overheard by Ali

FWB

At a party in SE Portland...

Me: So how do you two know each other?

Him: We're friends.

Her: Special friends.

Him: With benefits.

- Overheard by Paul

Rooting

Homeless guy selling Street Roots: I bet I could outwork all of you!

- 21st and Lovejoy

-- Overheard by Rich

Cat Tut

"And then what the Cat Tut does is stretch out your vagina-box like it's asian, so then it doesn't work right. It doesn't really help you at all."

- In my living room

-- Overheard by Lachwen, who writes: "I have the most random roommates in the world."

Not looking for Spare Change

Homeless man sitting on sidewalk: Hey, do either of you know where I can find myself a pretty drag queen?

- SW 12th & Main

- Overheard by Kim

Chest rubbing

Waiting for the crosswalk on Hawthorne, with a friend who's playing the accordion:

Man who appears to be massaging his nipples constantly, stalking about on tiptoe: Hey, you guys got a quarter for a beer? ... Shit, I should be giving you a quarter! (About a quarter of a block away now.) It's good thing that's not Mexican music! I hate Mexican music! That's not Mexican music though, so it's good!

- Overheard by Abner, who writes: "This is the second time we've seen this guy. A few weeks before he'd been announcing the death of the creator of LSD and "spreading love". Even then he was rubbing his chest."

Ready or not

African-american customer talking to two african-american cashiers about Barack Obama...

African-american customer: First day he in, they shoot him. You watch!

White customer: They'd better not shoot him - he's our only hope!

African-american customer, to cashiers: White people think they ready; everybody think they ready.

White customer: I'm ready! I'm ready!

African-american customer looks white customer up and down, finally says: You ain't ready.

- 7-Eleven, N. Lombard & Denver

-- Overheard by another white customer

T... M... I... !

Senior Citizen: You should see my dick. I only had a quarter of it circumcised.

- Morrison Street Grill

-- Overheard by b!X

Should we be getting hazard pay?

Guy from corporate HQ, checking out our wood-and-metal cubicles:
If there was an electrical storm, you guys would all fry! They're cool cubes, though.

- Downtown/waterfront PDX

-- Overheard by Jen

Mommie Dearest

Harassed looking women with 3 kids in tow:
Don’t get me wrong, I love you all to death… but right now I wish I’d drowned you all when you were babies.

- Overheard by FoodDude, who writes: "I was speechless."

analyzed

Two female college students on the 44 bus:

Girl one: we gonna hang out later?
Girl two: i don't know, i have to talk to my english professor. he said my analytical essays aren't like, analytical enough.

- Overheard by Emily

Star punch

Waitress (looking at customer's Entertainment Section): That's weird. Last night I had a dream I beat up Lindsay Lohan!

- Nob Hill Pub

-- Overheard by Rich

Mama is the Best!

A little girl of around 5 standing near her mother's shopping cart as they were getting ready to leave the store:
Mama, you are the best mama in the world!

- Overheard by Kris, who writes: "And mama hadn't even bought her anything...it was spontaneous from the little girl's heart. An excellent Mother's Day gift, I'd say."

He's a 10

Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl: (Shrug) Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.

- Outside Trillium Preschool

-- Overheard by Amy

Internal dialogue

Indian entrepreneur: I am tired of listening to people talking. I want to listen to me talking.

- MuMu's

-- Overheard by Rich

He's in the jailhouse, now

Twentysomething white gangsta guy on cell phone:
Hey man, yeah, I just got out of jail. (listens.) Naw man, they charged me with the same as having a gun, because the weapon was concealed. (listens.) It was totally just a toy, but now they're going to put me in jail again.
(listens.)
I'm at OHSU right now, I'll be there in like five minutes.
(listens.)
Well, they could give me probation, but I bet they send me back to jail. I should just kiss my ass goodbye right now! They're going to put me back in jail, I know it! I posted bail and all it got me was 5 hours of freedom!
(listens.)
Yeah, maybe I can share a cell with your brother.
(listens.)
He's got a single cell? Damn!

- Overheard by a bus full of mild-mannered commuters

-- #8 bus to OHSU, 8:30 AM 5/5/08

Two left feet

At a house party. A girl was trying to drag a guy onto the dance floor.

Guy: I can't dance - I'm square!

- Overheard by Carla

The L word

Loud Butch Dyke: Well, you know what, if that bastard sales associate hadn't explained the term 'lipstick lesbian' to my mother, we wouldn't even be in this situation!

Loud Butch Dyke's GF: Wow, that's so gonna end up on Overheard in PDX.

- Overheard at Cinco De Mayo Waterfront Festival

cheap beer

Couple pushing a toddler in a stroller past the "silver man" street performer at Saturday's Market:

Woman: We should give him a dollar.
Man: I'm not giving him a dollar--I could buy a beer with that.

-Overheard by John and Jacci

WHOA THERE!

Overhead whilst walking around high school campus.

Freshman boy: Let’s go sodomize each other.

- Overheard by Leslie

Eye of the beholder

Teenagers on the max this morning. One overly confident guy teasing/flirting with a female classmate:

Guy: You aint no Eye Candy.
(pause)
Guy: More like Eye Cavity.

- Overheard by Brewcaster

Fender Bender

Mother and Son in Guitar Center:

Mom: You don't like Fender guitars?
Son: No, not really.
Mom: Why?
Son: Well...
Mom: Because you're stupid?

- Overheard by italiamusica

Do the Hustle

Male to female friend: You're sooo from Maine. All you do is take walks and read books. I'm from San Francisco. All we do is hustle.

- On the Lewis & Clark shuttle

-- Overheard by Flavia

All four food groups

Valley girl #1: Food at the theater is so expensive. It's like five dollars for a popcorn and four dollars for a soda.

Valley girl #2: Yeah, it's like ten dollars for a meal.

- Overheard by SkyB

Tractor ice

Random Black Girl: You gonna slip on that ice and fall on yo' ass! Then you gonna bounce back cuz yo' ass is so big!

- Lloyd Center

-- Overheard by Hank

Ugh!

In line outside Lincoln High waiting to hear Bill Clinton speak for Hillary for the upcoming Oregon primary:

Early 20's Young Man: I mean, the Democrats have two candidates running but the Republicans have only one. How do they expect to win with only one candidate?

His Mom: I know! It's hard to believe how incredibly stupid people can be sometimes.

- Overheard by Patrick

Alien head

Girl #1: So are you going to get alien head?
Girl #2: I mean....whatever works.

- Lewis & Clark College

-- Overheard by LAB

Don't want to be that guy

Woman on cell phone: Those blisters are a reaction to your stockings. You need to find someone to take them off.

- On the South Waterfront Streetcar

-- Overheard by Melissa Lion

STFU

Reporter, who had spent part of the event talking on his phone:
Sorry I was talking on my phone (mumble mumble)...

Audience member: Yeah, well it was really disruptive!

- At the North Portland Candidates' Forum Sunday

-- Overheard by Steve

The mall will do that

Three-year-old boy to parents at Lloyd Center: Wait! Hold on!

Dad: Hold on to what?

Boy (stopping): My energy ran out of walking.

- Overheard by Pam

Degrees of separation

Homeless guy under blanket: Dude, do you have some money?

My brother-in-law: (Shakes his head) Man, I’m married. I’ve got no money.

Homeless guy under blanket: Well I’m divorced and look at me.

My brother-in-law: (Shakes his head again) Man, I’ve got three teenagers too. You got any room under that blanket?

- Saturday night, across the street from Darcelle's

-- Overheard by Shannon

Maybe the baby daddy is in law

Woman on cell phone - Everything leading up to this was about buying a car and then she asked to talk to RJ. RJ gets on the phone and it's obvious he's a little kid what with the talk of finishing dinner before he has jelly beans and how she would be home soon. It is all very normal until:

"And when I get home, we're going to go see an attorney! Won't that be fun?"

- Heard on the 96 bus to Tualatin

-- Overheard by Micah

Dishwater blond

Stylist: That woman is crazy! She washes her hair with Lemon Joy!

Customer (laughing): You ought to put some of that shit up on your shelf.

- Bishops

-- Overheard by Rich

library flirting

At the main library downtown, waiting for a computer, a guy (mid-to-late 30's) shamelessly (and embarassingly) attempting to flirt with an 18 year-old PSU freshman (who says her R's like W's):

He: Wow, that's an amazing accent! Is it British?

She: Actually, it's a speech impediment.

- Overheard by Ellen

Knocked Up

At Fred Meyer on Hawthorne, April 16th
Tattooed hipster couple in the checkout line.

Woman: Hey, did you hear about the pregnant man in Bend?

Man: "Yes and its been pissing me off.

Woman (kind of confused): Why?

Man: Because if it can happen to him it can happen to anybody.

He was being serious...there was stunned silence...

- Overheard by Sam

Tatooine

One 6-year-old boy to another: I love you, Princess Leia.

- Burnside Powell's coffeeshop

-- Overheard by Marianna

Freddy's

Man on cell: Well, right now we're at Fredrick's.

- Hawthorne Fred Meyer

-- Overheard by Sky B

Messenger

Creepy, vacant-eyed hipster, apropos of nothing, while passing us on the street:
Jesus loves you. He made you. He shows me things.

- NW 21st and Everett, 8:30 PM

-- Overheard by Jen

Tiny Blue Chair

Happy drunk guy: Hey, look at this place.

(we stop to look at Salon Icon)

Drunk guy: It's really small!

Us: Yeah, it is.

Drunk guy, as we walk away: Sorry for pointing that out to you!

- NW 21st and Flanders

-- Overheard by Jen

Must be the Cat Steven's songs

Saturday evening, Movie Madness. Man, woman and infant. Infant in man's arm is making funny sounds and pointing at stack of DVDs.

Woman: He wants to watch "Harold and Maude".

Man: Nobody wants to watch "Harold and Maude".

- Overheard by Sam

WTO

Saturday afternoon, outside the World Trade Center complex in downtown. Man driving bike cab. Riders are two asian women with cameras.

One of the women: What's that?

Cab driver: That's the World Trade Center. They're eeeevil.

- Overheard by Sam