Pokemon

This afternoon, I overheard the following exchange between two employees at the Beaverton Powell's.

Book buyer 1: You gotta catch 'em all, man.

Book buyer 2: Have you heard of the Pokemon Liberation Front?

Book buyer 1: What's that?

Book buyer 2: All of the trainers force the Pokemon to fight, but maybe not all of them want to. So they try to free them.

Book buyer 1: I've always felt that the entire Pokemon series was Ash's fever dream.

- Overheard by Doug

Baby Jesus is weeping

Guy in line for tickets on the day after Christmas: What's the date today?

-Newmark Theater, downtown
-- Overheard by TK

Hulk smash!

Mom to young son, who is playing with a plastic Hulk action figure, banging it against tables: Be gentle with the Hulk.

- Bakery Bar NE
-- Overheard by Ed

Blue Light Special

Mom, loudly to son at the checkout: Do you want me
to start using my Satan voice? Because I will, if you don't start
behaving!

- KMart
-- Overheard by Laurel

Needle

Girl: My boyfriend's dog swallowed a bottlecap and it was going to die, so all my Christmas money went to pay for an operation.

Guy: I swallowed a sewing needle.

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Rich

Co-pilot

Doorman (to co-worker): It doesn't matter, I still need my stripper to hold my hand while I'm driving.

- Marriott on Broadway
-- Overheard by Isaac

Didgeridoo

Didgeridoo salesman to customer: I used to think that playing the didgeridoo was hard, until I realized that it's just making body noises into a tube.

- Holiday Artisan Market in Pioneer Square
-- Overheard by Maria

Happy Holidays

At my mother-in-law's holiday open house this weekend.

Mother-in-law (opening door): Welcome, come on in!
Neighbor: What a lovely house you have.
Mother-in-law: Oh, thanks. Now, remind me who you are.
Neighbor: I live four houses down in the green house
Mother-in-law: Oh that's right. You're the lady whose dog just died!! Now I remember.
Neighbor: Yes, but I prefer to be called "Nancy".

- Submitted by Patrick

Kicker

Woman on the MAX to her pregnant friend: I had such bad gas one time it felt like a baby kicking.

- Overheard by Brittney

It was bad

Two dudes on the #12 bus:

"Oh you saw that movie?"
"It was bad."
"Cool, I've been wanting to see it."
"Don't even bother, it's so bad."
"Oh, it's bad? I thought you meant bad as in good."
"No, dude, I meant bad as in awful."
"Yeah? How bad is it?"
"It's like Blair Witch Project bad."

- Overheard by a p

Energizer

Girl on cell phone, in an "that's so obvious" voice: Yeah but you can still pee in the toilet and flush it without having a battery.

- Near PSU, by Hotlips Pizza
-- Overheard by Sarah

Promotion

Overheard at a red light - the family in the car next to us (mother, father, and son)

Father (Angrily): You have the brains of a grasshopper!
Mother: Oh, look! Daddy promoted you! I usually say he has the brain of a flea.

- Overheard by Sal

Slapshot

Police scanner: ...suspect is armed with a hockey stick.

- Overheard by Nation

Ducks

Following the Civil War, when Duck fans stormed the field...

Girl: I wouldn't want to be caught in that. Crowds like that are so dangerous.
Guy 1: They're Oregonians for chrissake. What are they going to do, drive slowly in the left lane?
Guy 2: Hot box you?
Guy 3: Force you to compost?

- South Waterfront apartment
-- Overheard by Stefan

Kiss the Chef

Coworker: I make out with weirdos all the time. Eating spit from some line chef isn't such a big deal when you think about it.

- Overheard by Jake

Treatment

Woman to man: Yea right... You wish you could be in treatment.

- Holladay Park
-- Overheard by Alex

Extasy

Girl to her friend: Why do you do herion dude? Everybody knows extasy is the best drug.

- Fish and chip shop in NE
-- Overheard by John

Bagged

Self-serve station in a 'cozy' Beaverton coffee place: woman's shoulder bag brushes the head of a seated woman a couple of times...


Woman fixing coffee: I'm sorry, I seem to want to keep hitting you with my purse.

Seated woman: That's okay, honey, we all feel that way some day.

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Ultimate

Guy on Cell Phone: You've got to decide what's more important: your job or this ultimate frisbee game.

- Laurelhurst Lobby
-- Overheard by Ted

Abuse

2 women smoking cigarettes and talking:

Woman #1: Apparently that's abuse.
Woman #2: No! You're crazy.

- Waiting for the #15 Bus
- Overheard by Rose

Culprit

Young boy holding his nose and pointing at a morbidly obese man: I think it's him.

- On the #6 bus
-- Overheard by Daniel

Wild Life

Skinny, seriously drunk guy who is flitting his arms very poorly: I’m a little birdie, I can FLYYYYY! Watch me fly.

10 footsteps later.

Professional-looking young man, exiting a building and carrying a fish in a fishbowl: Who's a good little fishie?

- Submitted by: I’m just trying to pick up my lunch

Kidnapped

Youngish woman: He's really good at kidnapping me. This one time he threw me over his shoulder when I was really drunk in Calispell and I woke up in Missoula. I got fired.

Middle-aged man: Really?

Youngish woman: Yeah, he wouldn't drive me back to Kalispell. My boss was like, 'Well, you're in Missoula'. Fair enough.

- Black Cat Cafe
-- Overheard by Charlie

Thursday

Late 30's women: Damnit! I'm never having sex on a Thursday!

- Hollywood Bowl, during kid's league with plenty of children around

-- Overheard by Alex

Next!

Man, about his ex-girlfriend: She wanted me to marry her and her fiance – you know, perform the wedding. I told her I would, but I warned her, “Well, know what I’ll say: ‘You may now kiss the bride – because I already have.’”

- At Utopia Cafe

-- Overheard by lauraf

Upgrade?

Husky, whiskey-voiced older woman talking to a handful of what look to be homeless people standing and smoking under the eaves outside the Salem bus terminal:

"So then we upgraded to a Geo Metro."

- Overheard by John

Time out

A group of 6- and 7-year-old party-goers (all boys) mobbed Chuck-E, bopping him on the nose, slapping his cheeks and pulling his tail.

Kid to his mom: Chuck-E-Cheese called a time out.

- Overheard by Pam

Dumber

"Unfortunately, he's more dumber than me."

- At The Standard
-- Overheard by Luther

Pandora let down

Man: Is that Cher on the radio, who's responsible for that?

Barista: Pandora, it pisses us off every 7th song...

- Cafe Viale, SW 6th Ave
-- Overheard by Dave

A Leak of Their Own

Two guys, two gals, high-spirited, briskly exiting the Rose Garden after the Blazers opening night win.

Guy: Man, we gotta do more of this shit! Go to Blazers games and pee on people!

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Deaf ear

Overheard in a CNA class at PCC:

"Sometimes you have to put in ear plugs and let your baby cry for 5 hours."

- Overheard by Gary

Better get started

Video store clerk: Those are all due back Tuesday at 10.

Dad: Emma, do you think we can watch all these by Tuesday?

Three-year-old (definitively): Yes.

Dad: Do you know when Tuesday is?

Three-year-old (just as definitively): No.

- At Movie Madness

-- Overhead by lauraf

Dino

Two bums talking to each other: Well then how many dinosaurs DO you want to kill?

- While walking down 21st Ave
-- Overheard by Nathan

Chance of showers

Three street folks walking by the MAX stop, SW 3rd and Morrison:

Guy #1: Man, who ordered this rain?
Guy #2: I did, but I ordered a side of Sun with it!
Guy #1: I'm gonna shave right here (pauses in an office building entryway).

moments later ...

Guy #1: Man, I'm getting shit on!
Gal: By a bird?
Guy #1: No, the rain!

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Freedom fries

Girl: If you live in Paris, you're supposed to call it 'pah-ree'
Guy: What?
Girl: That's how they pronounce it there, they don't even call the city by the right name and they live there.
Guy: Well, that's dumb.


- At Muchas Gracias while waiting for food
-- Overheard by Mike

When iPhones cry

Man is texting.

Woman: That's not your iPhone. What is that?
Man: It a Google phone.
Woman: Doesn't your iPhone cry when you do that?

- Overheard by Jeff

Semen. sorry

Two Girls, mid-twenties: ..and you actually kept the semen?

Then they both looked at me.. It was uncomfortable.. I had to keep sitting there cause the bus was full.

- On the #14 bus
-- Overheard by Josh

Dreads

Stoner talking about his crush: She doesn't have the prettiest face, but she has the longest dreads in south east.

- Somewhere near se 39 and hawthorne

-Overheard by nico

Disabled

Bus driver to 70-something guy in wheelchair: Do you want straps or restraints?
70-something in reply: Not in public.

- On Tri-Met this morning
-- Overheard by Mike

Spider sack

Two guys smoking outside of a cell phone store in Aloha: So anyway, that's when the spider crawled down and bit my nuts.

- Overheard by Katie

Fly with a Friendly Face

Old lady looking at the tail of an Alaskan Airlines jet: Is that Bob Marley?... Oh, it's an Eskimo!

- Portland Airport.
-- Overheard by Timber Ninja

One in a Million

Aging rocker dude: I've got long hair, I wear a leather jacket, I wear black clothes... I'm an original!

- MAX Yellow Line
-- Overheard by Steve

Happy Hour

Woman to man: I just got out of jail, so I went to the bar. I ordered myself a triple margarita. I'm sitting next to this guy and I tell him I just got out of jail. He says, aren't you on probation? You're not supposed to be drinking. I said to him, it's 4:30! You're not supposed to be drinking either!

- On the #15 Bus
-- Submitted by TJ

Crabs

Young Guy #1 to Young Guy #2, as they approach the urinals: Dude, how do you know if you have crabs?

- Hawthorne Fred Meyer Men's Room
-- Overheard by Noah

Denmark

Blonde girl: I've been to Denmark. That's basically the same as IKEA.

- IKEA
-- Overheard by Shea

Procedure

Guy 1: Vasectomies are cheap and easy procedures. I definitely recommend looking into one.

Guy 2: No man, I can't handle sharp things that close to my penis. Other than piercings, but that's a different story.

- Overheard by a p

Paternity

Co-worker 1: So, do you have any kids?

Co-worker 2: None that I’m aware of.

- Overheard by Kyle

Payday

Group get onto streetcar:

Girl 1: Why on Wednesday?
Girl 2: Because thats when we get our foodstamps. We're getting fucked up!

- Overheard by Sky

Blossoming Lotus

Middle-aged man and woman walking down the sidewalk outside Blossoming Lotus on Davis.

Woman: I was taking a yoga class and my breasts kept spilling out during the class.

- In front of Blossoming Lotus
-- Overheard by Shannon

You got another thing coming

Drunk guy at Pearl Jam show: Man, I'm fuckin' pissed that Shannon broke up with that Judas Priest cover band.
His friends: unintelligible mumbles of assent.

- Overheard by Jason

Smells like chicken

Guy in line at book store: What happen to you and that girl?

Friend: She farted and it smelled like chicken.

Guy in line: Chicken?

Friend: Yep!

- In line at school book store. PCC

-- Overheard by Sinn

Fashion PDX

Girl #1: We should go to one of the Portland Fashion Week events.
Girl #2: Portland has a Fashion Week?
Girl #3: Portland has fashion at all? And for a whole week? I figure it would take about twenty minutes to say, "Here's what's new in flip-flops and microfleece." Get serious.

- Outside of Powell's on Burnside
-- Overheard by Liana

Legends of the Fall

Earnest young man to a young woman: September, October, November...see, they're all cold because they all have "brrrr" at the end.

- Clearing Cafe in NW PDX
-- Overheard by Carol

Cool dude

I'm boarding a plane back to PDX and a 60-70 year old man is on his phone.

Old Man: Only if she takes her boob out... Only if she shows her boob. Ok, honey, goodbye.

Submitted by dv

Mussolini

Girl: I have mussolini.
Boy: Mussolini??
Girl: Yeah isn't that what it's called?
Boy: Mussolini was an italian dictator.
Girl: Oh. then what's this called?
Boy: Muesli.

- VegFest
-- Overheard by Rebekah

Marathon

A couple riding bikes past my house (SE 19th & Bybee). They were both dressed in tight black turtlenecks and stretch pants, looking like mimes or robbers.

Girl: I can’t believe Oprah ran a marathon once.
Guy: Yeah, but it took her like 10 hours.

- Overheard by Candice

Foreign Exchange?

Freshman girl to upperclassman guy: I really want to do a foreign exchange to India.
Upperclassman guy replies: Wait, you want to do a porn scene with me?

- Near PSU
-- Overheard by Eric H

Debra Winger

Office workers on a smoke break: I have a blog on Debra Winger too.

- Outside office near Lloyd Center
-- Overheard by Eric

Rice

Asian girl to Asian boyfriend (suprised): ohh my gosh I haven't had any rice today! That's like really bad for your body.

- Beaverton Dennys
-- Overheard by bigmanbeats

Grilled

Someone screaming into a cell phone: OOOHHHHH. that is messed up. i took an
extra shift at work to buy you a grill and you don't even pick up my call? that is messed up. $120 grill and you can't even pick up my phone call? that is messed up. i've been at work since noon working to buy you that. fuck you man, fuck you.

- Safeway parking lot on mlk/ainsworth
-- Overheard by Kate

Jesus

Overheard at a public event: Well of course Jesus was a zombie!

- Overheard by Angela

Walk it off

Father to crying son (about 8 years old) in a wheelchair: Walk it off!

- State Fair
-- Overheard by Kim, who writes: "Definitely going for that Father of the Year award."

Taxi

Guy in line to friend: She was too old to do the walk of shame so I called her a cab.

Friend: I do not think it is a good idea to sleep with your professors

- Overheard by Sinn

Whatever gets the job done

Co-worker #1 after hanging up the phone: Jim says he's going to go get on Monica.

[pause]

Co-worker #2 : Umm... Well, that's a motivational tool that I hadn't thought of.

- Overheard by Byron

Dollar's worth

Crazy guy on the yellow line: I'll kill a guy for a penny. That way if I kill a hundred people, I'll have a dollar.

- Overheard by Michele

An honest wish

Girl in late 20s leaving a port-o-potty: These things make me wish I had a penis.

- During the Flaming Lips/Cat Power/Juliette Lewis concert at Edgefield
-- Submitted by Eric Harker

Weiner cow

I have my mini dachshund who has the color scheme of a brown cow and is really rare because of this.

Drunk Guy (sounds like an inebriated surfer): Woah! Man! What is that?
Me: Pardon?
Drunk Guy: Is that a dog? What kind of dog is that?
Me: A miniature dachshund.
Drunk Guy: When did they start makin' 'em like that?
Me: 2005.

- Amnesia Brewing
-- Submitted by DJ

For that nappy look

Woman talking loudly on cell phone: So, what were you thinking about as you brushed out your hair this morning?
(pause while person on other end answers)
Well, that's what you get for dating a guy who likes to put his penis in your hair.

- On the bus
-- Overheard by Amy

TMI on the MAX

High school age girl to her friend on the MAX during rish hour: Oh, here they come again.

Her friend: What? The bicyclists?

Girl: No, my cramps.

- Overheard by Tom

Someday it will happen to you

Overheard outside of someday lounge.

"That was the second time that I used my vagina for blackmail."

- Overheard by Paul

A Regular Alarm Clock Is Not Enough for Some People

Co-worker A to co-worker B (cheerily): So when you hit the water, did you wake up?

- Montgomery Park ladies room
-- Overheard by lauraf

Bunny food

Man to wife upon exiting restaurant on NW 23rd one morning: Well, now I can say that I've had salad for breakfast.

- Overheard by John

Lumpy

Co-worker on the phone with her mother-in-law: She has a lump on her liver, they think it might be fat, and i'm like, "What? her ass got full?"

- Overheard by Matthew

He can

Guy 1: You can not drink them skinny and pretty.

Guy 2: I did.

- Mcmenamins
--Overheard by Sinn

Don't get too edgy!

Nerdy dude, about 19 on cell: What? You can't have a Street Fighter tournament on September 11th, dude, that's the day all those people died. Actually, put that on the sheet. "In memory of September 11th." ... DON'T PUT THAT ON THE SHEET!

- Submitted by dv

Breakfast of Champions

"I guess I'm not built for 8am drinking anymore."

- Overheard before noon at PDX Adult Soapbox Derby by aoborne

Fatality!

Group of teen-aged boys talking:

Boy1: I tried to break up with her but she wouldn't let me, she kept showing up.
Boy2: Yeah like a scorpion right to the heart. Get over here!
Boy2: Mortal Kombat of Love

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Michael

Maybe Mom's a photographer

Man on bike to friend on cell phone: If she really was on vacation with her mom, then why isn't her mom in ANY OF THE FUCKING PICTURES!!!!!

- Overheard by Brian riding bike past another biker on 42nd and alameda

It won't pay the rental

Male shopper to a friend, upon seeing a couple making out in a photo booth at Washington Square Mall: Why would you want a picture of that?

- Overheard by Katrina

Do the math

Young female student (that sat in back of class and chatted with friends all term) is speaking to her math professor.

Student: What do I need to do to pass the class?

Math professor: You need to get a 105 on the final exam.

Student: So I can still pass the class?

Math professor: You can not get a 105 on final exam.

Student: There is no way to get 105 on the final?

Math professor: There is no way you can pass this class.

- PCC Cascade
-- Overheard by Sinn

Booty call

Overheard on the MAX yellow line to the Expo Center:

A group of teenage girls are standing, one is leaning slightly on the back of an older woman's seat.

Old woman: Get your booty off my shoulder! I don't want your booty touching me!

Teenager: My booty isn't touching you!

Old woman: My shoulder is not a seat for your booty! *turns to person sitting next to her and starts speaking angrily in Spanish*

- Overheard by Shannon

Band on the Run

Overheard at a local community college:

"Paul McCartney? Isn't that the dude from Wings?"

- Overheard by H star

Rain

homeless guy on the 82nd ave bus: I am so unlucky if it was raining pussy i would get hit in the head with a dick.

- Overheard by Wiilliam

Cougar

Girl on cell phone: Face it mom, you'll never be a cougar.

- PSU
-- Overheard by Tom

Penguin

Shouted by some homeless dude with a sign: Run for the hills, it's a penguin.

- Downtown
-- Overheard by Richard, who writes: "I didn't see a penguin, personally, which isn't to say there wasn't one there"

Paging Doctor Snob

"Is he a physician or a real doctor?"

- On the OHSU Tram
-- Overheard by Steve

Body shot

Group of girls heading out to celebrate a birthday: It's kinda like when we were 15 and used to take body shots off other girls.

- Old town Pizza
-- Overheard by Zac

Free meter

"So what's the deal with this new Sunday parking meter thing? Its the 'Holy Day of No Parking...'"

- Fenouil restaurant patio (Sunday eve
-- Submitted by pdxdaily

Not a whore

Bartender at DV8 on 50th and Powell: OK, she's not a whore. I take that back.

- DV8
-- Overheard by Jordan

Tour of duty

Elderly man wearing WWII hat and jacket boards bus and sits in front seat.

Passenger standing at front of the bus: Wow - WWII, what did you do?

WWII Veteran: [no response]

Passenger: [repeats question a little louder]

WWII Veteran: WHAT?? I CAN'T HEAR - I DROVE A TANK

- Aug 4, #8 bus
-- overheard by tami

Big pours

Douchebag body builder with shirt off (to Brew Fest volunteer pourer): I lift heavy, and I like my pours heavy.

- 7/25 at Oregon Brewer’s Festival
-- Overheard by Sheri

Argh

Guy dressed like a pirate, talking to woman dressed like a banker on MAX: Ironically, the engineering department is the most pirate-y.

Toothless guy eavesdropping: I think people should start dressing like Vikings.

- Overheard by Jennifer

The Others

A woman to her young son when getting on the bus: I don't trust them. ...Not that I trust humanity in general.

- Overheard by Marina

Pedestrians

A woman to her male companion, waiting for the walk light downtown: Oh, they won't hit you. Pedestrians in Portland are like cows in India.

- Overheard by Elizabeth

L word

Co-worker: And that’s why I’ll never go to another lesbian book club.

- Overheard by Kyle

So Ho

Teenage girl #1: Hooker street? Did the bus just say Hooker street?
Teenage girl #2: You're a hooker!
Teenage girl #1: I am not! (thinks about it) If I was a hooker, I'd be so sore... even more sore than I am right now!

- On the #12 bus
-- Overheard by Deborah

Big horn

"I've got a stuffed big horn sheep my husband killed right in my living room, and let me tell you - they are delicious."

- On the Amtrak from Portland to Klamath Falls
-- Overheard by Suzanne

Monkey

Two kids @ bus stop talking about their dealer's pit bull:

Kid 1: If I were James, I'd get a wild monkey from Africa to protect my grow...that would be a lot more dangerous than that pit bull.

Kid 2: Yeah, a wild monkey could tear a person apart.

Kid 1: Or maybe a Silverback Gorilla (!)

Kid 2: Well, that would be hard to get 'cause they're endangered.

- Overheard by Amy

sprinkles

Waitress: Jesus, what did you put on the pancakes!? (repeated at least 6 times)

- IHOP
-- Overheard by Michael, who writes: "Jesus was the cook."

so many questions...

helmetless cyclist #1 (shouting): What?

helmetless cyclist #2 (shouting): It smells like death!

helmetless cyclist #1 (conversationally): Are we going to die, dude?

helmetless cyclist #2 (musing): Should we slow down?

- Coming around the corner near Belmont

-- Overheard by lauraf

Phish

Bartender: Did you buy a new car yet?

Cook: No I had to buy tickets to Phish, and they set me back $400.

Bartender: You paid $400 to fish? Where do you fish at?

Cook: No, Phish the band.

- At Blitz Ladd's
-- Overheard by C

Prison break

Hipster girl on cell phone: Mom, just don't touch the electric fence.

- Overheard by Courtney

the stink of modern civilization

Homeless 20-something: Would anyone let me take a shower at your house? I haven't showered in about a month.

20 or so people on the bus: [silence]

Homeless 20-something: Oh that's great. How would you like it if you'd been on the streets and not a single person allows you to shower in their house? What a bunch a bunch of [expletive]. This is what our society has become?

Driver: [pulls up to the next stop] You can get off now.

Homeless 20-something: I will. I don't want to be on this bus with a bunch of self serving [expletive]. [Off the bus he raises his guitar in his right hand and makes an obscene gesture with his left.] [expletive] you all!

- On the 15 about 10pm
-- Overheard by Heather

Walnut apples

Three hipsters looking up at a walnut tree, with walnuts still in their green husks.

Hipster in sunglasses says to the others: Maybe they're apples.

- Overheard by PeterK

Kimchi

Middle aged woman yelling across the store to a much older woman: Did I tell you today that I love you? I need to make coleslaw.

- Overheard in the Save-a-Lot store on SE Foster

Pizza in a cup

Girl: Is that pizza leaking?

- Corner of NW 21st Ave and Kearney
-- Overheard by Michele

Sunday

Girl on cell phone: It's Sunday afternoon! Who decides to go crazy on a Sunday afternoon?

- Delta Park MAX Station
-- Overheard by Michelle

Post Tard

Stoner kid # 1: There are cops going up and down the street by my girlfriend Alicia's apartments all the time.

Stoner kid # 2: Alicia...is she skinny and hot?

Stoner kid # 1: Yeah.

Stoner kid # 2: I think I made out with her in middle school.

Stoner kid # 1: Prolly..she makes out with everyone.

Stoner kid # 2: (pause) Isn't she retarded?

Stoner kid # 1: No, she just talks funny.

Stoner kid # 2: (long pause) She was retarded in middle school.

- Overheard by Amy

Porn Gum

A co-worker, speaking to another co-worker about chewing gums: I'm a bad blower, but I'm a good popper.

- Overheard by Veronique

Spectator

Gal: What's your favorite sport?

Guy: Lesbianism. It's on Channel 32.

- Muu Muu's
-- Submitted by Rich

Gay

A homeless guy asked some guys at the trolley stop if they were gay…

Gay guy: We’re not just gay. We’re like, gay gay.

- Overheard by Kyle

Fart plugs

Little girl and guy looking at wine-stoppers in a store...

Girl: What are these things?
Guy: Those? Those are fart plugs! When you’ve got gas you take it (at this point he picked one up, put it behind his rear and made a motion as if he was shoving it up his butt) and shove it up your butt and it stops the farts!
Girl: EEWWW!

- Overheard by Nacion

Ambience

Woman on SW 3rd Ave shrieking for her kid: Ambience!

- Overheard by: My ear is still ringing

Pat

My wife (who freely admits to her inept vocabulary skills): Is that a boy or a girl? Or one of those Portland ambidextrous hippie kids?

- Rose Parade
-- Submitted by Tom

Tranny

Tranny on the #4 bus: There are too many Virgo birthdays- they are going to ruin me for my Sagittarian birthday! I woke up in the morning and found a tranny in my kitchen with a twelve pack of beer.

- Overheard by Suzanne

Mickey Rourke Exhbit

Over the PA system at work: If anyone has any mineral oil or a staple gun, please bring them upstairs to the museum.

- Overheard by Lea

Dodo

Lady #1, sees some type of bird flying in the top of the penguin enclosure: OH! I didn't know penguins could fly!

Lady #2: Those aren't penguins, they're BIRDS.

- Oregon Zoo
-- Overheard by Gretl

Doggy

My coworker's voice, floating over the cubicle wall: There's something wrong with the dog's butt. What is that? Is it giving birth? They don't give birth with their butts. What is that? It looks like a duck!

- Overheard by Ealasaid, who writes: "I don't know what she was looking at, and I don't want to know. I gather it was a picture someone had emailed her. Better her than me."

Sushi

Homeless man who raises his hand every time he sees someone explains: Every time I go sieg heil sieg heil sieg heil, it's exorcism. I'm sending the spirits from inside you down to the bottom of the Willamette and the giant squid eats you and spits you back up and chops you up into little pieces and serves you for lunch.

- Overheard by ap

Miso Funny

Guy: I’m not too into Chinese food. All the tastes kind of blend together to give you that one “food” taste.

Woman: Yeah, I know what you mean. They have three sauces: the red one, the brown one, and the whitish creamy one.

- In a local bureaucracy. [So much for 5,000 years of culture and dozens of Chinese ethnicities...]

-- Overheard by Lex, who writes: "And, yeah, I know: miso soup is Japanese."

That's the ol' heater

Last Thirsty Thursday at PGE Park. The Beavers are just beginning to get their collective clock cleaned by the Memphis Redbirds, who seem like men among boys. The Beavers pitcher is visited by his manager. Some runny, snot-nosed college kid, big in his ($2) cups yells:

"Yeah, get that pervert off the mound."

No idea what that means, but it made me laugh all game long.

- Overheard by Lex

Zoology

This one took place Sunday at the Oregon Zoo. A man and a woman approach the Amur tiger exhibit, where a woman in a wheelchair has been for some time.


Man: Wow! I've never seen the tigers actually out and awake and doing something!
Woman: I know! Isn't it great?
Woman in wheelchair: If you go around the corner, the leopard is in a really playful mood today, coming right up to the glass and everything.
Man: Where?
(Woman points.)
Man: That was a leopard? I thought it was a polar bear.


(For the record, there is a polar bear at the zoo, but it is in the opposite direction from that in which the woman was pointing).


--- Overheard by Zen Angel

Sleeping gas

Homeless man: Well my sleeping bag is made of propane!

- Overheard while walking down W. Burnside
-- Overheard by Renee

Gypsy curse

My girlfriend and I outside our apt near PSU...

Old Lady: Do you two have a menthol cigarette?
Us: Nope.
Old Lady: Do you sell them?
Us: No, we don't smoke.
Old Lady: Period?
Us: Yeah.
Old Lady: Ok be gone with you.


- Submitted by Jake, who writes: "Creeped me the fuck out."

Slap on the wrist

Man: I hope the bus comes soon cuz I gotta get to court!
Other man: I don't care what you gotta do, I am going to slap you like a little bitch!

- SW 5th and Pine
-- Overheard by Mandy

Sleepover

Two teenage girls having coffee at Vivace: If I were the kind of parent who wouldn't allow my daughter to have a sleepover with her boyfriend...and I knew she was gay... I wouldn't let her have a sleep-over with her girlfriend either. Breakfast would just be weird.

- NW 23rd
-- Overheard by aoborne

Lookout

9- or 10-year old kid: Is that an unmarked police car over there?
Dad: (worriedly) Where?

- West Burnside at 20th
-- Overheard by Josh

Losing it in Hood River

9-year old boy holding a woman's hand as they walked down the main drag.

Son: Mom, you're losing your marbles.

Mom: Thank you.

- Hood River
-- Overheard by PeterK.

Awkward

Woman: Why can't you be all cute and awkward like that?
Man: I have the awkard part down.

- Lloyd Center Regal 10 Theaters
-- Overheard by Chris

Rich Man? Poor Man?

When: Early May, weekday, about 9:30 AM
Where: Downtown, on westbound MAX
Who: Healthy 30-something parents and their energetic pre-school son.

Son : We're going to work! We're going to work! We're going to work! ...

Mom : Honey... honey ... we don't have jobs.

- Overheard by Broadside Johniie, who writes: "My initial reaction was "what a poignant reminder of the current state of things." The first person I shared this story with replied "Well, maybe they don't have to work."

Mama told me not to come...

Where: Beavers game at PGE Park, the row in front of me and my wife.
When: Sunday afternoon, May 25th
Who: a couple of adult women (sisters?) talking about an upcoming wedding-related event.

First woman: so, are you going?

Second woman: yeah, probably.

First woman: Well, if you see Mom drinking there, that's a violation of her release conditions.

- Overheard by Broadside Johnnie

Criteria for potential dates

Two young men crossing the street:

Guy A: I mean she's how You know she's hotter than a jar of mayonnaise. You know what I mean?

Guy B: No.

- Overheard by Adam

Possums

On the 12 to downtown from SW

He: Comin' up to the Swan Mart.
Me: Uh yep.
He: That's where possums go.
Me: Oh really.
He: TO DIE.
Me: That's just great, man, I'm gonna go sit over here now.
He: Fuckin' possums.

- Submitted by Lusus

Guo Pu fights Wild Bill Hickok

"THIS table. It's kind of like really feng shui for me.... Like, I don't like to sit with my back to the door."

- Green Dragon
-- Overheard by Matt

We live in the same world as these people

Setting - Chevron
Mission - Buy beer

Clerk: Can I see your ID?

Me: Sure (hand over passport)

Clerk: I'm sorry we don't accept passports identification here, they are too easy to get.

Me: (Stammering) Ummm...a passport is the most secure piece of identification that a civilian in America can have. Why won't you take it?!

Clerk: It's not secure! You can buy them at Walgreens!

Me: Mam, you can only purchase a passport photo at Walgreens, not the actual passport. (Muttered to myself as I left WITHOUT the beer because she wouldn't accept it as ID.)


- Submitted by Lauren

Already thinking about his next meal

Man (dreamily): french fries... tater tots...

- Kettleman Bagels
-- Overheard by Laura

Overrun by Prostitutes and Bordellos

Portland walking tour guide in Old Town (to the group of mostly older folks):…used to think this area was overrun by prostitutes and bordellos.

- They were standing directly under the sign for the Spyce Gentleman’s Club on 2nd and Couch
-- Overheard by Kim

Chicken Run

4 y.o. girl looking perplexed at all the pigeons at Pioneer Square: What are ALL these chickens doing HERE?!

- Overheard by s.m.

Kaifeng

Hipster chick #1 to hipster chick #2: How many times do I have to tell you that I don't fucking speak Chinese, you Jewish bitch!

- On the portland bound 12 bus
-- Overheard by John

Juicer

Guy to his Son: Yeah I juiced it.... but then the blood of Jesus came out...

- Portland Farmer's Market in SW park blocks
-- Overheard by Connor

Vein

Guy in doorway: Come on vein! You'se a junkie vein!

- Downtown
-- Overheard by ASO

Dog leg

In an office building in Vancouver, WA:

"I kept getting the sudden urge to lick his legs."

(In a conversation regarding a co-worker's dog.)

- Overheard by Adam

...but I'm the dad!

Woman to Little Boy: Who's the mama and who's the daddy?

Little Boy: Two mamas!

Woman to Little Boy: Um, no, I'm the mama and he's the daddy!

Little Boy: Two mamas!

Daddy: Uh just because I have long hair and I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not the DAD!!!!

Little Boy: ... I want my hammer! I have work gloves!

- Outside of Whole Foods, 15th and Fremont
-- Overheard by Kim

Wanted

While waiting for the streetcar to the Waterfront...11th and Alder I think...

Dazed looking woman with thickly bandaged leg: Do you know where the Justice Center is?

Me: Um...no... I think it's on washington.

Woman: "That way?" she points the opposite way of where the streetcar would take her and I nod.
"Okay. I have to find it. I need to turn myself in"

Me: Uh-huh?

Woman: Yeah, but i have to go to safeway first. I need orange juice.

Me: .....

- Overheard by Shelby

how to avoid swine flu...

Overheard in OMSI restroom stall:

Mom to toddler: No, no! We use our feet to flush, watch me.

I'm not sure where she put her foot, they have auto flushing toilets...

- Overheard by Tami

Must work for the Northwest Examiner

Man: Where can we go then?

Woman: Well, we can’t go back here, not allowed at Home Depot, or Fred Meyers.

Man: What about Walgreens?

Woman: Which one?

Man: That way. (pointed east)

Woman: No, they won’t let us there either.

- Coming out of Target in Beaverton
-- Overheard by Nina

Jackie Chan's Last Movie

I was sitting at a stop light on 99W near the Fred Meyer waiting for the light to turn green, when the guy in the car next to me looked over and asked

"Do you know what Jackie Chan's last movie was?"

I said "I have no idea." The light turned green and we both drove on.

- Overheard by Travis

Memento

Guy 1: So how was your weekend?

Guy 2: Every Monday somebody asks me how my weekend was, and every Monday I say, "I don't fucking remember, I was fucking blackout drunk. When are you people going to learn?"

Guy 1: (just stares straight ahead)

- PSU
-- Overheard by Jenni

Ink

Woman coming out of a strip club: Her tattoo matched my bra.

- Overheard by Clinton

Ingredients for Life!

Homeless man: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Homeless woman: You're the one who got so drunk last night that you couldn't walk and then you peed yourself. So what is wrong with YOU? That's just plain rude.

- Safeway by Lloyd Center
-- Overheard by Mandy

Made in Oregon

Man to his Wife as they look at the Whole 9 Yards display window on E. Burnside:
Yeah, but the whole deer thing is way overdone in Portland.

- Overheard by Steve

Not big on wieners in India

An Indian national, on spying the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile drive by: What the heck is that?!?

- Overheard by Steve

Save Money. Live Better

Girl on cell phone: My cousin always goes to Walmart at 2 am, and she never invites me.
Girl: She invites her mom, because she's her "best friend", but never me. Like, I'm her cousin!
(silence)
Girl: Yeah, she wakes up at 2 and goes.
(silence)
Girl: Because that's the best time to go. There's no lines or traffic or anything.
Girl: Yeah. You've never done that?

- Target
-- Overheard by Stepanie

and that's the TOOTH!

Co-worker in her 40's talking to benefits representative by phone: I have had this tooth since the fifth grade!

- Overheard by Lori

The King

Loud expert on all things classic rock: I can do whatever I want! I'm elvis! I can do your wife!

- At MFP
-- Heard by Shelby

Girlfriend

Hungover Guy #1: I called my girlfriend last night? Did I say anything stupid?

Guy #2: No.

Guy #1: So I didn't say anything about the strippers or coke?

Guy #2: Nope.

Guy #1: OK, good.

- Heard in IHOP on McLoughlin at 10am Saturday morning
-- Overheard by CL

LiLash

Woman to friend: "So eventually I had to cut my eyelashes, because they were getting so long that they would get spiderwebs on them."

-Overheard by Emily

Soap box

Standing outside the PSU Library, one could hear a man a block away proselytizing about Christ.

I overheard woman say: I’d rather listen to the hippies jamming.

- Overheard by Tom

Classic Schwinns

On Sunday we rode our 1970s Schwinn bicycles to Alameda and parked them outside of a restaurant where we sat down nearby to eat lunch.

Dad to his son (about 5 years old): Wow... look at those cool old bikes!

Son: Weird.

- Overheard by S

Easter

Tween girl #1: Easter is such a white holiday!

Tween girl #2: Yeah, they wouldn't even make fried rice!

- 82nd Fred Meyer, Easter Sunday
-- Overheard by Jorden, who writes "I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either..."

Return of the Black Panthers

Woman: You'll never believe what I saw yesterday, right outside my own window! Black Panther cats. Just walking around like they owned the neighborhood.

Man: Black Panther cats?

Woman: Yeah, can you believe it! I mean, this is BEAVERTON we're talking about.

Man: What do you mean, Black Panthers were outside your window?

Woman: You know, Black Panther cats. Those big stray cats that look like black panthers.

Man: Oh.


- Guiseppe's restaurant in SE Portland
-- Zen Angel.

backstory

Girl 1: Eww, it smells like sewage.

(Girl 3 storms out of the car and into the bar.)

Girl 1: She is sooo stuck up.

Girl 2: I have cum on my shirt.

- Outside Eye Candy last night
-- Overheard by Jesse

Rainbow Warriors

Between two kids in their late teens in front of my home in South Beaverton

Boy : Yeah that house down there has some like rainbow crap on it.

Girl: Like lesbian stuff or like religious propaganda?

Boy: Religious propaganda?

Girl: Yeah I heard about this religious cult, you know like Catholicism, in like New York where they use rainbows and stuff it's like the "Rainbow Coalition" or something!

- Overheard by Mike

Observe and Report

Guy 1: My dad taught me how to make meth.

Guy 2: Yeah?

Guy 1: My dad's a cop.

- On the MAX Red Line
-- Overheard by Michele

300 Level Just Doesn't Give a Shit!

At Blazers / L*kers game.

T-shirt on two guys walking down to his 100 level seats: "Luck the Fakers".

Matching t-shirts on a group of of three guys wondering around on the 200 level: "F**k the Lakers".

T-shirt on a one middle aged man strutting through the 300 level: "FUCK THE LAKERS!"

My buddy: Woah, 300 level just don't give a shit, huh??

- Overheard by John

Boy's room

5 Year Old Boy: Is this the Boy's Room?
Me: Yes, did you see the Cowboy on the door? Aren't you a Cowboy?
5 Year Old Boy: No, I'm a Raider's fan.

- Overheard by Rick

Oedipus now

dude #1: Hey, motherfucker!

dude #2: Dude, you have to stop calling me that.

dude #1: Why? i mean it with love, motherfucker.

dude #2: Shh. shit, man. you make it sound like i'm some kind of asshole.

dude #1: Hey, you're the one who thought it'd be cool to have a kid.

- Downtown Wednesday
-- Overheard by Myrrh

Gave at the gym

Faculty to another, heading towards the elevator on the 4th floor of Neuberger Hall:
I go to the gym--I don't need to take the stairs.

- PSU
-- Overheard by Marianna

Salvia

Guy: Dude, I'm never going to do Salvia again.
Girl 1: When did you buy Salvia?
Guy: I didn't, you left it at my house.
Girl 1: What? I didn't even know that I'd bought any!
Guy: Yeah, and you left it at my house. I did way too much--It was the worst experience of my life. I threw the rest out.
Girl 1: What!?! I can't believe you threw away my Salvia!

- Coffee shop on NW 21st
-- Overheard by Ansel

Hot dogs & b-ball

In Zach Shack on Hawthorne, watching Blazers away game at Houston. Blazers are losing, lots of grumbling.

Dude at bar: Houston sucks! Houston, go home!
Dude at table: Um, they are home?
(awkward pause)
Dude at bar: ...To their HOUSES!

- Overheard by Martha, who writes: "This moment made up for the obnoxious douche sitting next to me, who was cheering for the Rockets incidentally."

Power

Guy 1: You girls just don't realize the power you have.
Girl: Why, because we have pretty faces?
Guy 1: Yeah! We guys like it!
Guy 2 (Sitting in the middle): I can't believe I'm trapped between an intelligent conversation! I'm actually really dumb.

- On the Max
-- Overheard by Dalas, who writes: "I couldn't figure out if he was being sarcastic or he was actually that stupid. The other 15 minutes of the conversation pointed towards stupid."

Scary things

Gay boy in a beaver t-shirt: Parks are filled with scary things.

Companion: Scary things?

Gay boy: ...like bugs.

- Laurelhurst Park
-- Overheard by Marianna

Maybe it's time to shut up

A snippet of a conversation between a woman and a mounted patrol officer on SW 5th Ave.

Officer: Do you have a question?

Woman: Yes, I want to know why I'm getting a ticket, and not some kind of warning.

Officer: Ma'am, I tried to give you a warning.

- Overheard by PAgent

Private Life in the Work Place

Coworker: Yeah, but you haven't seen anal like this.

Conversation ender explaining how angry she was with her sister eating food that was planned for dinner.

- Overheard by plane.luke

Drug War

Man in central library: They have a poster promoting marijuana use on a bulletin board in this library. I told them they'd better rip it down. I told the librarian and she wouldn't take it down. I told her, 'there are people smoking weed in front of your library and blowing the smoke in your face!' They are not against marijuana use at this library, they are FOR it! I told her I'd call the cops... marijuana use is illegal and they don't even care!

His Friend: You can't change the world, man.

Man: I can pray! I can pray that this library closes. I can do that! I'm going to pray that they close this library.

- Overheard by Chris

Dijon

A 71 bus pulled up next to a 75 at the stoplight near the Hawthorne Fred Meyer. The 75 driver motioned for 71 driver to open his doors, then yelled:

"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

- Overheard by Eph Zero

11 year olds

Co-Worker brings his son into the office.

Co-Worker: This is my son.

Me: How old are you?

Kid: 11.

Me: My son's 11. Do you know him?

- Overheard by Dave

Better living through chemicals

20 something gent to another: I'm about to get Eco-Loaded!

- Better Living Show, near Elemental Vodka station-- equipped with free samples
-- Overheard by EmmaJean

Night at the Museum

Guy to his friend at Omsi's After Dark adults only night: Dude! You gotta come play with these balls!

Me: That's what she said!

- Overheard by Jessica

Seeking nearest exit

Man to date 12:02 am New Years’ Eve during a noticeably uncelebratory conversation:
I’m a weird guy and you met me at a weird time.

Relationship status: no longer together.

- Overheard by someone

Facebook

"Yeah, I cheated on my girl just a little bit ago and then my face started to itch."

- Clark County Health Department in Vancouver
-- Overheard by Michele

Stalker

"It's kind of hard to stalk me, most of the time I don't even know what I'm doing..."

- Airport
-- Overheard by April

Taste, not technology

Man to his two young daughters while shopping for Ice Cream: All natural ingredients........No that wont taste right.

- Safeway
-- 39th & Powell by Alex

Here in White Center

20-something girl getting out of car after just having parked it on a nondescript downtown-Portland street, exclaims to anyone around to hear:

"GOD! Oregon is SO WEIRD!"

A quick glance at license plates reveals Washington plates.

- Overheard by Ed

Punch drunk love

Gentleman to his lady friend: You're the only girl I've ever been with who makes me like getting punched in the face, and I still want your snatch.

- At the bus stop this morning
-- Overheard by Elizabeth

Potential WMDs

Lady to her two young boys: STOP THAT! Those are NOT weapons!!

The two boys of about 6 were running into each other pushing New Season's miniature "helper" shopping carts"

- New Seasons @ Orenco Station (Hillsboro)
-- Overheard by Nation

Spare some change?

Outside my work on SW Broadway and Alder, by the coffeeshop, middle of the day. Two transient women were having a loud conversation, and this is what I heard:

"And I woke up this morning and all I had was nine bucks and a bag of heroin!"

- Overheard by Alexia

Almost never

Girl: Nope, I've never smoked anything before in my life.

Guy 1: Really?

Girl: Yup.

Guy 2: ...Not even crack?


- Overheard by italiamusica

Canvassor

Girl on phone: Hi...no, I don't actually want to talk to you, I just needed to look busy so those f*ckers asking for sh*t outside the library would leave me the f*ck alone. (Pauses and listens) Love you too mom, bye."

-- PSU campus
~ Overheard by Jenni, who writes: "Not that they don't annoy me as well, but wow...I laughed for the rest of the day!"

Stem cells

Woman to another woman: Obama needs to hurry up with the stem cells. I need them for my birthday next year.

- Costello's, 3/11/09, 1pm
-- Overheard by Peter

Before the shoe flew

As I am in the process of getting into my pajamas, my husband comes into the room, stops, and says:

"Wow, you're very, um, verbose."

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Four winds

Fuck dude, wind comes in multiple directions.

- Hawthorne Street
-- Overheard by Robert

Sequitur?

First woman: I couldn't do my work there anymore, so I packed up my...

Second woman: Boat horn?

First woman: ...stapler...

- Overheard by Ben

Overtweaked

At Saturday market:

Street-performer juggling machetes: How's it going?

Tweeked out looking guy walking by: How's it going!? I'M BLIND!!

He wasn't blind...

- Overheard by Ali

Naked

While looking at a photography book at Powell's in which the artist had his friends lay in pitch black rooms, naked, covered with some sort of soot substance, then took a flash photograph of them...

Girl 1: These have to be photoshopped. Something is wrong with their faces...
long pause
Girl 2: ...and their bodies.

- Overheard by Lauren

Morman

Someone in the Watchmen line at Llyod center: I was morman till I was 12. Then my parents decided they wanted to drink, smoke and get divorced.

- Overheard by Marc

Sweater girl

As people were collecting their minds, bodies and material possessions after a house show. 

Young Archie comic looking girl: Ian, I can't find my ironic sweater!

- Overheard by Jordan

Conspiracy

Woman talking on her cellphone: ...that would be the perfect crime, so before I pull the trigger...

- On the #78 bus
-- Overheard by Fatima

Felidae

Middle-aged lady: Yup, that's my daughter. She wants our oldest cat to die so that it can be skinned and stuffed.

- Pioneer Place
-- Overheard by Megan

Everything under one roof

Hipster: Oh, yeah, the Barnes and Noble here is the best place to take a shit.

-- Lloyd Center Mall
- Overheard by Lisa

Female Circumcision

In our birthing class in Clackamas today...

Instructor: Boys aren't routinely circumcised anymore. It's about 50/50 now.

Father-to-be: What about girls?

- Overheard by Marc

Soon to be over relationship

Girl 1 to Girl 2: And then he said to me "I thought we agreed we weren't seeing anyone else anymore." Then she laughed.

- Overheard by Kirsten

Adoption

Guy 1: Wasn't your ex-girlfriend adopted from some country?
Guy 2: No, not her. My current girlfriend. She is Korean, and she's adopted.
Guy 1: (pause) . . . What's up with Koreans and adoption anyway?

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Chris

Paint it Black

Man on cellphone trying to console friend (very loudly):
I don't know why women find you unattractive, Frank!
*brief silence*
Well go and paint yourself black if you think it'll do any good!

- Pioneer Square Starbucks
--Overheard by Frank

Pig in a Poke

Blonde Girl: I wanna get a mini pig
Brunette Girl: They don't stay mini the whole time
Blonde Girl: I know, but I want to take it put it in a skirt and a little mini diaper and prance it around. At least as long as it is still cute.

- In a public hot tub in my apt building near PSU campus.
-- Overheard by Jake

Neither lender or borrower be

Guy to punk rock girlfriend: I've never done tweek in my life! I have sold it though...

- Outside the downtown library
--Overheard by Hank

When you need it bad, get it at Plaid

Woman behind me in line to employee with shit eating grin:

Woman: Hey, how's it going"

Employee: Really good! My friend just harvested a new crop!

Woman: No shit!

Employee: I've sold two ounces of mushrooms at work tonight!

- Plaid Pantry in SE
-- Overheard by tomash

Lolita

Teen Girl 1: And that's when I started to have a crush on my dad.
Teen Girl 2: Ewwww!
Teen Girl 1: But he's my *step* dad, so it's not gross.
Teen Girl 2: (looks disgusted) ...I guess.

- On bus near SE Division and 39th.
-- Overheard by Katt

The Good Ship Safeway

Guy with big bushy beard (into the payphone): Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease. Attention on deck! At e-e-ease.

- Outside the the St. Johns Safeway

-- Overheard by Mark

lethal feet

In the employee locker room of swanky downtown hotel:

Guy 1: (Cough) Dude, what is up with your socks? Was that anthrax?

Guy 2: It's magic.

Guy 1: (Cough, cough)

- Submitted by Crash

we all have to make sacrifices

Boy: My dad got rid of our cable.

His friend's mom: Why is that?

Boy: Stock market.


- Burgerville on Hawthorne
-- Overheard by awkwardboyhero

Corporal punishment

Cashier One: Oh, yeah. My dad would grab me by the hair and beat the crap out of me with a wooden spoon.

Cashier Two: Are you serious?

Cashier One: Of course. I deserved it, you know. I think more kids should get beat nowadays. Made me the person I am.

- Deseret Thrift Store on SE 82nd

--Overheard by Zen Angel

Northwest in a nutshell

A hyped young girl is soliciting funds for an environmental group...

Hype girl: Hey do you have a minute to help save woodland furies?

Man: I'm a logger.

Hype Girl: I sure you do it sustainably.

- Outside of Pioneer Place Mall
-- Overheard by Mark

At the Hoth Branch

Female coworker: I should probably stop being mean to you.
Male coworker: You should. Or I'll have to cut you open and sleep in your body like a Ton-Ton.

- In my office
-- Overheard by Nathan

It's everywhere you want to be

Mid-twenties Guy walks into a bar when it opens for breakfast...

Guy: Hey, I need to pick up a credit card for someone that left it here last night.
Bartender: Yeah? Your friend have a little too much too drink and forget their card?
Guy: It was my mom.

- Laurelthirst Public House
-- Overheard by Nacion

Blood on the Tracks

Homeless guy: Hey man, do you like poetry?

Man: No, I even wrote a poem about how much I hate poetry...and I don't have any change.

- Overheard by Anita

Mama Mia

KJ: I love Abba like I love sex.

- During karaoke at Claudia's on Hawthorne
-- Overheard by Samantha

Baby shower

Mom to pregnant daughter: I'm not going to invite them until they act like the adults they act like they think they are.

- Muu-Muu's
-- Overheard by Rich

UnderArmour

Husband, trying to get ready for work: Why did I grab underwear? I can't put that on my feet.

- Overheard by Elizabeth

Take the Cannoli

Woman at Powell's on Hawthorne, wielding a used book.

Woman: I want to return this book. It stinks.

Clerk: You don't like Sarah Vowell?

Woman: No, I don't like the way it smells.

- Overheard by Raymond

Pickup game

1st Girl: Oh look the Blazers are playing at the Rose Quarter tonight.

2nd Girl: Yeah and so is San Antonio.

1st Girl: Oh...I wonder if they're playing each other?

2nd Girl: I don't know...maybe...

- On the #8 bus near the Rose Quarter
-- Overheard by Sarah

Believe in the Power of Work

Woman on cellphone: I'm in Goodwill finding treasures cuz... I THINK I GOT A JOB!

- Overheard by Ry

The patch is for quitters

Woman to her salty waitress: How are you doing with the non-smoking thing?
Salty waitress: I'm on Nicorette.

- Horse Brass Pub
-- Overheard by Matt

Xtreme Fighting

My friend and I overhear a 5 y.o. boy and his mom talking:

Mom: So honey, did he try to break your arm before or after you were strangling him?

- The Schnitz
-- Overheard by Berlliner, who writes: "My friend and I walked inside, looked at each other, and cracked up."

Awesome

I was walking in front of the Crystal Ballroom and two men were changing the letters on the marquee:

Man 1: I hope they don't mind that I spelled awesome without the e (awsome) . We ran out of e's.

Man 2: (emphatically) I care! Its the best word in the english language.

- 13th and burnside.
-- Overheard by John

Ringing

This was on new years day around 1am at the thirsty lion.

Girl 1: so like... where did the word, "ring in the new year," come from?
Girl 2: well... maybe in ancient culture they rang bells because they like... thought it would start another year?
Girl 1: but did they even know what years were back then? like in ancient culture-ish times?
Girl 2: well... yeah. obviously. i mean, the aztecs predicted 9/11... right? so they had to know years.
Girl 3: no dude i think that was nostril anus or something like that.
Girl 1: no shit. well... let's start another year with another shot of Patrón!

- Overheard by Abbi, who writes: "Oh man. I mean, they were completely obliterated. But still... wow."

Bigger in Texas

Girl on phone: No, we have to fly to Dallas then on to Houston. I don't know why. I guess we have to refuel in Dallas so we can make it to Houston.

- PDX Airport
-- Overheard by Jamie

Online Investing

Two friends catching up after an apparent long time apart:

Friend 1: So what are you doing for work these days?
Friend 2: I got into online investing?
Friend 1: Oh woah, nice. What are you investing in exactly?
Friend 2: Um, mostly college basketball. A little NFL. I stay away from the NBA. Too volatile for me.

- Overheard by John

Bloke

Overheard waiting in line for "Slumdog Millionaires" at the Fox Tower Cinema:

Young Man: I like being called a bloke, it makes me feel continental!

Young Woman: I like it when they call me a broad...

-- Overheard by harkman

Lucky elevator

Elevator repairman to Bell staff at swanky downtown hotel:
Well, that should do it. Keep your fingers crossed.

- Submitted by crash

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